Our Neurotic Mind
Jul 7, 2012
The above video is a Dharma talk that I gave in Nepal back in 2008. It is about Milarepa and “How and Where our NEUROTIC MIND appears, and Why it appears?”
Please watch it carefully. I believe that it will benefit a lot of people in this modern time. Here are some response from my Facebook after some people watched it:
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Milarepa story is one of the best teaching to us, because all the things that Milarepa did in his lifetime, most of us has done it, self-grasping, doubting, giving up and run away, holding onto anger, have wrong perception, etc, etc…. Many of us has done it, when we sees what happened to Milarepa when doing it, it clearly reflected that what will happen to us too when we do the same.
The relationship between Milarepa and Marpa is amazing, Marpa used so many ways to teach each and every students, especially to Milarepa, it is definitely not easy, a teaching from our guru is not always come from Dharma talk, Milarepa has never attended any Dharma talk from Marpa, he was only being put to doing hard labour work, outwardly it seems he is being used by Marpa to do all the dirty work in the house, but inwardly this is a very powerful teaching Marpa gave to him, in the beginning when Milarepa resisted Marpa’s instructions, his mind degenerated and even ran away, but later on when he let go of his wrong view and surrender totally to Marpa, he finally achieved the highest teaching and received the practice from Marpa.
This story tells us that sometime when our guru asked us to do something that may not sound ‘right’ (from our ordinary thinking), but when we just follow through, it will lead us to a higher ground, because with the enlightened mind of our guru, he can definitely see what we can’t see, so we should not have any doubt to our guru but just follow and follow and follow, then only we can excel in our spiritual practice.
Thank you
Our suffering is caused by our preconceived conception which developed from the environmental condition. With such a strong projection we also able to harm others when things doesn’t go in our way. From Milarepa story we can see how project causes so much harm to Milarepa and the people that he deals with. Through the kindness of his guru Marpa that never give up on him and tirelessly help him to break his preconceived idea
and how Milarepa let go his projected mind make a change in his life which eventual gain attainment. Acceptance is one of the key to break our projection.
What I also learn in this article is the samaya with our Guru. Without it no matter who is the great master that teaching us, no matter what practices that our guru give us we will not attaint anything and the broken samaya had cut of the blessing of the teaching.
Such an inspiring story! Without a good teacher, there will be no result or has only minimum result of practicing. Talk about Buddhism, if one practitioner do not have a teacher, he can definetely still practice Buddhadharma by reading Dharma books. However, the process will be difficult & slow compared to practitioners who have receive guidances from their teachers. A good teacher will custom made various training to suit every of the students to benefit them.
However, if the a student do not has strong faiths due to strong ego, did not check & observe his/her guru along the way, hence, one will has doubts on the teacher’s instructions even though it’s will be benefiting him/her at the end.
I read more about guru devotion @
50 verses of Guru Devotion
https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/prayers-and-sadhanas/sadhana-prayers.html#0j
Watching this video of Rinpoche teaching about our Neurotic mind again it remind me many of Rinpoche previous students with neurotic mind how rinpoche is try to help them. Some of the student have guru devotion and keep his samaya close with rinpoche can pass the test, but majority fail. This is because our self grasping is too strong and did not trust and have faith with our guru, who care and love the students so much. Whatever action our guru act toward to us never respond back with anger and defensive. I am glad watching this video again remind me, how kind of guru is to helping many way to overcome my neurotic mind.
This article tells me story on pure love of a Guru towards his student. Due to help Milarepa to gain realization of his strong stubborn ego, Marpa would hit, scold, abused Milarepa and gave him heavy job task daily. What is the most touching thing is Marpa would do prayer for Milarepa each time after hitting him and even offer butterlamp for him on his altar in order for MIlarepa to understand of his guru hardship on him. Other than that, keeping our samaya with our guru is very important. The reason we need a guru in our spiritual practice is to guide, nurture and teach us to the right way to reach enlightenment. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this interesting article.
He came to regret his actions, and looked for help in shedding the bad karma he had acquired during his vengeful adolescence. He first attached himself to the Nyingmapa Lama Rongton, who, observing that Milarepa had a karmic connection to Marpa, sent him to learn with him. Marpa, being aware that Milarepa had first of all to purify himself from the negative karma he had accumulated, exposed him to an extremely hard apprenticeship. Among other trials, he had to build towers out of rocks to Marpa’s specifications with his bare hands, only to be ordered to tear them down again. But finally, Marpa gave Milarepa full transmissions of all the Mahamudra teachings from Naropa, Maitripa and other Indian masters.
The story of Milarepa and Marpa is amazing! How it shows the samaya between a teacher and a student is so important. Just like the nine attitudes and 50 stanzas of Guru devotion, how it remind us how important our Guru is and how we should always view our Guru as the one that will guide us to the ultimate path. What I learned is that no matter what the Guru gives or teaches, we are the ones that benefit. Our projection of how a Guru should be just show how ordinary our view is. For our Guru who has ultimate view can see past everything we are hiding and how strong our self grasping is. In order to break that, the Guru who is compassion and full of wisdom, will always find ways to help us break it. No matter how a Guru treat us, He has nothing to gain for Himself instead through time, we can see ourselves changing and become better. We should think of how fortunate and blessed we are to even have a Guru who does everything He can to help us. Thank you Rinpoche for this beautiful sharing and teaching.
To watch and listen again to this wonderful teaching is very beneficial for me because like everybody else I have the neurosis that Rinpoche spoke of in the video. The expectation and projection, the pre-conception of wanting it my way, the self-grasping of the “I” which is the selfish mind, and more. To battle the above, I must put more effort in letting go of negative thoughts and emotions, apply acceptance, practice kindness and compassion, just to name a few.
Thank you Rinpoche for walking us through Milarepa’s life journey and how events, situations, decisions can turned around if we just stop by looking deeply into our confused mind and starts to examine the intrinsically entwined web of our mind and be aware of our mind directions and where it is heading.
