My Mother
This is the Royal Torgut Princess Dewa Nimbo of Xinjiang who is now residing in the USA. She is my mom.
I have always loved her and missed her. She gave me away for adoption not long after I was born. When I was six, she gave me away for adoption with another Mongolian family in New Jersey. She had difficult circumstances and wanted the best for me. I met her on and off through my growing up years. She always said she is my aunt, but she knew that I know better. My grandmother would also come and visit me in New Jersey like how she would when we were in Taiwan.
Tsem Rinpoche
Princess Dewa Nimbo
Although she was born a princess, Princess Dewa Nimbo is humble and lives an ordinary life. The Princess of Torgut doesn’t think she is above everyone. In fact, when she was doing her research at Indiana University, she lived in university housing, ate roast beef, spaghetti, and hamburgers, just like everybody else. You would not know that Dewa Nimbo is a Mongolian princess whose ancestors ruled the largest land empire in history, encompassing most of Asia and stretching from eastern China to eastern Europe. Her people left western Mongolia and fled to central Russia for around a 150-year period before returning again to their Chinese-controlled homeland in 1771.
“Oral History of the Mongols”, written by Princess Dewa Nimbo
Proud of her heritage, Princess Dewa Nimbo returned to her homeland in 1981, visiting Dzungaria, Mongolia’s westernmost province, and Chinese Turkistan, where she was born. Her book, “Oral History of the Mongols” was published in 2018.
In the book, she explores the modern history and culture of the Oirat Mongolian community in western China, zooming in on the Oirat community’s return from southwestern Russia to Xinjiang in the 18th Century, as well as how memories of that event are entangled with other histories and forms of knowledge.
Prince Palta or Palta Wang (1882 – 1920)
Tsem Rinpoche’s great-grandfather Prince Palta or Palta Wang was a senior prince of the Torguts and the administrative ruler of Xinjiang Province.
Princess Dewa Nimbo’s grandfather, Prince Palta or Palta Wang (1882 – 1920) was considered a prince of the first rank by the Chinese and a senior prince of the Torguts. When the Chinese Qing Dynasty transferred western Mongolia’s Altai Uriyangkhai, New Torghut, and Khoshut banners from the jurisdiction of Khovd Province to the new Altai District in 1906, they made Chenghua the capital (now Altay in Xinjiang).
The new Altai District was divided between newly independent Mongolia and the Chinese Province of Xinjiang in 1913. In the early 20th Century, Prince Palta became the administrative ruler of Xinjiang Province. In 1917, Prince Palta’s father Prince Bayar (Bayir) or Bayir Wang moved to Peking to take up the post of senator of the Chinese Republic. Prince Palta is described to have astonished Chinese scholars by his profound knowledge of Chinese history and literature as a young man. He was also well versed in English and Japanese.
Prince Minjuur or Mingyur Wang (Unknown – 1975)
Princess Dewa Nimbo’s father, Prince Mingyur, also known as Mingyur Wang or Mindzhur-Dordzhi (unknown – 1975), was the last Mongolian prince to be recognised by the Chinese Manchu Dynasty.
Mingyur Wang, Tsem Rinpoche’s maternal grandfather, the last Emperor of Xinjiang. He was royalty from the Mongol ruling family of the area, and descended directly from Genghis Khan.
Prince Mingyur was admitted to the Russian officers’ school for the nobility in St. Petersburg in 1915 by Tsar Nicholas II at Prince Palta’s request as Prince Palta believed that a person’s greatest wealth was his intellect, erudition and knowledge, and wanted his four children to receive both an Oriental and Western education.
When Prince Mingyur returned to Peking three years later, he was initially considered by some as a Russophile. However, after his father’s death, he inherited Prince Palta’s titles and dedicated himself to the task of increasing the well-being of his people.
In 1932, Prince Mingyur travelled with a large entourage from Mongolia to Tibet. They brought with them tributes of gold as they were going to pay homage to His Holiness the 13th Dalai Lama. In return, the 13th Dalai Lama presented them with the Panchen Lama’s hat. It has a label of authentication which bears the innermost seal of the “Panchen Rinpoche of Tashilhunpo”.
