Have Your Prayers Worked?
I have been a student of H.E. Tsem Rinpoche for almost 5 years and a practicing Tibetan Buddhist for about the same time. But this is not the first time I have regarded myself as a Buddhist. I was a ‘Buddhist’ when I was a child although in essence I was more of a spectator than a participant. We had a Buddhist altar at home like many Malaysian Chinese families, and on the altar was a Goddess of Mercy (Kuan Yin) statue and on both sides, the mandatory electric candles. And like virtually all-typical Chinese altars, there was an incense pot at the centre and the daily obligatory water offering.
It was not uncommon for the household help to make the daily incense and water/tea offering as part of her daily chores and the responsibility of cleaning the altar befell her as well. It never occurred to any of us in the family that cleaning the altar would be such an important part of the Preparatory Practices that are covered in the Lamrim. You see, like many so-professed Buddhists, we readily accepted the concept of Buddha and karma although we did not live our lives as if we understood the divinity of the Buddha and the workings of karma.
Buddhism wasn’t a way of life for me, or a vocation. It was a faith of convenience that I inherited from my parents. The intention of being a Buddhist was so that the Buddha would be there to protect the family and grant our wishes. I don’t remember ever praying regularly. I do recall one occasion in 1976 when I did feel an urgent need to pray. It was the Thomas Cup and Malaysia was playing against Indonesia in the finals and receiving a royal trouncing. As I watched the tournament on the neighbour’s black and white television (color TV was only introduced two years later), I felt I had to act, and so I scooted back home, climbed on a stool where the altar was and prayed that somehow Malaysia would make a comeback. It was a long and earnest prayer for a kid. I don’t quite remember the content of my prayers to Kuan Yin, but I do remember that Malaysia went down 0-9 after that. Devastated, I remember thinking that prayers don’t work. Nevertheless I participated in the family’s Buddhist rituals until way into my adulthood and why not? It took nothing to be a Buddhist and it was good to have a religion.
Failed Prayers
My second distinctive memory of making prayers would be in January 1988. My father had met with an accident that left him in a coma. I remember it well – he was lying lifeless on the hospital bed. I was at his bedside for two days and witnessed his body going from one spasm to another. Over those two days I recited all the Buddhist prayers I knew over and over again. There weren’t that many that I knew so I just kept talking to the Buddha. My father did not regain consciousness and in fact he did not make it past the third day. My prayers had not worked… again.
In 1997, I prayed again and this time quite out of desperation to save myself, or so I thought. A childhood friend had asked to stay with me for a while, seeking solace and repair from a failed relationship. Around the same time, she was experimenting with a charismatic religion that invites spirits to enter the body for ‘spiritual cleansing’. I didn’t understand it but she was always a bit of a hippie and so I thought nothing of it. One night, whilst talking to me over a nice glass of Shiraz (after a whole day of spiritual practice wherein an entire legion of spirits had entered her for a bit of cleansing), she went into a trance-like state. She became possessed. One (or some) of the spirits had decided they rather liked their new body. And so before my eyes, a close friend did almost everything Linda Blair did in the Exorcist although she didn’t go airborne.
My first thought was to run like the coward I was but I was worried that any sudden movements might draw the “demon’s” attention to me. I saw my Buddhist altar nearby (despite not having had my prayers answered, I had set up a Buddhist shrine everywhere I went in my adult life; or to be precise, I had allowed my mother to do so – it was far more peaceful not to object) and I thought, even though the Buddha has never answered any of my prayers, surely he would step up now against what is manifestly the presence of evil.
And so I began to pray and the odd thing is, right when I needed to pray most, the thought popped into my mind that I actually had no idea how to pray or why the Buddha or anything else might be interested to listen. It was hell of a time to realise that I had not the faintest clue what makes prayers work. Suffice to say, my friend continued to writhe like an animal on my floor even as my Buddha statue continued to stare blissfully at me under the garish glow of electric candles. In the background, the monotonous and repetitive Namo Amitofo chants continued to stream out from a cheap Petaling Street electronic player. There was no booming divine voice from above and no blinding light from the altar to chase away the spirits. Nothing.
What happened to my friend is a story for another time, but insofar as my faith in Buddha and the religion was concerned, it had totally evaporated. Three times I needed the Buddha and he ‘failed’ me. So ended my tarriance with Buddhism. As far as I was concerned, if the Buddha was a true divinity, he certainly was an absent one.