We have built this preconceived notions and collected so many rubbish in life by ingesting it inside our brain without knowing when to stop or pause probably not being able to distinguish right from wrong and vice versa. It really got started from our upbringing, along the way we pick up during our life’s journey from teenager to adulthood, struggling with issues that have no answers because we are not taught the ways to resolve them, the ways to avoid them and with family issues and pressures building up in fact the list is endless. Therefore, in the process of growing up by not having found the right answers or ways to steer us in the right directions we began to feed our mind negativities and with that it has led many astray.
The bad inhibitions we picked up that got embedded deep inside our mind and not knowing or finding a way out led many into spiritual journeys seeking solace, a peace of mind, some mental comfort in addition it has also moved many to the professional doorstep or drug activities for that matter. Many unfortunately do not have the good karma ended inside mental institutions.
Therefore identifying it early and finding remedies early in life will help us transform our mind before society has a chance to pierce it and leaves it broken to a stage beyond repairs.
We in Kechara are very blessed to have Rinpoche with us always keeping us in check through his so many discourses, teachings, advices and constantly monitoring our progress. Thank you Rinpoche with palms holding together in front of our chest we bow and pay homage to you.
Dear Sonny,
This is a very inspiring teaching about guru devotion, purification, effort, hardship, as well as attainments in a very modern, story-telling way. I agree with you that it is our preconceived ideas that are the obstacles to our practices or progress.
I’d like to recommend another video for you, “You and Your Imprints…How To Break Bad Habituations” : https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/buddhas-dharma/you-and-your-imprints-how-to-break-bad-habituations.html
Thank you Rinpoche for the sharing. Many times we are unhappy because of our ego and our self-grasping mind. We expect many things happen according to our projections and expectations. We will get angry or disappointed if things happened otherwise. We will even harm others in order to get what we want intentionally or unintentionally. All these happen and repeat for countless of life times and become our negative habituation.
Guru teaches us Dharma but some of us cannot take it and have negative thought about Guru. However, Guru is so compassionate. He wishes all students to come back and continue practising dharma. Milarepa realised and regretted on the negative karma he had committed. He eagerly wanted to learn Dharma. How about us? Thank you Rinpoche.
Our Mind is the cause of suffering and we attached to our own view, preperception on every single stuff… How should the situation goes on , how the person should be , all is our self-grasping mind. Our selfishness not only create suffering on others and ,we not even know we are the one the most suffer. How many years we have been living with this suffering mind ? Yet, we are still indulgence with it … The guru are patiently share us the path to real happiness …and ” The happiness we go after all these years are not the real happiness”, we create our own suffering and now is time to let go and transform 🙂 …
Thank you Pastor Shin Tan for taking time to read my comments and I deeply appreciate your kind effort in letting me know of other videos, discourses from Rinpoche which would defintely help me in my spiritual cultivation. As always with respect and thank you again. once again.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for sharing this great story of Milarepa. What I understand from his story and what we should learn is to let go our ego, projection mind and negative thought in our daily life and dharma. With to this 2 attitudes in us, it will generate negativity in us such as
a) Anger – if our projection is not met.
b) Wrong view – if expectation not met.
What positive point has in Milarepa is his determination to study dharma. He don’t care his lack of surrounding, material and food which can see at this point he really want to learn dharma. He follows all the instruction of his guru (Marpa) gave him.
What I understand a quality guru has is compassion. By having this compassion, we forgives what’s the bad point the person had or no matter how the student have wrong views, bad mouth, throw tantrum at the guru but still guru forgives that student of his yet the guru will pray for his student. Therefore,without a guru enlightenment is hardly achievable.
Having Rinpoche as my guru is the most heartfelt. May my merits decided to Rinpoche’s long life to continue turn the wheel of dharma to benefit all sentient beings. May they received dharma to walk the path to enlightenment.
Much care and love,
Victor Choi
Typo daily life And dharma to be “when we practice in dharma or doing dharma work”
真正的心灵深处，有时连我们本身都不清楚。
Rinpoche曾开示过，如果你有决心与坚持的持修佛法，依止上师，我们将会有更好的转世，而且达到证悟是有可能的。毕竟我们的上师是非常有能力让你”脱胎换骨”，登上菩提与证悟之道。
就如这篇Marpa 与Milarepa 师徒的故事。它不是传说，但它是一篇记载着另一个证悟者～值得让我们学习与帮助我们脱离不好的俗气。
我执与自我的想法，永远让人不知要如何面对。每天如果只是想着我、我、我，无形中造成身边的一切都一定要听于“我”，这会让周围的人也承受“我”所造成的痛苦。自我与自信的差别是，拥有自信的人可以成功与慈悲的完成事情然后分享给他人。自我就刚好相反。
因为Milarepa 的执念，他希望他的上师拥有慈悲心的，可以好像他自己的想法那样传授佛法于他。但现实是倒反的。由于Milarepa 的我执太强烈，他生气他的上师不好好的传授佛法给他。这个执着，也让Milarepa 存有对上师消极的思想。这也直接的造成Milarepa 当时是活在痛苦里。
Milarepa 一开始有不好的想法就好比喻一杯盛满了的水。无论你怎么倒，它都会流出来。就是说如果当时他的上师直接传授佛法于他，他也未必可以接受。而且永远止步在那里。他只要倒掉那杯水，才可以重新学习，而达到更高的境界。不过，还好Milarepa他有坚定的心要持修佛法。有着上师慈悲心与善巧的方法，好让他得到证悟的一天。
在此感谢Rinpoche 的分享。我想我也应该要倒掉我杯里面的水，重新装起更好的水。
During the weekly sharing session with Pastor Adeline & KFR Tour team, the followings 5 key points from Rinpoche’s dharma talk “How and Where our NEUROTIC MIND appears, and Why it appears?” are captured:
1. Our neurotic mind appears when we have strong self-gasping mind of how things should be. When we have strong self-gasping mind, we are stuck with our own pre-conceived idea of how the other person should be. However, we cannot how the other person would act; hence, it is the source of our suffering.