After the Kuomintang was defeated in 1949, Prince Mingyur fled with his family to Tibet, then arduously to India, facing possible death during their journey. From India, he emigrated to Taiwan with his family. Prince Mingyur briefly served as a member of parliament in Taiwan and passed away in 1975.
For more interesting information:
- The Promise – Tsem Rinpoche’s inspiring biography now in ebook format!
- My Short Bio in Pictures
- I Like This Picture of My Mother
- Tsem Rinpoche’s Torghut Ancestry | 詹杜固仁波切的土尔扈特血统
- My Childhood in Taiwan…Revisiting…
- My Great Aunt the Princess
- My Father
- My Uncle
- My Grandmother
- My Grandfather the Ruler of Xinjiang
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The great Protector Manjushri Dorje Shugden depicted in the beautiful Mongolian style. I hope many Mongolians will print out this image and place in their houses to create an affinity with Dorje Shugden for greater blessings. To download a high resolution file: https://bit.ly/2Nt3FHz
The powerful Mongolian nation has a long history and connection with Manjushri Dorje Shugden, as expressed in the life of Venerable Choijin Lama, a State Oracle of Mongolia who took trance of Dorje Shugden among other Dharma Protectors. Read more about Choijin Lama: https://bit.ly/2GCyOUZ
This is so sad, when Rinpoche was a baby, he was abandoned by his biological mother because he was born out of wedlock. He was given to a family to take care of in Taiwan until he was 6. Later he was sent to the US to be adopted by a Mongolian couple.
In the beginning, Rinpoche’s biological mother was still keeping in touch with Rinpoche as a distant friend. When Rinpoche knew she was actually the real mother, he was very happy. Unfortunately, Rinpoche’s real mother decided not to talk to him anymore most likely because Rinpoche reminds her of the shame.
Rinpoche is very sad but he is not angry with the real mother. Whatever suffering or pain Rinpoche has experienced, it doesn’t make him a bitter person. Instead, it teaches him to be more compassionate and kind. Rinpoche shows only love for his mother regardless of how she treats him. I really hope one day Rinpoche’s mother will let go of her pain and see Rinpoche again. Everyone deserves to be happy and be at peace.
1984 Los Angeles-Left to right: Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen, His Holiness Kyabje Zong Rinpoche, monk assistant to Zong Rinpoche and the 18-year-old Tsem Rinpoche prior to ordination. Read more- https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/category/me
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A poem inspired by seeing a picture of my teacher, Kyabje Zong Rinpoche…
In the sport of correct views,
all that is correct is just a view,
without permanence or substance.
As long as we hold onto views,
our sufferings are gathered
to be experienced without end.
Without the strong methods of emptiness
and compassion, bereft of merit,
we sink deeper without respite.
To arise from this samsara is but
a dreamscape on the deluded mind.
Therefore seek the guru, who confers the yidam,
hold your vows and fixate on liberation
free of new creations. Free of new experiences as
there are none.
~ Tsem Rinpoche
Composed in Tsem Ladrang, Kuala Lumpur on July 7, 2014
I was walking past a second hand shop on Western Ave selling old things. They had a Japanese-style clay Buddha which was beige in colour on the floor, holding the door open. I thought the shopkeeper would collect a lot of negative karma without knowing if he kept such a holy item on the floor as a doorstop. So I went in to talk to him, but he didn’t look like he wanted to talk or that he even cared. So I asked him the price and he said US$5. I purchased it so he did not collect more negative karma. I was 17 years old and that was in 1982.
I escorted my new Buddha home and washed it lightly and wiped it. I placed it on my altar and was happy with the Buddha. I would do my meditations, prayers, sadhanas, mantras and prostrations in front of this shrine daily. When I left for India in 1987, I could not bring this Buddha along and gave it to a friend. It was a nice size and I made offerings to this Buddha for many years in Los Angeles. In front of the Buddha I placed His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s photo. I remember I was so relieved that the price was affordable. But US$5 that time was still expensive for me but worth it I thought. But I was happy to have brought the Buddha home. Tsem Rinpoche
https://www.tsemrinpoche.com
Tsem Rinpoche at Kechara Forest Retreat, Bentong, Malaysia
H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche is very devoted to his root guru, H.H. Zong Rinpoche.
