Question asked by Anonymous
Hello please help me .
My situation is i am married now but i keep having dreams and thoughts of my ex lover, my first love. We separated many years ago when he left me because he had to go abroad to USA . Everytime i listen to songs or see something it reminds me of him. I also know that he thinks of me too…..i have a strong feeling. It has been ten years now but i still think he was my soulmate..Sometimes i wish my husband was just like him or wish i was still in relationship with my ex boyfriend. I feel very guilty because i have these thoughts even when i have a great husband but my first loves thoughts and time we spent together i cant forget it….
What should i do..thank you












































































































Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your question. Though it may not seem like it, the situation you are going through is one that many people go through in their relationships. It is a situation that people go through. However, that being said, you have made a formal commitment to your husband. Do you remember why you married him? It was because you saw in him qualities that were attractive to you. What attracted you to be with him is important to remember when you go through such feelings. You should remind yourself of these, and even try to improve the relationship you have with your husband.
From a Buddhist perspective, the memories you have are just that memories. Though you may have emotions, these are based on memories and not the here and now. What we need to concentrate is the here and now, and what we have in front of us. This can be applied to any situation, and not just what you are going through. Even so, depending on how strong these feelings are, it will take effort and patience.
When we face these sorts of situations where are minds are disturbed we need to take steps to ensure that are minds are calm and stable. One of these is the practice of Lama Tsongkhapa, which you can find here: https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/me/tsongkapas-daily-practice-video-commentary.html This practice will be extremely beneficial for you during this time. To help you have a calmer and more stable mind, so you can concentrate on the here and now. I hope this helps.
Thank you.