The Truth About Justin
It has been six years now since my best friend and beloved husband, Justin Ripley passed away. It has taken me this length of time to finally come to terms with it; to reconcile with my loss; to forgive and let go; and to embrace truth and reality. It has not been an easy journey but it has been filled with lessons on the impermanent nature of all things. I don’t think any lesson could have been more real than to lose someone so suddenly and in the most unexpected way, and to have it happen at the worst possible time ever. Justin’s death is, for me, proof that life can end at any time and it will happen when you least expect it.
Losing Justin was the worst experience I have ever had, even more so than losing my parents to death. It was the kind you thought you’d only see in the movies, like a nightmare you wish you could wake up from. All the ‘hows’ and ‘whys’ could not bring him back. In the end, nothing else could soothe the pain except the Dharma I heard and learnt from my Guru, His Eminence the 25th Tsem Rinpoche. Ultimately only the Dharma makes sense and only when we see our pain and suffering from the perspective of what the Buddha taught can the healing begin.
Rinpoche with Justin and I back in days when there was only Kechara House 1, before we got married and decided to move to Malaysia.
In the Dharma, it is taught that the truth is like medicine, and I had to swallow this bitter pill. This pill is that all the pain and suffering I have been experiencing as a result of losing Justin comes from my own attachments and projections, and they have caused me so much misery. Refusing to accept the facts has not only hurt me but also others around me. But once I did, I was eventually able to heal.
If there is one thing that I have done right in my life, it is to have brought Justin to the Dharma, to be in Malaysia where a living Buddha lives and teaches, and to see Justin walk a path that eventually led him to take refuge under Rinpoche. In truth, I merely encouraged Justin and he was the one who decided to embrace the Dharma for himself and I rejoice greatly for that. Justin may have had a short life but by all accounts, it was a meaningful one.
Rinpoche accepted Justin into Kechara and had very kindly given him a full time job in the Ladrang (what we call a lama’s house), a monthly stipend (allowance), Dharma teachings, spiritual practices and refuge, treating Justin like his own family.
In the final year of his life in 2011, Justin was the happiest I have ever seen him and he shone the brightest when he was close to Rinpoche and doing Dharma work. He loved doing his work in Rinpoche’s ladrang, and treasured working directly with Rinpoche. Justin’s devotion and relationship (samaya) with Rinpoche grew stronger over time and they became very close, like a spiritual father and his son. And so I imagine Justin’s death also left an indelible mark on Rinpoche.
A picture of Justin making offerings to monks when he went to Thailand with Rinpoche, just five months before his sudden passing
For months after Justin’s death I kept thinking and trying to recall if there had been signs that Justin and I had ignored or brushed off, thinking it was nothing. Not a single day has passed when I have not wished that Justin and I had paid more attention to little signs that may have hinted of his impending heart failure. But there were in fact no signs at all; no one knew he had a weak heart, not even Justin himself or me (and how I wish I had known). Justin had gone for a number of medical check-ups but nothing was detected and it was only later that the doctors said that his kind of heart condition could not have been detected through normal medical checks. He would have needed to get a MRI scan but nothing had indicated that Justin needed to do this. And so, we discovered all of this only after the autopsy when the doctor found his heart to be abnormally large.
When we heard this, Justin’s mother told us that Justin’s beloved father, Peter, had also had a heart attack and he passed away about three years before Justin. Mind you, both father and son were very physically active and were very strong men. Justin used to surf and play rugby, and his father was still surfing at the age of 60! Unfortunately, they both had a certain hereditary heart condition that characteristically goes undetected until it has reached a critical stage.
Rinpoche meeting Justin’s father, Peter Ripley and mother, Alice Ripley during our wedding in Kechara House in 2007, which Rinpoche had sponsored and organised for us. It was Kechara’s first wedding blessing and it was such a great honour to have Rinpoche bless us.
Justin’s father was so grateful and he went up to thank Rinpoche for everything Rinpoche had done for our wedding. Justin’s father passed away about a year after our wedding, due to the same undiagnosed heart condition as Justin.
The doctor told us that for many years, Justin’s heart would have been working extra hard to get blood circulating all over his body and that could have been why he always felt lethargic. In fact, he was surprised that Justin had survived this long because many with this same condition die prematurely and some at an even younger age.
I believe Justin lived for as long as he did because of Rinpoche and the Dharma work that he did. When I look back and reflect, Rinpoche had often in the past asked Justin to exercise, even telling him to stop smoking. There was also a time Rinpoche encouraged Justin to go on a diet to lose some weight for health reasons. To motivate Justin to be healthier, Rinpoche encouraged me to go with Justin for walks so that he would get some exercise.
