Avoidance | 逃避
（中文请往下看）
When we don’t want to do a particular work or project we should do, then how do we expect a project to bear fruit or experience the results. To hope for results and do very little is wishful thinking only. After all we know for sure, results resemble the action. Results arise from actions. I mean that is just common logic. So if we don’t create the causes then how to effect the results. How to wait for results when what you are supposed to do you avoid due to your own past projections. If we keep silent, how do expect others to change, expect others to know what we are thinking or how do we learn for example. How to wait for others to create the results and you experience it? How long to wait for the results? The waiting is just a sign we are not doing anything or enough. That is contradictory to the law of cause and effect. Wishing for results yet avoiding the work in any form creates the causes for small and large delays. Even to the point where the results do not manifest at all at least in our lives.
When we avoid work because we don’t like someone or we are lazy, then we not liking more people will increase as time goes on. Our laziness will increase. Yes there are exceptions when some people are mentally unstable or just not kindly motivated or inefficient, but you still should not use them to avoid the responsibilities. You have to see into your mind when it’s quiet to resolve if that is true. You have to check yourself. What I share here is not comprehensive nor covers all predicaments of course. You see what applies if any and examine yourself to apply the necessary antidotes. Remember our minds can be complicated making things around us complicated or simpler. It is up to us.
When you create the karma not to like or avoid others, then it only increases our propensity not to like others more in the future. As our propensity not to like others is triggered, in the future, more and more we become easily frustrated with people. Our trigger points also increases. That would add to the tally of how many people we will not like as time goes on. The number of people we dislike will only increase in time leaving us alone, unhappy, angersome or bitter. Projects also go unfulfilled as a result. Everyone is not good enough and unattractive we start to believe creating more anger. Anger is a clear sign we are thinking the wrong way. If the way we think is correct, we would be at peace, do our responsibilities and progress wouldn’t we? That is the state of mind we deserve as we created this situation. So if we avoid responsibilities because we don’t like certain people, then the amount of people we will not like will only rise and increase. See for yourself. See your own track record and see the many examples out there. As you get older, do you like others more or less? Your anger will increase also is a given. Your anger to stop you from doing more will increase. Your justifications will increase to cover the anger. You will look for avenues of escape also more and more so when there is no escape. Whatever country you go trekking in, or planet you travel to or dimension you tele-transport into, you will experience the same results as karmic habituations are very loyal unfortunately. Karmic results are the only thing we cannot leave behind when we travel, visit another place or pass away. Then you have to avoid more people or situations as time goes on because you have kept your anger. It’s nice to be away and be surrounded by nice waiters, nice hotel staff, nice tour guides etc…but that is delusionary. They are not nice to you, but to the business you bring them. People will be nice to you for monetary reasons everywhere even at home, so why not just deal with the anger and move forward at home first. If you overcome the anger, they will like you for more than your monetary gifts. How satisfying would that be?
After all, the anger arises not from circumstances but from a predetermined fixated idea we have of how things should be. When that fixation is disturbed, then we get angry. If we do nothing about the fixation, the anger increases even if we are in a forest alone. Work on the fixation. Chip away at the projections creating the fixations. Create new views and eliminate old damaging projections that only existed in your mind. As anger increases our fixations get even more compounded. We expect the whole of humanity to have our same point of view as us, but where is that possible? Avoid the whole world and for how long? Accomplish something on your own? Impossible. And anyways, you have to leave all that ‘niceness’ soon when your trip ends in whatever country or dimension you are visiting as an escape. Then you have to find another place to temporarily experience your projections. After a while you run out of places, but your anger is still there. You have to keep finding new places to experience the ‘niceness’ again and again where it becomes a vicious cycle. And addiction like to entertainments, intoxicants, lying, gambling. After all, addictions falsely serve to distract us from the real issues we avoid within ourselves. You almost prefer perhaps a delusionary state instead of dealing with reality and moving forward with it in progress.
Not staying in one place and making things work is a clear indication we want to be distracted perhaps in one way or another. There are other factors, nothing is black and white. But then not everything has to be black and white to be solved. We can apply the essence of the method to whatever situations we are in. Remember, we came into the world with our projections that developed into great anger and all the repercussionary effects. It is our choice to continue or not. The world is what it is so how do you want to take it. Anger with your projections disturbed daily. Or accept the world and change your projections. It will not destroy your enthusiasm because we should take things as they are and push ourselves to improve. We experience the benefits. The reality we experience may be true or false, but it is up to us how we take it. What we do with it is the key always. True or false is not the issue, but how we take it to the next level. How we take it leads us along to worse or better experiences. We can’t change the world. But we can change how we react to the experiences. Who wants to be happy being unhappy? Why spend your life angry at the world when it was all in your head from the very start? Spend your life changing how you view the world and accept what you need to do and do it. Then you enjoy the fruits of your responsibilities. Don’t avoid what you have to do and leave it for others saying you have to deal with your mind first. Deal with your mind on the job and get double results perhaps. There is good and bad in the world and just accept it.
Anger arises because for years we let our impatience arising from projections and fixations rule our minds. When impatience rules our mind, then more and more people will be a target by us as people we don’t like increases. The more impatience we have, the more anger we have, the more people we will not like. The more we will avoid and pretty much avoid all situations using those people we don’t like as excuses. If we are a rock or an island, maybe that is ok, but if we have goals and projects, then this attitude will be detrimental to say the least. No one can be a rock or island forever. No one would not like to fulfill their projects and goals. The strange thing is if you avoid people because of your unfulfilled expectations of them and your angry, your doing something that is worse. Because you can do something and you are not because of anger. So are you punishing them? Saying you avoid them because of anger or other emotions is not any better for the reasons you give for their ‘lack of performance’ that ‘created’ your anger. Or is it you cannot do what they are doing and yet you feel they are not doing enough. You are demanding due to other fixations? Both ways it’s a cop out. When you leave it to them, it is worse than your anger of their performance because you are not performing at all. Group together and find a way is the best way. Saying you will do something else instead is fine, but if you are avoiding because of anger, then something is wrong. Eventually the anger will catch up. Again, don’t abandon, group together and work it out.
For you to avoid people you don’t like, harbour anger and push away responsibilities yet pray and hope for big projects/goals to be fulfilled is utterly without basis and logic. Think about it. When you leave work to others and do not get involved, then when you want help or benefits, don’t be upset when you don’t get it. Don’t say so and so were not compassionate and did not help you when it was you that created this by not being with them. Or helping them. It was your attachments to your own pursuits that make people not believe you or trust you. You left them to fend for themselves. It’s painful when you realize your faults and want to connect then others don’t want to connect due to your past record. Don’t blame others when they don’t trust you, or get involved with you and ask why you are penalized for your past. Look, if you were to say that, then why is all of samsara penalized for the past. The whole of existence (samsara) is from a cause. The whole reason something exists now be it positive or negative is there was a similar cause. When you get the results of your actions you are not being penalized by anyone but your past actions. It stands on it’s own. So when you suddenly want to do something and things have gone too far to repair or repair is a lengthy process, don’t be angry or impatient. You were the one that created this. An example is if you avoided something for three years, then you return and want instant acceptance and trust, then that is impossible. It was three years of responsibilities you avoided and let others do. And perhaps the others have adapted well without you. It is three years of avoidance of the pains, challenges, the ups and downs everyone went through without you because you weren’t around. Three years is just an example you can apply to any circumstance. You can’t just come back and resume where you left off unless you are living on a planet of androids. So for the hypothetical three years you have been gone, everyone had to ‘hold the building up’ without you as you pursued your personal attachments or didn’t want to deal with yourself. Whereas everyone else stuck it out and stayed irregardless of their personal demons also. So you will not have the trust of anyone even if they forgive you. Forgiving does not mean people allow you just resume. Forgiving means people accept you and what happened without wanting to get you back or hurt you, but they don’t want a repeat. So if you are always not around, then you will have to find other methods to compensate maybe with gifts, nice words, or other temporary methods. If you intend to catch up, then it is a lengthy process as not only do you have to learn what you left behind, but also take years to build trust up again. Trust is the one emotion that creates harmony and peace around us. Even with gifts and extra catch up efforts, still people had to endure the suffering without you and they would lose respect for you in some measure perhaps. You have to make a choice. You have to do double perhaps to catch up.
You can earn respect back, but it will take longer than the first round. The key to getting respect the second time around? Results coupled with consistency. To earn respect means patience bereft of projections and consistency in your journey of freeing your mind. The more you free your mind, the more self esteem you will gain. Self esteem and accepting who you are with the good and the bad is the key to growth. Acceptance doesn’t mean stagnation but constantly positively challenging yourself to free yourself of your negative past, your projections, your anger and your fears. Time is very short. Go all the way. What else is there to lose that you have not lost? Exactly, nothing!
Another point: Keeping silent when you should speak up.
Keeping silent in meetings or when there is a need to speak up is perhaps a sign you don’t have any knowledge, you are not concerned, or you wish to perhaps not take responsibility. Could be something else also. You have to put yourself in different scenarios and see would you speak up and why. That helps to self examine.
