Do you want to know why you make mistakes?
This is a powerful picture… and it is the source of strength because if we just follow it, we will be different… I like quotes that make us think deeper, fight our own mind and gives us strength that comes from within. A strength that comes from knowing we are our own authors of our fate is the best strength you can rely on. Sympathy and help from others are constantly changing… so do not elicit permanent hopes in others not because they are bad, but it is the nature of existence… Blame no one and ask nothing… just get results from your own inner strength and then turn around to help others tirelessly.
A quote that I believe in fully in this magnificent Lion with the sun…
Has anyone heard any of this before from a family member, partner, spouse, or an ex, friend, co-worker, confidant or associate:
- I cannot do this.
- I cannot do that.
- I am supposed to make mistakes because I am a loser.
- I slipped on this again.
- I forgot that again.
- I wanted to do better but it came out that way.
- I promise this won’t happen again, but if it does, I warned you already..
- I know my mistakes are disappointing but I still want you to give me the full perks…
- Forgive me for the hundredth time.
- I keep making mistakes but I do not mean ill will towards you…
- Can you repair my mistake again?
- Can you not assign me things I know I can do, but I don’t want to do?
- Can someone else do it for me?
- Can I have less to do because you can perhaps do it for me?
- I like to use emotional blackmail, like threaten with suicide, if you push me.
- Suicide is a great way to get sympathy and manipulate others if I make mistakes which I plan to.
- I failed because I had a bad childhood.
- I was hurt before so the world owes me.
- My parents abused me so I have the habituation of hurting others.
- I was not raised this way, so allow me to fail.
- I am not to blame for the mistakes, you didn’t lay it out all for me.
- Of course you should reimburse me even though I made so much damage with my mistakes.
- You should all practice patience with all my mistakes…. you should be the stronger one…
- I hate mistakes and I need you to forgive me because I can’t forgive myself.
- I am so unhappy with myself because I can’t change.
- I don’t want to change. I know what I need to do, but I just can’t do it. You do it.
- Can you do it for me? I know I am not a child anymore, but I don’t know why I keep failing.
- I know you told me what I can do to improve, but I forgot.
- I don’t want it easy, I just don’t want hard work.
- I am not consistent because I get bored. Why push myself? My parents will support me.
- I used to have a lot of money and I’m not used to doing this myself so hence the mistakes.
- I know I can keep failing because I can always run back to my parents.
- Someone will take care of me so I am ok if I fail.
- Failure is just your perception.
- Everyone except myself is right.
- Can sorry wipe away the damage I have done to you?
- You can’t find anyone else anyway, so you have to put up with me..
- Can you clean up my mess for me because you have more time?
- I fail and it’s your fault.
- I have too much work, that’s why I keep making mistakes.
- Failing is in my genes.
- Failure is not something I anticipated but it just happens.
- I make mistakes because I can get attention… never thought of getting attention the right way.
- It’s harder to succeed and I am too lazy to push myself so just let others pick up after me.
- I am not selfish if I make mistakes consistently.
- Can you take over my work? Because I quit to save you from more trouble. But sorry, you still have to do my work over.
- I am quitting because I made so many mistakes. I’ll just take me to the next job.
- Sorry I cheated and lied to you again and you can’t trust me. But my mistakes just awaken your own trust issues.
- I know I hurt you but I didn’t mean to. You’re just being oversensitive.
- I don’t update because I have nothing to update, so is that a mistake?
- I know what I need to do, I’ve heard it all before, and I agree, but I might do it again.
- I over-explain real eloquently because I don’t want you to pinpoint my mistakes.
- I know I spend more time explaining why I make the mistakes than to put the time into not making the mistakes because I want you to understand why I make mistakes.
- It’s ok for me to point out your mistakes, but when you point out mine, I get depressed, shut down and numb out.
- I know you know what I am supposed to do. But do you know that I know why I failed again?
- Failure is a part of learning. So I love to learn.
- I am failing and I am very kind to you, because I am helping you to deal with reality and people like me. Without me, how would you learn?
- I am part of your spiritual development, so just tolerate my mistakes again.
- Gee, you’re impatient with all my wrongdoings. What happened to your compassion?
- God, Buddha and the saints are all so compassionate with my failure, but you are not.
- But my ex used to put up with it.
- Well, I know my ex used to put up with it and that’s why they are my ex… so can you put up with it?