Rinpoche even went to the extent of buying mattresses so that Justin could sleep or take naps whenever he wanted. If you knew Justin, you would know he was quite a workaholic and loved working late into the night. We used to joke that both of us were nocturnal. At times, Rinpoche had to force Justin to go to sleep or go home. This is how much Rinpoche cared for Justin and in fact, for all of Rinpoche’s students.
Justin’s memorial service held in Kechara House on December 29, 2011 which was organised by Kechara and instructed by Rinpoche. So many people who had been moved by Justin’s gentle spirit came to pay their respects to the memory of my late husband.
Immediately after Justin passed away, Rinpoche personally conducted a bereavement puja and organised for Kechara House to hold a memorial service for Justin to give closure to his family, Kechara members, friends and everyone who loved him. Rinpoche had his students take care of Justin’s family, and to explain the situation to them and make sure they were guided through everything and had everything they needed. They were surprised when they saw the number of people who turned up for Justin’s memorial; they had had no idea just how many people loved Justin and had been touched and inspired by him. It was always Justin’s manner to be humble about how much he had done to help others.
Kechara members also helped us during the funeral with prayers and stayed with us right up to the cremation of Justin’s body. Rinpoche then requested for some of Justin’s hair and ashes so that they could be used in the making of Manjushri tsa tsas. On top of all that, Rinpoche also ordered a 3-foot Manjushri statue and had it filled with holy objects and relics, and then made arrangements for it to be placed in the school prayer hall of Shar Gaden Monastery so that whenever the monks do their prayers and rituals, merits will be transferred to Justin for his future rebirths. Rinpoche even had a special plaque made for Justin to be placed under the statue with his name on it, dedicating the statue to him.
This Manjushri tsa tsa contains the hair and ashes of Justin. It arrived in a very timely manner back in Malaysia, just when Rinpoche finished composing a poem to Manjushri which happened spontaneously.
Rinpoche had so much love and care for Justin even after he was gone. Rinpoche wanted to make sure that Justin would forever be collecting merits and be blessed by Manjushri so that in his next life, he will return with strong Dharma imprints and continue where he had left off in his Dharma walk. Only a kind Guru whose love for his student is unlimited, who cares for his student not just for this life but for his future lives, would think of such things and do so much to ensure he will be okay. No one else had done this much for Justin.
After the pujas were done, Rinpoche informed us that Justin had actually taken rebirth as a human, and that he would definitely be continuing to do Dharma strongly in his next life. We might even see him back in Kechara, who knows, but Rinpoche rightly said that what was most important was that he took a good rebirth as a human and continued where he left off in his Dharma practice.
Rinpoche consoling Justin’s mother Alice, who came all the way from New Zealand thinking she would be spending Christmas with her son, Justin but instead arrived to the unfortunate news that he had passed away.
This whole experience was a huge lesson in impermanence that I could not digest at that point of time. It was so unreal because I had just spoken to Justin a few hours before. He had called me up and we were joking and chatting about the timing to go to the airport to pick his mother and brother up. It was two days before Christmas and we were to spend Christmas with his family. We had it all planned a few months ahead; we were so excited about it and it was as if life went the extra yard to conspire against us. How was I going to explain all this to his mother and brother who were already on a plane on their way over here from New Zealand? Those were some of the many thoughts that crossed my crazy mind.
I did not want to accept it; how could Justin, only 36 years old then, be dead? I did not know how to accept the fact that my Justin was no longer there for me and I was afraid. I was looking for something, or someone, anything to explain away Justin’s death as it was hard to accept how he was gone in the blink of an eye.
Justin and his brother Jason Ripley in preparation for our wedding, sponsored by Rinpoche, in Kechara House in 2007. Justin very much wanted Jason to join Kechara and do Dharma work with him as they had a very close relationship, and were both very spiritual.
So, out of my own pain, anger and attachment, I questioned everything and tried to find reasons for Justin’s death. I asked the doctors whether his heart attack was due to his work, and whether him working late nights contributed to the causes of his heart attack. Confused, sad, angry and with so much going through my mind, I felt cheated and lashed out, saying that Justin was overworked in Ladrang. In other words, I insinuated that Justin’s dharma work with Rinpoche was a cause for his death, which I realised to be wrong and untrue after understanding the autopsy results. But it was too late, I could not take back what I had said and I regret it till this day.
Justin’s 3ft Manjushri sponsored by Rinpoche and, as instructed by Rinpoche, is now placed in the Monastic School of Shar Gaden Monastery where hundreds of monks chant Manjushri prayers and receive Dharma lessons daily.
There were some people present who heard what I said and later took my remarks out of context, using it to justify their reasons for leaving Kechara, conveniently ignoring the frame of mind I was in when I said those words.
