Question asked by Jason
I listened to Tsem Rinpoche’s dharma talk and was inspired to be patient and kind towards other. For a while I felt like my mind had transformed and I started being more proactive in helping others and making sure to complete my responsibilities as perfectly as I can to not burden others and taking the initiative to help people that I see are struggling with their work but recently I have been feeling like I’m actually harming others instead of helping them by being kind because I feel like I’m enabling their bad behavior and rude attitude, especially one person in particular that I have to work with. No matter how much I help and show kindness, they don’t seem to change…and now I feel like a pushover for smiling and helping them even though they don’t show any appreciation or respect for it and instead take advantage of me and push even more of their responsibilities on me. I’ve been having thoughts that my kindness and patience has just become a cover for fear of confrontation now. What should I do? I feel like I’m gonna lose control and lash out even though I try to focus my mind on how the people around me must be struggling
Dear Jason,
Thank you for your question. We are very happy to hear that Tsem Rinpoche’s Dharma talks have inspired you, especially to practice patience and kindness towards others. Please do keep it up, the benefits of both qualities are immense and are central to spiritual transformation.
We should always try our best to practice both patience and kindness, but sometimes practising it in the way we think may not be the best option. For example, in the case that you mentioned, it is not having the right effect on your own mind and also you are enabling your co-worker to exhibit negative behaviours as well.
In this case, actually practising kindness would not be to become a pushover, taking more responsibilities, etc. This isn’t beneficial for your or the co-worker. So here, practising kindness would actually be not to allow the person to do such things, but it should be practised with patience and not out of emotion. So you would do this in a very skilfful manner. The best would be to have a talk with your co-worker in a very calm manner and explain how you are feeling and how they are making you feel in the work environment, and try to sort out the situation before it progresses. Especially since you are having such thoughts of anger and the posibility of lashing out.
Practicing kindness and patience is not at all become a push over or allowing others to skip out on their responsibilities, etc. We really hope this helps. Thank you.