- No one is doing their job, so why should I? If they can fail, so can I and if you don’t like it, I run away.
- I like to give wrong information so I look good, it doesn’t matter how it affects you negatively because I’ve gotta look good.
- What’s the big deal with mistakes? Just put up with it until I am ready to do my work well.
- I make mistakes because I am pregnant again.
- I make mistakes because I didn’t hear you. Yes, I need to get my ears checked. Sorry.
- I make mistakes because of my medical problems although the tests came out clear.
- I make mistakes because my psychologist said I am depressed, suicidal and I deserve better.
- I am not selfish just because all the work I hand in have mistakes.
- Let me warn you that I am not well in the head as verified by doctors, so get ready for the mistakes. Am I hired?
- I never give a clear or concise answer because I made mistakes and I don’t want you to know.
- When you question me and I wanna cover my mistakes, I just remain silent.
- I don’t make mistakes, you are just a perfectionist.
- Of course you should pay me for my work although you can’t use it because of the mistakes.
- I make tons of mistakes because I come from a developing country.
- I never finished school and I can’t learn.
- Ok, I make mistakes because I am mentally impaired.
- Well, if you keep giving work that I don’t want to do, of course I make mistakes.
- Well, if I don’t want to do what you gave me, although I know how, what do you expect?
- I can never be as good as you, that’s why I fail.
- I fail because you can’t fit me into your mould.
- Can I have my paycheck although all my work has mistakes because I have bills to pay?
- God made me this way. So the mistakes come along with it.
- Well it’s karma, what? My mistakes are karma.
- It’s your karma to get me, so accept your fate.
- Why should I work for love, acceptance and respect.. you’ll just cover for me.
- Why do I not get someone to love me although I can’t change?
- I know you have supported me and you should continue to because you can do more and I can’t.
- I can’t do it because my dog ate the computer.
- I can’t drive, can’t find a taxi, no cars left in the city, sorry for my mistakes.
- The gods told me to do it.
- What’s the point, I’m imperfect so of course I make tons of mistakes.
- The voices in my head made me do it.
- I don’t want to take my medication because it is too much work to do it right.
- You have no right to judge me because I am human. So expect the failures and mistakes again and again.
- They do it differently on my planet.
- Your plane of existence is different from mine.. so it’s not a mistake.
- I’m just more arty farty.. not the technical..sorry.
- Well we are unique individuals and I just happen to make mistakes.
- Don’t judge me because I am human. You clean up the mess.
- I don’t have enough money money that’s why I keep making mistakes because I can’t focus.
- I’m not rich enough to be mistake free.
- When I get the perfect relationship, the perfect job and the perfect house, then I will be perfect without mistakes. Really!
- It’s not me, it’s the system.
- They made me confused. I was lost. I was not sure of myself again.
- I’m uninspired so it’s not my fault.
- How come I have to be perfect?
Have you heard any of these excuses and do you have any to add below??? Which is your favorite line?
Tsem Rinpoche
Please support us so that we can continue to bring you more Dharma:
If you are in the United States, please note that your offerings and contributions are tax deductible. ~ the tsemrinpoche.com blog team
Reading again this article as it tells us all to improve ourselves by not giving excuses in whatever we do and avoid mistakes. We try to make an effort in what we do, not an excuse. Make excuses rather make changes will not help us to go further in life. When we make excuses, we put more and more time in between ourselves and our success. We will disappoint others around us and ultimately weaken. Failures usually come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing.
This is a good one “Failure is a part of learning. So I love to learn.” I guess most of us fail to learn but not learn to fail in order to succeed. Thank you Rinpoche for these meaningful examples to learn and wake up from our own mistakes. 🙏😎
Mistakes are a part of being human. I did make mistakes over the past before coming to Kechara, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But those were the days, now appreciate my mistakes for what they are and amend it. Learning to recognize my own mistakes rather than always pointing out to someone else’s have since changed my life. Precious life lessons that could only be learned the hard way or by someone experience. Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. There is always a choice when a mistake is made, calmly admit it, learn from it, correct it and apologize to those that were adversely affected. Recognize you’re wrong. To accept blame, we must acknowledge our wrongdoing.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing.
I have heard of many of these excuses too. I have also used some to make myself feel better, which is very wrong. We can be a better person if we want to, we cannot be unmotivated all the time.