As Justin’s widow, I’d like to say that it is very low to exploit someone’s death to cover up your failures. I ask that you stop using my late husband’s name and death to turn people against a very kind monk. I cannot bring Justin back, no matter how hard I wish for it to have been me instead of him. But no one has the right to take my husband’s tragic death and my trauma to be vindictive and to attack his and my teacher. It will not help you heal your heart or wipe away your failures. Please stop. This is something Justin would have wanted as well.
I’d like to thank everyone who was there for doing all they could to try and save Justin – for taking Justin in their car to head out to meet the ambulance that was hopelessly stuck in peak hour traffic; for administering CPR to Justin in the car from the house all the way to where they met the ambulance, even though he had already stopped breathing at the very first traffic light; for accompanying Justin in the ambulance while paramedics tried to revive him; for not leaving his side at the hospital while the ER doctors tried to resuscitate him; for reciting prayers and mantras for him all the way; for calling me incessantly until I picked up the phone so that I could rush to the hospital; for consoling me when I realised that I did not make it in time to say goodbye. Justin was gone forever and there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back. His heart had decided to stop that fateful day, and I have had to pick up the pieces of my life, learn to accept this reality and deal with it.
It has taken me this long, six years to be exact, to be able to finally express all this in the open. It is time I moved on and started healing from all the pain. Yes of course I still do miss Justin, and I think many in Kechara still do, but I also rejoice knowing that he is now alive, a little person somewhere and eventually he will continue practising the Dharma. In a way, Justin has also inspired me to continue to do Dharma and with that, I dedicate my Dharma work as well as my decision to become a nun one day, to my beloved late husband Justin Anthony Ripley. I thank him for all the love and many life lessons he taught me, where even his death was a Dharma teaching. Justin, your quiet and kind spirit has touched so many people. And most of all, I thank Rinpoche for being there during Justin’s most crucial and final moments. I can never repay Rinpoche’s kindness and all that Rinpoche has done for Justin, and I am sure if Justin was here today, he would still be happily working closely with Rinpoche, doing what he does best, spreading Dharma through the internet.
So until we meet again Justin, may you be guided and protected by our Guru and your Dharma protector Dorje Shugden.
“Me with Rinpoche what merits did I have to have my path cross with Rinpoche. That I can do dharma work and share modern day dharma to the world. Rinpoche has said many times, through a keyboard and a computer we can change soo many peoples lives. Thank you Rinpoche for a precious opportunity. (Wat Muang, Ang Thong, Thailand 23, August 2011)” – Justin wrote on his Facebook. This was one of the happiest moments of Justin’s life before he passed away in December 2011.
For more interesting information:
- In Memory of Justin Ripley, 1975-2011
- Justin’s Manjushri
- Manjushri for Justin
- Gratitude Series #16 – Tara Wedding
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My sincerest condolence to Pastor Joy over her beloved husband’s passing. I’m very much moved by your painful experience & appreciate the honesty shared over the mixed feelings throughout this difficult process. Almost anyone would have felt the same. My thoughts & blessings are with you & your dearly departed. I am touched by Tsem Rinpoche’s love & understanding over such difficult predicament & emotions faced by the couple & family. I truthfully hope to see more of the spiritual workers & members adopt the ‘genuine compassion’ shown by this Guru to anyone irrespective of what karma they are given to deal with.
Just by acknowledging a person struggles & suffering by writing it off as their karma to deal with isn’t dharma.
The need to truly feel the plight of others & ‘genuinely showing care & help’ is what makes a person’ a true being of humanity with feelings & consciousness.
Justin was one of those people, that you could not help but like them. His energy and warmth, had an effect on everyone. He was the first Kiwi of Samoan descent I have ever met. I always inquired if he could break into the Maori ‘Haka’ a war dance frequently performed during rugby matches by the All Blacks team. Thinking back I realized that Justin was always helpful, and there wasn’t much he could not accomplish or do, never seen him unhappy with a black face.
I also remembered he was asked to cook for Rinpoche, as in one of Rinpoche’s videos he said feeding others created the merits to live longer. That was how much care Rinpoche had for all his students, constantly and neverending.
The time of our death is not certain, but death is a certainty for all human beings. But what we did before the time of death makes a big big difference to where we will head to.
Thank you Joy for sharing your life journey with us. The whole journey is indeed a teaching to teach us about impermanence and also not to be ignorant. I rejoice to you to be able to let go and to continue on in your spiritual path which can gain more merits and help other people. Taking Justin’s death as an excuse to leave Kechara is bad. At least Justin has been working for the Dharma until his very last breath which he has gain some amount merits.
With folded palms,
Vivian
Dear Joy,
Justin was very blessed to know Rinpoche and work close with Rinpoche. I met him once in December 2011 only one or two weeks before he passed away. It is very painful to lose your husband and best friend but we are lucky to have learned the Dharma and understand how everything that we do counts. Justin and yourself are very lucky to be and work so close to Rinpoche for so many years.This precious opportunity has helped Justin to take a good human rebirth close to the Dharma.
