Question asked by Lin
How does one deal with fear and low self esteem, not being confident/vocal in the outside world and the troubles that ensue due to it? In the outside world people look down on you or easily talk over you if one is quiet/looks weak. It’s something that is a big part of my personality. How does Buddhism recommend getting over this inner fear?
Dear Lin,
Thank you for your question. The issue of low self esteem is quite complicated, not due to Buddhist practice, but due to culture. Those with low self esteem are generally looked down upon within society and it’s said that it is not a good thing. In Buddhism however, nothing is inherently good or bad. These are concepts made by us humans, and we live in such concepts. Rather, as His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche said, we shouldn’t focus on what we think is good or bad, but instead focus on what is beneficial and not-beneficial for ourselves and others. So I try to answer your question from this standpoint.
So low self esteem, it is beneficial or not. The answer is, it is not. Either for ourselves or others. Then we need to look at what causes low self esteem, and that is fear. But where does that fear come from? It comes from the sense of the ego. It is the need to protect ourselves, whether rationally or irrationally (due to past experiences) that leads us to have this fear, which creates low self esteem. So the key is to deal first with the fear and then deal with the negative aspects of the ego.
There are deep contemplation meditations you can do to overcome your fears and at the same time other meditations you can do that help overcome your ego, for example, gratitude meditation, accepting our circumstances, and developing real compassion and Bodhicitta. These can all be found in our book called Insightful Meditation: 18 Ways to Tame Your Monkey Mind, available here: https://www.vajrasecrets.com/insightful-meditation
I hope this helps you.