I became involved in another religion soon after and embarked on a journey of scriptural studies, endless nights of fellowship (with cheesecakes) and learning to sing devotional prayers. I still didn’t get answers to a lot of questions or where god(s) fit into the celestial scheme of things but it was not a religion that invited questioning and logic but ‘faith’. So I learned to stop questioning and to accept not having my prayers answered. God’s way was mysterious after all. I remained in that practice for a decade until one day in 2010 when I met Tsem Rinpoche.
Learning New Ropes
Meeting Rinpoche was by chance. At least, by a worldly and mundane definition, we call it ‘chance’. I was not out looking for a Guru and I was not in the least bit interested in Buddhism any longer by then. But by Dharmic explication, all my good karma and merits had conspired to bring me into the presence of a Bodhisattva. To say that the five years with Rinpoche changed all my perceptions would be an understatement. Time spent with Rinpoche is a serendipitous adventure and along the way we discover new understanding, and when we see past experiences from this new perspective, we sometimes see an entirely different picture, albeit one where the dots join. And so we change our minds and definitions of things. For example, my grasp of how prayers work has changed.
You see, we just assume that prayers mean that we speak and the Buddhas are obliged to listen and comply. And if our prayers are not met, then it is because the Buddhas have no power or they didn’t listen or we didn’t offer a “bribe” big enough. In fact, we don’t understand what makes prayers work because we don’t understand the dynamics between man and Buddha, man and his own Buddha nature and man and Karma.
Prayers work because we have the karma or merits for our prayers to work. It is as simple as that. And so, if we do not build up our store of merits from our daily Buddhist practice as we have been taught, or if our prayers themselves reinforce our negative side such as our selfishness, our fear and our strong attachments to the ego no matter how well-disguised, then there are no merits to power the fulfillment of the prayers. The advantage of having a qualified Guru from a pure lineage is that he will prescribe prayers that have the blessings of the lineage masters and prayers that in themselves contain thoughts, aspirations and sounds that generate positive energy. Most importantly, you will learn the absolute power of Motivation. It is the motivation in our thoughts and actions that empower us or betray us.
I prayed for Malaysia to win in 1976 because in truth, I wanted to win. I prayed for my father to awake from his coma because I could not deal with the idea of him being sick and dying. I was not ready to lose him. I prayed when my friend was being possessed because I was scared and I felt threatened. There were a lot of “I”s in all those prayers. Sure, there might have been some good aspirations for the objects of my prayers but they were mainly for me and about me. Aren’t most prayers like that if we think honestly and carefully? And is it also a coincidence that most prayers don’t seem to work to fulfill our desires and wishes?
I could have prayed for better understanding that it was wrong to reduce the Buddha to a mere fulfiller of betting wishes. I could have prayed that in his suffering, my father would purify much bad karma and take a good rebirth; I could have prayed to imprint his mind stream with the sounds of mantra that would help him in his future rebirths. I could have prayed that whatever tortured soul that was possessing my friend finds relief in the Dharma and stops its harm of others out of anger. I could have prayed for a formless being to be at peace and in that condition, take good rebirth. I could have found many good motivations to infuse my prayers with powerful energy but instead the prayers were only about me.
Prayers come true when we summon as much positive motivation as we can and generate kindness towards others. Therein lies the power that makes prayers come to life. Of course, we can pray for ourselves too but the thing to remember is that good things happen when we have the karma and merits for them to happen. And good karma and merits accrue when we work based on kindness, compassion, wisdom and selflessness.
In the prayers and sadhanas that Tsem Rinpoche teaches, we start by Taking Refuge in the Guru and Three Jewels. This generates faith. We then recite The Four Immeasurables to fire up our compassionate mind, and attune that mind properly with selfless motivation via the Eight Verses of Mind Transformation. The rest of the prescribed prayers are similarly designed to build up good energy and a store of merits. When we have good and selfless motivation in our prayers, then the powers of the Buddhas can manifest.
We go to monks and nuns and people we regard as holy to pray for us because we instinctively know that their prayers are powerful. If their prayers are powerful, it is because they hold their vows and they cultivate meritorious thoughts all the time. They have compassion and their lives are driven by kindness towards others. And so, in fact, they are storehouses of powerful merits. But the beauty of Buddhism is this – there is nothing the Buddha has learned that he has not taught and if we were to learn to live our lives like the Buddha lived his, then it is only logical that we will discover and experience what the Buddha did.
Good motivation, selflessness, gentleness, forgiveness and kindness are seen today as traits that expose us to danger. But in fact, they are our biggest protection and the most powerful driver of our prayers that we can get.
Please support us so that we can continue to bring you more Dharma:
If you are in the United States, please note that your offerings and contributions are tax deductible. ~ the tsemrinpoche.com blog team
We have to understand Buddha is not here to erase our mistakes or take away our problems and sufferings just like that. Buddha gives us guidance and teaching that help us to realise we have to take full responsibility for ourselves and we have to deal with the problems we create for ourselves.