Overcoming the grief and pain is not easy but I rejoice that you see clearly now what happened and accept the facts. People will always talk and turn things the way they want it for their own purposes. We know that H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche only wants the best for all of us and it is a blessing to work for the Dharma instead of wasting our time with meaningless things.
Thank you for sharing your pain and how you could overcome it with Dharma. The Dharma is the medicine and our Guru or teacher is the doctor. We have to take the medicine so that it can heal us.
Dear Joy,
Reading your write up brought much tears…
It is very brave of you to finally walk out, let go and forgive. I understand the pain you have gone through.
It is very true that when a beloved person has passed away, the 1st thing come into our mind is to blame people around us, and even to blame ourself. And it is very wrong for those people years after years still using the words we have spoken to hurt and brought people away from dharma. I agreed as what you have written, do not put the excuses of self failure on other people.
As times goes by.
I have to admit that, times i spend in Kechara, under the guidance of our Lama, H.E Tsem Rinpoche have brought to me so much relieve in the pain that i experiencing.
Rinpoche, day and nite, 24 hours, whenever HE is, pain or not, all his thought is how to benefit sentient being. Thus, i knew Rinpoche have done so much thing by using dharma to benefit Justin.
Rinpoche create Kechara, as you mentioned, give us stipend, give us dharma , teach us to be a good person. Where else can we have such a good leader in life to do this to us. Some more, when we sick, even have emotional problem, Rinpoche will advise us, give us care. Did we ever asked as a student, how we benefit the lineage and Rinpoche? We are so greedy in taking things from Rinpoche…
I am glad that, through teachings of Rinpoche, when people was about to pass away. Or pass away, we could use the dharma to protect the person who are death and even to heal the pain of their family.
Thank you Joy for this touching article.
Regards
Freon
Joy,
It takes courage to come to terms with your loss and to write about it. I am sure it has not been an easy journey without Justin but through it all, you have Dharma and Rinpoche to guide you. Justin indeed was a good man with a few words. He has a heart of gold. I got to know Justin when I joined Ladrang back in 2010 and he is always helpful with a smile. He is someone I call a gentle giant. Somehow, I may not understand the work he is doing as he is on his computer most of the time but you can see his passion in his work. He id definitely a workaholic.
I was in Ladrang on that day when Justin collapsed. I saw how he was struggling to breathe while all of us were carrying him into the car to get to the hospital. While he was on the way to hospital, Rinpoche and a group of around 10 people in the Ladrang did prayers and black tea for Justin, for protector to protect him and lead him.
Justin may have led a short life but the work he did with Rinpoche for the Dharma has saved many lives all around the world. The work he started then has grown in bound and leaps to benefit many.
I wish the best for you to have your wish to become a nun fulfilled. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your inspiring story of a true student and teacher relationship.
Dear Joy, It was nice that you wrote this correct account to ensure that the truth be told of how Justin Ripley passed away. Personally, I had seen on many occasions Rinpoche had spoken to Justin personally and told him to sleep. I have even seen Rinpoche made arrangements for a comfortable mattress to be available should he need to take a nap.
I was never really close with him but I had always thought of him as a cool, quiet and hardworking individual. I remember, on the weeks leading to his passing, he was preparing for the arrival of his family for Christmas. Rinpoche had printed several images of a newly painted Dorje Shugden thangka to me.
Later that night, Justin drove me back home as my car was at the workshop and just before getting off, I gave him one of the printed copies of Dorje Shugden and I remember Justin accepting it happily, which I realized in hindsight that he probably was going to frame and give to his brother. He had really wanted his brother to practice Dorje Shugden. That was very clear to me.
Thanks Rinpoche and Joy for the article.
Dear Joy, I am still in tears when I think about Justin, such a kind and humble person who had given so much for Dharma. I remember clearly that Rinpoche said Justin had fulfilled his promise, which is to practice Dharma until the end of his life.
I should be like you, to have the courage to let go and rejoice that Justin is in a good place now. How many people can be so sure that they could take rebirth as a human in their next life? When we know that Justin is taking rebirth as human and living a life close to Dharma, this is really the best thing can happen to our love one.
Thanks Joy for this article that it’s heart warming to read, I rejoice your decision to want to be a nun.
Thanks Rinpoche for giving Justin a beautiful life and future life.
May we meet again, Justin.
Dear Joy, I really admire and appreciate your courage and strength to be able to articulate such a deeply painful experience. Though years have passed, the memory of the precious time you had together would still linger and I am sure as you had mentioned, the dharma is what would bring about eventual healing as it is the ultimate medicine.
