Question asked by Joe
Hi Pastors,
I have been having problems when speaking to my father. As a 70-year old man, he has a habit of speaking slowly and he generally takes a long time to get to his point (he could, say, take 3 sentences to express his point when one would do). I always find this quite frustating and have become angry with him from time to time. I have attempted to speak to him about it but of course, as we all know, habits are hard to change. So I thought that I would try to change myself i.e. by doing meditation (Vipassana), doing prostrations to the 35 buddhas and Lama Tsongkapha, reading sutras, etc. but I find the effects of doing these practices have little impact on my patience. May I ask the pastors to provide me suggestions on how to deal with my problem?
Thank you.
Dear Joe,
All the practices you are doing should yield results. If not you should check whether your motivation is correct. It may also be that you have not fully understood the meaning of the sadhanas you are doing and merely mouthing the prayers without strong conviction.How regular have you been doing your practices? Are you distracted while doing it? All the above have a bearing on the effectiveness of your practice.
In the Mahayana path, the first three perfections are giving, moral discipline and patience. The last is the most difficult to perfect.Therefore have patience !
Your father is not the problem. You are lucky you can still communicate with him now.Many don’t have fathers that live that long to talk to. Enjoy him in his golden years and spend quality time with him even if it is just listening for awhile to catch a few words.Its giving attention that makes old people happy more than the communication part. Understanding this is a good starting point to improve your patience level.