2. Our neurotic mind comes from years and years of specious habituation either from irresponsible upbringing, abusive environment, over-pampering, or even fear. These will result in the manifestation of several negative behaviors; i.e. laziness, controlling, anger, neurosis, strong attachment to material stuff.
3. It is important to recognize and acknowledge that we have a neurotic mind. A simple test to gauge if our mind is neurotic is by asking ourself if we have freedom. Most of us be freedom because we think that we are free to do whatever we want, go wherever we want. True freedom comes from being happy to help others egoless-ly and liberating others from suffering; and doing all these without expecting anything in return – this is truly free from neurotic mind.
4. It is important to eliminate (reduce) our neurotic mind because our neurotic mind keeps fuelling our self-gasping mind & ego, that is contradict to what is needed in higher tantric practice. Once the neurotic mind has been subdued, it is tantamount to completing the five preliminary practices.
5. From the story of Marpa and Milarepa, we are reminded that Guru Devotion (accepting the teaching and instruction of the Guru) is the way to attainment.
Tsem Rinpoche brings the Milarepa to life, in his talk. And one of the things I recall is that if our mind is preoccupied with concern for us , there is no room for worry, or I can’t do it, there is only compassion and love for others and you make it happen profound I found it to be.
Thank you Rinpoche . The narration of the relationship between Milarepa and Marpa was so entertaining that one will remember it always.
The training that Milarepa has to undergo reminds me of the Shaolin Temple shows where the student is made to carry water or rocks from distance river or quarry and how the master made the student work tirelessly to train their mind, to clear away the preconception mind one has.
It is so like us to have this attitude. I have seen this happening to people where for example they did something good or credible they have this projection that others should “look up at them” or “treat them like a VIP” and when all this does not happen they get angry and their ego comes in and they create so much trouble for others .
It is true that upbringing plays a big role . For example if a little toddler happens to walk and trip and if adults rush quickly to pick them up and start saying “oh you poor thing ” and then tells the child “let us beat the floor cause the floor made you fall” and the adult then goes to use hand to “beat the floor” what the child learns is “it’s never my fault, it’s always the fault of others”. This is crazy but I think most of you have seen adults doing this when a child falls.
I notice also in family with a few kids , the oldest are usually more stable and matured while the younger ones tends to be more “baby” even though they have grown up to be adults. This happens cause the oldest child are more independent when they are young, having to do most things themselves . Then comes little brother or sister and the older sibling loves playing the role of the older brother and sister. The older sibling will always run to the younger ones to help in just almost everything . Maybe younger one drops a toy and instead of picking it up himself and older sibling quickly dash over to pick up for the younger one. Thus the younger child will grow up with the preconception that others will be always at their feet doing everything for them and how they should be treated and when things don’t go their way their mind becomes neurotic.
Thus like Milarepa , one needs to change one’s attitude and preconception mind.
I will use the story of Milarepa to remind myself not to have a preconception of how things should be .
Thank you once again Rinpoche for this entertaining but educational video.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing the wonderful story of Marpa and Milarepa. Marpa is so compassionate that every time he beat up Milrepa or Milarepa run away, he prayed that his student realized what he was doing and came back to complete his training etc.. because he did not want his student to born in the 3 lower realms. It is so touching. He used his skilful means to train Milarepa because he has so much compassion for his student.
This is similar to what Rinpoche has done for us. Rinpoche uses skilful means to train students because love and compassion. We also knew from senior students that Rinpoche sustains pain and illness because Rinpoche absorbing the negativity and bad karma from students. Thank you Rinpoche for your kindness with folded hands.
Thank you for this entertaining and enlightening talk. I can see that I will probably need to build more than 13 of these stone houses! I have a question which I hope someone can help answer.
It is indeed true that people like me use our sense of ‘what should be’ to judge others (and therefore get frustrated). However, isn’t it also the same ‘what should be’ which guides our very own actions in terms of living our lives in ways which we think “should be”? For example, I am a vegetarian by choice because I believe that animals have a right to their own lives and this is the way ‘it should be’. This same sense of what is right and wrong guides me in my daily life, and causes me some grief also, because what I think is ‘right’ behaviour is not viewed the same way by others.
How do we balance this need to have some sense of judgement of what is right and wrong, and how the world should be, in terms of guiding our own lives, and also not let it overcome us with frustration and negativity when others do not view it in the same way? It seems to be a paradox in many ways.
It is said that egoism can kill someone.The first step to learn from someone is first to let go of your egoism to enable others advises or teachings to be heard or learned.
It’s hard to let go of ones’ egoism and ignorance but this is what we need to let go in order to fully understand the teaching of Dharma.
Lastly,thank you Rinpoche for sharing this video “The Story of Milarepa”.This video should be watch repeatedly to enable us to fully understand.
Rinpoche , this is one of my son and my favourite video . Its both entertaining and very educational. We watch it almost every night. Thank you Rinpoche.
The story of Milarepa is always inspiring because it shows that even if one has committed such heinous crimes… if one truly regrets and does everything in their power to seek redemption, one can surely purify. For Milarepa he showed us that Guru devotion is of the greatest practice and with that kind of devotion, surrendering your every ego to your Guru, it is the fastest way to purify and gain attainments. He was the first Tibetan convict and person in Buddhist history, a legend up till today that became Enlightened in one life time. Imagine from a murderer to a Buddha. He proves to us it is possible to change one’s life, karma and destiny and achieving Buddhahood is possible!
This is something amazing because it gives hope to everyone… nothing is impossible if you apply the Dharma and have pure Guru devotion towards Marpa. Why is Guru devotion important? Who could be kinder to you then your Guru to take you in to his house, nurture you the right way, give his time and energy to correct you and on top of that give you Dharma, the very tools to get out of suffering. Like our Rinpoche who always take in the most difficult students to nurture and help, always giving them chances to see the light, to wake up and transform and never giving up on them unless their karma takes over and it is over for them. If we truly appreciate and realise what a golden opportunity this is… surely we can also be another Milarepa.