Having not enough knowledge is fine. Just learn it up. Don’t let others learn it for you and you just relax because you will fall behind eventually becoming more silent. After a while when you don’t speak up because you don’t have the knowledge will be a huge loss of self esteem. Then you go away, or cover the lack of self esteem with anger or justifications. Perhaps being withdrawn inside, keeping even more quiet yet feeling a sense of falling behind is a message something is wrong. Listen to the message and don’t avoid it. You are your best messenger. Anyone who is not useful or productive will feel a sense of low self esteem. This leads to closing up more or hostility depending on individual fixations. How we feel should not be based on others, but in the beginning it is. Who can avoid that? Some of us get caught in the begining and cannot move on is where the problems arise. Everything is an experience that does not last, so since the events pass, let our fixations on it pass also without bringing it into the future.
If you are not concerned, but you receive the benefits of being with everyone in the group, then that will not earn respect or self respect either. Eventually people will feel it and sound it out that you are not doing your share and they have to carry the burdens yet you enjoy the benefits. This will only increase in time. Everyone learns to do more as it is natural progression. Not being concerned can arise from many factors. Whatever the factors are deal with it. If you are in the group for self or bigger reasons, you are still in the group. If they make it, you make it with them and enjoy the benefits together. Focus on the benefits for yourself and others to motivate you. If the motivation is not big enough, explore why.
If it is that you do not wish to take responsibilities, then it can be a combination of things. Self esteem, lack of knowledge, laziness, fear, and many other both positive and negative reasons. Taking responsibilities is part of growing up. It is part of success. To have success and enjoy any types of success one has to take responsibility. Fulfilling responsibilities also leads to self esteem the key to everything. Without these nothing can be accomplished. If you wish others to do everything then you shouldn’t expect yourself to last long in the group. After all, no one likes to be taken advantage of. Whatever your fears, taking responsibility is the very method to overcome your fears and trepidations. By doing more and doing it well you learn, grow, overcome fears, engender respect, gain self esteem and many other positive outcomes.
Being wrong is ok. No one was born omniscient and omnipotent. We can take being wrong in many ways. By being wrong we can learn and become right in gradually. Or by being wrong we lose face and hang onto the face loss and stay quiet stunting our growth. Afraid of losing face is the number one silent slayer of our chances to learn more and progress. We protect the face at the cost of learning nothing. In the end there will be no face to save. No one respects us anyway.
Staying quiet so no one knows we don’t have the knowledge only helps us for the moment but not long term. The situation to be ‘found out’ will increase with time as we fall behind even more. Creating more anxieties. The process of being wrong is not in being wrong, it’s what you do with it afterwards. Knowing nothing is static and fixed, we can change it. We can change it is the key. So choose change and be consistent. Being wrong is ok when you challenge yourself to be right the positive way by learning, patience and consistency. Everyone who was ever right was wrong in the beginning. Right or wrong is not the point, but are you getting to where you deserve to be is the question. Remember no matter how much you know, there are always more things you don’t know. Keep that humbling attitude in mind then just learn and make mistakes progressing to a happy open mind. Eventually having more knowledge to speak up and help and contribute.
How we deal with our emotions is a sign to ourselves whether we will create further unhappiness or not. Hiding, avoiding, justifying and explaining without results helps only for a short period. I repeat, only for a short period. In time people will either respect you or avoid you. But that is up to you. In time you will either respect yourself or find reasons to avoid yourself also.
Tsem Rinpoche
逃避
若我们不想去做某件该做的工作或计划，又如何期待这个计划能带来好的成果呢？期待成果却吝于付出努力，充其量只不过是一种空想。我们都知道，成果与行动是相似的，而成果来自于行动。我的意思是，这只是一般逻辑。如果我们不制造因，又如何能享受果呢？如果你由于过去的投射，而逃避去做自己该做的事，又如何期待成果的出现呢？如果我们始终保持沉默，又如何能期待他人做出改变，或了解我们在想些什么，甚至知道我们如何学习呢？你怎能期待他人创造成果，而你却只是坐享其成呢？要等待多久才会有成果？等待只不过意味着我们什么都没做，又或者是做得不够。这跟因果论是相冲突的。想得到成果却逃避工作，给我们制造了各种形成延误的因。它甚至会导致我们至少在这一世之内都无法享有成果。
如果我们因为不喜欢某个人或由于懒惰而逃避工作，日子久了，我们不喜欢的人将会日渐增多，我们的惰性也会随着增加。当然，有时难免会有一些特殊的情况，比如说有些人的精神状态不稳定、动机不良或工作效率不高等，然而你也不应该把它当成逃避责任的借口。当静下心来的时候，你必须检视自己的内心，看看这是否是真的。你必须自我审视。当然，我所说的并不全面，也没涵盖所有情况。你自己看看有那一些是适用的，然后再采取必要的对治方法。记得，我们的心可以是复杂的，它会把我们身边的事情复杂化或简单化，这全取决于我们自己。
当你造了不去喜欢他人或回避他人的业，它只会加深我们将来继续去不喜欢更多人的倾向。当我们不喜欢他人的倾向被触发之后，我们日后将更容易对别人感到不耐烦，而相应的触发点也会日渐增加。日子久了，我们不喜欢的人将会越来越多。时间的流逝只会让我们不喜欢的人变得越来越多，直到我们变成一个孤单、不快乐、愤怒或哀怨的人，继而造成许多计划无法被完成。我们开始相信每个人都不够好，也不具有吸引力，而这种想法只会进一步加剧我们的愤怒。愤怒，清楚地显示了我们的想法是错误的。如果我们的想法是正确的，我们将感到平静，也会完成本身的任务并继续前进，难道不是吗？我们已创造了这种条件，所以这就是我们应享有的心理状态。如果我们由于不喜欢某些人而逃避责任，那么我们不喜欢的人只会越来越多。你自己看吧！去看看你过去的记录和许多其他的例子。随着年龄的增长，你究竟喜欢他人多一些，还是少一些？你的愤怒会加深也是可想而知的。这个会阻止你多做事的愤怒会增加。为了掩饰愤怒，你越来越会自我辩解，还会寻找更多的地方来逃避。在避无可避的时候，无论你走到什么国家，到什么星球旅行，或远程航行到哪一度空间，你所面对的结果将会是一样的，因为很不幸的，你的业力习性是十分忠诚的。
