Psychological Tricks: How To Make People Like You Immediately
Are you the type of person who can develop friendships with others easily because you are likeable or are you the type who needs more time and effort to make friends because your positive attributes may not be readily identifiable by those who haven’t known you long enough? Have you ever wondered what makes a person easily liked by others?
I came across this article that explains the psychology behind what makes us like someone almost instantly. And I wanted to share it to change the general misconception that being likeable comes from in-born, unlearnable traits that belong only to a lucky few – the good looking, the sociable, and the talented. The psychological tricks in the article can be used to make others like us immediately but in truth, we play this trick on ourselves everyday. How? On a daily basis, we easily place people into categories that we’ve preset in our heads: ‘people we like’, ‘people we dislike’ and ‘people we’re indifferent about’.
Being sociable is truly a skill that can be polished. But like any skill, we can use it to benefit or to harm. How many times have we come across people that appear to be so wonderful only to find out that it was all just an act? On the other hand, how many times have the people that we thought were unfriendly or unkind turn out to be the nicest people we’ve ever met?
I’d like everyone to read this article carefully, contemplate well and share your thoughts with me. How do these psychological tricks affect yourself and others?
Tsem Rinpoche
17 Psychological Tricks to Make People Like You Immediately
Shana Lebowitz
Win people over effortlessly.
Most friendships develop so naturally that you don’t even realize how or when they started.
Sometimes, though, you want to make an effort to befriend a new acquaintance or become a better friend to existing pals.
To help you out on that front, we scoured the psychological research to find science-backed strategies to get people to like you.
Read on to find out how to develop better relationships, faster.
This is an update of an article originally written by Maggie Zhang.
1. Copy them
This strategy is called mirroring, and involves subtly mimicking the other person’s behavior. When talking to someone, try copying their body language, gestures, and facial expressions.
In 1999, New York University researchers documented the “chameleon effect,” which occurs when people unconsciously mimic each other’s behavior, and that mimicry facilitates liking.
Researchers had 78 men and women work on a task with a partner, who was really a confederate working for the researchers. The partners engaged in different levels of mimicry, while researchers secretly videotaped the interactions. At the end of the interaction, the researchers had participants indicate how much they liked those partners.
Sure enough, participants were more likely to say they liked their partner when their partner had mimicked their behavior.
2. Spend more time around them
According to the mere exposure effect, people tend to like things that are familiar to them.
Knowledge of this phenomenon dates back to the 1950s, when MIT researchers discovered that college students who lived closer together in housing projects were more likely to be friends than students who lived farther apart.
This could be because students who live close by can experience more passive, day-to-day interactions with each other, such as greeting each other in the common room or kitchen. Under certain circumstances, those interactions can develop into full-fledged friendships.
More recently, psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh had four women pose as students in a university psychology class. Each woman showed up in class a different number of times. When experimenters showed male students pictures of the four women, the men demonstrated a greater affinity for those women they’d seen more often in class — even though they hadn’t interacted with any of them.
Taken together, these findings suggest that simply spending more time with people can make them like you more. Even if you don’t live near your friends, try sticking to a steady routine with them, such as going out for coffee every week or taking a class together.
3. Compliment other people
People will associate the adjectives you use to describe other people with your personality. This phenomenon is called spontaneous trait transference.
One study found that this effect occurred even when people knew certain traits didn’t describe the people who had talked about them.
According to Gretchen Rubin, author of books including “The Happiness Project,””whatever you say about other people influences how people see you.”
If you describe someone else as genuine and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly trashing people behind their backs, your friends will start to associate the negative qualities with you as well.
4. Be in a great mood
Emotional contagion describes what happens when people are strongly influenced by the moods of other people. According to a research paper from the University of Ohio and the University of Hawaii, people can unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them.
If you want to make others feel happy when they’re around you, do your best to communicate positive emotions.
5. Make friends with their friends
The social network theory behind this effect is called triadic closure, which means that two people are likely to be closer when they have a common friend.
To illustrate this effect, students at the University of British Columbia designed a program that friends random individuals on Facebook. They found that people were more likely to accept their friend request as their number of mutual friends increased — from 20% with no mutual friends to close to 80% with more than 11 mutual friends.