If we truly practise Dharma, there will be no problem in making things a success. Dharma is about the attitude. The right attitude is to be mindful, consistent and persistent. When we do something, whether big or small, it will affect someone in some extent. Always strive to do things perfectly and make it convenient for others.
No one owes us anything. Therefore, never take things for granted. We have to be always grateful and be a better person to repay the kindness of people who have been nice to us.
Thank you, Rinpoche for this article, I come across it very timely. When we make mistakes, we can choose to find the reason why we made that mistake, for example, not being diligent enough, too careless, etc. And own up and try to make up for it.
Reading this, am reminded again of how easy it is to fall back any of those listed from saying that the conditions are not favourable or downright poor, or nothing is going our way, or that we’ve been dealt an unfair hand etc. But in actuality, all these can serve as excuses as one move further down the road of giving up and attempts to not feel or minimise feeling bad about it. No matter how hard the situation or how difficult the assignment, it boils down to how we opt to perceive things as well as the manner in which we choose to deal with such circumstances. At the end of the day, when one throws in the towel, one is opting to sacrifice ownership and control over one’s attitude and behaviour. It also translates to the surrender to the boundaries or limitations that one creates for oneself. Interestingly, it is further a reflection of insecurities or fear of failure and a lack of grit in one’s resolution.
I read this article 4 years ago, and today I read it again and found I have a different view about this article. What I got out of it 4 years ago, when I hardly have any Dharma knowledge, and now with a little Dharma knowledge and experience allows me to understand the deeper meaning of this article.
I may not understand the full extent of what Rinpoche wishes to tell the audience, but at this point of time, I understand at least a little of what being conveyed.
In our day to day life, being imperfect beings, we are sure to make mistakes along the way. It is a given and no one would ever expect us to be perfect, unless the person is being unrealistic. Along the way, these mistakes may be detrimental to our projects, and also harm the people around us, in ways we may or may not understand or realize.
And that is normal… and expected… but what’s abnormal is how many of us fail to recognize our mistakes and own up to it sincerely. It is very rare to hear someone apologize with utmost sincerity… because even if they have said ‘sorry’, there’s always an explanation or condition that they will throw in.
Justification… when coupled with a sorry, doesn’t that just make us feel a little better that we were wrong due to certain circumstances? In the end, we’re not admitting to our fault, but instead putting ourselves in a position as the victim lol!
If we’re wrong and failed at something, then be genuinely sorry about it and proceed to think how to make things better, how to ensure such situation is not repeated again. There are no ‘buts’ and ‘what ifs’. After all, if we keep justifying our mistakes, then we will never get out of that state both secular and spiritually, and we will keep repeating the mistake.
How many times have we heard people say ‘Oh I’m sorry for doing this and that, but if it wasn’t for this circumstances that caused me to do this, I wouldn’t have reacted this way etc etc’? Only to see them repeat this cycle again and again? This type of apology, spiritually, it has little benefit. Why? Because we can’t put ourselves as the victim and at the same time sincerely regret our action. With the lack of regret, one of the most important component in the 4 Opponent Powers for purification, we will continue to collect the negative karma which in the end cause us to repeat this cycle of negativity.
Blame no one and ask nothing – I think that’s a great motto to live by. Excuses are endless and there isn’t any use debating them because it’s a matter of perspective. Any situations can always twist and turn into some kind of excuses if we want to. There are people who are excellent in debating and make anything sounds convincing. Still it is a matter of perspective – there is no escaping the duality of everything in samsara.
The bottom line is what does it matter. Who cares why and what are the excuses. Who cares who is to blame. We are responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Our karma follows us like a shadow. Blaming and making excuses doesn’t change karma. Works both ways. People cannot dump their karma on you either by blaming you. So blame no one and ask nothing and just get on with life. One way or another the clock is still ticking and death still awaits.
This is just to real. Some of the above is really funny. And I really have heard some of this nonsense. I credit myself with depth and humor if not one cannot survive the nonsense people dish out.
I think the most common line that I always hear from people around me is that “can you do it for me, you are more free. Look, I have so many things to do. I have to update the situation as well. Just get it done for me.”
I often face myself with this line. But I believe with others always saying this, they would lead up to nowhere in the future. It is because what they claim to have done are all other people’s credits. Sooner or later people will see their true colours.