无论我们远行到什么地方，甚至是离开人世，我们唯一无法放下的，就是业果。因此，时间越久，你将会逃避更多的人或环境，因为你始终怀有愤怒。虽然偶尔出去走走，让态度友善的餐厅侍者、酒店服务员或导游围绕着的感觉是美好的……但那都是虚幻的。他们并不是对你友善，而是对你给他们带来的生意友善。无论到什么地方，人们都会为了金钱而对你好，甚至在家里也是一样的。既然如此，为什么不先克服愤怒，先从家里做起呢？若你能克服愤怒，他们对你的喜爱将超越你用金钱给他们带来的礼物，这种满足感岂不是更大吗？
愤怒源自一种我们认为事情应该如何发展的固有观念，而不是来自环境。当我们的固有观念不按照预期的方式进行时，我们就感到愤怒。如果我们不设法消除这种固有观念，即使在森林里独处的时刻，我们也依然会感到愤怒。我们要努力克服这种固有观念，消除导致这种固有观念的投射性想法。我们要创造出新的观念，并设法消除这种具有伤害性，且只存在于自己心中的旧投射。当愤怒加深的时候，我们的固有观念将变得更为复杂。我们会期望整个人类社会跟我们持有同样的看法，但这怎么可能呢？逃避整个世界吗？又能避得了多久呢？独立去完成一切吗？那是不可能的！而且，无论那些可供你逃避的旅程或空间有多么理想，它终还是有结束的一天。那时候，你就必须重新找寻一个可让你暂时经历这种投射的新地方。经过了一段时间，你已经无处可去了，但你的愤怒却依然存在。你必须不断寻找新的地方来经历这种“理想”状态，这成了一种恶性循环。你甚至会沉迷于娱乐、成瘾物、欺骗或赌博。然而，这种沉迷只不过是错误地分散我们的注意力，让我们逃避那些不想去面对的实际内在问题。与其去面对现实，再一步步前进，我们往往更倾向于活在一种虚幻的世界。
不愿意留在一个地方并完成某件事，就已清楚地显示了我们企图让某些东西来分散我们的注意力。当然，这也涉及其他因素，毕竟没有什么东西是非黑即白的。然而，并不是凡事都非得要黑白分明，事情才能获得解决。我们可以将这种方式的精髓，应用在任何情况当中。记得，我们带着本身的投射来到这个世界，并任由它一天天发展成巨大的愤怒，以及相应的后果。我们可以选择继续还是放下。这个世界就是这样，你想要如何去面对它？让投射每天都激起你的愤怒？还是去接受这个世界，并改变你的投射？这将不会浇熄你的热情，因为我们应该接受事物的实相，并鞭策自己更进一步，而我们将体会那些好处。我们所经历的事实，既可以是真的，也可以是假的，重点是我们如何去看待它。我们的态度，往往才是关键。真或假并不是重点，如何把它带到另一个层次才是最重要的。我们如何看待一件事，能决定我们经历的好坏。我们无法改变这个世界，但却能够改变我们应对经历时的反应。有谁想要开心地处在不快乐当中呢？从一开始，一切都已经存在于我们的心里，为什么要浪费时间来生气这个世界呢？用一生来改变你对这个世界的看法，接受你必须做的事，并去完成它，那么你将会享受其成果。别以你必须先处理自己的内心为由，来逃避那些你必须做的事，并等他人来帮你完成它。把心思用在工作上，也许还能取得双倍的成就。这个世界有好也有坏，去接受它就好！
我们之所以会愤怒，是因为多年以来，我们都允许投射造成我们的不耐烦，也任由固有观念控制我们的心灵。当不耐烦控制了我们的心灵时，我们的敌对目标就会越来越多，因为我们不喜欢的人正不断增加。我们越是不耐烦，就越会感到愤怒，而我们不喜欢的人也会越来越多。我们将更会逃避，并利用这些我们不喜欢的人作为借口来逃避一切的场合。如果我们是一块石头或一座荒岛，这也许还不是问题。然而，如果我们有着等待去完成的目标和计划，那拥有这种态度将会是十分不利的。没有人能够一辈子都扮演着石头或荒岛的角色，也没有人不希望自己能完成一些目标或计划。如果由于他人无法满足你的期望，你就避开他，并感到愤怒，那么你所做的将是更具有破坏性的。若你由于愤怒而不去做自己所能办到的事，你这是在惩罚他们吗？你说自己是基于愤怒或其他情绪而避开他们，这个理由并不见得比你说自己是由于他们的“缺乏表现”而“造成”你的愤怒来得更好。又或者，你是否会因为本身无法做到他们所做的，而觉得他们做得不够好呢？你的要求是否源自其他的固有观念呢？这两者都是推诿！把责任都推卸给他们，比你对他们的表现感到愤怒更要不得，因为你根本什么都没做。最好的方法就是聚集在一起，并找出一个解决方案。如果你的理由是你想要做些其他的事，那是可以被接受的，但如果你是出于愤怒而选择了逃避，那就有些不妥了。最终，这些愤怒还是会迎头赶上的。我再一次强调，不要放弃，聚集在一起并设法去解决它！
你避开自己不喜欢的人，对他们怀有愤怒情绪，甚至推卸责任，却希望大计划或目标能够实现，这是完全没有根据，也不符合逻辑的。好好去思考这个问题吧！如果你把工作都丢给其他人，自己却完全不参与，那么当你需要任何帮助和好处时，就不要埋怨自己为什么会得不到它了。别说某某人不够仁慈、不愿意帮你，事实上是你自己先不愿意去接触或帮助他们，才会导致这种情况。你对于自己的追求的执着，才是那个致使别人不相信或信任你的原因。你丢下了他们，让他们不得不自力更生。当你意识到自己犯了错，想跟他人重新建立关系，但他人却由于你过去的记录而拒绝你的时候，那种感觉是很痛的。当别人不信任你，或不愿意亲近你时，不要埋怨他们，或追问他们为何要因你既往的过失而惩罚你。当你想说这句话的时候，不妨想想，为什么整个娑婆世界要因过往的错误而遭受惩罚？这整个存在（娑婆世界）都源自一个因。任何事物的存在，无论是好是坏，都源自类似的因。当你面对某些行为的结果时，惩罚你的，并不是任何人，而是你自己过去的行为。它是独立存在的。所以，当你突然想要做些什么，但当时的情况却已经不容修复，或必须花很长的时间才能修复时，不要感到愤怒或不耐烦，因为，造成这种局面的人正是你自己。
举个例子，假设你三年来都在逃避着某件事，而某一天却突然想回头得到大家的接受和信任，这是不可能的。你逃避了三年的责任，致使他人必须去完成它。也许其他人在没有你的情况下还能适应良好，但三年来，大家所经历的各种痛苦、竞争和起起落落，你却一一逃避了。三年，只不过是你可以运用在各种情况的例子。你总不能期待在你回来的时候，一切都如常地等着你，除非你活在一个属于机器人的星球上。那三年里，你因个人的执着或不愿意去面对自己而选择离开，但每个人却必须在没有你的情况下，肩负起建设的工作。尽管其他人内心也住着自己的魔鬼，他们却留了下来。所以，即使他们原谅了你，你也无法得到任何人的信任。原谅你，不意味着让你恢复原有的一切。原谅你，只不过是因为人们虽然可以接受你和所发生的事，却不想要你回来或伤害你，他们只是不希望一切会重蹈覆辙。因此，如果你时常不在，你就必须找其他方法来补偿，这也许可以是礼物、好听的话或其他暂时性的解决方法。如果你有意将这一切追回来，那将是一个漫长的过程，因为你不只是要将过去所错过的东西追补回来，你还必须花上许多年的时间来重建人们对你的信任。信任，是一个能创建和谐安宁的环境之主要情绪。即使你送了礼物和做出大量的补偿性行为，人们依然必须忍受没有你的痛苦，也许他们在某种程度上会失去对你的尊重。你必须做出选择。你必须加倍付出来补偿这一切。
你可以赢回他人的尊重，但所需的时间会比第一来得长。在第二次赢得尊重的关键是什么呢？那就是成绩和始终如一的做法。赢得尊重意味着要不带有投射地保持耐心，并在寻求思维解放的旅途中保持始终如一的态度。当你越能解放自己的思维，你就会拥有越多的自信。自信和全然地接受自己的好与坏，是成长的关键。接受自己并不意味着停滞不前，而是持续积极地挑战自己，让自己从不良的过去、个人的投射、愤怒和恐惧中解放出来。时间是非常短暂的。全力以赴吧！你还有什么是不曾失去过的？没有吧！
另一点：需要发言时，却保持沉默。
在会议中或需要发言时保持沉默，可能是你没有足够的知识、不在乎，或不想负责任的征兆，也可能是其他原因。你必须想象，若身处不同的情况，你是否会选择发言？为什么？这对自我检讨是有帮助的。
不拥有足够的知识并没有什么大碍，学习就行了！别让别人帮你学习，而你却在一旁闲着，因为这将导致你更落于人后，然后变得更为沉默。经过了一段时间，这种由于缺乏知识而选择沉默的态度，将使你丧失大量的自信。然后你将会离开，或以愤怒或辩解来掩饰自己的缺乏自信。也许内在的退缩、更多的沉默和感到落于人后，就已经是一则讯息，表示有些地方不对劲了。不要逃避，认真聆听这个讯息。你本身就是最佳的传讯员。任何没有作为的人都会感到自卑。它将让你更为封闭，更富有敌意，这全视乎你的固有观念。我们的感觉如何不应取决于他人，但在刚开始的时候，它的确是如此的。谁能逃避这一切呢？有些人一开始就卡住了，无法继续前进，问题于是就此产生。任何事情都只是经历，它不会长久不变，既然如此，当事件结束之后，就让我们的固有观念也跟着消失，不要把它带到将来。
如果你一点儿都不在乎，却想要获取一切跟大家在一起时所能享有的利益，那你将得不到大家的尊重，你甚至还会失去自我的尊重。最终，大家将会发现，并直接指出你没有完成自己的工作，迫使他们必须为你承担责任，而你却坐享其成。这种情况只会越来越严重。每个人都学会做得更多，因为这是自然的进程。不在乎，可以源自许多因素。但无论是什么因素，去面对它！无论你在一个团体里的原因是为了自己还是为了更宏大的目标，你依然属于那个团体。如果他们成功了，你也跟着他们一起成功，并共同享受成果。把焦点放在对你及他人的利益上，并把它当成前进的动力。如果这种动力不够强大，把原因找出来！
如果原因是由于你不想负责任，这可能就是一种综合性因素：自尊心、缺乏知识、懒惰、恐惧等许多正面和负面的因素。扛起责任是成长的一部分。若想要成功或想要享受任何形式的成功，你就必须负责任。完成责任能增加你的自信，这是一切的关键。缺少了这一项，你什么都做不到。如果你一心只期待别人去做，那你就不该期待自己能够长久呆在这个团体里。无论如何，没有人愿意被占便宜。无论你的恐惧是什么，负责任是克服恐惧和不安的最佳方法。多做一些，并把事情做得好，将让你学习、成长和克服恐惧，同时也为你赢得尊重、自信和许多其他的好处。
犯错是无伤大雅的。没有人一生下来就无所不知、无所不晓。我们可以用许多不同的方式来看待错误。犯错可以让我们学习，并逐渐变得对。或者，犯错将导致我们颜面尽失，让我们耿耿于怀和保持沉默，并导致我们的成长出现延误。害怕丢脸，是让我们丧失学习和成长机会的首号无声杀手。为了保住面子，我们付出的代价是什么都学不到。到了最后，我们再没有什么面子需要被保住了，因为我们已经失去了大家对我们的尊敬。
保持沉默，然后希望没有人发现我们缺乏知识，只帮得了我们一时，却救不了我们一世。我们被“发现”的机率将会越来越高，因为我们已经越来越落后了。这只会制造更多的不安。犯错的过程，并不在于错误本身，而是在错误发生后你所采取的行动。要明白没有什么东西是恒久不变的，我们就拥有改变的能力。关键是我们能改变！所以，选择改变并始终如一。如果你选择学习、忍耐和持之以恒来挑战自己去做得更好，那么犯错是可以被接受的。那些对的人，在开始的时候都曾犯过错。对与错并不是问题，重点在于你是否正朝着想要的目标前进。记得，无论你懂得多少，总会有更多东西是你不知道的。要时常记得这种谦虚的态度，然后从错误中学习，让自己逐渐拥有一个快乐开放的胸襟。最后，我们将拥有更多的知识可供分享或用以帮助他人。
我们如何处理自身的情绪，意味着我们是否将继续制造更多的不快乐。没有任何结果的躲藏、逃避、辩解和解释，只在短期内有效。我重复，它只会在短期内有效。日子久了，人们若不是尊敬你，就是避开你。然而，这全都取决于你。同样的，日子久了，你若不是尊敬自己，就是逃避自己。
詹仁波切
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This is a very useful teaching on how to deal with our negative emotion especially anger. Anger causes a lot of problem to us. To know if we have anger is to examine if we have patience. When we are impatience, it is a sign of anger. I never thought these two emotions are related but it actually make sense.
