About 6 elderly Singaporeans die alone each month
Most of us lead very busy lives. Some people even feel that their lives are so busy that the have little time for themselves, let alone friends and family. These days, it’s an easy trap to fall into due to the hectic nature of life.
However, if you stop for a moment and imagine yourself in 20, 30 or 40 years’ time, how would you feel if your children or your grandchildren failed to spend any time with you because of their busy lives? How would you feel if they weren’t even there at your time of death?
Recent information provided by funeral service operators in Singapore has shown that an average of six elderly Singaporeans die alone EVERY MONTH. The situation has got so bad that even the Police have put up 35 appeals for the next-of-kin of elderly who die alone in their own homes, homes for the elderly and in hospital.
It’s sad to think that some people see their lives as being SO busy that they can’t spend some time with the people who gave so much of their love, time, effort and commitment to making sure they grew up healthy and independent. Whatever we think of our parents and grandparents, without them, we would be nowhere. They are living Buddhas. No-one else nourishes us, looks after us or gives so much to us.
When we reach the point where we view our parents, grandparents or other elderly relatives as a nuisance or as chores, it really gives a clear indication of a selfish mind. If none of us would like to be forgotten in our old age, why would we inflict the same neglect on our own family members? It makes no sense.
To think that there are elderly people dying alone is so disheartening, because our elderly relatives should be cherished and cared for. On a basic level, we really owe it to them, because for so long, they cared for us. They had to put their own needs second to ours; they had to deal with our troubles, our difficulties and our burdens.
Even if you think your elderly relatives are selfish or did a “bad job”, just look at where you are now. Family members are just like us: they slip up, make mistakes and don’t always get everything right, but if we turned out OK in the end, they couldn’t have done so bad a job. Therefore, even “difficult” relatives deserve our love, care and compassion. Why? Because deep down they cared enough to care for us. We really wouldn’t be here without their care… it’s that simple.
No-one wants to feel unloved or unwanted. If you feel sad at the thought of neglected animals that you don’t even know, then to think of your own elderly family being neglected and ignored as they are dying should feel much, much worse. And of course, whenever we lose a family member, we can’t turn back the time and visit them more or show them how much we appreciate their efforts over the years. We don’t get the chance to do the things we now wish we had.
Family members – especially elderly relatives – should always be loved and appreciated. Sure, they may have done some things that have left us feeling unhappy, but the chances are that our conduct hasn’t been entirely perfect, either. Neglecting and ignoring is just ego. Our busy lives are never so busy that we can’t make time. If we can make time for parties and holidays, there should be plenty of time for those who gave so much of themselves for us so that we could be where we are today. If only we could keep that thought in our minds, there would be far fewer elderly people dying alone.
Tsem Rinpoche
About 6 elderly S’poreans die alone each month
By Jalelah Abu Baker | May 30, 2011
IN THE five past months this year, the police have put up 35 appeals for the next-of-kins of elderly who die alone in their own homes, homes for the elderly, and in hospital.
A check with five funeral service operators showed that usually, 30 to 40 of these elderly die without their relatives near them. An average of six elderly Singaporeans die alone every month.
Source: http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_674141.html
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Came across this old post , sad cannot imagine that about 6 elderly Singaporeans die alone each month. When these elderly die, they were either without their relatives near them or left alone. How ever busy our lives is we should not leave our old parents or relatives alone. Spending time with them and never neglect them. As one of these days we too will be old. Its because of them , we are here today. We should somehow cherished and care for them.
Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing.
Besides Singapore, it happens to most of the developed countries as well. In recent times, in Japan, being a sophisticated country that is known for its manners and strong family culture is not spared from this. “Kodokushi” or “dying alone” is a growing problem in Japan https://www.straitstimes.com/asia/east-asia/dying-alone-in-the-worlds-most-populous-city
On top of that, some resorted committing petty crimes and intentionally being caught by the police officers so that they can be taken off to jail. Inside the jail, their needs will be taken care by the jail attendants and it’s a like a safe haven for them. https://www.google.com.my/amp/s/amp.businessinsider.com/japan-aging-prison-2018-3
I’m not sure whether laugh it off or should I feel irritated by these news? Just like Rinpoche has mentioned, if we can make time for parties and holidays, I’m sure we do have time for our parents or the elderly.
It’s sad to know that there were high numbers of elderly who die alone every month. This is alarming and we as children should really reflect what have we done and not done yet. We should take care of our parents and also our relatives as they cared for us so much. We have to be grateful to all of them.
It is in fact very sad to learn about this issue, if we can’t even take care of our own parents, I don’t see how a person can be successful and in fact, in Chinese, we wouldn’t even consider these ungrateful people as humans.
