Question asked by Mavis Yeh
Dear Rinpoche,
What would you say to someone if they tell you that they want to commit suicide? What do you think would help them? I am asking this question not because I am suicidal but due to the nature of my job we encounter such situation every once in awhile. Thank you for your time in answering this question.
With folded hands,
Mavis
Dear Mavis,
This is a very sensitive question and many dimensions that all cannot be covered here.
In general, if you do not know them very well, you have to help them get their focus off of themselves and onto something else. When they consider suicide, they feel their problem is beyond solving so they turn inwards (cannot blame them), but you have to help them to look outwards. The focus must change. Focus outwards like working for a charity for example: disadvantaged children, cancer/Aids patients, battered women, refugees, etc. The point is there are people much worst off but continue courageously. This might help some. It varies very much and there are no hard and fast rules. It’s very individual.
Also it’s good to lend them a ear to divulge all their problems. If they are genuine and not attention seeker, then this would help short term.
Most important is professional (if that is what you are doing-great!) counseling by trained individuals.
If they were religious, the approach would be different again drastically.
I have come across several cases of people who confessed to me their intention to commit suicide in the past 20 years. The strong factor is they don’t reveal this to most people. That is when you know they are serious. I have spoken to them and it has (thank goodness) helped.
It is a vast subject and much has to be said about this.
I wish you well. And thank you for caring and working with others who suffer. If I may say so, the more dharma you study, especially the mind training texts, the more it will help you in your work. Buddhist mind training can be used out of the context of religion as it can help the human dilemma. It can help many without a salvation type of message, but logic, introspection, and contemplation on our true causes of sufferings.
Much good wishes,
Tsem Rinpoche