Justin was a much loved dharma brother and I too treasure the fond memories of the times I had connected with him during the course of dharma work. The earliest was when you were both managing KSA and I began volunteering there. When I first joined Kechara as a dharma newbie, I thought since I knew how to sew, why not volunteer at KSA, and so I did and there you both were. I remember he did anything, helped around in any way and I don’t recall him ever complaining. I remember a trip to PD with you both and Raj Kumar before Raj Kumar went back to Nepal. I think with Kunga too. I remember that trip quite well.
Then later when I was writing at the Ladrang, he would cook lovely meals and he would always be concerned for people working late and without being asked, would whip up something to bring to our desks. He was very savvy with the websites and when there was something to correct or change, he would be on top of it very quickly. Really, he did everything and anything to serve his Guru and I could see how strong his guru devotion was.
Then one afternoon I was doing an ordered Menhla puja at Dzambala room with a few others and Tat Ming rushed in and asked us to quickly recite rounds of Menhla to dedicate to Justin as he had just collapsed. We continued chanting rounds though full of fear and anxiety but praying hard for a positive outcome. Then awhile later, Tat Ming came in again and informed he had just passed away. Hopes collapsed and I could no longer contain my tears but we had to recompose and continue chanting with very heavy hearts.
Tough it was a short time, Justin had indeed touched many lives one way or another and I am sure our paths will cross again some time in the future.
Thank You Joy for sharing this inspiring but painful story with us. My eyes were filled with tears while I am reading the article.Joy is my one of closest Dharma friends and seniors in Kechara, I get to know her through Saturday blog chat, she is the coordinator there.
I understand how it feels.My father passed away due to heart attack and left us without a word. There was another closed family member of mine passed away in accident on the way meeting up me. I have experienced these painful experiences which I can not forget even so many years passed by. I still missed them and think of them. Sometimes, they are my motivation in Dharma path; if I do Dharma to benefit others under guidance of Guru, I believe they will be benefited by this in their next life.
Joy, Thank You for all the help you have provided me in Dharma path. I am please that finally you walked out from depression and grudge to embrace Dharma under guidance of Rinpoche to benefit more people. I can feel Justin’s happiness to work in Kechara under guidance of Rinpoche through this article;
1) “Me with Rinpoche what merits did I have to have my path cross with Rinpoche. That I can do dharma work and share modern day dharma to the world. Rinpoche has said many times, through a keyboard and a computer we can change soo many peoples lives. Thank you Rinpoche for a precious opportunity. (Wat Muang, Ang Thong, Thailand 23, August 2011)” – Justin wrote on his Facebook. This was one of the happiest moments of Justin’s life before he passed away in December 2011.
2)In the final year of his life in 2011, Justin was the happiest I have ever seen him and he shone the brightest when he was close to Rinpoche and doing Dharma work
I think Justin has done what he want to do and what he need to do in this life; to meet Rinpoche and bring you to Rinpoche’s mandala so that you will be under care of Rinpoche forever.
From your article,it showed Rinpoche treated Justin like son. Their relationship might be closer than father and son. I believe Rinpoche has seen all these will happen,hence, He keeps trying to prolong Justin lifespan in this life and asked him to do more Dharma to maximize his merits. I remembered Pastor Seng Piow noticed that Rinpoche was pleading Dorje Shugden during the trance.
Life is very impermanance. Even myself, I might be gone anytime in next second. We should seize the golden in this life especially able to be guided by precious Guru to do Dharma work all the way. By understanding the small scope in Lamrim, I honestly do not know where I will be in next life; I totally have no confidence that I will regain human form in next life.
Thank you Soon Huat for sharing your kind words and your own personal experience. Justin’s death was not as painful and as difficult as my parents although all the death I experienced in my life happened during really horrible timing! My dad when I had to sit for UPSR and my mom when I had to sit for SRP. Before I became a Buddhist, or knew anything about Buddhism/karma, I thought oh boy ‘God’ sure knows how to TEST me big time and yes the whole world seem unfair and I hated life. I also went through a period of depression like yourself but I am glad I found Rinpoche and Dharma who gave me a better understanding and helped me let go of my own delusions. Samsara will always be “unfair” and samsara is “suffering” but we are in control and can do something about for sure, and that is what the Dharma Rinpoche taught has helped me. I hope it will do the same for you too.
Thank You Joy for the response of my comment. Honestly, your experience is good inspiring Dharma story. After knowing what you have gone through, our “suffering” is really nothing comparing to yours. It is proven again that the Dharma Rinpoche brought to us is always helpful/essential for us to survive in this tough samsara life. There is no eternal peace in samsara. I am glad that I am able to meet Rinpoche, you, Pastors and the rest of senior Kecharians in this life.