6. Don’t be complimentary all the time
The gain-loss theory of interpersonal attractiveness suggests that your positive comments will make more of an impact if you only deliver them occasionally.
A 1965 study by University of Minnesota researchers shows how this theory might work in practice. Researchers had 80 female college students work in pairs on a task and then allowed those students to “overhear” their partners talking about them. In reality, experimenters had told the partners what to say.
In one scenario, the comments were all positive; in a second scenario, the comments were all negative; in a third scenario, the comments went from positive to negative; and in a fourth scenario, the comments went from negative to positive.
As it turns out, students liked their partners best when the comments went from positive to negative, suggesting that people like to feel that they’ve won you over in some capacity.
Bottom line: Although it’s counterintuitive, try complimenting your friends less often.
7. Be both warm and competent
Social psychologist Susan Fiske proposed the stereotype content model, which is a theory that people judge others based on their warmth and competence.
According to the model, if you can portray yourself as warm — i.e. noncompetitive and friendly — people will feel like they can trust you. If you seem competent — for example, if you have high economic or educational status — they’re more inclined to respect you.
Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy says that, especially in business settings, it’s important to demonstrate warmth first, and then competence. “From an evolutionary perspective,” Cuddy writes in her book “Presence,” “it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust.”
8. Reveal your flaws from time to time
According to the pratfall effect, people will like you more after you make a mistake — but only if they believe you are usually a competent person. Revealing that you aren’t perfect makes you more relatable and vulnerable toward the people around you.
Researcher Elliot Aronson first discovered this phenomenon when he studied how simple mistakes can affect perceived attraction. He asked male students from the University of Minnesota to listen to tape recordings of people taking a quiz.
When people did well on the quiz but spilled coffee at the end of the interview, the students rated them higher on likeability than when they did well on the quiz and didn’t spill coffee or didn’t do well on the quiz and spilled coffee.
9. Emphasize your shared values
According to a classic study by Theodore Newcomb, people are more attracted to those who are similar to them. This is known as the similarity-attraction effect. In his experiment, Newcomb measured his subjects’ attitudes on controversial topics such as sex and politics and then put them in a University of Michigan-owned house to live together.
By the end of their stay, the subjects liked their housemates more when they had similar attitudes about the topics that were measured.
If you’re hoping to get friendly with someone, try to find a point of similarity between you two and highlight it.
10. Casually touch them
This is known as subliminal touching, which occurs when you touch a person so subtly that they barely notice. Common examples including tapping someone’s back or touching their arm, which can make them feel more warmly toward you.
In “Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior,” author Leonard Mlodinow mentions a study in France in which young men stood on street corners and talked to women who walked by. They had double the success rate in striking up a conversation when they lightly touched the woman’s arms as they talked to them instead of doing nothing at all.
In a University of Mississippi and Rhodes College experiment that studied the effects of interpersonal touch on restaurant tipping, waitresses briefly touched customers on the hand or shoulder as they were returning their change. As it turns out, they earned significantly larger tips than waitresses who didn’t touch their customers.
11. Smile
In one study, nearly 100 undergraduate women looked at photos of another woman in one of four poses: smiling in an open body position, smiling in a closed body position, not smiling in an open body position, or not smiling in a closed body position. Results suggested that the woman in the photo was liked most when she was smiling, regardless of her body position.
Bonus: Another study suggested that smiling when you first meet someone helps ensure they’ll remember you later.
12. See the other person how they want to be seen
People want to be perceived in a way that aligns with their own beliefs about themselves. This phenomenon is described by self-verification theory. We all seek confirmations of our views, positive or negative.
For a series of studies at Stanford University and the University of Arizona, participants with positive and negative perceptions of themselves were asked whether they wanted to interact with people who had positive or negative impressions of them.
The participants with positive self-views preferred people who thought highly of them, while those with negative self-views preferred critics. This could be because people like to interact with those who provide feedback consistent with their known identity.
Other research suggests that, when people’s beliefs about us line up with our own, our relationship with them flows more smoothly. That’s likely because we feel understood, which is an important component of intimacy.