When we are impatience, we cannot tolerate other people’s fault. Then we get angry with the things they do or say. Our impatience could be caused by our arrogance of thinking we are better. If we really are better, we should be patience to pass and share the knowledge with others. There might be people who have the attitude problem, but this is not something we can change. What we can change is how we feel and perceive.
We have to set our mindset that we are not here to inflict pain or give people a negative experience with us. Always remind ourselves we want people to feel positive and happy with our presence. When people are happy with our presence, it makes us feel good too and naturally our anger will reduce and we will feel happier too.
So many reasons to avoid, as pointed out by Rinpoche and yet the result is ALWAYS negative and the worst part is, this habit will perpetuate itself. The moment that we have decided to “change “ it, definitely there’s resistant but we will “break free” from the trap.
Again, it’s easier to say than done. Take for example, I too, try to avoid doing things that I don’t want to do, especially when I don’t like the person who initiated it but didn’t do their work nicely. At one point, I know the we are not only the loosing party, but others as well as people are not getting the supposed benefits that can be gained if we were to complete the task nicely. However, there’s another part of my telling myself that if I were to do it, I will also contribute to their already inflated EGO. Sometimes, it’s really difficult to decide. ?
Thanks Justin Cheah for social media this and it helps me to think deeper.
Till now, I still meet with these people. Nothing has changed much. Will still try to work with them and try to tolerate in any situation. They are the mirror of us, if we were to look deeply.
Thank you for sharing Jacinta. 😀👍
Thank you Katie for choosing this article as our group discussing tonight. Although it’s an old article but every word and sentence that Rinpoche said and pin pointed out to all our us, so profound and sharp.
This article made me recall about many years ago when I first joined Kechara. I have to attend many meetings not because I was capable but at that time we were just a small group of people hence i was asked to participate. I always stayed silence in the meeting. So, I was physically there but my mind was not. To me, it was very clear why i was being silence because i don’t know much, i don’t want to be responsible if i say anything wrong, i don’t want to looked bad and i don’t have time. Why like that? I always put myself as a victim when i was questioned. Any question from others immediately i would took it as being criticised or being judged. I made it a big deal to myself. That was me. Very hard to talk to me because my door (perception) was shut. But you know what, at the end of the day, everybody in the team had progressed and accomplished their assignments except myself. Then i got angry and jealous. Damp annoying right? I also cannot stand myself. So who loose? When I looked deeper, I was wasting my time and opportunities away to learn and improve myself.
Great message which set as a reminder for us to think deeper and a wake up call for me.It is wise to direct our laziness ,anger ,excuses and personal responsibility towards problems of how to solve it. For as many people there are who have excuses, there are other people who have it harder and were able to succeed. As long we keep a positive mind set, it will help give us the courage to follow through and take action towards our goals. Through hard work one will surely succeed.
I always remembered Rinpoche said this…
“What you are today, is the choice you made yesterday”
“If TODAY you are dissatisfied, you must make the changes to create different results for TOMORROW.”
Thank you Rinpoche for this profound teachings, a wake up call for many of us.
We all have negative attitudes which in the end will be harmful to us and worse, to those around. Rinpoche shared that laziness, anger, avoiding our responsibilities will only become worse and it will even delay things not only for us but also for others.
So, it is highly recommended to overcome ones issues as soon as possible and practice the right attitude.
This profund and poweful teaching in the article recogment people should read all the time to reminding yourself whethever improve from the avoiding situation or not. Be selective, keeping silents, holding your anger is not help if keep avoiding those problem and to face it directly to solve it. At the end of the day, you will end up lonely and easy to get angry because not following your perception. In dharma places is better training our mind to not lazy and learning more knowleadge to overcome problem and be open mind accept others including yourself.
This is a great article where all will benefit from it. Everyone has anger in them and it is really up to themselves to whether apply the antidote of acceptance in order to not continue to be trapped in their own self projected feelings. Laziness and Avoidance are interlinked with Anger but if we change our perception and understand the very source of our anger and laziness, then we will not start to “avoid” and be happier to ourselves.
It was a very good reminder to re-read this article and discuss it with some friends. Some of the points discussed as extracted below:
“When we avoid work because we don’t like someone or we are lazy, then we not liking more people will increase as time goes on. Our laziness will increase.”
“Your anger will increase also is a given. Your anger to stop you from doing more will increase. Your justifications will increase to cover the anger.”
“After all, the anger arises not from circumstances but a predetermined fixated idea we have of how things should be.”
“Don’t avoid what you have to do and leave it for others saying you have to deal with your mind first. Deal with your mind on the job and get double results perhaps. There is good and bad in the world and just accept it.”
“Anger arises because for years we let our impatience arising from projections and fixations rule our minds. When impatience rules our mind, then more and more people will be a target by us as people we don’t like increases. The more impatience we have, the more anger we have, the more people we will not like.”
“For you to avoid people you don’t like, harbour anger and push away responsibilities yet pray and hope for big projects/goals to be fulfilled is utterly without basis and logic. Think about it. When you leave work to others and do not get involved, then when you want help or benefits, don’t be upset when you don’t get it.”
This is definitely a worthwhile reading! Avoidance is a very common negative behaviour yet it was seldom being discussed thoroughly. Those examples given help a lot in understanding the concept. Last but not least, I couldn’t agree more that a humbling attitude with an open mind play significant role here. Thank you.
– Tsem Rinpoche
– Tsem Rinpoche
This teaching acts as lot of wake up calls, alarms, & reminders for many of us.
This is a very good article to remind everyone of us. Many of us, people around us, whether doing Dharma work or secular work, will tend to avoid doing things that take their time, take their energy, and they thought it’s not related to them. Even people from the same office, will think like that. Some are due to laziness, some are ignorance, some are habitual avoidance, is like this particular person habitually avoid all the extra jobs and works in the office. They will find excuse, find reason, for not being there. But, when we’re talking about people around us, we need to take a look at ourselves and do a self check. Whether we are like that too? We need to always do self checking when discussing a situation that involve people around us.
Avoiding due to laziness or anger and etc. will not bring us anywhere but just keep us moving from one place to another, from one friend to another, from one excuses to another and we keep hoping. It’s not that we are moving for good in the way that we are progressing positively but is a moving of hiding ourselves, moving to find excuses of our laziness, moving to protect our ego which eventually causes us to be lonely. People one day see our true color. We can’t run away with this attitude as no one will tolerate as everyone work hard to achieve what they deserve. Being lazy and waiting for others to do it for us will just make the other person learn more and achieve more and at the same time realize our true nature. People will move on and achieve but we will stay stagnant and as more people moving forward we will indirect move backward with this avoidance attitude. When we keep avoid responsibility we will see people started avoiding us as well.
To make a change is never easy but if we don’t make the a change now for good, we will definitely feel uneasy with our life later. We have to face what we need to face by owning it, learning it and and practice it. No one can help us if we don’t want to help ourselves.
When we are selective, we tend to doing things we like most. We will follow our own thoughts of doing things that favors but when things don’t go our way, we got annoyed and angry. When anger starts we start blaming as excuse to avoid the problems instead of facing it. Exercise of avoidance will caused laziness, irresponsible, ignorance, ego and selfish. I believe everybody have their own level of angers. By consistence practicing and learning to be more patience, responsible, kindness, generosity will cure this bad habituation. Words are easy but it takes a lot efforts, courage and awareness to achieve. As I always remind myself with this quote, “Endlessly, share love and compassion without expectation for return of favor.”
这是我第3次看这一篇文章，一篇能够让你能真正的看到自己，而愿意改变自己， 让自己活的更快乐，这一次看这一篇文章的确感到很“重”，觉得文章里面的每一句都在残酷解剖自己，感觉自己整个人是赤裸裸在暴露自己的丑恶，对自己是有生气，不喜欢， 甚至有点讨厌自己，还好随着这种负面的情绪，还能很清醒告诉自己面对它，接受它，改善它。 大家加油！
Although we might tend to avoid certain people or situations but I guess every situation we are put in gives us a chance to learn and grow. And from there we gain experience on how to handle the situation when it ever happens again in the future. We need to learn to look at it from another angle and it is not easy but at least we try.