It has been six years now since Justin Ripley, Joy Kam’s husband died. In a way, “Justin’s death was said to be very auspicious, and it was a spiritual coincidence of the highest auspiciousness”. Karma and samaya has a way of connecting the sincerity together in life, and the life again. Rinpoche has mentioned that Justin passed away in the best possible way anyone can, which is doing Dharma work for our Centre. Rinpoche assured that he would ensure his good rebirth, and in his next rebirth to practice Dharma. Like Joy Kam has said, “Justin is so fortunate to have met a precious Guru like Rinpoche and Dharma,” so are all of us! Justin had in his own mind and happy heart and his own freewill, wrote out such a beautiful message in his facebook on the date of 23, August, 2011, when he was with our Rinpoche in Thailand, just five months before his death on 15 December, 2011. Both of them even have taken a beautiful and auspicious photo together, beaming with smiles so happilly! Well, we have to accept what is becomming the direction of life flow heading towards good or bad; which will always have its karmic rebound. So planting good seeds will have a happy karmic beget,this is the stream of karmic life flows, which everyone has to accept. In the same way, our bad causes ultimately produce bad effects, this being the principle of the law of cause and effect which we have learnt! Om Mani Padme Hum.
I rejoice for Joy’s courage to write this article. It is not easy for losing someone very close to us, and to recount what is happening really bring back the memories and hurt.
I was not close to Justin until we spent a lot of time together when we were in Bangkok. I agree with you that he is a workaholic who always sleeps under the table to get some naps before waking up to work again.
Justin’s death also brought a lot of Dharma teaching to me personally. I used to think that people who works with a monk is supposed to have long and healthy life. I used to think a good life means a long life. etc etc. There are quite a few people who has helped me on my spiritual journey even after their death, and Justin is one of them, and for that I am grateful of.
May I have the chance to Justin again. May he continue his Dharma journey with Rinpoche and continue to take care of Rinpoche’s online assets when I am gone 🙂
Thank you Lew and I am sure you will meet him again. He was always fond of you, I guess it’s because you and him had something in common, you guys spoke in “codes” only you two understand lol.
“May he continue his Dharma journey with Rinpoche and continue to take care of Rinpoche’s online assets when I am gone.” Wow this is a strong lineage to pass down, and I’m sure with Dorje Shugden watching over him, this may well be so. We’ll see. Thank you for your sharing!
Dear Joy,
Thank you for sharing your story lah. I am deeply sorry to know your tragedy and loss you went through. You have been brave and above all very kind and smart to accept the fact and move on positively. I truly rejoice for the promise you made to become a nun _()_. You truly have Rinpoche’s blessings which led you to the extent you are in right now.
It is not easy to accept the passing of our partner or family members. I appreciate Pastor Joy’s courage in facing the sadness and expressing your experience in dealing with this emotion. You have showed us that dharma can heal the pain and we should understand that nothing in this world is permanent. We must learn to let go and not to dwell in sadness and anger.
Thank you Pastor Joy for sharing your experience.
Thank you Joy for writing this article and sharing how you feel at this point in time when you have finally come to terms with Justin’s death and the inevitability of it.Your heart is now free of the grudges, hurts and pain that you had felt earlier due to what you now recognize as your attachment and anger.
“Me with Rinpoche what merits did I have to have my path cross with Rinpoche. That I can do dharma work and share modern day dharma to the world. Rinpoche has said many times, through a keyboard and a computer we can change so many people’s lives. Thank you Rinpoche for a precious opportunity. (Wat Muang, Ang Thong, Thailand 23, August 2011)” – These were the words Justin wrote on his Facebook. These words clearly show that Justin felt very happy, positively motivated and very grateful about being engaged in intensive Dharma work during this last phase of his life.
As a Buddhist and student of Tsem Rinpoche, I see clearly how the merits that he amassed and the intensive purification that he went through in this period benefited him tremendously when it mattered most – at point of death, it ensured he would go to a good human rebirth to continue practicing the Dharma where he had left off in this life. As a Dharma practitioner, this would be the best thing to happen; and all this was due to the kindness of our Spiritual Guide, who preempted the worst from happening , by directing the course of Justin’s life.
Justin recognised this (that it was to his greatest benefit) and was happy that he was engaged in work to spread the Dharma far and wide through the internet.
As Joy says, people should not malign our Spiritual Guide , by taking her words of anger and hurt immediately after Justin’s death out of context,wilfully ignoring her deeply disturbed frame of mind at that point in time and using it as a lame and unwarranted excuse for their leaving Kechara. No, Justin did not die of overwork. He died because he had a hereditary heart problem, that had gone undetected,until his autopsy revealed it.
Only upon performing his autopsy, did the doctor discover the true reason of his sudden death.Justin had looked physically fit and had engaged in physical activities that would have ensured he stayed healthy. Ordinary medical check-ups that he had undergone could not detect the serious heart problem he had. However, up until the time of his autopsy, there were no indications that he needed an MRI scan and not just ordinary medical checkups.