I feel very sad for both Parties. Rinpoche and Rinpoche’s biological mother. It is very hard for a mother to make such harsh decision to abandon a child. Her actions has made Rinpoche’s childhood very difficult I believe she feels the pain too but she could not open up to anyone and yet cannot openly admit Rinpoche as her chl. Rinpoche do feel the pain being abandon and didnt grow up with maternal love except from Kwan Ma Ma and Uncle Kwan. It is all fate..
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Dear Rinpoche, Your words always sink deeply in my heart!! You are just amazing!! Many blessings always in everything you do!!
To me, the act of a mother giving up her child so that he/she can have a better life is the most selfless act in the world. Most adopted children are very happy with their adoptive families.
I am so grateful that the birth mothers of my two children were so brave because without them, we would not be a family.
Hi Beng Kooi,
your comments has been most insightful of this blogpost. If i went through any of that i doubt i could use it to benefit others, but most probably will use it to continuously hurt others as well. But Rinpoche on the other hand used it to benefit others instead. I had some bad experiences of my own as well, but on my own (and even with a lot of Dharma books and knowledge) i was never able to undo my bitterness or even use it to benefit others.
I can only imagine the amount of pain that Rinpoche has been through for being rejected by his mother but yet instead of acting callously and blaming it on the separation like so many others, he is still able to be happy and spread the Dharma. He is truly exceptional.
I really hope that one day, Princess Dewa will no longer hold on to her bitterness…
I met a friend of Rinpoche’s mother, Kwan Ma Ma, when I visited Taiwan in 2007.
Kwan Ma Ma filled in some background information on Rinpoche’s mother .The Princess (Rinpoche’s mother) is of strong character and keeps things deeply within herself. Kwan Ma Ma and her were very close. They went to school together everyday. Somehow ,the Princess kept her friendship with Rinpoche’s father and her pregnancy secret. Later on, before the Princess migrated to USA, she requested Kwan Ma Ma to keep an eye on Rinpoche who was in the care of a baby sitter, Shi Ma Ma. Only then, Kwan Ma Ma suspected of Rinpoche’s real relationship with the Princess.
Kwan Ma Ma couldn’t quite forgive (this is my impression) the Princess for keeping this secret from her but she understood the social pressure her good friend was under and felt sorry for her. Kwan Ma Ma kept to her promise of taking care of Rinpoche, infact Kwan Ma Ma, her brother and the young Rinpoche grew to be very fond of each other until they were separated when Rinpoche was sent to USA at 7 years old.
Rinpoche has never forgotten the love and care he received from Kwan Ma Ma. He always sends gifts to the Kwans and prays for them.
The picture of Rinpoche’s mother looks very pretty. I think it is quite cool that she is a princess. She always wanted the best for Rinpoche. That’s how Rinpoche ended up here in Kechara House, Malaysia. I want to thank her for bringing such a great guru into everybody’s lives to benefit them. I actually feel quite lucky that I have a loving and caring mother to take care of me and bring me into the Dharma. Mothers are one of the most important things in the world. That is why the prayers say all mother sentient beings…. Is that not right?
When I look at the picture of Rinpoche’s mother, I can’t help but think that every woman of that era has a picture like that – same pose, hair, clothes. This then leads me to think that all mothers are the same, regardless of the end result. The actions of a mother need not reflect the truth of their love. Being a mother myself, I cannot imagine that giving up one’s baby is the ideal choice.
In the case of Rinpoche’s mother the circumstances in which she had her son probably made her “believe” that keeping him was not possible. I believe she gave Rinpoche up not because she did not love him but because she did not love herself. Thus, she probably felt that she would not have been a good mother to Rinpoche. Like many have commented, her “cruelty” could have been, on a deeper level, compassion. Rinpoche’s life may have totally turned out differently if not for his mother’s actions.