I’m reading this again and having a real good chuckle. I remember being in the room when Rinpoche was penning down all these mistakes and chortling away next to him. And we laugh because we think the lines are so ridiculous and funny, but those really are lines that people use. They’re funny because they’re so true. I think my favourite (and it changes each time i read this post again), is this one: “I can’t do it because my dog ate the computer” just for how absurd it is, and for the fact that someone could even think they could get away with this!
In reality though, all excuses are just as ridiculous as this dog-eating-the-computer one – we just let it take over our minds and become our whole world when really they’re all just fabrications that we make up and believe to be real. Why are our excuses and “cannots” more real than the effort that we could put towards making things work out? Why are the cannots more real than the cans?
We create all the happening in our life whether with or without conciousness. Rinpoche, honest speaking, the moment i fully acknowledged of it, i am also pressure for cant at least having an subtle or tiny excuse sometimes to ease ourself by blaming others eventhough it is just a small talk within ownself.
“I don’t make mistakes, you are just a perfectionist.” some where along that line,from me to others.
” I’m so tired, I just want to relax and forget about every thing” my wife favourite quote to me.
“I have mind of my own, i’ll do it when I’m ready” general quote that leave me speechless.
Thank you for this great blog rinpoche that inspire me a lot
With respect dear Rinpoche, you have listed almost all excuses and negative thoughts that most of us live in our lifetime.
As the matter of fact, we human being is so capable in self-sabotaging ourselves which as a result, imprint in our DNA and our neuropathway which has been triggered to protect us “so called”. Almost all or at least 60% of listed are being experienced by us since our childhood times and we might not aware but in reality most of our source of problems came from our childhood experiences.
As human needs psychology student and coach, I have encountered numerous of such what we called in NLP, “limiting beliefs” It is so damaging and if we allowed it being run sub-consciously and we shall be operating with these frames and un-useful thoughts that does not serve human mindset.
We should avoid and not give us more limiting beliefs and excuses without understand the actual impact that will hinder our potential. Our potential is to be able fully utilize our mind and thought to serve people that need us.
Hi Rinpoche,
Thanks for the sharing. I was really awed by the collections of so many excuses and most of them which i had never heard off anyway. On the deeper contemplation, it had made me realize that each time i tried to cover my mistakes or weakness with one of the excuses above, its really lame and shameful…for not giving out my best effort instead.
Of all the excuses above, this is the one i love most. Very me to the core
“I’m just more arty farty.. not the technical..sorry”
Thanks.
Rgds,
Andrew chiam
This is exactly what puzzled me with one subordinate of mine for several years. She was really good at it.
She would start with: “I’m really too busy to deal with this urgent matter. Can you do it for me? Just this time…?” (repeating)
Then “But you’re better at it then me, you do it…”
“But you did it last time, so you should do it now, too” (also had to jump in last time coz of one of her excuses!)
“But I never did this before! So, how am I supposed to deal with it? No way…”
I think it is a classic example of a good manipulator.
Unfortunately, the management didn’t support her removal from the position. They also had their excuses, which I think were used to cover up their being too lazy to deal with it.
Even after meeting the Dharma, I was puzzled coz I was torn between trying to practice compassion and patience with that subordinate and thinking of the benefit of the majority (customers, coworkers) who I thought would be affected badly if I didn’t correct her mistakes on the one hand, and on the other hand wanting to tell her off in a kind of righteous wrath and pushing her to change. But who am I to apply wrath and differentiate from plain anger?
Although I quit that job already, I still haven’t got a conclusion, coz although working on myself using the Dharma is showing good results, but dealing with manipulation and excuses from others is still a problem for me.
a few of the reasons really made me laugh while a few other reasons sounds too familiar as I have used them many times!
I like this blog post very much as all the reasons listed here only points to one common thing,… which is the reason to NOT improve. Now, why would any sane person continue to take refuge in these reasons! Definately not me!
I am sure many of us have always use the same excuses day in and day out. For me sometime I have give excuses of (I forgot that again), because I know that I not mindful…. Nowadays I will do my best to change myself to be mindful:) Thank you Rinpoche for sharing to all of us and remind us what mistakes that we always give excuses.
Yes all these are heaps of excuses when we don’t want to own up or do something,all so too familiar.
