Question asked by Jason
People-especially family put certain expectations on us and when we refuse, it causes them a lot of stress and anger and we make them suffer…. my family wants me to marry and have kids but I don’t want to be tied down to Samsara any further and just explaining that I want to shave my head drives my mom crazy and she starts speaking to me in a very loud and forceful manner saying that she doesn’t care what I have to say and that she knows better than me so she will do whatever it takes make me have a family even if she ends up becoming a villain in my eyes because it’s for my own good so that I won’t be alone and lonely when I’m old. When we say no to people, especially to people who care about us and want the best for us, do we accumulate negative karma from causing them emotional turmoil and pain
Dear Jason,
Thank you for your question. In essence, any action that causes another person harm or suffering whether physical or emotional generates negative karma. But karma is complicated and not as simple as we usually think about it. There are differences in level of severity of karma created, some can be very light and some can be heavy. These are due to the variables when creating karma, such as motivation, the actions, your feelings after it, etc. This can all be found in teachings that talk about karma, especially the Lamrim teachings.
In Buddhism we teach that we need to avoid the creation of negative karma for sure. But simply by being stuck in samsara, there is actually no way out of creating karma. That is why Buddhists seek to be free from samsara altogether. Only when we are free from samsara, are we free from the creation of karma.
In relation to your situation, if you are young and rely on your parents, for now you should try not to do things that are create division or disharmony within the family environment. That itself if the practice of the Dharma. Then later, when you are independent you can make more of an informed choice about what you want to do.
Even in your current situation, you can practice the Dharma, it is not necessary to become a monk or nun to progress on your spiritual path. Dharma can be practiced in any environment, and actually practising towards our family is the best. When we transform our minds and our behvariours and they see just how beneficial this transformation is, this is the best way to show them that Dharma is good. This was a piece of advice that Tsem Rinpoche used to tell people in family situations all the time.
I hope this helps you.