13. Tell them a secret
Self-disclosure may be one of the best relationship-building techniques.
In a study led by Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University, college students were paired off and told they should spend 45 minutes getting to know each other better.
Experimenters provided some student pairs with a series of questions to ask, which got increasingly deep and personal. For example, one of the intermediate questions was “How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” Other pairs were given small-talk-type questions. For example, one question was “What is your favorite holiday? Why?”
At the end of the experiment, the students who’d asked increasingly personal questions reported feeling much closer to each other than students who’d engaged in small talk.
You can try this technique on your own as you’re getting to know someone. For example, you can build up from asking them about their last trip to the movie to learning about the people who mean the most to them in life. When you learn intimate information about another person, they are likely to feel closer to you and want to confide in you in the future.
14. Expect good things from people
According to the Pygmalion effect, people treat others in ways that are consistent with their expectations of them and therefore cause the person to behave in a way that confirms those expectations.
In a Harvard Magazine article, Cuddy says, “If you think someone’s a jerk, you’ll behave toward them in a way that elicits jerky behaviors.”
On the other hand, if you expect someone to be friendly toward you, they are more likely to behave in a friendly manner toward you.
15. Act like you like them
Psychologists have known for a while about a phenomenon called “reciprocity of liking“: When we think someone likes us, we tend to like them as well.
In one study, for example, participants were told that certain members of a group discussion would probably like them. (These group members were chosen randomly by the experimenter.) After the discussion, participants indicated that the people they liked best were the ones who supposedly liked them.
16. Display a sense of humor
Research from Illinois State University and California State University at Los Angeles found that, regardless of whether people were thinking about their ideal friend or romantic partner, having a sense of humor was really important.
Meanwhile, not having a sense of humor, especially at the office, could backfire. One study of 140 Chinese workers between ages 26 and 35 found that people were less well-liked and less popular among their colleagues if they were “morally focused.” That means they placed a high value on displaying caring, fairness, and other moral traits. The researchers explained that was because morally focused individuals were perceived as less humorous by their colleagues.
17. Let them talk about themselves
Harvard researchers recently discovered that talking about yourself may be inherently rewarding, the same way that food, money, and sex are.
In one study, the researchers had participants sit in an fMRI machine and respond to questions about either their own opinions or someone else’s. Participants had been asked to bring a friend or family member to the experiment, who was sitting outside the fMRI machine. In some cases, participants were told that their responses would be shared with the friend or relative; in other cases, their responses would be kept private.
Results showed that the brain regions associated with motivation and reward were most active when participants were sharing information publicly — but also when they were talking about themselves, even if no one was listening.
In other words, letting someone share a story or two about their life instead of blabbing on about yours could give them more positive memories of your interaction.
[Source: http://www.businessinsider.in/17-psychological-tricks-to-make-people-like-you-immediately/17-psychological-tricks-to-make-people-like-you-immediately/slideshow/51835072.cms]
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thanks for info.
Amazed with those tricks shared here. Personally I think it depends on certain individual on how they are attracted to another. I always believe in ‘I cant please everyone’ therefore I believe everyone has their magnet being attracted to make one likes us.
All these tricks may benefit us in our own way and also I would like to share that there is another trick that may suit everyone that is ‘being yourself’ it reflects our very own individuality that many will treasure that.
https://bit.ly/3mbYAmZ
I think it is definitely beneficial and perhaps even necessary for us to employ some of these tricks sometimes at social scenes. Eventually people will get to know the so called real you.
The Psychological tricks are definitely effective ways to gain friendship, especially to be approachable to others.Thank you for sharing and this practical guideline to develop social skills.
This was quite a fun read although I am not sure how far we can go if we are merely going through the motions as prescribed. What I like about this article is how it encourages us to make an effort to be likeable instead of expecting people to like us, and rejecting/avoiding those who don’t. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article._/\_
It seems like quite a lot of short term tactics to get others to like us. It probably works I suppose, which is why the author is sharing it. tactics I think work short term, so if our strategy is not one that is long term and being genuine its going be tough, if we can’t upkeep such tactics.