After going through each sentence of this teachings, yea, I have to say that I’m lucky to do translation work in Kechara, because I will have to go each line and each word of Rinpoche’s teachings. I think that the story of Milarepa touches my heart. It makes me think and keep thinking.
I am not wise at all to explain the actions of our Guru. I will see, how come my Guru treat that person in this way or that way, but my Guru never treat me in this or that way. As for now, I’m still observing, but I understand in my heart that the Guru always has his/her own way to deal with different types of students. Milarepa is extremely lucky to be able to meet a Guru that knows him completely and never give up on him. I think it is incredible that Marpa knows exactly the way to cut down Milarepa’s ego and projections.
To me, the most exciting/interesting part of this story is not about how Marpa ‘tortured’ Milarepa or how Milarepa was being ‘tortured’ by his Guru. It is the meaning behind all the ‘torturing’ makes me think. Milarepa did everything perfectly and he even worked ‘crazily’ to make sure things are ok when his Guru comes. But what Marpa wants is not solely about the result, what matter is the result of Milarepa’s mind after so many times being put down.
In the end, Milarepa turned his anger to surrender. His surrender is not giving up or lose hope. He never become distant and passive, but he knows that there is something ‘more’ and ‘beyond’ his thought, he accept that there is something ‘beyond’ his intelligence and he decided to really listen and go all the way with his Guru’s instruction. His ego is defeated. I don’t really know how this process changed his mind, but one thing for sure is, if we decided to take a person as our Guru, we shouldn’t have doubt in the Guru. Because our preconceived mind is very sneaky and tricky. We don’t even know that is the preconceived mind if we don’t open our heart to unlearn and relearn. Thank you Rinpoche for this teachings, Rinpoche is such a great story teller. I even have images in my mind of how Milarepa and Marpa’s reactions and facial expressions by just reading the transcript. 🙂
I couldn’t help but not revisit this wonderful teaching and a timeless tale of human spirit and sheer unshakeable endurance in one’s spiritual convictions despite all odds. I love the story of Milarepa because he exemplifies all the ups and downs that all practitioners go through, from great High Lamas to ordinary practitioners.
He has simply overcome all his projections and gross misgivings about his Lama. I could relate very well with Milarepa because that’s how all of us feel from time to time when the going gets tough, the faithful gets going. It inspires us with hope that we can all do the same as well and achieve the same state and
…success in one’s practice.
I couldn’t imagine how Milarepa manage to build the multi-storey house so many times for his guru. His determination to do what it takes to learn Dharma is so strong. Also his guru love him very much, doing light offering for him to clear his ignorance.
Thank you Rinpoche for narrating Milarepa’s story. There are hidden messages in the story for us to find.
Yes we can relate to Milarepa one way or another, especially when Rinpoche talks about thousand hundreds times Mila had given up, his projection on how a Guru should act including how his compassion should be done his way…
The way Rinpoche tells this ancient old story is very interesting yet profound and it’s so close to us, how many times we were habituated to our preconception and projections on people that make us so suffer? If we manage to get rid of the projection on our Lama, it will be easier to rid of on other people.
Building 13 houses and tear them down is not causing Mila to suffer, the source of suffer is we have projections on how our Guru should train us, how a compassionate being should act. If he/she did not act out the way we expect then we suffer.
How Marpe ignored the rumours on torturing Mila shows Marpe is an attained being with great compassion.Even to the extent Marpa’s wife did not trust the husband anymore, but Marpa continues to train Mila his way.
I like that part when Rinpoche talks about Mila was prepared to accept with happy mind even if Marpe continuous to ask him to tear down the house he had built. With acceptance, Mila free himself.
I like as well the part Rinpoche shows how our self grasping mind make us a self-centered, lazy and irresponsible person. We are considered as people with freedom when only we can share, help, give and care effortless for others.
After listening to this teaching I get to read a comic book titled “The magic life of Milarepa-Tibet’s great yogi” by Eva Van Dam. The illustrator is with good drawing skills, and the facial expressions of the characters are real and suit with the text’s mood and content.
wow, listening the story being told by Rinpoche is just amazing, every words and sentence and description of the relationship between Milarepa and Marpa just mind blowing, the image flash through when Rinpoche talks about Milarepa story, so so real.
it is very true in this current modern era, many of us have this neurotic mind, having expectation of how a person should be, and how a Guru should be. we are creating a false expectation or illusion of how thing or person should be, but what comes out of it is different at all, and then we feel despair and disappointed, because they does not fit our expectation.
When this expectation is not met, anger grew and ego grew, we expect something better because we think we are better than that. But in reality, we are wrong, we only see the ‘strength’ we have, but could not see the weakness in ourself, and then we are in denial of the weakness, as we cannot accept due to our ego.
Listening and watching this video, it reflected how much i am also having such a expectation of what things should be, i am striving to rid this Neurotic mind.
Thank You Rinpche for sharing such a great story and teaching.
Our suffering is cause by our preconceived conception, when things do not go our way, we become angry, we become unhappy, we harm people, we inflict pain on others. To unchained from the suffering we created for ourselves, we have to break our preconceived conception in order to be free. Open up our mind and ears to listen, to accept. If what we are doing now is going to bring us somewhere, we will not be suffering. If we are suffering, that means what we are doing all along is not going to bring us any where. Dharma is a practice that go against what we believe, it is difficult in the beginning but we will see the results if we persist and do not give up.
Inner growth is what we are looking for rather than outer growth. Inner growth (mind) will never diminish, outer growth (material) will disappear. Thus, it makes more sense to cultivate inner growth than outer growth.
Thank you Rinpoche for this very precious teaching.
Sock Wan, isn’t it interesting that all it takes is a change in perspective and our anger for the moment becomes nothing. What we feel at the current moment is not how we feel a few minutes later, a few days later and a few years later. How many times have we gotten angry in the past and now we cannot even remember why we were angry with someone… it all becomes insignificant. Hence what is the point of getting all worked up and what is the point of holding on to it?