As much as abandoning one’s child seems a horrible thing to do, the result today is Rinpoche is here and many lives have benefitted. Rinpoche loves and cares with such abundance. He never wants anyone to experience the lack of love and pain.
On many occasions when I share with Rinpoche about my mother, he would reply he wished he had a mother like mine. I will always remember this and be grateful for my mother and who she is and how all my virtues I credit to her (my flaws are my own “miraculous” self-creation).
Mom, I love you. I honor you. You are my rock. I am happy to be able to do Dharma with you. I am so happy you finally found your Guru.
Thank you Rinpoche for everything and most importantly for letting my mother find You.
It is sad to hear about Princess Dewa’s story, she moved from one place to another, wanted to give the best for her son but due to the hardship and suffers that she went through, she couldn’t let go, and this created the cause for her to suffer more.
I feel shamed after I read this article and Rinpoche’s comment, my mum went through a lot of hardship but as being her son, I did not take care of her well and show her love that I’m supposed to, I know the pain that she’s been through will not let go easily, but if I care for her more, it will release bit of her pain, at least bit by bit. If I have done more at home, I’m sure my mum and my grandma will not be going through so much suffering.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this, I don’t know what I can do to release her pain, but I will try my best not to make her suffer more. If I want to show my care and kindness, I should start from my home.
Mother, a lady who sacrifices herself, physically and mentally, for the love of her child! A mother’s love has no boundary.
Unfortunately for Rinpoche, under certain circumstances, Rinpoche’s birth mother was unable to accept Rinpoche as her son. To me, this is a type of suffering that a mother endures.
By accepting Rinpoche, Princess Dewa will be reminded daily of the pain and deceit that she had endured. Hence, she had to leave that behind her and move on with her life at the expanse of Rinpoche.
Rinpoche on the other hand had shown great compassion for her despite what she had done consciously or unconsciously to hurt Rinpoche. Rinpoche had always and will always pray for her to be able to let go of the past that has been ‘haunting’ her.
Rinpoche know that there will be no chance for Rinpoche to reconcile with her, but Rinpoche still love and misses her like a son yearning for his mother.
For us who are lucky to have our parents with us, please treasure and love them for they might be gone the very next day! And there will be no point crying over spilt milk!
For Rinpoche to be able to talk about all the SAD (for me) stories and yet at the same time to be able to forgive all the abuse, tortures, humiliation, lack of love truly makes Rinpoche SPECIAL in our hearts. While Rinpoche had to endure the hardship of growing up just to be closer to Dharma, we are complaining about what we don’t have, not enough, too little and chasing all the things that bring us lower and forget about what to appreciate in life. After meeting Rinpoche in DVDs, talks and meeting Rinpoche in person changed me. I might not be perfect yet but I will try very hard so that I will create a cause to be closer to Dharma and help Rinpoche realize Rinpoche’s wishes.
* Mummy, sorry for all the complaints and THANK YOU for all your love and attention for the family.
Abandonment by one’s own mother has got to be painful and uncalled for, in most circumstances. Tsem Rinpoche has experienced that with his birth mother, when he was given up for adoption at birth, but instead of letting this experience affect him negatively, Rinpoche has used it to bring Dharma to more people.
As an abandoned child, Rinpoche’s determination to succeed and pursue a Dharma path has inspired so many to persevere despite the obstacles they face.
As an abandoned child, Rinpoche uses this experience to relate to others who have suffered similarly, connecting with them and bringing them to Dharma which would have otherwise been impossible
As an abandoned child, Rinpoche shows us that experiences that are perceived to be negative can also be positive – without the burden and responsiblity of family, Rinpcohe could devote himself 100% to the Dharma
These are just some examples of how Rinpoche skilfully uses his life experiences of abandonment, starvation, abuse, neglect etc to benefit others. Thank you Rinpoche, for using all methods and all ways including yourself, to benefit others.
