Guest Contributor – Chong Jun Wen
Article submitted by Chong Jun Wen
I never gave Dharma much thought before although our family’s main religion is Buddhism. I just thought as a Buddhist we do not take a life (as in not squishing bugs; mosquitoes are excluded from this category, their itch is terrifying), do not intentionally hurt anybody and do charity once in a while constitutes being a ‘Buddhist’. How mistaken I was. We do not kill but we eat meat, we do not harm but we do not go out of the way to be kind to a stranger. As such we constantly contradict ourselves and get confused with what religion is truly about and as a human being, our potential to become even more.
My childhood passed in a blur, with our school commitments to pass one test after another to fulfil the old adage, “To get a good life you need to get a good job. To get a good job you need to get good results!” I can say that was me and my peers’ life mantra. My mother took especial care of me, wanting to give me all she never had. She was adamant to educate me in both Chinese and English school system so I attended an International kindergarten in the mornings and go to a Chinese one on the afternoon. I remembered complaining about this but I was told it was for my own good.
I progressed to primary school (just Chinese education from now on, thankfully) and it was all exams, results and efforts into getting a good high school. I remembered having a subject called Moral Education where we have to memorize a set of values like respecting your elders and answer examination questions like ‘What should you do if you see an old lady wanting to cross the road?’ Probably that’s the most basic form of Dharma?
Being in a Chinese school in Malaysia is all about discipline. For starters our hair (for girls) must be short, not longer than 4 fingers underneath the ear lobe, you don’t argue with your teachers and you do what you are told. I don’t remember asking a lot of questions either; probably I should have defied more to be able to learn outside the system.
Eventually it became my habit to keep quiet, and also established a sort of perimeter of what I like to do or don’t like and kept on thinking ‘I have always been doing things in this way why should I try another when I am comfortable like this?’ I didn’t know it but it kept my world very small. I got this huge wakeup call when I realised my perception is not entirely faultless and that sometimes the way you are and the way you do things aren’t always right though you think it is. I believed Dharma is the very essence of this.
I am born and bred a Penangite. The people as well as the culture are very much vibrant and I am very lucky to be part of it. I felt this even more having work and studied overseas. Possibly due to being a Chinese and therefore superstitious, my mother in all her goodness engaged someone to “calculate” all of our family’s name to see whether it is “right” for us in terms of auspiciousness, for our career, our health or is it harbouring any life threatening situations. This is when I decided to work away from home.
I did not think this was necessary to change my name so I “would not have frequent accidents that will make me shed blood” situations however the lady kindly gave me a piece of advice which I took to heart and would like to share, that it is to work away from home, to get yourself thrown into different circumstances and make yourself grow out of your comfort zone. Then I went to Singapore I found out things weren’t as easy as I thought it would be and I realised now I took many things for granted. Yes I thought my degree, my qualification it would be a breeze to land a good job, you know the thinking you grew up with and studied so hard for.
If you hadn’t had the experience taking public transport during rush hour, it’s not just trying to squeeze in, after you squeeze in you can’t really stand straight, your body will be in awkward positions and you’ll have this feeling of what sardines feel when stuck in a can together. Imagine this every day and then there’s difficult situations at work, people issues and it’s sometimes a lot to handle. You keep thinking you didn’t do anything to deserve to be in such situations and you are a nice person you did not hurt anybody and this keep going on in your mind until you just couldn’t take it anymore.
It was this time when I came across to an article in Rinpoche’s blog about karma. I knew if my life is in my control this would not have happened but it’s not in my control. It got me questioning why? What have I done wrong in the past? I began to believe that maybe what we have thought is not applicable? I’d like to think that Life itself means something more, more than making money, and more than always thinking about yourself.
I think there’s Dharma. Dharma taught me not to judge a person based on your own standards and to step into the other person’s shoes for a minute. It seems so easy to judge a person base on that moment that situation but whatever happens to motivate the person or the remorse felt after we do not know and we will never know. Our society has a system of labels, of stereotype like calling someone “dumb blonde” or “smart ass” we oft forget we are destined for higher things and ultimately only fighting for what we think is a better life for ourselves.