This is an interesting article, where I would agree with some, as I experienced it myself. For example, spending more time with someone will naturally result in you liking the other party, and like being around them. Soon, your opinions and values will also attune, and that is where the positive feeling of liking someone comes also.
As technology advances, more and more people are interacting behind the screens and your body language will be irrelevant to this. It will depend on who you are, and how you form your thoughts, then, to carry out a non-verbal conversation and make someone like you.
SO ultimately, it’s down to you, and who you are that will make people like you. The body languages, the touch, the subliminal messages, spending more time with someone, can make them like you for a while, for short term. But for long term, as they get to know you more, that’ll be the person that they will judge whether they like or not. And to know that behaviours, traits and attitudes can change, is encouraging because we can change who we are, if we don’t like ourselves. It’s not set in stone. And that is why there are volumes of teachings on training the mind by great pandits, arhats, boddhisattvas, buddhas – because you can change.
I agreed with what Rinpoche said that often we think that the people we thought were unfriendly or unkind turn out to be the nicest people we’ve ever met. Personally I’ve encountered few “nice” and “friendly” people whom I thought could be close friends, and who knows few years later when their true color started to reveal or rather, they were tired of wearing the mask, oh my, they immediately become the “ugliest” people that I ever met. It’s really a no-no to judge a book by its cover.
Being sociable and friendly with people will make our life and work easier. However, if our friendliness does not arise from sincerity and is not genuine, the relationship won’t last long and it may backfire if we have ulterior motivation.
This is a good read. Basically, in order to be liked by the other party, we need to be friendly and show care to the other person. People responds positively when there is genuine care because people will feel it. If you fake it, then you will be fake to the other person. They will feel it too. So, we need to focus on the other person in order to get to know them. Focus on their interests, focus on their well being and focus on what is important to them. They will in turn focus on what is important to us. That’s how friendship develops.
These 17 “tricks” may be a good opener for you to start conversation with the other party but it will not last long if it does not come from sincerity. Motivation is also a key to develop relationships. If we have a bad motive, then relationships won’t last because it is for selfish reasons.
感谢有这么一篇美丽的文章
人与人相处，随着时代的转变，在现在的年代里，的确成为了一个非常重要与值得我们去学习，探讨与摸索的课题
我们总是花上绝大部分的时间在电脑与手机屏幕上，我们随着时代的变迁与进步，我们更依赖的是透过虚拟的世界来表达我们的情感，从小开始就是这样，于是我们很少有时间与真实的时间与人接触与相处，开始我们变得陌生，开始我们只在乎自己（也只知道自己），最终我们失去了与人沟通与相处的能力
我觉得这篇美丽的文章同时也表达出佛法的精髓与道理，人与人的相处，从以上各大点中，其实在我们踏出一步的时候，就是同时在学习放下“我执”，与他人沟通与相处时，不能只是只有自己，而需要与他人配合等，那么您就开始感觉他们，了解他们，倾听他们，慢慢的你的心就不会只充满自己了。
谢谢,我很喜欢这篇文章
Jerry Sito
This is quite an interesting post to read on to. It teaches ways to make yourself “likeable” in quite a technical way. Compare to when I was in college, I might not want to try most of the techniques, but when I read it carefully, I found out we might need some skills and technique such as smiling, sending up positive vibes or copy them, to achieve a goal like this – to make ppl like you, immediately. But in long term, to be a genuine person, and spend time with people not with your body and speech, but with your mind and care with them will definitely make a difference.
We all like people compliment us, like what the article is mentioning, but at the same time we do not feel “real” when people are keep complimenting and it becomes so surface and not real. We might also found out, we all like people with positive vibes , with a sense of humor and always have a smile on their face, like we are seeing sunshine no matter shine or rain; however a person with 365 days in a year smiling and show not a clue about any challenges they’re facing, make the person unreal. Therefore, “Reveal your flaws from time to time” is one of the way to make ppl like you…I guess when someone talks about challenges and some little problems they’re facing, we feel they are a person with flesh and blood breathing same air and eating similar food like us 🙂 , instead of a robot or someone unreal.