Avoiding something due to anger for someone is one of the most difficult situation to be in. But at the same time, the situation cannot be solved because there are no solutions, makes it more frustrating. Anger builds up and lead to many negative thoughts and brought a lot of ‘unhappiness’. I see family and friends who does it and it definitely did not bring any positive results.
Through time, although easier said than done, I try the very best I can to forgive and let go instead of avoiding it. The projections I have caused my negative habituations and karma. Hence, learning and applying the antidote is the best way to change.
Reading this article, I remember a teaching by Rinpoche on NOTHING CHANGES AND EVERYTHING CHANGE. It is very profound and can be comprehended in many ways. To me it is just because we ourselves find it hard to change how can we expect and propel others to change to suit us.
The power is within ourselves and not in the exterior or external, so it only makes sense that we change our perceptions and expectations. We can avoid as explained by Rinpoche and create anger, or accept and do our best within such circumstances.
A great leader once told me “IF IT IS TO BE, IT IS UP TO ME”. So much responsibilities need to be met with in order to live within this motto.
Change is never easy and acceptance of changes is also difficult, but the choice to avoid seems to be more destructive in the long term.
The final goal is to be happy wherever we are, so let us accept what there is and do our best within the situation to create a space that is harmonious and happy.
“When we avoid work because we don’t like someone or we are lazy, then we not liking more people will increase as time goes on. Our laziness will increase.”
My thoughts:
This sentence speaks true to me because i am lazy beyond words. I am the kind who would be gung-ho about a certain issue and work hard towards it but will lose interest after awhile. This is a very bad trait I know, i am still learning and trying to be consistent with what i do. Take for instance, saddhanas. When i first started, i was so adamant in making sure that i will do it every single day. But that lasted for a few months only. After that i got lazy and did not do it consistently. The key word here, like what Rinpoche has said last time, is integrity. What we think, say and do must be the same and consistent. I have learnt my lesson. I will be consistent now onwards. After all, nobody else benefits from it but me.
“After all, the anger arises not from circumstances but a predetermined fixated idea we have of how things should be. When that fixation is disturbed, then we get angry”
My thoughts:
So often that we have a fixed view of how someone/something should be that if it turns out different from what we perceive, we show our displeasure. It is because of that we should be more vary of our attachments.
Buddha Shakyamuni did not gain Enlightenment by staying in His castle. Buddha left His comfort zone to seek the truth.
“Being wrong is ok. No one was born omniscient and omnipotent. We can take being wrong in many ways. By being wrong we can learn and become right in gradually. Or by being wrong we lose face and hang onto the face loss and stay quiet stunting our growth. Afraid of losing face is the number one silent slayer of our chances to learn more and progress. We protect the face at the cost of learning nothing. In the end there will be no face to save. No one respects us anyway.”
My thoughts:
If we want to be right all the time, that only shows that we value our ego. That is not to say that we should be okay with being wrong all the time. We should learn from our mistakes and be mindful not do repeat the same mistakes again in future.
Rinpoche is so profound and skillful with His words. This blog post is so wonderful and it has such beautiful essence to it. This is beneficial for us to contemplate on daily.
Thank you Rinpoche for this blog post. Really beautifully written.
It is so true that actually holding back and keeping silent is another sign of anger. I am angry because I know that I’m not the useful and productive one but cannot do anything to help because do not anything better at that moment. So hard to face the fact that I have no result and everything that I thought I’ve done for good became nothing. It’s so hard to believe that I actually just another looser. Many times my mind was blank and felt so hard to continue. I have lost everything spiritually. Eventually I do not have it before. I decided to retire from my business and use my time to catch up what I have not done. May I be able to break my stupid perceptions and emotions away.
这篇值得一看再看的文章是很好的警惕。我最常犯的莫过于在会议中或需要发言时保持沉默。这是非常要不得的行为，非常自私。勇敢发言是负责任的表现，跳出舒适地带的，克服恐惧的尝试，
如仁波切所言 “这可能就是一种综合性因素：自尊心、缺乏知识、懒惰、恐惧等许多正面和负面的因素。扛起责任是成长的一部分。若想要成功或想要享受任何形式的成功，你就必须负责任。完成责任能增加你的自信，这是一切的关键。”
dear rinpoche,after reading this post, i was like had a nice shot from you for you have woke me up. i sincerely thanks to you and i will try to change my silentness and avoidance in order to benifit more people and let go of my pride and face. thank you
Anger, impatience, avoidance and keeping silent are not something new to me. It is within me.
As my New Year resolution, I will use this article as a guideline in my daily life and to push myself out from these weaknesses. I will improve myself so that I can bring more benefits to others.
Thank you, Rinpoche, for sharing this profound teaching with us!
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you so much for this article. It really hits hard and took me a long time to finish the article because there is so much which is true for me. In many instances in my life where I have been most unhappy and mentally disturbed have been when I was angry…angry with myself. And my tactic was to avoid pursuing why, and just let the situations be. I blamed, I said hurtful words, and I lost people’s trust. Even when I knew and saw this, I was a fool enough to still avoid facing up and finding ways out of my misery. My avoidance to be responsible for my own actions and subsequent unhappiness affected people around me whom I love very much. They love me enough to tell me and I reacted like a spoilt, ugly brat.
I believe I have come to change my ways since learning from Rinpoche’s teachings and seeing my failures and accepting my doings. I can no longer avoid not because I live in a dharma environment but because I now know. I cannot avoid myself and what I know.
Reading this article makes me see very clearly I have been angry but covered it up well with a could-not-care-less attitude. I actually do care and I accept that about me now. I care enough now to succeed and care a lot about the people around me to succeed for them.
Thank you Rinpoche for this teaching and the timing is perfect as I start the new year! Happy New Year Rinpoche.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for a wonderfully amazing post that speaks with wisdom and accute observation of our all too human shortcomings that lead us to dissatisfaction and failure. I relate to every word within this post especially the part of avoidance as I do it through procrastination. I know I am a lazy bitch and I really got to get with it in order to be the best I can be. I am envious of people’s success but do not with to put in the same amount of effort to reap the rewards. It is indeed contradictory and silly even.
I like the part on speaking up because I have learnt as a liaison to have the compassion and confidence to speak up to clarify doubts, carry an important point to others and to ensure people are aware of what’s happening. I am not a very vocal person by nature, I guess one of my more selfish traits that I am fortunately uprooting slowly as I take on my liaison role. I am far from perfect but I look forward towards integrating these little morsels of wisdom so I do perform my role better and to see even greater success.
After rinpoche well explanation, i should work hard instead of sitting there to earn credit from others. Living in this world sure need to work with others, so be gentle and patient to get things done. Avoidance will only caused us worst at the end alone and unhappy.
Why should i become people whom hate most ! Improve now before its too late will take much more effort to gain trust.
Thank you rinpoche !
Thank you Rinpoche – this is so profoundly excellent, yet simple, yet deep all at the same time. It is so Buddhist, but also so universal – there is not a single technical Buddhist term or jargon within this, but it is the crux of all the Dharma that Rinpoche has always taught us.
Earlier this year, I had the fortune of working with Rinpoche one some puja texts, in particular several initiations for lower and higher tantric practices. Within the initiation text and ritual, there is a section where the initiate clearly states his promise and commitment to the practice, and to maintain his samaya with his Guru. If he fails to do this, it is said that “his head will split into a thousand pieces”. It is not that it literally will split, but that is the kind of horrific karma we create for ourselves when we go against our word for something so high that we commit ourselves to. This is not meant to be frightening but is actually very logical – if doing such high practices can bring us such tremendous results, like enlightenment, then surely going against the practice, forsaking it, giving up our commitments to it will also result in results that are just as strong and “powerful” but of an opposite, negative result.
As we went through the text, Rinpoche paused then, to point out to me why holding our commitments are so important, and I realised then the importance of keeping our promises – from the very smallest, to the highest, like in these initiations. Rinpoche’s every training throughout our spiritual journey and throughout the organisation is to prepare us for taking these commitments. The little promises that we make to Rinpoche, as our spiritual teacher, all add up. It is not about a teacher being demanding and wanting things done – he does not need these things from us – but a training ground for us to learn responsibility, fulfilling our promises and doing it with a clear, peaceful and disciplined mind. Actually, if we manage to accomplish this key practice – taking responsibility and keeping our words of honor – then everything else comes with it: kindness, care towards others, developing the wish to relieve others’ burdens, discipline, focus, strength, courage, wisdom.
If we cannot even keep a singular promise or learn the responsibility to accomplish it, then how can we be trained to do anything else fully, with focus, all the way through to completion and success? It makes a lot of sense. Let’s not even talk about doing great Dharma work and saving all sentient beings and developing unaffected great compassion blah blah blah if we cannot even be kind to the people around us by fulfilling our promises to them! When we don’t, then someone else has to take the slack, someone else is burdened and disappointed. Then, what Bodhicitta are we talking about?
Thank you Rinpoche for this post – such an apt and timeless reminder for us at every stage of our path.
Dear Rinpoche,
I like what DR said, anger is but an energy. If I can learn to channel it to the right direction with right view of no selfishness but selflessness can be a powerful resource to obtain results that will be beneficial and serve the true purpose of my life.