I confess I still fight with myself that why I couldn’t be better as now I know what is the right. Yes when I see an ugly dress I judge (not out loud) but later I catch myself telling myself I should embrace individuality and its other people’s business what they would like to wear for example. This extends and not limited to personal style and I feel maybe it’s easier to think in that person’s shoes and we’re able to come to a better understanding. We would then be able to feel for each other to able to respect each other’s choices ultimately to live in peace with ourselves and others.
Please support us so that we can continue to bring you more Dharma:
If you are in the United States, please note that your offerings and contributions are tax deductible. ~ the tsemrinpoche.com blog team
Thank you for sharing your story of how Dharma has helped in giving you a better perspective to life.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the dharma, your writing really flows. Whatever the lady said and the advice that is so apt and resonates with what Rinpoche has been saying which is getting out of the comfort zone in order for us to grow.
i like this
Thank you Jun Wen. You do look like JJ and you share the same surname as JJ. Are you his sister? I vaguely remember hearing that he has a sister. It’s good to see that Dharma has moved you to the point where you can actually write about it. It’s nice to always hear a fresh perspective on Dharma especially for someone who has been nurtured into it through Rinpoche’s blog. It’s just great that through amazing Rinpoche’s skilful content and interesting sharings, he’s able to inspire people onto the Dharma. Anyway, all the best on your Dharma journey and I hope you will receive insight into whatever is it that you are searching for.
Yes yes she’s my little sister and I am proud of her being able to write so well about her life after learning about the Dharma
Thank you, Jun Wen for sharing your thoughts. I think most of us have similar experiences like you. We were brought up to believe that if we have good education, good career, find a good spouse, get married and have children we will be happy. We were not taught that with all these we labelled “good life” comes the trappings of samsara and sufferings.
I am glad you came across Rinpoche’s blog that changed your perception on Buddhism. Treasure this precious gift of dharma and I wish you all the best in your dharma path.
Jun Wen, it is fortunate that you are into Dharma at such a young age, and is more aware and mindful of things around you.
Most of my life has passed by with me chasing material things and comfort . And in the past one year, only did I get a better understanding of Dharma teachings and the immense benefits.
I have friends from other religions will not extend help to others who have hurt them previously, their stance is that as long as they do not cause harm (back to them) they will not go out of their comfort zone to lend a hand.
However, A true Dharma practitioner will step out of this protective boundary, not judge and label the person of their deeds and offer assistance with compassion.
Thank you Jun Wen sharing your experiences. I agree with your thought,before learning Dharma, we just think for our own , selfishness .But after Learning Dharma, we can found the real happiness from helping others and benefit others, more meaningful than we are chasing the impermanent things and enjoy ourselves.
Dear Jun Wen, thank you for sharing your life experiences with us. I also used to think that being a buddhist is just chanting, praying, do charity once in a while and offering joss sticks every day. But it wasn’t just that all, it’s more than that. For me, it teaches us to think for others first before ourselves, and most important of all we must practise gratitude, be grateful to those who have helped us when we needed them.
Dear Jun Wen thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences on Buddhism. I agree with what you said many of us grew up in a family who are Buddhist but never really took it a step further than the basic moral values of not hurting other living beings, lying, etc.. We never really took it a step further and step out of our comfort zones. I agree with you also that we seem to judge people too quickly these days even if we call ourselves Buddhist. Rinpoche has always taught us, don’t wait for others to change, change yourself first. I wish you the best in your spiritual discovery.
Dear JunWen,
thank you for sharing this lovely article.
It’s true that some people who claimed they are Buddhist or of another religion and yet do not abide by the most basic fundamentals of the religion.
Mere reading and basic comprehension of the 5 Precepts/Eight Fold Paths might seem easy to memorize but to actualize them is another matter altogether.
I wish you all the best for your Dharma growth and transformation. Let’s all work hard towards deeper understanding of Dharma & teachings.