There are rituals that can help people to overcome their obstacles but it also depends on karma and motivation. Learning Buddhism gives us an insight of how things work and how we can deal with it. It is a study about our mind, how to control and tame it so we can be happier.
The first part of the article gave me goosebumps. ‘Experimenting’ with ‘spirits’ is one of the scariest things a person can do…to face that suddenly must have been beyond terrifying.
I 100% understand on the ‘religion’ of convince part. Religion is deeply societal structure; and almost everyone is expected to be a part of it – and hence is ushered into it without even getting to choose to practice it or ever really understanding it’s spiritual essence.
That is sad; as spirituality is intrinsic for our well being.
That said; wanting the best for everyone is the best way to feel.
I agree with Pastor David that this article is gripping, with your memories of the 3 events that induced your heartfelt prayers but had not helped. Although I did not grow up with an altar at home, I had visited temples on and off with my mother as she offered her prayers. Then at 11, my aunt introduced me to Christianity and all through the years, my prayers would be to either Kuan Yin or the Lord/Jesus. My experiences were quite different as most of the time I felt I had the help of the higher beings. Highly probable just my egoistical delusions that made me think so.
It wasn’t until I met Kechara and received the teachings from our precious Guru, H.E. the 25th Tsem Tulku Rinpoche that I realised that although my prayers were for others, they are always in relation to the relief of my mind. Selfish elements! Now we understand better to generate pure motivation for our prayers to help others.
Thank you Martin for this article that so clearly explains how our prayers work and what is needed for it to be effective. May we all stay in that state of mind that our prayers are powerful tools to help others in their need.
Wow! I can’t believe I did not read this article before. It is fantastically flowing, gripping and explains quite simply and profoundly on the subject of prayer. Even as a Buddhist, I often fall into the same category of ‘I’ asking the protectors and yidams for favors often that mostly have fallen on deaf ears.
Fortunately, I do know whats missing and hence, I am still praying, making offerings and doing all I can to collect those little bits of merits, basically, to save for a rainy day. I love how you have weaved in your own experience and what you have learnt being a student of Rinpoche and being in Kechara. One thing’s for sure, you write splendidly and this is just another testament to your talent and knowledge.
Thank you Martin for sharing this simple and clear insight why our prayers sometimes doesnt work. I hope your Dad had a good rebirth.
And i like the part where you had “Cheesecake” everynight.My mum makes very nice cheesecake too..Lol 🙂
I hope you got all your questions and prayers answered.Yes, We are indeed very fortunate to have such a great Guru to teach us dharma. I think it is a very rare find to have a highly attained Lama in Malaysia.It’s like finding a golden needle in the haystack,in my humble opinion _/\_
I also grew up like you praying to my Goddess Kuan Yin.But grew up learning to chant some mantra from my beloved granny.And it was also Kuan Yin who answered my prayer to find “Peace” when I met our nice and helpful dharma brother Kin Hoe who gave me the book “Peace” by our beloved Guru H.E Tsem Rinpoche. From that moment on I knew that this is what I have found.I am very happy that you and Rinpoche are back in Kechara,and hopefully for good.Rejoice!!
Am also looking forward for more of your interesting write ups.
Everyone of us are guilty of what Martin so explicitly wrote in this article. We proclaim to be Buddhists just because there is an altar set up in our home by our parents or in some cases by our grandparents.
Needless to say, it was our belief that the Buddhas are there to give us what we pray for and want in the most materialistic ways. Not that it is wrong to pray for what we want but what is the motivation. Is it to satisfy our personal needs or to satisfy our desire to benefit others.
As a fellow student of our Guru, the 25th Tsem Rinpoche, we have learnt what Buddhism is all about and we still pray but for different reasons.
This is truly a very reflective article for us to read and contemplate as to how much we have changed by Rinpoche’s constant and loving teaching.
NOTHING CHANGES BUT EVERYTHING CHANGE, once we know the true meaning of motivation with care and compassion.
Thank you Rinpoche and Martin for sharing.
Well i remember when i was young i used to follow my mother to temples.I dont really understand anything at all just follow what she does. Really not sure if prayers do work but as i grow older i got a chance to understand through reading more Buddhism books and Rinpoche blog. I begin to know that prayers does work when we have the karma or merits. I can understand more too through Rinpoche’s teachings, pujas , Sadhanas and Dharma Work.There is still a lot more to learn as i am new to it.
Thanks again with folded hands.