My mind is such that it plays tricks on me often and with my vast experience, I can avoid things and events with such skill that only I suffer.
May I continue my journey of life to avoid my short comings (maybe this is good avoidance) and live to full benefit for myself and all who are with me and beyond my visibility.
Thank You Rinpoche for such a profound teaching on Avoidance. Reading through this article does feel like a sharp needle being poke into my heart, as it reflects deeply on myself of my behaviour and action. But, after reading it helps in reflecting on the way I am, that I admit had been a part that had been with me all the while.
Not known to myself and many, avoidance is a projection of insecurity, fear, ego, laziness and also anger that dwells inside of our self. Growing up in a world where the media projection of life that is comfortable, easy, manageable, wishful thinking, fairy tales, status has unknowingly being imparted in our subconscious mind. Besides, due to the complicated social strata of the society, people behaviour and personal communication had become worsen by the years. This led to many conflict, miscommunication, and lack of self-reflection when things or project not going the way one think it should. It then lead to unhappiness, anger, ignorant and then laziness sets in, and where the projection of negative impression is directed to the other person that is involved with us in the project, and we our self don’t even reflect in our own behaviour and action, but blaming the people around, creating tension, lack of respect then avoidance.
When we have habituated the negativity of avoidance, when things and people are not to our liking, it automatically repeat itself of the process, and we start to avoid again. Like what Rinpoche mention,‘When you create the karma not to like or avoid others, then it only increases our propensity not to like others more in the future. As our propensity not to like others is triggered, in the future, more and more we become easily frustrated with people. Our trigger points also increases.’ We are actually distancing our self from being achieving success be it either spiritually and worldly. Because of the avoidance, we create a false projection of insecurity in our self, we are actually projecting false images of the people and things, when in fact it is not. We are actually distancing our self from others, rather than others distancing themselves from us, because we created the cause to distance away from them. We get no respect and we run away from responsibility and facing the nature of truth, when we can manage it, but we rather shy away and avoid it, thinking it will be ok.
Self-reflection, and open up to critics and advise is a method to check on our self, understanding the inner weakness helps one to medicate the problem and facing it like a mirror knowing there is a scar on the face, and accepting it as our weakness, works toward ridding of the negative emotions that will create more negative action, and creating the self-esteem and motivation that this weakness is not a weakness, but actually a point for us to change our self, let go of pass and accepting the mistake that we have done and go all the way to mend it. Then the scar will not be a scar of negativity, but actually a mark of positive change for the better.
If not for Dharma and Rinpoche teaching and the wisdom of the Buddha, I might have continue with such a deception on myself, shying away from responsibility, avoiding people and truth, not knowing in the past that it will create more problems, more unwanted people (due to our own avoiding perception). Knowing the truth that it is from our of delusions and false insecurity and ego, It will be like a guide and compass for myself and others to face the issue, and resolve it, rather de avoiding it and let it snow ball into bigger issue.
Since I joined Kechara and being involved in many activity and events together with the KC team, it had help to accept go all the way in completing the task that is given to me, at first I might have avoided many unpleasant state of responsibility, due to my ego, but once I saw this words of wisdom that goes: 小事不做， 大事难成。Which translated it means: If we don’t do small task, don’t expect we’ll be successful in bigger task. It is when I realize that my ego and avoidance had slowed me down in my progress in my Dharma, and I am avoiding the task being given to me, I also realize it is me, myself that put this restriction and obstacle on myself. I truly appreciate each and every task being given to me in many events, and work to transform myself.
Thank You Rinpoche once again, for this wonderful teaching on Avoidance, it make me contemplate further on myself, I wish Rinpoche Good Health and Long Life.
With folded hands.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thanks for such a precious teaching.
The above weaknesses mentioned by Rinpoche is not something new and it’s an attitude that bring us down. Being in Kechara really train and cultivate me to stay focus with problem regardless my own or others and find ways to deal with it.
Responsibility make me grown up and know more things. With the knowledge I’m able to do more.
They are more to learn as mentioned by Rinpoche no matter how much you know, there are always more things you don’t know. As long as we put down our ego, cut out our laziness and consistently learn up and take up responsibility we will able to improve ourselves to benefits more people.
I think I’ll rather lose my face now and learn up rather then keep it till the point where no one even want to see it.
This is a great New Year teaching from Rinpoche.
Thanks again Rinpoche and Happy New Year.
Rgds,
Nicholas
I just finished read through this AVOIDANCE post from Rinpoche’s blog. Very very very powerful teaching from Rinpoche!
In the write up, Rinpoche had pointed up attitude, mind function are equally action & results. Rinpoche had pointed out results arise from actions. I like the word Rinpoche put into the write up. All the shortcoming like laziness, fear, avoidance and so forth, is our enemy. If good for all of us to share and talk. For example, anger become more worst when your become older and older.Don’t let’s our anger control us, always remember.
The good to share for so many of us will get something in future. The emotion of anger, upset, appointment and so forth, it is good if we read through it. Do something more, like to do your sadhana and every trip you must done it.
Personally, I LIKE to request to the parents give some opinion then you can back from outside and this article is very good. Thank you for sharing! To read through this article with very clear, I think needed to repeat again. I even print to share with friends. Good luck!!!!
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this very meaningful article.
To be honest, it’s not easy for me to finish reading this article, needs a lot of courage, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. At almost every stage of my life, I have to deal with some of the problems mentioned above, from anger, impatience to avoidance and keeping silent, all arise from a wrong projection, but as time passed by it’s no longer just an emotional problem anymore, but has started to affect the real life. There is no escape.
This is Dharma. To some extent, Dharma is “cruel”, but Dharma is also life. We can choose not to listen to Dharma teachings, not to do Dharma work, not to think about karma and even try to convince ourselves that there is an “easy” way out but we just can’t escape from life.
We can always consciously or unconsciously forget what we have done in the past but whatever we have thought, spoken or acted will definitely turn into something bigger in the future, whether good or bad, there is always an effect and consequence. No escape at all.
Thank you Rinpoche for always pushing us to face our true, ugly selves.
yes Rinpoche, this is not a ‘friendly’ teaching, as it ‘hurts’ me in someway. The fact is, im avoiding from some ugly truths. Dharma is always a mirror to reflect myself, and being in Dharma is not that sweet yet it’s very meaningful.
Avoiding and denying the truth is the thing which makes us suffering. And then by knowing this truth but doing nothing to change ourselves leads to more suffering abd depravation.
Thanks Rimpoche. I will work on the translation/editing work of this article. Is good to share a good thing with others. And that’s the reason why im here. Working hard and smart in Dharma will help me to examine myself. Im glad and i feel im super lucky to work in Dharma. I have the chance to see how ugly i am, and i have the guidance from Rinpoche and i have the chance to change to be a better person.
Ultimately, i will need to eliminate the avoiding attitude in me, as it’s bad quality. Thanks Rinpoche for showing us the ugly truth of ourselves with your compassion and love.
Regards,
Abby.
Thank you Rinpoche for such profound teaching.
This teaching forms a very fundmental part of my new year’s resolution. When it comes to spirituality, any form of dharma work is a training of our mind and thus will be reflected in our actions and hence results.
We should be greedy for work, especially dharma work, not only can we collect merits which helps us progress faster in the spiritual path, we can also challenge ourselves to become better. Who likes to be stagnant anyway?
Avoidance due to ego, laziness, not wanting to take responsibilities, etc etc, only drag us down further. I will share this with my friends and families.
Thank you again Rinpoche.
Dear Rinpoche
I found the link to the teaching above when I was in one of my favorite hide outs enjoying fabulous green tea and red bean soup (one of my methods of avoiding the whole world). The teachings above hit me right away as most part of it speaks my mind at that particular moment.
As part of my new year resolutions, I will excercise more care to others.
Kind regards
Valentina
Dear Rinpoche, thank you for this insightful post. Sometimes I do understand why people dont trust me anymore. It seemed like the only solution at that time as i assumed that distance would have helped to cool down the situation. If only had the fortitude and knowledge i have now i would have figured out another solution and stuck with everyone all the way. I guess i was not strong enough to face the unhappiness i have created for myself and others. Its only now that i want to make up for all of those. And its going to take years again. But i have the mental strength, knowledge and support now to do so so i will give it all. It is too late now, in some ways, but better late than never i suppose.
it took me this long to let go of all the hurt and betrayal that happened, because i value it more than anything else, but now i know i still have to take on and heal others other than myself….its a teaching that I will always remember especially when it comes to others.
Thank you, Rinpoche, for this profound teaching, yet another reminder to me.
I had past experiences of these and shall be more aware in the moment and future. These are wise values to share with my loved ones, friends and anyone who, like me, faces our own demon daily. Reading and understanding is not enough but most importantly, I have to apply them daily.
Dear Rinpoche,thank you for the post!! I always enjoy reading your blogs.Wishing you a Happy New Year full of blessings,health and happiness to you and your furry little guys!! Please take care!!
Dear Rinpoche
I am use to be a lazy person. I wish to have simple life and with no responsible. But after learn about dharma, the law cause and effect, I know as a human being we can’t escape or avoid from the responsible. In fact to carry more and more if possible in order to become a better person.