If we keep holding on to the things that bothers us, we are indeed creating our own hells to live in. Peace and happiness does not come from the outside but from the inside, from our own conscious being. So staying angry, no one suffers except us and not even the one we think is our “enemy”. So why create and waste precious energy that creates so much negative karma for ourselves? When we close our eyes all these feeling will come back and eat us up and it is what that will trigger us to the lower realms.
Now I realized almost everyone has neurotic mind… hehe! Because of our pre-conception and -judgement, we always want thing to happen the way we want it to be. We think our own way is the perfect method which may produce perfect result that satisfy ourselves. In other words, we are selfish. This kind of pre-expectation is the main cause of disharmony to a working group.
For instance, a very simple meeting; the attendees expect the notice of meeting to be delivered the way that can pleasure their eyes and emotion, otherwise they may not want to join or attend with anger even before the meeting start. During the meeting, they expect the person who organize, lead and give input able to “read” their mind and speak the way they want, otherwise they will keep quiet or “shut down” throughout the meeting. After the meeting, they will say no result and waste of time. Perhaps all these reactions are the neurotic attack in their mind. If everyone can let go their pre-conception then things can be done faster and easier. If we can’t let go habitually, then at least do it during the few hours of meeting. I always remind myself – Everyone is my teacher when I throw away my ego.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing.
Take good care. With folded hands, Om Mani Pedme Hung.
Dear Rinpoche,
I watched the video on your teachings on the neurotic mind again. This time , i understand more about what Rinpoche wanted to share with us. And realise that we all have our own neurosis one way or other. It is just how we allow that neurotic mind control our lives.
I use to suffer some degree of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and made my life and those around me miserable. I had to make sure everything runs like clockwork, down to the very minute, everything must be in perfect order, everything in its proper place , at the exact precise angle. If something is so much out of a slight alignment, i got very upset. And if i wanted something done, it must be done now, preferably done by yesterday !
This , i realised this is because i was having all this turmoil inside of me that i could not control, so instead i tried to control everything outside of me. I also had a lot of anger and pain inside but could not lash out as it will only hurt others, so once again i directed all that negative energies to inanimate objects like constantly moving furniture around, lining up my books in perfect alphabetical order, arranging clothes via colour etc etc.
The ‘light bulb’ moment was when i met Rinpoche . I read all the books that KMP published, attended Rinpoche’s talks, started my daily sadhanas and become ‘obsessed’ with completing 10 million Setrap mantras.
Then one morning, literally, i woke up and felt that peace inside me. A wonderful blissful feeling that has been with me since. I no longer care if the place is messy, or my books are not in any form of order or the furniture have been pushed around by my 6 playful furry babies.
Thank you Rinpoche for healing my mind, breaking down my ego and with utmost gratitude ; saving my life.
Thank you Rinpoche for the video teaching, i will watch it over and over again.
Ego is the biggest obstacle for learning and receive teaching or advice. So if we not start to lower down or get of our Ego then how can we learn and receive teaching?
Thanks Rinpoche for telling us the story and it really make me think about my own mind. The first step of learning is lower down or get of our Ego and then follow the Guru devotion 100% then sure we will be a better person that can able to learn more, do more and serve more.
Having a fixated mind will cause you to have inner fights with yourself because the results you expect to see are different from how it actually turn out. Therefore, you get frustrated and negative. Just like Milarepa who went to see Marpa for teachings but instead became angry because he did not get the teachings he wanted. In fact he has gotten the teachings form Marpa but he did not realise. It is only when he surrenders, he realises that. One good quality of Milarepa is that he is determined and persistent and follows his teacher’s instructions (even though he may be frustrated), he continued on doing what his teacher told him to do. At the end, he got the greatest teaching and initiation he wanted. If he had not been persistent, he would have given up and gone and not get what he came for. Marpa was preparing him for the initiation. How many of us can build 13 houses? This story tells us that we may be only seeing things on the surface but there is a deeper and bigger picture behind it which we may not understand.
Our self cherishing mind is our own downfall. It makes us become selfish and just think of ourselves. It may be because of past experiences which made us this way or it has become a habit because of years and years of behaving this way. It is only when we break down our fixed thinking, we can start to learn more things and expand our mind. Going out of our comfort zone to get what we want.
Thank you Rinpoche for the teaching and making it interesting for learning!
I love this teaching of Rinpoche’s. When I reflected on Rinpoche’s commentary on Milarepa I can relate on how our mind works. When we seek spiritual attainments, sweet surrender and faith in our guru is essential in succeeding our spiritual journey. Our guru destroys our delusional thoughts and neurotic minds. Our guru is our ego destroyer to gain the ultimate attainment.
Milarepa story have inspired so many to those who are practicing and also layman people. What Rinpoche describe Milarepa is true. He is not just a legend. He is a historical person who have became legendary.
Milarepa is one that committed so much sins and karma for killing so many and yet he was able to achieve full perfect enlightenment in one lifetime. Milarepa has become such an inspiration because he embodies our daily samsaric thinking and feelings before he achieve enlightenment. It’s like reading about ourselves in the story (except for the killing part of course ).
Marpa has used the most skillful means to transform Milarepa by indirectly making him to realize and let go of his own worldly perception and ego before passing the most valuable Heruka teachings to him. This also reflects what’s going on in Kechara organization itself. Rinpoche have given us so much missions; be it small or huge, everyone of them is meant to transform ourselves in the way that benefit us the most. A lot of us gave up or is almost giving up because of their worldly perception that things should be done their way and IT IS NOT HAPPENING THAT WAY!!. Sounds exactly like Milarepa story.
With folded hands, I would like to thank Rinpoche for all the task and missions that you have given directly and indirectly to us Kecharians in order to transform us. Your compassion is beyond any words that could describe it.