I believe we need skills and methods to get ppl to like us almost immediately, but in long term, a genuince person with a warm heart, caring, loyal, helpful, resourceful, cheerful, having times of happiness and sadness at the same time; will surely make a person real and more likeable by many.
Great article! I agree that being likeable comes from in-born, unlearnable traits, besides having a good looking appearance I think is very important how we carry ourselves. we have to always remember what ever we don’t like to be treated, don’t do it to other people. as simple as that.
I would like to share with Rinpoche on how do these psychological tricks affect yourself and others? i have done most of it haha…
1. Copy them。
Only copy their good qualities. it helps us as well for a better communication with them and they will feel more comfortable and the similarity with them so they will be more open minded.
2. Spend more time around them, it will gain the bond and will have the feel of togetherness and have more understanding on each other.
3. Compliment other people, its important as it is a ice breaker and everybody loves compliment. It will make them in a good mood and everything will be easier hehehe… But don’t be fake la haha…
4. Be in a great mood. People will love you more as you bring happiness to them. Always remember do not bring your emotional to the crowd as you will spoil everyone’s mood. Stay home instead!
5. Make friends with their friends.
I am that kind of person that my friends will not afraid to leave me alone with their friends as i can mix very well with almost everyone. Its important to let our friends less worry about us being bored when they are busy entertaining their others.
6. Don’t be complimentary all the time
Play that carefully, don’t over do on complimenting haha… people will think that we are not sincere.
OK is bit too long if i were to comment it all. The most important thing is to emphasise the good qualities in others, we must have an open mind to put a step in first before expecting other to do so. Whatever we learn from the Dharma, we has to apply it. be kind, be compassionate, be sincere, be honest, be real and be ourselves. Don’t fake it. Because no matter how well we package ourselves, time will show the true you.
These psychological tricks and social skills are an interest read indeed though it’s not as easy to implement as it seems. It does take a lot of practice and awareness for most of us to “act” in a specific way instead of being our “natural” self. This is probably why these tricks can only take us so far except for the best actors among us.
I think it is definitely beneficial and perhaps even necessary for us to employ some of these tricks sometimes at social scenes. Eventually people will get to know the so called real you. I have often heard the phrase “Fake it till you make it” and for me the jury is still out on this one. Or perhaps it is because Buddhism attempts to teach of the non-existing self or getting rid of one perceived ego of the self that faking is one of the methods. After all, if there is no “real” self, one can be versatile and all personas are perceived and temporary.
This seems a bit spurious and superficial. Yes, we do need to be nice and polite but to go out of our way to make someone like us?
Better be a nice person in actuality and people will like you when they get to know. I do believe that one should never judge a book by it’s cover. First impressions are fine but better to have the real treasure inside for others to discover. So, don’t prejudge people we meet.
This was quite a fun read although I am not sure how far we can go if we are merely going through the motions as prescribed. Some of the suggestions seems contrived but what I like about this article is how it encourages us to make an effort to be likeable instead of expecting people to like us, and rejecting/avoiding those who don’t.
I have learned from Rinpoche that there is not such thing as an inherently likeable or dislikable person and I have seen how people we meet are more ‘likeable’ when we approach them with an open mind that is free of our own expectations and projections of how things and people should be.
Of the list of advices above, I like #14 best but I would say it is best to see good things about people rather than expect to see the good in them.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing how to make people like us immediately article.
After finish reading this article,i found that a lot of people who more popular around me containing above of conditions . It was a lot have to learned from people get along.
I am more introverted, so i am not much friends along, and Rinpoche emphasis and methods above, they are the good way for me to learned.
Since i meet Rinpoche and especially watch Rinpoche dharma talk ” Nothing Changes,Everything Changes ” DVD, i start study and trying to improve from trouble and people get along what i am facing everyday instead of blaming always.
Among learning, i realise that get along with others, if i always think on side of “me” to manage the conflict, i well get negative results finally. But , if i always thinking on the side of others, i will have a consensus and learned much from it. With heart of compassion, Diligently, honesty, care, help each others also are the keys to improve realtionship each others and can acheive win win results.
Thank you Rinpoche.
With Folded Hands
Yeo Kwai Gin
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article.