& looking forward to seeing you for more TsaTsa Workshop. 🙂
With Metta. _/\_
It sound so similar from Jun Wen, in the sense of the situation that every child in our current society is going thru when she was a child….get good grades, study hard, do well, and what is your ambition, earn lots of money…is this the cycle of life that every child that is born have to go thru. Is this a normal life?
Learning and study is important, but not to the extend of ultimate goal is getting wealth. It is most important that we know that there is Dharma that is precious to our children.
Thank you, Jun Wen for sharing. It is a great that you get the connection with Kechara and our precious Guru’s teachings, and have indeed benefits you in your life. It is a very good karma that you have come across Kechara. Treasure it and continue with us.
Thank you for sharing your story of how Dharma has helped in giving you a better perspective to life. We often do not realise how protected and sheltered we are and narrow minded, until we come and work or study in the big wide world, where the experiences can come as a bit of a shock. Dharma can certainly help us in overcoming these difficulties and am happy for you, Jun Wen, that Dharma has made your life much better.
Dear Jun Wen, thanks for ur sharing…
Ur story hit many of us, as we know more about Dharma what we can do is just face our Karma and try our best to accumulate more Merits…
May u always be bless by 3 jewels…
Dear Jun Wen, thank you for sharing your thoughts and journey. I totally agree with “work away from home, to get yourself thrown into different circumstances and make yourself grow out of your comfort zone” I was lucky to have to take care of myself when I was young, it taught me much although no Dharma. I was always interested in religions but I kept searching for the right one. I am really thankful to have met Rinpoche and Dharma.
Similar to Miss chong Jun Wen, most of us as Chinese in the initial early stage of our life called ourselves Buddhist but, not knowing what Buddhism is all about. Of course in Buddhism, there always exist the Buddha,s teachings of Dharma. The need for Dharma practice is said to go to the core/or most basic need of human life – any living human being for that matter. All living beings have a longing wish for happiness and to be free from their varied experiences of suffering. By seeking such wordly pursuits at our fundalmental level of understanding, we succeed in only creating more and more sufferings. That is why we need the Dharma to show us what the true source of happiness and suffering are all about, and teach us the numerous methods to overcome the negative. As Rinpoche has said, “Dharma is not out to hurt anyone. There can never be happiness without Dharma for sure. With Dharma wisdom, we can eliminate all that has been destroying us and will destroy us”! That is why we need to have the perfect Dharma to guide us to enlightenment.
Thank you Jun Wen for sharing all your experiences of the Dharma with us. I am glad that she is real enjoying being with all the different teachings. And i also agree when you said that you shouldn’t judge people until you step into their shoes. That i found was very well put and a very strong message.
Dear Jun Wen thank for sharing with us about your dharma experience . I think a lot of us also like you before knowing dharma and after knowing dharma our view about how we feel are different now before that that we probably do not know why we judge but now we can tell ourselves why judge hence dharma actually make us a better person and also make us more happier when unpleasant situation arises. I wish you all the best in career and also succeed in dharma pratice.
Jun Wen, thank you so much for sharing what you experienced in life. I completely agree with what you say regarding not judging people until you step in their shoes. It may seem easy to judge others and not examine yourself. People should embrace other’s individuality and not interfere.
However, when a person has negative thoughts and are causing harm to others, you cannot just judge them too. You must talk to them and teach them the Dharma and let them understand the concept of karma. This must be done skilfully to ensure that they do not feel attacked. by doing so, we would slowly create a world that is filled with mutual understanding and a world of peace.
Dear Jun Wen,
Many thanks for sharing your experiences and revelations with us.
I share the same bad habit of judging others. For me, it was to hide my own insecurities. Judge first before being judged, eh? Are we all victims of society’s labels? Maybe. But, we’re not always just victims. How did it start? Were we victims first and acted wrongly out of defence or did we start off wrong and are only getting what we deserve, leading us to think we’re “victims”?
It doesn’t really matter, does it? What’s more important is that if we recognise we’re doing a wrong deed but don’t do something to change it now, we’ll always be caught in a vicious circle.
That’s what Dharma is about, at least to me at my early stage of learning. It’s about transformation and thinking beyond the self.
I wish you all the best in your Dharma journey and please keep sharing!
Sean Pang