I have always learn a lot and have further understanding through Rinpoche blog. Rinpoche always have a brilliant way for all the teaching to us ^^, ^^, Story of Marpa and Milarepa really inspiring.
Whatsoever things it is, is our mind. How we co-operate our own mind is the hardest way.
Thank You Rinpoche for your compassionate teaching ^^, xxx
Milarepa was able to let go of his anger and self grasping. He was able to let go of all his distorted mental projections.With that, all his doubts about Marpa fell away. From then on it was 100% Guru Devotion. From then on it was garnering one attainment after another very swiftly.
Thus Milarepa was able to become fully enlightened in one lifetime.So he teaches a fine lesson about letting go of self-grasping and about 100% Guru Devotion as the way to go.
Milarepa had a strong self-grasping mind that made him see his guru, Marpa,through wrong and distorted projections and perceptions of how a guru should be.With such a deluded frame of mind, he wasn’t ready for any Dharma teaching. Yet he thought he knew better. When he was sent to Marpa’s senior student for teachings, his distorted perception made him think that this guru teaching Dharma form a throne was the real guru.
Only when he did not receive any signs of attainments after being sent to meditate by this senior disciple of Marpa, did he come to his senses.
In fact, Marpa sending him to do hard labor and later to build a dwelling 13 times over and over again, was the real Dharma that he needed. It was Marpa’s compassion that led him to skillfully help Milarepa cut his ego and self-grasping, root cause of his suffering.
Milarepa’s story must surely teach us to trust our guru with whatever methods he uses to tame and subdue our ego and self-grasping.
Neurotic minds comes with being sensitive and intelligent,it isn’t always bad,leads to compassion and understanding also.
Thank you Rinpoche for your great compassion in explaining this beautiful teaching on Milarepa,whose faithful devotion,boundless religious zeal,monomental forberance,superhuman perseverance and ultimate final attainment are a great inspirationtoday for all.
I love the story of Milarepa story so much! During the last pilgrimage to Nepal, Rinpoche has lead a group of 60+ students doing prayers at Milarepa and Naropa’s Cave, which is beside a holy river. Rinpoche gave his teaching and told us the story of Milarepa and Noropa at the exact location where both of these mahasiddha have meditated and became enlighten. I remember Rinpoche has requested all of us making candles offering outside the cave, and all those candles, together with Rinpoche’s prayers, have light up the dark night. Rinpoche sat inside the cave, invited everybody one-by-one, go inside the cave, have private audience, and gave his blessing to everyone. It was a very blessed night with so many prayers and good wishes for everyone. (for more info and photos, please read KMP published title: “Vajrayogini, and the power places in Nepal” )
The account of Milarepa and Marpa is not just an interesting read. For those of us on the spiritual path, it is truly inspiring and serve to help us remove resistance and doubts about unconventional methods and powerful energies such as wrath employed by skilful masters which can lead to quicker results. With regard to such unusual but yet beneficial relationship between a guru and disciple, if my memory holds, HHDL said that not everyone is a milarepa.The same methods may not have the same results due to each individuals background, associations , karma and dispositions. Which is why there are so many different methods and paths for practitioners to follow. A most important lesson I learnt here is that we must not have fixed ideas about how compassion and love is expressed by Gurus.Whatever little wisdom we may have is v limited especially when it comes to spiritual matters. That much faith we must have since all their activities is for our well being even if it means we have to endure some short term pains.
Dearest Rinpoche thank you for your teachings i love your style of teachings. Thank you for your compassion for all sentient beings. U r a living buddha and i m so blessed to know u. You r a great guru.
It was said that Milarepa had become enmeshed with great hardship and misguided intentions in his training with his great Guru Marpa. It looks as if Marpa exacerbated his troubled student, Milarepa’s neurosis. But Milerapa throughout this ordeal exercised deep guru-devotion, though he never understood in great agony of the tasks his guru set forth for him. In the espressed opinion of the great Dharma master Jung, “all phenomena for that matter, were of his own mind, which is said to be of the nature of luminosity and emptiness”. Through this ordeal, Milerapa, following tantric instructions, transformed the power of his passions into blazing devotions to his teacher, dedicated services, committed retreat practice and blissful realisation.
We are all Milarepas – we do have our comfort zones, we expect things done in this way and that, the methods of kindness and compassion should fit into our projections etc. Like Milarepa, when things don’t turn out the way we expect, we doubt, we question and suffer inadvertently.
Thank you Rinpoche for this timely posting of the Milarepa story. It’s really not about the perfect house that Marpa wanted from Milarepa, it’s the Guru’s skillful means to break Milarepa’s conception. Similarly, learning social media skills is my Milarepa house – stop questioning, stop rationalizing; just follow the Guru’s instruction as he knows what’s best for me.
From Quintanna Roo~~Yucatan~~Mayan Paradise~~Buddhas Shine on the Carribean Seas~~Gracias por el Yamantaka~~
I remember well, sitting in the audience when Rinpoche gave this teaching. The whole room was in fits of laughter – Rinpoche really does tell a good story. But then you sit back and think about what it really is about, behind the laughing – it’s funny because it’s true, and it’s a caricature of what goes through every one of our own minds. The assignments and teachings from our teacher are in themselves very simple, logical. We make things complicated and funny by our own neurosis. It becomes blown out of proportion and exaggerated and we end up flapping about like a slapstick comedian out of a kind of unawareness, self-absorbed blurness.
A short while after this, i had my own Milarepa experience. Rinpoche sent a few of us to help with the construction of the gompa while it was still undergoing renovation. We did everything from hauling bricks, shovelling rubble and picking up rubbish all over the construction site. For a sheltered little princess like me, this was difficult and humiliating… I found it extremely difficult in the first few days. Then, one day at a time, one brick at a time, I started to enjoy it. We became friends with the other construction workers and saw for once, just how hard some people have to work to make a living. We saw how much people really do and how little we do. We saw the detail, attention and care that went into laying every brick – something we’d never take for granted again when we go into any building! It became a promising and fulfilling 2 weeks. We started to look forward to going into work in our hard hats and rubber boots – in the midst of shovelling the worst of rubble and getting our hards truly dirty, we learnt those important lessons of hard work, humility and the readiness to do anything you’re thrown into, literally. Short of hanging off the walls to plaster the ceiling, we did just about everything else. We also made good friends there on the site, wonderful people who showed us the faces, feelings and lives behind every construction.