I have always thought that not being close to one’s mother, or even having a mother in one’s life is one of life’s greatest tragedy. After all, the original source of one’s life and love would naturally come from one’s mother. Without the mother, we can’t arrive into this world. The most striking fact is that Rinpoche has been denied of his mother’s love since day one. Regardless of personal pains and suffering his mother could be enduring, it does not change the effect it had on Rinpoche. Like what Rinpoche shared himself, Rinpoche does not allow his past suffering to bring him down or corrupt his compassion for others. Because Rinpoche does not have love, Rinpoche works harder to give love out to all around him. Pain does not damage Rinpoche, it fuels Rinpoche to give himself to do more. His sadness does not motivate him to harm others, but to benefit all. To me, this is the unequivocal attribute of a true BODHISATTVA.
There’s no point in a self pity party. I do engage in it sometimes, but it doesn’t stop me from what I am suppose to do most of the time.
My longing for my mother and her acceptance of me as a son has been from the day I found out she was my mother. I have wished, prayed, hoped and kept a silent vigil to have a relationship with my mother for decades now.
I have recieved mostly negative reactions from my mother..which shows me the deep pain she has shackled herself to for many years…it is easier to let go. I wish her pain can come to me. I wish she can let go..
I wish I can meet her and have a good relationship…I wish she would accept me….I wish her the best…I wish her to be free…I wish to serve her….
Tsem Tulku
When Rinpoche recounts these stories of his mother, there is nothing but sadness in my heart. Then later, I realise that there is also so much hope within that because Rinpoche has shown us the promise of hope. In spite of having been literally abandoned at birth, Rinpoche never gave up on his mother. To this day, he tells us that the only thing he wishes is to be able to meet his mother, give her some Tara practices for her long life and take her to sacred pilgrimage sites so that she might receive many blessings.
This is just one of the many examples of how Rinpoche emerges out of every difficult situation more determined than ever to help someone and bring them some happiness.
When I talk to Rinpoche of my own parents, he advises me over and over again that I should cherish them and that he wishes so much that he could have had that same relationship with his parents. By his constant encouragement and advice, many people, including myself, have experienced much closer, better and loving relationships with their families. Rinpoche did not have a real family his whole life but to make up for that, he makes sure everyone else around him has this.
How many people can we say we know would do that for others? Sadly, most of us would just sit in our own self pity for the rest of our lives, get twisted and share the misery. A real Bodhisattva takes ever suffering as a means for bringing more benefit.
For me, Rinpoche’s mom suffered a lot from her ordeal. She being a Royal Princess was cheated by a married man and suffered emotionally her whole life. She had to bear the fear of people knowing this initially.
She had to force herself from parting with her son for the benefit of Rinpoche and had to refrain herself from seeing Rinpoche anymore. Whenever she sees Rinpoche, she can’t reveal her true identity to Rinpoche and this is a painful feeling for a mother. It is normal that Rinpoche’s mother to refrain from seeing Rinpoche anymore to avoid her from rekindling more of her past bitter memories.
Rinpoche had used the hardship that he suffered to bring happiness others. Rinpoche has always been caring and loving to all of the student like a mother to her children. I remembered Rinpoche taught us that we should learn from our unhappiness and bring happiness to others and not just focus on our own problems.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing to us.
Whenever Rinpoche tells us about his mother, I experience two emotions – sad because Rinpoche never knew a mother’s love, and confusion because I don’t understand how a mother who is supposed to unconditionally love her child, can not love her son.
The more I think about it though, the more I believe that Rinpoche’s real mother wanted to love him and be a mother, but just couldn’t due to circumstances. And the pain and hurt she experienced in her life probably forced her to learn to shut off whenever she saw potential for more pain in her life.
I guess in that way, Rinpoche’s mother really loved him because what she did and put herself through probably spared him the embarrassment of being a child born out of wedlock. And without her suffering and forcing herself not to feel the pain of losing her son, Rinpoche would never have gone to America, experience what he did and end up in Gaden, and then become the teacher that he is today.
So in that way, even when someone does something that looks ‘cruel’, we can still find a reason to show them gratitude because that ‘cruelty’ can be a kindness to the rest of us.