Rgds
Suet Moi
I used to be a very angry person. People couldn’t tell but I was very angry, so I was unhappy. I was angry at nothing in particular and it was self-destructive because I was striking out and hurting a lot of people, and not achieving much.
Then Rinpoche taught me that anger is okay and actually, it is just an energy. If I apply the same energy towards a goal, I can gain results; If I am ‘angry’ for the right motivation, I can achieve a lot because my ‘anger’ will drive me towards my goal.
To change the motivation for my anger, I had to deal with it and first recognise that I was angry. In that way, I stopped avoiding my problem and the root cause of my anger. I stopped feeling angry for no reason so thank you Rinpoche for this teaching which you have consistently given for many years.
After much comtemplation the key word is “TAKE ACTION” and do it.
I will always remember this teaching…
Thank you our lovely kind guru for giving us a very clear explanation.
Love Always
Lisa
What I love about this teaching is that Rinpoche points out that which shrinks our “world”, where we can benefit and benefit from.
I appreciate very much the many examples Rinpoche gave that when we avoid, we cut off a percentage of our world, as in the people around us whom we can benefit from and for us to bring from benefit to also.
Avoidance is a plague which cuts us off the ability to love and to give love. It is a plague because ones we allow it, it goes rampage on its own in our mind. What caused this plague? Laziness, anger, low self esteem, impatience, not taking responsibility etc etc…
We don’t arrest it but continue to avoid … perhaps because we feel we don’t need these people around because they bring no benefit, bring no good, and have nothing better than us to offer? All the reasons Rinpoche gave so clearly in this teaching.
It is painful to open our hearts, to accept… but what choice do we have? If we avoid, we have already closed our hearts and chosen a lonely path.
Rinpoche wishes so much for us to be well, to have a mind which is resilient to difficulties, difficult people. Again, what choice do we have? We can’t escape because the experience is within our minds.
I have much to contemplate on from this teaching..
Thank you, Rinpoche, for this profound post that is laden with meaningful advice.
Avoidance, as I understand it, stems from my not facing up to my delusions, fears and my fixated projections of how things and people should be or should not be. It is true I often wallow in my delusions, fears and fixations so much so that I am stuck and cannot move beyond them and progress.
It is time I face up to these delusions, fixations and fears and deal with reality and move forward.
Dearest Rinpoche,
Thank you for this profound teaching which is very timely as we are approaching 2012. Whatever has not worked for us, we can fix right now by changing our attitude and perception. As usual, Rinpoche provides very practical and logical advice so that we can achieve our goals when usually we fail because we sabotage ourselves.
This advice particularly resonated with me: “Self esteem and accepting who you are with the good and the bad is the key to growth. Acceptance doesn’t mean stagnation but constantly positively challenging yourself to free yourself of your negative past, your projections, your anger and your fears. Time is very short. Go al the way. What else is there to lose that you have not lost?”
There’s no reason not to go all the way – there’s no reason to avoid anything because there’s no where to run. We cannot avoid our responsibilities if we want to achieve results. Every part of this teaching can be immediately applied by anyone – no matter what background or faith – because Rinpoche’s advice is so universal.
Thank you Rinpoche for Rinpoche’s kind guidance always.
Happy New Year Rinpoche – May Rinpoche have good and stable health and may all of Rinpoche’s dreams be quickly fulfilled.
With folded hands,
Sharon
Thank you for this post Rinpoche. What stands out most for me is the part about propensity.
I remember in the past Rinpoche said to us that every moment is a choice for our karma. In that moment, we can either choose to create more good, bad or neutral karma.
Combined with Rinpoche’s teaching on propensity, I feel that karma is like a ball rolling down a hill. At that moment in time, you have a choice to set the good karma ball rolling, or the bad karma ball rolling. Once it has set off though, you have very little choice already – the ball rolls down the hill and picks up all the good/bad karma along the way, and it becomes very difficult to stop.
It’s very scary to think that once we set out on the wrong path, we have very little choice to stop it. It makes it all the more important for us not to avoid the correct decisions in favour of those that lead to negative consequences.
Strikes a chord in me. Rinpoche’s teachings as always point directly to our minds and heart. Awhile ago I had given a talk to KSJC members on ‘ How to overcome difficulties in life’ which share common themes with the above. However, it did not have the moving and penetrating power of Rinpoche’s words and multi perspectives which can only come from the highest wisdom and compassion.I will take to heart these precious advice,esp the part on speaking out to stand up for a princple ,and hope others will as well.With deep humility and joy , I will share this article with members in our dharma classes, English and Chinese. It will be one of the most practical and useful lessons we can apply in our daily lives. Thank you Thank you.
Dear Rinpoche,
Wow, thank you for this amazing, thought-provoking post. I feel that Rinpoche has perfectly pin-pointed all that alot of us do, but do not realise, or do not want to realise i.e. “avoiding the truth.
What is written here rings a chord loudly wihin me. Avoiding anything does not solve the situation at all, keeping silent only temporarily “heals” the situation as you dont want to or are too lazy to face it. And in the end, more damage is done than good. The situation will get to a point where you can’t do anything but to face it, and by then it could be too late.
There is only a few ways to gain respect, and primarily, it is RESULTS, and taking action and responsibility so no one else need to pick up your scraps. It is so true. There is nothing more precious than gaining respect that way.
You can keep silent once, twice, three times, but eventually you would have to speak, otherwise you will fall behind as other people get tired of you and your lack of participation. It might be damaging as well, if you don’t speak up to clear doubts, as it may be detrimental to other’s mindset.
Ultimately, everything is in the mind and within capabilities. It is whether we want to remain avoiding the situation or face it.
This post is such a great teaching, Rinpoche. Thank you. I will read it constantly, again and again, to use it to remind myself how to improve myself in my path to benefit others.
Love,
Carmen.
Thank you Rinpoche for the detailed explanations as to how our minds work. Laziness, ego, pride, selfishness, covering up, ignorance that makes us unhappy in the end. I am trying to do more by not only saying it but I want to try hard and change how my lazy mind works. Being ignorant and selfish are the things I need to change. I realized that what I did in the past have been nothing compared to what I am doing now. And it’s not only for myself as I get to help other people as well. The kindness and love that Rinpoche showed to everyone made me realize that there are more to just partying and having fun all the time and waste my life just like that. I have wasted enough time before and now I have to work extra hard to payback what I have lost.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for taking the time to type out this teaching, so that we may refer back to it again and again.
After reading this post, I see that there are so many underlying reasons and consequences, and ways of doing this one word “avoidance”. From what I gather, the want to avoid something stems from not wanting to lose, don’t want shame, don’t want pain/discomfort i.e. 8 worldly concerns. It is more tempting to succumb to short term “gain” than “pain”.
But as Rinpoche pointed out, there are so many negative consequences from constantly avoiding to protect our egos. Very not worth the short term “gain”! Not avoiding something which we do not like and facing it full frontal actually brings the opposite: gain in other people’s trust, gain in knowledge, broaden comfort zone, increase in resilience, lesser laziness… The benefits far outweigh the “cost” of not avoiding.
Thank you Rinpoche. I will remember to live by this and have shared it with my friends.
Above blog article is worth more than life-times of learning and study to be able to reach such a level of “awareness” and “wisdom” to deal with such phenomena in our everyday humdrum life and due to our samsaric habitat. Thanks truly and deeply to our compassionate guru, Tsem Tulku Rinpoche for this timely, frank, truthful and factual teachings which should indeed be an ideal guiding light for our KH to adopt for our everyday use to nuture and serve to benefit all sentient beings, including ourselves too. Similarly as in the golden words of our Lord Buddha who said, ” By oneself indeed is evil done, and by oneself is one defiled. By oneself is evil left undone and by oneslf indeed is purified. Purity and impurity depend on oneself. No one can purify another.”
Dear Rinpoche, thank you for the post.
This article will be a constant reminder for me. One must always have positive attitude if one should progress into a new level of anything we are pursuing, be it spirituality or secular. We must learn to except criticism, ideas and different ways to approach certain matters.
Pointless to have negative energy/attitude to stop us from the path to be a better person.
Thank You.
Dearest Rinpoche,
I have to face the truth, no matter how long I avoided to look closely at my projections and how long I was hiding behind addictions and accusations. These karmic habituations risk to linger around for a long time and will only grow as time goes by.
Results can only come if I take action towards the goal. Thank you for this clarification and may I put it into action.
Thanks Rinpoche so much for the fluent explanation of our bad habituation.
Every sentence pounds to my head.
We usually will choose to think in the way that other people are wrong, and we are right even though sometimes we realize they can be correct too. Due to our ego and attachment to ourselves, we manipulate the situation in our mind and make it our way, which we are correct most of the time. This is a very serious mind disease that affected people in many ways, and it brings us further to have more anger and hatred. To continue to hold on our “righteous”, we avoid people and situation that challenge it. I admit that I was one of them too.
To seek more happiness and peace of mind, we must abandon this type of thinking and swift the focus to how to make every situation most beneficial to others. For me, this is my antidotes to less focus on my own emotion, and focus out. And it helps as I am less controlled by the anger and bad emotion anymore. This consider another type of “avoidance” but this “avoidance” from our own selfish mind is benefiting me than avoid the outer things like people or situation that I don’t like.