Just as we started to love going into the site every morning, when we’d let go a little and began to enjoy the experience of doing anything they’d throw our way, Rinpoche told us we didn’t need to be there anymore. And so off we went, on to the next challenge…
Oh gosh! This teaching brings so much memories of the Tsem Ladrang in Nepal. We had just set up the ladrang and we had just invited Rinpoche to come and visit his ladrang. It was a tough time doing the renovations at this ladrang. Beng Kooi, Jp and Su Ming did an amazing job setting up the place along with Kechara Lounge.
I love this teaching and the story of Milarepa according to Tsem Rinpoche resonated with me, particularly on the part that the Lama would offer a Butterlamp every time he was about to beat his student or when his student runaway. I like that part because it offers an insight into the Lama’s motivation.
Thank you Rinpoche for giving us the teaching about Milarepa. What Rinpoche taught us here to help us to know ourselves better. The self-grasping is so strong. My projection of how everything should be, how every one must react and how my guru should treat me that actually made myself close up and not to learn anymore. I think this is what happened to me now. My self grasping mind has made me lazy, irresponsible, angry, hard, cold, drama, stubborn, drama, I must win. I am afraid of loosing what I am confortable now, so afraid to be wrong and look bad.
Milarepa transformed after he made his 13th house! What about people like us? Rinpoche is kind enough to assign special tasks according to what we attached with. When we were told to do fund raising that means we are going to beg. When we beg you have to put the ego down.
When we let go of our self grasping mind, our irresponsible and laziness will become better. Then we gain the Real freedom that’s when we go all out to help others effortlessly.
This is the first video teaching I watched and I am humbled. I did not grasp the concept of using technology and social media as I am a person who rarely make use of social media and see it as having many negative influences. Religious teachings especially is something I perceived as have to be kept traditional. But without this blog I would not have the privilege to get this precious teaching from Rinpoche.
This goes to show that my mind and persception is as what Rinpoche said in his teaching. I learnt many precious lessons here but I would like to share the one that stood out to me the most. Despite his other failings Milarepa did do a lot – building and re-building the house multiple times, along with the harvesting, cooking, etc. If someone were to offer me $1 million to do what Milarepa did, I honestly don’t think I could. Probably not even for $10 million. Yet despite what he did do physically, it is insufficient because the mind was wrong (and the Guru knows). It is going to be a tough tough journey for me to lose that ego and self grasping mind.
May Lama Tsongkhapa have compassion on us all and bless us with the privilege to encounter a Lama/Guru in our lifetime who can guide us to free our self grasping mind.
As I listen to Rinpoche’s teachings on Milarepa and his Guru Marpa, I can’t help but think “How timely for all of us to hear this”. All of us need to reflect on our own situation and honestly understand how closely we resemble Milarepa, with our ego and self cherishing/grasping mind. And we are just as fortunate to have our kind and compassionate Guru to help us overcome our preset conditionings. It is also really up to us to determine what attainments do we want and how much we can let go to absorb Rinpoche’s teachings. Not absorbing only, but to put his teachings into practise, in whatever situations that we may in. Its as Rinpoche said “unlearn and relearn”. It only take slight twist on our thinking that the negative becomes the positive. Is remaining in our comfort zones worth giving up the path to Enlightenment?
I can understand why Milarepa meditate not on any Buddhas or Yidams but his Guru. It was because of his Guru, who had been so compassionate to him, that Milarepa was finally able to gain his realisations and attainments. Marpa was the Buddha that had help him, just as Rinpoche is helping us now.
Thank you so much Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, for this great teaching! I’ve learned so much in an hour spending my time listening to the video teachings…than most of my confused time wandering around aimlessly with my self-cherishing mind. Tq so much for setting us back right on track.
Sincerely,
Jack Ng
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing with us this Dharma talk, and I rejoice that the people present there in the room have great merits to receive this flawless teaching.
Milarepa’s story is a great source of inspiration for all of us. I have read a comic book that portrays the life of Milarepa, however, the comic could not paint the true beauty of Milarepa’s life but Rinpoche managed to capture it in this video.
I think we all can relate to Milarepa in one way or the other, as we have a strong sense of preconceived conception of everything around us. What I like about the story of Milarepa is:
1) Milarepa came to Marpa with 100% devotion to practice the Dharma but he was asked to do regular chores and not listen to teachings given by Marpa. However, Milarepa failed to realize (until later) that the very first moment Marpa accepted him as a student, Marpa has given him the Dharma which is to kill his ego. – I think this is very beautiful because I can totally relate this to myself. This is the very reason why we should always follow our Guru’s instructions regardless of what it is as every instruction has it’s very own purpose. Just because our own lack of wisdom fails to see the significance of the instruction does not mean it is not spiritual advice from our Guru.
2) I like how Marpa, despite all the ugly rumours about his treatment to Milarepa spread across the village, he never explained why or cared about it… in fact, he was so compassionate that he would light a butterlamp and say a prayer for Milarepa whenever he had to beat/scold his student. I also like how Marpa uses himself as a target to break Milarepa’s preconceive thoughts on how things should be done. His method in training Milarepa truly show Marpa’s enlightened wisdom.
3) I also learned a lot at the point where Milarepa left Marpa to go to the monastery, and despite his diligence in his meditation practice, there was no attainments gained. Here, I feel is one of the most important point in Milarepa’s biography for Dharma students to realize that ‘All attainments truly arises from our Guru’s blessings’.