However, as a Buddhist who believes in karma, I support the fact that it was karmically his time to die when he did. The blessed thing was(as he himself had said) that he had met Rinpoche.
Thank you, Joy for your sharing. It takes lots of courage and wisdom to share this inner feelings and to face your own self and others that have make your fall as their own and called it as their bruise too.
Thank you Joy for sharing your sorrow and heartfelt article. I could imagine the most painful part of loosing someone dear to us.You are very strong and courage to face and gone through the journey with the support of our precious Guru and friends around.You are an inspiration example for us.Sorrow,sufferings.failure,loneliness and discouragement and death is part of our journey.No one can resist.Nothing in life is to be feared;keep moving forward.Its through learning and applying Dharma we are free from our sufferings.
An aspiring nun or sanga to be ,i wish you all the best in your spiritual journey be fulfilled and may you be blessed.
Thank you again for your sincere article,speaking from your heart the untold story about Justin.
Thank you for sharing a painful and candid experience with us Joy. May your experience of love, loss and realisation be a lesson and inspiration to us all. Ultimately all that goes on are a play of karma to keep us here and only the precious Dharma from an attained Guru like H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche can bring us the peace of mind and freedom from sufferings. May you always receive the protection and blessings of this compassionate Guru. _()_
Our pride, ego, attachments and all the afflictions that bring so much sufferings can only be eliminated by the practice of the Dharma as taught by attained Gurus like Rinpoche. Yes it is harder to do than said but what is the other option? To remain in Samsara, always uncertain of that “good” rebirth or even “good” death? Joy had shared the love of Justin for Rinpoche and the Dharma, gaining merits in his practice to bring on such high blessings at his death. What can be greater than having such a compassionate Guru to bless and be guided to a good rebirth, to be able to receive the precious Dharma again? How many students have this great merits? Thank you Rinpoche and Joy for sharing the wonderful choice taken by Justin in his spirituality.
Death is part of life cycle in samsara. This is inevitable fact. We must know how to transcendent samsara to stop being rebirth and attain enlightened.
We must remember that everything is impermanence and we shouldn’t have any attachment to any secular stuff which will bring us nowhere but end with sufferings.
Joy Kam life story will inspire many people to embrace in Dharma diligently. I really touched by this write-up and motivate to practice Dharma without any delay because Iife is too short to wait,wait and wait.
Thanks Joy Kam and Rinpoche for sharing this so beneficial write-up.
Jason
Dear Joy,
I have known Justin when I joined the Ladrang at BU1 and later was with him in TTDI.
Justin was a man of few words, but it were the little things that he did that he had grown within my heart. Remember how he would patiently teach me to use the computer and when I forgot, he would say, “Aha we write down the sequence of steps”. The little snacks that he would bring me at the Ladrang.
It was Justin’s good fortune that he had the opportunity to have been with Rinpoche and I truly believe that with Rinpoche’s blessings and Justin’s dharma work that he is now among us. I am grateful that our Guru not only looked after Justin while he was alive but also ensured his rebirth to continue his Dharma work, so very kind.
What is most inspiring about what you wrote is how you could understand the inevitability of death and how the Dharma had pulled you through.
I rejoice for you that you have embraced the Dharma so wholeheartedly with the aspiration of becoming a nun.
Be well and be happy for the good memories of your love.
Datuk May
Indeed Justin had a soft spot for Datuk and I believed he truly liked teaching Datuk computer. Perhaps you were like a mother figure for him here in Malaysia, a spiritual mother and friend 🙂
Thank you very much for your kind words Datuk May. Yes he is most certainly blessed for having Rinpoche as his Guru and for being able to serve Rinpoche so closely. He would always, faithfully, no matter what he is doing, stop and go out to prepare sang and get the incense sticks ready for Rinpoche upon hearing that Rinpoche was on the way back. And he would always be there to open Rinpoche’s car door and greet Rinpoche no matter what.
You are absolutely right to say that it is the little things that he did that moves people, that is what endears people. It is in these little things that I find him quietly inspiring others, even myself and his little nods without much words required. Hopefully we’ll see him again soon in Kechara, and you can show him what an expert you in social media now 😉
Dear Joy,
i am moved by your sincere and insightful reflection. I believe your late husband demise has not been in vain, enacting to us and yourself, many lessons in Dharma. I wish you the best in your spiritual journey.
Dear Joy
Thank you for writing this article. It must have been very painful but your coming to terms has made you a much stronger person.
