Delusions of Being Boss
On Christmas Eve 2015, I was working in the Kechara Forest Retreat kitchen with a small group of volunteers preparing the buffet for our themed gathering – Himalayan Night – to commemorate and celebrate Nepal’s spirit and culture as the country works to get back on its feet again.
In the conversation, we talked about “getting fired” and I loudly declared that I had never been fired before, having spent most of my professional life playing the role of a boss. However, the moment I heard myself make this statement out loud, I remembered the hundreds of my staff who had resigned or had gone missing-in-action. It suddenly dawned on me that I was the most fired person in the room. At that moment, I realised the irony of the pursuits of humankind that has put us on this rat race for centuries.
In general, it is safe to say that we all strive to be at the top of the pyramid – a position we perceive to be a symbol of strength, dominance, control, power and success. With this position, we access “more”, “bigger” and “better” things in life, we assume. However, we forget that with “more”, “bigger” and “better” things comes responsibility and, in most cases, fear of loss. Take a moment to observe those at the top of the pyramid. What experiences dominate their minds?
As a boss:
- I worked 24/7.
- When building the business, I skipped travel plans to various destinations
- During the holiday season, I was on duty so that my staff could return to their home towns
- When the sales dipped, I lost sleep and appetite
- When the economy suffered, so did my relationships
- When a competitor opened their doors for business, I feared losing my staff
- When my competitors ran promotions, I feared losing my customers
- I kept up appearances so that people would not see through the exhaustion of being the boss.
And yet, this is the position that most of us strive for. Does it really sound that powerful, fabulous or glamorous? This is the reality of being the boss or being at the top of that pyramid. I am not saying that being the boss is bad but rather our delusion of what this job entails. It is this delusion about being the boss and everything else in our lives that creates disappointment. For example:
- I am a smart person. As such, I should be successful.
- I am beautiful. Hence, everyone should love me.
- I am a good person. So, everyone should appreciate me.
- And if the equation does not match, disappointment and anger grows leading to a downwards spiral of suffering.
The Dharma I learned from my Guru H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche was my healing pill. It helped me review my expectations of being the boss. In fact, it opened my mind to review my perceptions of being a daughter, sister, friend and colleague. All this led to a shift in my perception of who I am; from a ‘boss’ to a person who is forgiving, accepting, patient yet driven, hopeful and determined. This in turn influenced the actions I chose and its consequential results.
In conclusion, the next time you embark on a race to be at the top of the pyramid, take a moment to reflect on Why? And What are the benefits? Rinpoche is the founder, leader and “boss” of Kechara, one of the largest Vajrayana Dharma organisations in the region, which he built with sheer faith and compassion. I have never ever seen anyone go through more heartache, headache and sacrifice in my life. Yet, Rinpoche “plays boss” graciously, generously and selflessly. I believe it is because Rinpoche clearly understands the purpose and responsibilities of being a boss and carries this weight on his shoulders with no complaint.
Rinpoche sent us this quote once:
I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back. ~ Philips Brooks
I love conversations with fellow Dharma students at Kechara. Discussions are stimulating, constructive and eye-opening. I am beginning to understand what sages refer to as the power of speech, where words are purposeful and used to benefit others and oneself to gain understanding, realisation and heighten our states of mind.
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I remember the Spiderman movie phrase from Uncle Ben ~ Remember, with great power. comes great responsibility. That to me sums up the key meaning behind this article.
Dear Likheng,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It all boils down to our motivation whether we’re at the top or bottom of the pyramid. When we are clear with the objective of taking the position, everything will fall in place.
As you have shared, having projections on others and ourselves don’t serve us. They distract us and lead us away from what we want to achieve. Projections are illusions created by us. They are not real because our perception is tainted from the truth. So there’s no point being righteous about our views.
For beginners, we focus on doing dharma and set aside our differences and points of view. Doing dharma helps us focus out on projects that benefit sentient beings so that we will eventually unleash the innate compassion in us.
Dear Li Kheng,
Thank you for an eye-opening piece that provided insights to what being a boss is really about. I like the quote by Philips Brooks. May we all not shy away from heavier loads but train for a stronger back to sustain the load happily.
Dear Li Kheng,
Thank you for your sharing. I totally agree with you about the disappointment and anger which grow due to something that doesn’t match our “equation”. For me as a boss, a team leader and a founder of my own business I always experience this kind of delusions and these delusions made me continuously chasing for the material satisfaction like big house, big car, expensive bag, branded watch, go travel and so on..
I admit that I am really happy when I managed to buy something that so-call satisfied my soul but the “happiness” or “satisfaction” gets lesser and lesser each time I buy something that I think will make me happier after I bought it.
Dharma changes my perception and turns me to be more patient and more considerate.
Thank you Li Kheng for sharing story about Rinpoche to us. May your spiritual practice continue to bring more benefit to other people.
With humbly hand folded,
NgJesvin
Dear Li Kheng,
Thanks for you sharing…
It’s always not easy to be a good boss and leader…
Be the boss everything must be the first person to respond fast and sharp..
I pray for the stronger back also..
You can tell who’s the boss by the direction of the sari – the odd one out LOL. All jokes aside, thank you for sharing this empowering realization. To come to the realization that you are the most fired person in the room is harsh but to be able turn that realization into understanding the purpose and responsibility of being a boss and continues to become a better “boss”, that’s transformation and wisdom.
The top of the pyramid is not an easy place to be. Some of us strive to get there and compromised our integrity along the way, driven by the delusions of being boss. There are some like H.E. the 25th Tsem Rinpoche who does it out of compassion. There are some of us who avoid the top of the pyramids at all cost because we saw through the delusions but selfishly did not want to see the purpose or embrace the responsibility.
The top of the pyramid is not a bad place, it is just a place that requires the correct motivation, foresight, compassion and wisdom to be in order to use that position to do the most benefits.
I’ve never been a business boss but I still can relate to this as the father of the house. Also it is always a good read when someone successful turns their life toward Dharma. It sort-of becomes our story at that point, anyone doing Dharma has these feelings and situations even if they haven’t ran a company. Good to learn more about each and every Dharma brother and sister…
All I ever want now is Dharma 24/7. Samsara broke me, but, in the right way I guess… I’m not afraid to go 100%. Dharma is easy when there’s a giant fire of suffering chasing you… My only remaining fear is that I get comfortable and slip away like I have done before. I won’t. I am learning to rely on the Sangha like never before. That’s why I slid back a few times. So I will be posting regularly here again. Still have a FIRE in my heart for somebody named TSEM TULKU RINPOCHE! That never went away!
Thanks for reading dear Sangha.
Dear Li Kheng,
What you wrote about being a boss, a head of an organization, a leader at the top of the pyramid is so true.
People strives to be at the top, thinking about only success and glamour, but never the hard work toiled or needed to put in.
True success is when the people around us are happy, and when we are truly happy.
True happiness happens when we are free to do what we love and want.
The Dharma teaches us and shows us the truth.
Thank you for the wonderful article.
Dear le Kheng, I was there on Himalaian night. We all enjoyed very much. Everyone worked very to set up for us. U guys looked soo cute with sari
Dear le Kheng, I was there on Himalaian night. We all enjoyed very much. Everyone worked very to set up for us. U guys looked soo cute with sari