Prayer is supposed to be divine, but not knowing, how to do it we probably mucked around with it when we were young and conducting business deals with the buddha, if I do this, please give me this. In fact even as a child, we can discriminate between gain and loss, and we can pick up almost instinctively, if you say there is no past lives, i do not believe that anymore.
Thanks Martin for sharing.Prayers doesn’t work not mean Buddha or Bodhisattva lied to us. Our daily prayers should create us to have bodhicitta , especially in Tsem Rinpoche daily prayers book which have The Eight Verses of Thougt Transsformation. Rinpoche always emphasize on selflessness and mind transform. All these are Dharma practicing.Once we practice it, purification karma will work as well. We must remember that people suffer because of karma.
Jason
Thank you Martin for this great opportunity for us to reflect on the holy act of praying…or so we thought. Motivation determines so much the driving force behind an act and the end result.
Rinpoche shared about how pray in this series of 6 YouTube teachings. Easy to understand and extremely comprehensive: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpeLed_zyM8
This is a good reminder to us that we make our own destiny, which is the entire essence of Buddhism. Many of us view spirituality as occasional prayers and religion as a quick redemption point. Maybe there is validity to that view point, but spirituality and religion is definitely more than that. It involves mind transformation and becoming a better person. It is the application of the teachings into day-to-day life that make sense. The person wearing the spiritual /religious hat should walk the talk.
Otherwise, we do pray and chant and chant and pray but nothing truly positive will happen.
Thank you Rinpoche and Martin for this blogpost.
Humbly,
Stella
Dear Martin,
Thank you for your article that seems to speak out my exact thoughts. I too grew up in a Buddhist family , was taught to fill up Religion status on forms as Buddhist. Got confused with Taoist and Buddhism. My parents pray daily to Quan Yin and also prays to protector Wei Duo (never knew he was a protector at that time but only knows he is Quan Yin’s body guard). I than grew up to have my own home and family and have a quan yin altar at home. But I never knew how to pray. I often wander how on earth could Buddha answer my prayers and wander why should Buddha answer my prayers.. after all who am I?
Not till I come across Rinpoche’s teachings and Kechara do I hear about the power of pujas , Sadhanas and Dharma Work. Wow now I understand. Thank you brother Martin.
Thank you Martin Chow for sharing this knowledgeable write up, it is very true prior. To meeting Rinpoche all our prayer is about our own interest non of it is about others because of the teaching it really change our understanding of being a Buddhist.
Many teachers have said, “All humans wish for happiness yet continue to create their own suffering……..” Yes, How true it is! The Buddha himself was once an ordinary person as presented in the “Path to Enlightenment.” He, too experienced confusion, anxiety, fear, uncertainty and pain. He was lonely, unappreciated and rejected. He felt like a failure and was immersed in depression. His hopes were dashed, his expectation frustrated, and life appeared to him to have no purpose or meaning. Seeing that others too were similarly affected, he sought out a solution. His solution is as presented in this book of the Path to Enlightenment. He integrated hid mind into the concept as presented in this Book. The Buddha passed beyond all sufferings over the negative attitudes that were the source of sufferings, and thus enable himself to become “a source of Happiness and benefit for all living beings. He achieved the perfection of power, wisdom and compassion, and the greatest expression of human potential i.e. Enlightenment”. To generate such an aspiration, it is of course necessary to renounce the pleasures of this life, and like the Guru said, “To believe that only Dharma can help us all at this critical time.” Like any living being for that matter, Dharma practice goes to the core aspiration or most basic need of living beings. All share an underlaying wish for greater happiness, whilst longing to be freed from their experiences of sufferings. Only the Dharma can show us the true source of happiness, and identifies the real source of our suffering and gives numerous sources to overcome them. Dharma practice is therefore, continous and remains with us in this and future lives. Only through hard and pure practice can we achieve its success in Enlightenment, to change our whole life! Om Mani Padme Hung.
Nice post and your good thoughts to share with us, Martin. When reading it, it kinds of reflecting myself, it is all about I, me and myself. Back to teen years, I likes to visit temples, however, at the same I do likes to ‘request’ this and that and hopefully my ‘wishes’ could be granted, that’s very stupidity of me whenever I am reflecting this selfishness and greediness.
However, humbled thank you to dharma teachings through H.E. Tsem Rinpoche blog and media posting, Pastor Patsy and fellow dharma brothers and sisters in Penang that have guided me, which gradually understand the concept of Buddhism. I still very beginner, but I do hope I do improve over the times.
Thank you again, and many prayers to the aspiring Buddhist; this is the best Buddhist blog I ever come through. _/|\_
Loh Ann Leong (Penang Study Group)