How could a person be so ungrateful to this extent where they don’t even care about their own parents who fed them, provided them with education, clothes, house, warmth, love and etc? Our parents have spend most of their time taking care of us and making sure that we are okay, what are we if we can’t even take care of them and give them love?
I will not definitely do this to my parents or anyone. Some people can be so heartless to this extent, unkind and ungrateful people like this will never earn the respect from others.
Watching the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” was fascinating to me, as it tries to show us how humans directly and indirectly fears or welcomes growing old. The movie synopsis: Benjamin Button was born under unusual circumstances. As everyone around him grew older, he aged backwards, making the challenges of life.
Just like this article by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche: About 6 elderly Singaporeans die alone each month , I can’t help but reflect about it.
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BEING/ GROWING OLD AND YOUNG.
Actually aging is like being a child once again — we need help with everything — dressing, shitting, walking, feeding, tantrum, everything under the sun. An old man and a child really needs help, support, love and people around them to care for them. this is a fact and a natural phenomena. Even if they cannot remember or know why, life moves on with this fact. As a 3rd party, when we are able, we see that with compassion and help if we can. As a person going through these stages, we may or may not be aware of what is a better option — we merely take what we have and feel the suffering when we are not in a good able situation.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OLD MAN AND YOUNG CHILD
Whilst in a child, exposure to everything & habits aids to build his/her persona besides inbuilt voices on his inborn talent and personality etc
For the elderly whats difference is that one is hit with amnesia and physical breakdown of the body.
ABANDONMENT
As much as abandonment happens to children, they happen to the elderly too. I guess this is why many organizations try to help both areas.
WHAT SHALL WE ATTACH TO?
Memories of good times or not — they can be used as a form of attachment when we dwell overly into it.
Unless we intend to dedicate our lives trying to help elevate and uplift human’s physical suffering when we are in extreme old age or young age (which is not possible unless you are a in a different realm which has this power and ability to do so), then we do what we are here to give back. Our own parents/kids. One person has only 2 pairs of hands, legs. As some of us may also be born with defects that needs care, i think its reasonable to say — we all try our best to give our best.
Otherwise maybe the masters could tell us how much time/effort should be spent to care for them in return — actually our whole life’s if we want to be compassionate to others. But if we give 24/7 time to parents, then better to dedicate our lives to them and have them be our Dharma Path.
WHAT CAN I DO?
Since ‘Ahimsa’ or ‘non-violence’ is also inclusive or the act of neglect and ignore those in need of our care, I gather the article written above is coming from the fact that we can do more — perhaps as an individual, as a Dharma practitioner, or as a community all in all. To be open and caring to all beings, weather we are directly or indirectly blood related.
INTENTION / MOTIVATION
But on a positive note, we can cultivate the biggest heart and mind and try to elevate suffering through different means – physically, mentally, spiritually keep sane and healthy so that we can give more centre supports,
ULTIMATELY
In the end — the greatest fear of growing old, dying or at the death bed, or living alone is the same — the fear of dying and dying alone. But those I hear having experiences in hospice also shares that some are able to Let Go and Embrace.
Besides helping care for them physically or emotionally when our parents need it — we still cannot go to the grave with them. We can only support them to walk there.
So, if there is any effect of growing old and dying or anything left hanging — a void – or a fear — or something left unanswered — the answer and void will have to be filled first. They should still find their own peace to learn to let go.
Growing old, dying alone is a very unpleasant experience indeed. I hope I can do more when my parents when my time is here. But I can’t help but wonder if I’ll be a lonely, old dying person myself since i don’t have children and may not plan to.
DEATH
Dying, Growing old with illness and Death are different.
Perhaps to me, the fear of dying and growing old (with illness, diseases or inability to function) is more scary than that Death can hit just tomorrow.
All this reflection talk inspires me to handle my own fears of dying, and growing old through more dharma growth. For this is the only path i know i can think of overcoming the fear.
At least embracing that it will happen, and try to live life expecting Death to come so to appreciate everything now and each opportunity, and then to do what Dharma Guru teaches us in our Dharma to see if we can expand beyond this life with our intention and motivation as a Bodhicitta.
thank you.
Dear Wong, Nicely written. Thank you for sharing. It will help ppl to reflect. TR
“Neglecting and ignoring is just Ego.”
Our elders, parents, relatives took time, love, care to nurture us hoping we become “better” than them. They may not know the right method to raise us but they did their best with whatever they have at that time.
When we become adults, do we just abandon the ones who loved us just because they were difficult? We were once difficult too to them but they did not leave us to fend ourselves on the streets. They cherished us, if they can.
I treasure all our ancestors who built the country up, nurtured and cherished the future generations to become ‘better’ than them for our future. Why can’t we do the same by repaying back all their hard work to them … to love, nurture, accompany and cherish their old age and faults also. By doing that, we will hold on to all the ‘sweet’ memories we had to laugh and cry about.