There are some methods which I feel iare applicable and some are not. To me various people have different expectation of a relationship be it family , colleague, friends, clients, customers and etc. Each want have different expectation and needs when we talked to them. it is how we label them.
I believe most importantly we should always have good motivation, honest and sincere when talking to anybody. Then in turns would build a good impression.
I can’t help but laugh at many of these little advices on how to make people like you. Some of these ideas may seem funny like there is one in which you should not compliment someone too much as the survey shows that your likeability ratings drop if you do so. I think this just goes to show that people appreciate and place value in straightforward honesty rather than face-value compliments. This is important to know as some societies like those in asia tend to prefer diplomacy than straightforward answers.
However, the lines between east and west are beginning to blur due to prevalent pop culture and the accessibility of the Internet. After I have come to the bottom of this article, I realize that all of these points are about having awareness of others and having the compassion and care to understand others. This I feel is the bottomline. If we want people to like you, you must first like them and have a personal interest to get to know them. That’s how I see this.
Thank you RInpoche for this practical guideline to develop social skills. As the internet has become such a popular and interactive space, many people lost the art of social etiquette. I have seen extravagant display of personality in messages that do not match the actual person you meet, who is introverted, shy and insecure.
Ultimately, relationships are built in the flesh, not with a fictional personality created in the virtual space.
Besides developing relationships with others that you want, this post empowers us to develop healthy and conscious relationship with ourselves. Like Rinpoche said, the mastery of social skills can be used to benefit or harm. We need to be very aware of our intentions as we sharpen our tool box of charm. Our motivation is a clear indicator of who we are inside. Observing and understanding that is also a great start for us to work on our self perception and our goals of the person we wish to become.
To be able to hold a conversation and more to have people remember about you is more then what is needed to help make ourselves a happier person on all levels. When we are able to see that the key to communication is not about yourselves but about others, we will be able to sustain a better conversation.
Similarly, when we are able to focus out and not just about ourselves, we will be able to experience that true happiness that we constantly crave for.
It is just amazing how with that change in attitude and actions, we will be able to change things that are happening around us.
Although this seems like a set of required skills to be learnt, but for me, honesty and openness are most important. Besides, the motivation or the intention behind the relationship. If it is genuine, we can feel closer to that person now and also in future. Even if we’ve separated, we will still hold the other person highly.
However, these are steps are very useful to those wo has low self esteem or having hard time to mix around. Hence, it is very useful for me too.* blush
Thank you Rinpoche.
This is an interesting read and some very good pointers which we can all use to attract people and to get along in the beginning. I say beginning is because after we have attracted someone, eventually we would and we should be genuine. One thing is for sure, we humans sure have a lot of mind games.
To be honest in the past I do not like to ‘pretend’ I like someone when I don’t as I find that superficial and I cannot stand to be fake. I am quite straight forward and sometimes my straightforwardness is seen a b#@!%% or rude. I never thought it was such a big deal because I thought I was just being real and honest but I realise that this method of mine did not serve me especially when we need to work with others as a team in most environment. So when I joined Dharma, I have to readjust myself and change my ways because my methods was ‘hurting’ people even though I didn’t mean to. I guess in a way you could say Dharma was the best psychology and Buddha the best psychiatrist in helping people overcome their issues.
These methods or ‘tricks’ to use for people to like you immediately is a good way for people to start integrating into a team in the beginning but after that I believe we should just be honest as that is more of a long term benefit.
The Psychological tricks are definitely effective ways to gain friendship, especially to be approachable to others. From my personal experience, if I put efforts it is possible to be approachable and nice to people that we meet or even “come across” in a casual way. However, most of the time it is our perceived views of the types of people that we like, dislike or are neutral to that holds us back from being a pleasurable treasure to others. For me it is the flaw of being egotistical. Or maybe it is a self protection from disappointment, that too is a result of fear of bruising my ego.
“No man is an island” and being with people and enjoying them is a big part of growth and for our mind to expand to a larger scope. During my spiritual journey I was told that I have become more approachable but within my own mind, there is still much work in progress.
