Question asked by S.Sonam
Dear Rinpoche and Pastors, I would like to know how to apply Kechara or Vajrayana principles to daily life.
We know we all have mascuiline and feminine energy, no matter what our gender is.
Some women have more masculine energy than others, and some men have a more developed feminine energy.
In Vajrayana, I know, please correct me if I am wrong, that we should develop ourselves to have both two energies and be full within ourselvers without the need to find feminine or masculine energy on other people.
Me and my wife practice traditional Vajrayana Sahanas. I see that her masculinity grew up very much, and my feminine energy grew up as well.
In daily life I am more in feminine energy than masculine. My wife is very penetrative while acting and speaking. She is very hard to me, and often I can't stand it.
Ultimately at home different stuff happen, broken electronics, also the shower breaks and the home gets flooded with water, also some finantial problems, car breaks, etc.
My wife says that it's mainly my fault, because I am not so masculine, and I don't have enough penetrative energy to stand and support her huge feminine energy. And this is why happen so many problems.
What's more sad is that she says that she needs a man that is more masculine, so that he feminine energy can turn on and she can go in surrender mode. And I can't provide it, and she doesn't feel safe.
My questions are:
-What I, or she can do to for it?
-Isn't it wrong to "need" the energy from other external people? Isn't it that in Vajrayana we should develop ourselves, and our masculine and feminine energies in such a way that we don't need a "more masculine man" or a "more feminine woman"?
For sure I need to work on my masculine energy. But what about her "need"?
What can I or she do to avoid her "need" for masculinity from me or other men?
Thanks in advance
Dear S. Sonam,
Thank you for your question. In Vajrayana meditations, although the energies of the body are classified as feminine and masculine, they do not necessary refer to our behavioural tendencies, but rather the energies of wisdom and bodhicitta (or compassion) that we all have within ourselves. For example, Anuttarayoga tantra is classified into two types: mother and father tantras. Therefore most people would assume that the mother tantras work at developing feminine qualities and that father tantras work at developing male tendencies. But this is simply a form of classification, based on the techniques emphasised.
Mother tantras focus on clear light meditations, whereas the father tantras focus on great bliss meditation or achieving the rainbow body. Therefore the tantras are not defined according to whether the central deity is male or female, neither are they defined by developing either male or female characteristics. They are defined by the meditation techniques that are emphasised.
Even within each tantra, when working with the winds, energies, and drops within the body, one does not increase either female or male qualities or characteristics, or bring them into some sort of harmony. Such characteristics are more likely from karmic imprints from previous lives, or how we were nurtured when growing up in this life. Therefore, if we don’t like a certain behaviour or tendency in our lives, we need to go against our karma and transform ourselves through our own effort.
In your situation, there is nothing meditational that you or your partner can achieve to solve these differences in terms of tantric practices. This sort of problem cannot be solved through Vajrayana meditation techniques, because they do not increase or change one’s female or male characteristics, rather they increase our wisdom and compassion, purify karma and generate merit, something that transcends the duality of male and female energy/characteristics altogether.
His Eminence the 25th Tsem Rinpoche has given a teaching before on the Ingredients for a Successful Relationship, which you can watch here: https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/students-friends/ingredients-for-a-successful-relationship.html. This is the teaching that I believe will give you the answers you are searching from. And yes, you are right, that it is wrong to ‘need’ energy from other people. This is not what the Buddha taught, rather he taught the path to real and beneficial transformation lies inside of oneself. And it is in that way, that we do not need to develop the male or female energy/characteristics but actually we need to increase our compassion and wisdom.
If you are having doubts or questions as to your Vajrayana meditational practices, you should humbly approach the guru whom you received the practice from to clarify your questions, in keeping with the practice of guru devotion. I hope this helps.
Thank you.