Dear Joy,
In reading your sharing has indeed triggered my pain and agony. Your courage in relating the whole ordeal is an inspiration for many including myself. To talk about , express or to recall the tragic which one have experienced always ended on an emotional and minor note. Indeed, it is very true that losing someone very dear who seems to be healthy all of a sudden is the worst traumatic experience of one’s life. It is even more frustrating when one is in the midst of grieving and mourning , many roaming in with the ‘hows’ and ‘whys’ and made further commentaries, as mentioned in the Rinpoche’s previous blog post, “It’s worse to say nothing than to say the wrong things “. In fact, I have never met with this lovely man, Justin Ripley before and what envious me is that he has all good merits to tie his knot with Joy with the blessings from his Guru, to be able to puff his last breath in his Guru’s mandala, his final rites being performed by his Guru and continuous prayers dedicated for Justin’s good rebirth. Further, you have also taken this opportunity ‘ to clear the air’ pertaining to the cause of Justin’s passing which many has previously speculated that it was due to the long hours of dharma works. Joy, you are indeed strongly devoted and loyal to Rinpoche as you still remained in the dharma and stayed even closer to the Guru despite all the advice by others to leave the Buddhist Centre .
Joy, I really appreciate your sharing to your struggle and coping with grief . My sincere wish and all success in your new journey.
Thank you Rinpoche for your unconditional care and love for all of us.
With Folded Hands
Nancy Loo
Dear Joy ,
Thank you for sharing so honestly . Justin I’d a name always mention fondly . It’s a pity I did not get the opportunity to meet him.
Your dedication to Dharma is indeed strong and you are such a wonderful lady. It is sad why some people took advantage of your moments of mourning to say negative things which is untrue . You are a great and smart lady .
May you be blessed always .
Dear Joy,
Although death is part of everyone’s life, coping with grief is one of the most uncomfortable and difficult experiences which one has to face. Thank you for such a heartfelt sharing as it wouldn’t be easy for you to put pen to paper on such a personal and emotionally charged experience even though the motivation is so that others can learn from your experience.
In reading this article, there are layers of issues/lessons to think about- from relating to the impermanence of life, to showing how our emotions and thoughts can affect us as well as people around us, even leading to consequences which we never intended in the first place, the importance of mindfulness, the power of acceptance, forgiveness and also gratitude. It is also a story about love and loyalty. From your deep care and affection for Justin which continues and evolves into a driving force in your spiritual aspiration, to Justin’s devotion to Rinpoche (which shines through in your account of his relationship with Rinpoche) culminating a long-lasting bond, to the unconditional love and continuous care that Rinpoche showers on the both of you (a trait that Rinpoche consistently and indiscriminately show to those fortunate enough to be connected to H
Him), it really puts things into perspective.
Thank you again for your sincere sharing and may your spiritual aspirations be fulfilled.
Dear Joy,
I did not have the honour of meeting and knowing Justin but from what I heard from those who knew him, he certainly touched and left his mark in their lives. This is your best piece of writing to-date and it moved me. In a way, you are carrying on Justin legacy of spreading Dharma through the internet via your role as moderator on the blog chats, social media and other online work.
Your dedication of merits from your Dharma work and decision to be a nun to Justin is one of the best gifts of love a wife can give to her husband.
May you find peace, love and happiness. May your wish to become a nun be fulfilled.
Dearest Joy
My heartfelt thanks to your sincere sharing above. It’s moments like this where I can feel the emotions from your sharing, that I become quite lost for words.
No words will be of much comfort to you and I can’t say I understand completely how you feel or what you have gone through. Nevertheless though it was something you rather not happen, it did happen at a time when the conditions were favourable to Justin. Why do I say this?
No one can predict one’s death. It’s not carved in stone that death only comes to those who are old. As cliche as all these statements may sound, we commonly and conveniently ignore them especially when we are younger.
It’s rare to find people who are truly convinced with the theory of rebirth and hence we always think of this life only. When we loose it its devastating and seems like all is lost.
But if we believe in rebirths we will understand that death means a new lease of life, in the next.
Justin passed away whilst he was working full time in the Dharma, working closely with a highly attained Guru, receiving endless precious teachings and hence constantly generating merits. After he passed away he had the wisest and most compassionate Guru to conduct his last rites and arrange for all that was necessary to ensure Justin continued to collect merits and have a good rebirth. For me, that’s considered the best possible condition to have when one passes away. I selfishly wish I would have the same merits to die in a similar condition, having my Guru guide me even after I leave this life.
Thank you Joy for your aspirations to be a nun, to hold vows and create the causes for the Dharma to be made available to all beings. Your journey will be an inspiration to many. I wish you success in your journey and may you always be blessed by the 3 Jewels.
Thank you Rinpoche for all your teachings. Every situation, good or bad, Rinpoche turns it into a precious teaching to help us reduce our sufferings and benefit others. Forever grateful to Rinpoche. With folded hands.