4) I also like Milarepa’s determination in his spiritual practice. Although he has so many obstacles (mainly mentally… as he always thinks negative thoughts of his Guru), he held on. His wish to learn the Dharma and in seeking liberation is so strong. And the best of all, is when he has built the 13th house. In his mind he thought “If my Guru asks me to build it again, I’ll listen to my Guru and do so again”, with no bitterness, but acceptance.
5) I also like the urgency that Milarepa felt towards learning the Dharma. He did everything quickly and tried sneaking in teachings. After he received instructions from Marpa, he followed the instructions diligently, wasting no time not even to eat. He truly is an extraordinary beings to begin with…
I really enjoyed this video… and throughout watching it, I had a great time, laughing at the jokes, but most importantly, I learned a lot about guru devotion, samsaric expectations, and our selfish nature. I like what Rinpoche said “Today, most of the world is a free world… the only world that is not free is in our mind”. That made a lot of sense to me.
Thank you again for the video. It is one that should be watched repeatedly and shared with many others. I’m sure this talk will benefit anyone who watch it.
These teachings brought tears to my eyes. The truths spoken of in this video reverberate so strongly. We become the product of our environment including that of our parents, family, tribe, village, caste, race, what we watch on TV and the world of virtual reality on the Internet. Whether we agree with it or not, all these activities enhance our self-cherishing mind. This means when things don’t go our way as in what we have been conditioned to demand for since childhood, we become angry, lazy, cold, controlling and totally neurotic. We make others suffer because we are suffering inside. We perceive the world as being unfair. We blame and have no problems hurting others be it directly and indirectly because deep down we are hurting too.
But when we have the merits to meet a Lama, as Rinpoche said in this video, “…. the Lama assaults our ego.” Why? Because he loves us out of compassion so that we don’t have to suffer.” The Lama will employ different methods to cut and destroy our self-cherishing mind, which is the true source of our suffering. The ego is completely unhappy and will think of ways to disobey the Guru, criticize him, find faults in him and ultimately causes one to leave the Dharma. And yet, the Lama doesn’t give up and he thinks of ways to teach the students hoping that his students will realize his true intentions.
Dropping our self-cherishing mind is mind transformation.
As such, we take back our power and stop being helpless, spoilt and neurotic. The conditions that we resign to out of laziness, which have become our comfort zones are removed. Then we will have no problems helping others, taking on responsibilities and being kind to each other because we stop seeing the world as being unfair. Why do we see the world as unjust? Because we can’t get all that we want in the way we want it. Because we have fixed notions, perceptions and ideas of how everything and everyone should be. And if things don’t comply with our fixed ideas, we are extremely upset. When this perception is deleted as we see through it as being an illusion, a new perception can enter, that of a higher Tantric practice. The mind of an Enlightened Buddha like Vajrayogini or Tara or Avalokiteshvara has space to grow as we purge out our ego centric perceptions. That’s the purpose of purification practices.
When our minds are incorporated with love, wisdom and compassion that of a Buddha, we essentially become Living Buddhas. And this can only happen when we do the work. When we set the right motivations and learn the Dharma. We read, we study, we research, we ask, we debate and most importantly we apply it in our daily lives. We appreciate and are devoted to our Lama because our Lama is the light on our path to Enlightenment.
But the fact remains, our Lama can only help us if we do the work and want to help ourselves. If we keep blowing out the light, the path will eventually be lost.
Thank you, Rinpoche. I will watch this video again and again. _/\_
With folded hands,
Wendy
Thank you Rinpoche for a really wonderful teaching.
We ourselves place the shackles, chain and ball onto ourselves , as pre conceived conceptions will only ‘fix’ our own limitations in our lives. When we are not free to do and achieve what we want, we blame others and make excuses for ourselves. Our attitudes and perceptions are all governed by social conditioning, by parents, by peer pressure and also by the country’s authorities etc etc. However, we are also all born with some degree of intelligence that we can decipher if what we are taught is good or not. One’s personal experience is what one wishes to make out of it – to learn from it and be a better person or to wallow in it and turn bitter and angry.
Milarepa is a truly incredible man. His tenacity, determination,his Guru devotion and his strong connection to the Dharma kept him on his search and his path.He is very very inspiring and his story puts me to shame. I know that there had been many a time that when the going is tough, i felt that it was easier to throw the towel in and walk off. Now on hindsight, i’m so glad that i did not give up. I do feel so much more at peace, joyful and am better in dealing with some people who are difficult. Most importantly, i am able to empathise with another’s predicament and come from compassion.Milarepa is a shining example to follow and Rinpoche a wonderful perfect example to emulate.
Rinpoche has such a great way in narrating a story , and i just love the way the story is being told. Rinpoche’s humor is priceless!
Thank you Rinpoche, once again for the lovely video.
PS Rinpoche, i can relate to what Rinpoche is saying at the beginning of the video ; how Rinpoche just cried and cried when Rinpoche first saw Gaden Monastry. I am always in tears whenever i am in the same vicinity as Rinpoche, and i just cannot stop my tears (of joy) from flowing.Thank you Rinpoche for being in our lives.
I really enjoyed this teaching, maybe because I love listening to stories. Rinpoche retelling of Milarepa was attention grabbing and a clear reminder of the importance of Guru devotion and that a Guru will used different means for different students. What really got to me was when Rinpoche told about how Marpa would light a butterlamp every time he beats up Milarepa or when Milarepa runs away, how compassionate a Guru is!
This is one of the Best video teachings I have ever come across from Tsemtulku Rinpoche. Rinpoche’s commentary on how Milarepa gained his attainment through the care and compassion of his guru, Marpa is relational on how our ego can be turned around via look alike samsaric normal mundane work for his Guru.
Tsem Rinpoche elaborated how a Guru recognise student gains of attainments before and after initiations or whether they have it or not. The importance of one centre, one Lama and one practise all the way with the blessings of the Lama. What are the causes of our laziness, irresponsible behaviour or being cold towards others. How our own self-grasping mind created our own sufferings in all our lives.
I will watch this video again and again till I get these teachings right in my mind as I know this is Lamrim presented in a modern way to suit our times, mind and condition.