The pointer I like best is “copy them”, it is not just a simple statement but the depth within this is to be in the shoes of the other person and be “one” with them so that we can truly understand their need in either a conversation or an activity so that there is true presence with that person.
Most of all, in acting out all the so called tricks, I believe we have to do so with sincerity not for us to feel better but to have been of some good will established and bonded as fellow human beings.
Thank you Rinpoche for this post for self reflection.
The research confirms our mind decide who we want to be, how we want to be perceived, understood and accepted. Whatever we wish for ourselves, we wish for others to do the same, whether it is positive or negative.
For a spiritual practitioner, these threads are important for us to recognise and realise so it makes it easier for us to move forward and improve. A success on the spiritual path is measured by the our level of empathy, care and understanding, which in return helps us strike for a win-win situation more effectively.
Generally, we are selfish, we want things our ways and basically wants the world to listen to us. The fact is that since everyone is selifh, everyone would want the same as us. This direction will not bring us any success and definitely not to become a likable person.
Success in life is easily achievable when we understand ourselves and others’ needs.
This is really interesting to read about. Even through the points are some what short, they do convey the techniques that one can use in everyday life though. I do know some people who have studied this and teach this to other too. This person has been researching human behaviour and interaction for a long time, and has a knack at getting anybody to like him within the first 5 minutes of meeting him. He has been able to achieve a lot using these techniques.
I guess it is easier to be to achieve things in life when you have close relationships with people and the techniques mentioned above, are ways in which you can do so. But this just goes to show how much of an ego we all have, some of the techniques above seek to make the other person feel better about themselves or good about themselves. This is just feeding their ego, and because of that they are naturally inclined to like us more. I find this fascinating and strange at the same time.
It’s funny how easy most of us would fall for these tricks, it just simply shows how human minds work. This will definitely work out well for people who are constantly meeting people and recruiting them for businesses and so forth. Sometimes it just comes into my mind that human psychology is very weird, sometimes even hard to understand. I personally think that if we really want to get a new friend, we don’t need all these tricks to make them feel good but I understand sometimes when all these tricks kick in, it’d probably make us achieve what we wanted to.
Dear Rinpoche,
It is very true that it is easy for us to put people into categories, yet these categories might only reflect a certain aspect of someone.
I liked this article as it emphasises how important relationships are and how being positive and in a good mood will encourage friendship and being likes. We can change someone’s life for the better or for worse through the way we communicate and act. This is something to keep in mind.
Tricks how to make people like you immediately is certainly helpful and makes your day and other people’s day better. Emotional contagion is certainly working in both ways so better being in a great mood as nobody wants to be dragged down.
Being positive, smiling and expecting the best from others will help to create a good and beneficial relationship.
Something to be aware of is that “If you think someone’s a jerk, you’ll behave toward them in a way that elicits jerky behaviors.”
Thank You for sharing this article,
Pastor Antoinette
Thank you Rinpoche.
I think as the title says it, they are all tricks and like all tricks, they are short term tactics to ignite an acquaintanceship, and not a true friendship. To me, friendship is long lasting and we feel the closeness even after many years of not seeing each other. And like friendship, it need time to nurture with honestly, respect and courtesy.
Thank you again Rinpoche.
Dear Boon,
I agree with you that true friendship needs honesty, respect, courtesy and time. Yet, to get into contact with others might be difficult for some and without “tricks” they might miss the opportunity to start a friendship.
Thank you,
Pastor Antoinette
Striking up conversation and getting a stranger to enter into a conversation is indeed a skill, and if I may say so, an important skill in the survival of many trades. As much as I have heard too many times people saying that only extrovert exhibit this talent, I am certain it is not an in-born trait. I can attest to it based on my personal experience of observing my mentors and of myself that even introvert can be the most likeable and social-able person. Getting stranger to like us in the first meeting, therefore, can be a skill to be acquired or learnt. But what is more important is what happens after that initial getting-to-know-us. It is crucial to develop or discover common values and interest to grow the friendship. And in order to develop a steadfast friendship that can withstand the test of challenges, it is important to be sincere and honest.
Thank you Rinpoche for this wonderful sharing. It is a motivating read for me.
Humbly, bowing down,
Stella Cheang