So just face it and fix it!
这是一堂非常非常探索深入人性执著的课题。。。谢谢尊贵的上师。
对。。。这就是人类的本性，至所以不快乐，失落，消极，烦恼。。。一切一切。
的确是与他人无关。我自己还曾不是一样呢?
其实，快乐是有方法的。
佛法的三毒五欲五盖无明，这些都是人性带来，也是称为烦恼与痛苦。
仁波切这遍文章，非常的贴切，在这里，他己经开了一贴药方给我们，也己经给了我们答案。
仁波切给我们理解痛苦的来源，如何把心打开，心无挂礙，才能让烦恼与痛苦远离。安乐自在。
再次感谢尊贵的仁波切。我努力学习，愿像你一样。
I felt the most important thing is to take responsibility and don’t blame others. If we cannot achieve what we set out to do, we should not (and cannot) blame other people or the situation. We must have done something previously which causes the results we have today.
What Rinpoche explained is very profound. Rinpoche managed to explain karma without actually using the work karma, but purely based on logic.
Thank you so much for the clear explanation!!
Reading and contemplating on the above has brought my mind to travel back in time even till now on how these projections, fixations and expectations that we have on ourselves and others, always resulted undesirable actions and results…which at the end of it is ourselves that we need to check into our mind and motivation.
Thank you so much for the advice and it has been and will always keep this as my “daily sadhana” to improve myself for others for we cannot run away from our own created actions….”By doing more and doing it well you learn, grow, overcome fears, engender respect, gain self esteem and many other positive outcomes.”
Another advice from Rinpoche which I have always kept in mind…How we want others to treat us, is how we treat others.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thanks for the post, so true that
“results resemble the action. Results arise from actions.”
Stay quiet and waiting with no action definitely do not create any result, just an AVOIDANCE, NO ACTION!
Taking responsibilities is part of growing up”
I realized once I take up the responsibilities, create the cause to make things happen, there sure has a sign of improvement….sometimes there are obstacles arise, but the outcome definitely much much better than TO AVOID.
Will take this post as guidance in my daily life.
My dear Rinpoche,
When I read this post, it feels as if Rinpoche wrote it especially for me… I find myself described with much details, not very flattering details, of how my deluded mind works.
But it was written for many… Oh no… are there many people like me around too? Ohoo…
Well, the good news is that we may all read this post again and again and contemplate deeper and deeper on it.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you very much Rinpoche for this very clear and deep teaching.
After reading this article, now i understand why i fail! True, very very true,not only my ego, my laziness that fail me. Also, i like to avoid. i love to avoid everything i can’t handle.
Sometimes, i prefer to keep silent, not because face, but, “to save” the person’s face, i know he/she is wrong but i just kept silent. This article actually reminding me of how selfish i am, to keep in silent is not helping or saving the person, but to let the person repeat their mistakes again.
Time to wake up for me. Thanks Rinpoche for this article. I will print out and read as a motivation for me. Brave to face myself!
Dearest Rinpoche,
It is most interesting to read what I think we all already know deep down inside which we tend to hide or compartmentalize because of our own projections. Some of us have all the excuses for failing but yet we do not use the same intellect to make us succeed. Excuses and Drive come from the same source so why not use the positive and NOT the negative?
Perhaps it is fear, perhaps it is laziness, perhaps it is anger… but all that IS a projection as clearly mentioned above, hence is it not easier to just “bite the bullet” and DO IT. After all, self esteem, I read somewhere, is defined as:
The original normal definition presents self-esteem as a ratio found by dividing one’s successes in areas of life of importance to a given individual by the failures in them or one’s “success/pretensions”.
With that in mind, I most certainly want the equation to be that of a favourable number in my books!
Thank you Rinpoche for reiterating and reminding us of the very demons that lurk within us which have nothing to do with the convenient blame of so called “exterior circumstances/influences”.
Much love… Andrew
Thank You Rinpoche for this most applicable truth.
We must take action and not have a fixed projection of the results. Move on an take action to make good things happen. Anger arises because we project a fixed expectation of what should be the results and when it didn’t happen the way we projected. Anger arises from a self cherishing mind with lack of awareness and wisdom.
We will have a projected results or objectives in a project but we must examine ourselves if we have done our utmost; are we lazy, avoid responsibilities, we don’t like somebody etc and hence do we at least give the project a chance to succeed by doing our best? Even if we did, others may not live up to their part. We cannot get angry with others but show others by our work habit and character that they too can and should do things by our example or better. If we can do that, be an example, be humble, be patience and yet push along then we give ourselves and others the best chance to succeed.
After reading the above and contemplate the teachings in relation to myself, I must admit that I have all the above weaknesses : anger, staying quiet, avoidance etc.
Thank you Rinpoche. I have saved the teaching in a special folder so that I can refer to it from time to time and this will be my spiritual training mannual.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this great teaching. It has come so timely to me. I will always keep in mind to speak up and not to only hold on to my face as it will not support me in anything at all. I’ve got to learn up more and not be lazy to do so.
With folded hands and respect.
What Rinpoche said in this post is so true. I have checked my own situation and I see very clearly that by refusing to bite down on what was a relatively insignificant problem years ago I have directly caused the issue to snow-ball into a something much more formidable today. By being in denial that the problem stemmed largely from the way I viewed things, by refusing to change and take an alternative view way back then, I actually created a REAL problem. Our afflictive thoughts cannot grow unless we keep feeding it with more and more material to substantiate itself on. Our wrong views, angst and anger cannot continue unless we keep reinforcing it. It is the most proficient robber of our life, opportunities, future and ability to realize true joy. It has the ability to over-ride ALL our positive qualities.
If ever we get to a point where we feel that the whole world is against us, if ever we get to a point where we feel that nobody understands us, if ever we start entertaining thoughts such as “why should I…”, if ever we get to the point where we genuinely feel that the other party, whoever they may be, are always wrong (even if they are wrong) we start to withdraw into our own cocoon of self-serving delusions. It is not a beautiful butterfly that emerges one day – but a huge ugly hairy caterpillar.
To quote CS Lewis, “The safest road to hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts…” And that was the one I took because it was easier to blame.
The issues I had back then are no more but my problems remain and are much bigger. The people I had issues with have gone on to have merry lives and today I am stuck with a huge ugly monster to wrestle with.
We either deal with ourselves or else we have to deal with all “the others”. And there are so many of them, our anxieties will never end.
Thank you for your advice Rinpoche. What you advised is logical and true. Fixation of our projected views makes us a loser. To achieve our goal is to focus on it without letting our neurosis get into our way. Always assume responsibility and improve ourselves in knowledge and attitude is the way to progress.
Thank you, Rinpoche, for pointing out the root of our problems. We can’t run away from our delusions. We will always have problems with others as long as we do not overcome our afflictive emotions and fears. We need to be mindful of our feelings all the time. When we have negative emotions, it means that we are on the wrong track. So we need to deal with these negative emotions immediately. Avoidance is never the solution.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for the explanation on avoidance. It’s true that we always allow our emotions, fears and projections get in the way of the bigger goals; goals that truly matter. We always tie ourselves down with these self created obstacles.
The key is to JUST DO IT and let go of our negative emotions because life is extremely fragile. We can die any second. So there’s no point in hanging on to negative emotions that get in the way of progress.
Regards,
JP
Dearest Rinpoche,
Thank you for your teachings and I find it to be so true. Since joining Kechara, I’ve been put into positions/responsibilities that I would never had dreamt of nor would have liked. Instead of wallowing, I’m continually overcoming my inner obstacles/demons to fulfill my responsibilities to the best that I can. In doing so, I feel myself breaking the bariers each/every time and expanding my boundaries. In applying your teachings, I’ve also overcome many of my preset thinking and expectations. Keeping the thought of “this is for Rinpoche, Kechara and to spread dharmic benefits to others” is enough to motivate me whenever I face obstacles. All in all, ultimately I am the one who benefit most from all that I’ve put in.
Dearest Most Holy Rinpoche;
thank you for this post; it was most timely for me. I like what you had to say about self esteem, something I’ve struggled with too long. i will rely more on my practice and less on samsara. thank you again.
with respect, mary
Wow, very clear, thank you!
For me the sentence: “Self esteem and accepting who you are with the good and the bad is the key to growth.” was the one that light-up when I red it. 🙂 Thanks again, with love, rita
Running away is always not a long term solution. We always tend to visualise outcome as very negative, which normally are not in actual fact. The longer we run, the harder it is to face it. And eventually we hav to.
However it takes a lot to go out of your comfort zone, but do it anyway. 🙂 first try you fail, keep trying. Sometimes your awareness drop and you forget, remind yourself and try again. just try again and again.
If you’re doing something for benefit of others, the more that yourself seems sooo small. Makes no sense to give up. Maybe u cherish yourself more than others thats y it seem so tough.
Thanks Rinpoche. It was a timely article and the points really connects and means a lot to me. In time of trouble, i MUST always remember and make this article as a guiding principle. Thanks.
Hi Rinpoche, so mean we need to be brave, truthful, took responsible and face it now then escape the problem and let it grow big in future ?