This is my favourite:
“I know my mistakes are disappointing but I still want you to give me the full perks…”
I’ve been experiencing people with this kind of conversation for years and it drives me up the wall when people expect me to continue paying them for substandard work. It’s incredible how people take advantage of others without any sense of embarrassment or remorse. Just take, take and take. Very sad.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for your effort by putting all our lame excuses into words. It is very disturbing for me to actually see our selfishness in the form of wording. Very ugly in fact…except for ‘I can’t do it because my dog ate the computer’. I thought it was cute.
When a person make a mistake they usually kept quiet and get defensive, remembered once i had to walked up to my ex boss told him i am going to see the ‘angry’ client and take responsible of
the mistakes we have created and admitted it…It was quite challenging and scary at first but it felt
good after that. I did something which is not in my comfort zone that day.
I managed to practised a little bit of Dharma on that day.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing. I will share this with my friends.
It is pretty hard & difficult to accept our own mistakes.
Hence, we had come out many excuses as a way to comfort & convince ourselves rather than putting the blame & mistakes on to us.
Well, that’s life but since getting the eductioan & thoughts in Dharma, things change in me…
Thanks to Dharma Teachings…
I always have this mistake ( i forget that again ) and i found out the deep of my mistake is all come from my Selfishness and Laziness. ( i will counter the mistake that i make ). Thanks Rinpoche to sharing with everyone. Much appreciate Rinpoche teaching’s. 🙂
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank You for sharing. Shame on us! EwwWww ><!
This is not surprise as it happens every single day and of cause, i was no exception, no… Meanwhile, i agreed what Thierry had said: "We are too smart sometimes for we can fool ourselves so easily." Yea, "Smart" on the wrong way … We MUST start grow,learn, throw away all these Bullshit thing into a rubbish bin and NO RECYCLE! Between, use this so call "smart thing" on the better, positive way to make great work and people around us happy.
The list above are common but there's one is really funny :p
"I can’t do it because my dog ate the computer." I was,Huh?? Hehhehe ;p
Excuses always pushing people away around us and we will not be happy. Because we hurt them and it show that we do not care of them.
We must over come the negative thoughts in our mind so that we can think positive and achieve whatever we think we cannot do and what we want to do.
Fight for it, to build up our strength between us.
Happiness is in our hand.
Thank you very much Rinpoche for sharing this. Its helps and benefits me alot.
The line I used most should be”I am just not good in this/that” as an easy excuse not to do something I am familiar to or I don’t like.
I have the worse excuse in the world. Its just simply, ‘I don’t want to do it.’ I believe that when a person wants to do a certain thing or not do a certain thing, its really whether they see the value in the task. There is this other line that really caught my attention, ‘belief is what makes a man’.I am very blessed to have the people close to me engaged in dharma. They are wonderful people, because of the dharma. I want to be that wonderful person back to them. Hence, i want to believe in the beauty of dharma, Change the ‘I dont want to do it’ to ‘i want to do it’ for dharma.
In my opinion, for the spread of dharma is very much the doing. When ppl see your actions, only will they inspired to follow. Dharma does not end in the classrooms but in the body speech and mind of the student.
Wee Liang, well said! I totally agree with you. I too suffered from the same illness like you. it’s all about our selfish mind telling us what we like and what we do not like to do! All about how much we really care. We are very fortunate being in dharma and near our guru, let’s make dharma stay inside our heart for the longest time instead of wasting our time making mistakes.
I think Rinpoche’s about encouraging and sometimes skilfully pushing people through their difficult, unexamined thoughts that bind them needlessly. We didn’t even know we had them.
I want to learn more and overcome these kleshas. It would be really good – for me and for everyone else. I’d like to help them prosper. That’s why I need to become a Buddha. Nothing else is good enough for the sake of everyone. I mean, it has to be perfect, or it’s still got a way to go to being self-sufficient and other-helpful. One can’t really rely on anything less than that. That’s why I’m grateful for people like Rinpoche who are so kind to help us all drowning in delusions and not even knowing we are or what to do about it.
Ideally, I’d like this Everything to be a Buddha Land. That would be fabulous.
And then is it possible to clear all the other Universes, too?
Everyone Liberated. Fab-u-lo-us 🙂
xoxo
“It’s their fault”, is one I play a lot. Some of it might be, but the causes for that go deep and deeper, no true beginning, dependent arising. And it’s like the empty boat in that way: no real person or group to blame, sort of like collective, beginningless karma. I like that. It stops me blaming people. But I’m still pretty strong on blaming. I have to snap out of that quick each time before it takes over and ruins my whole day. It’s very self- and other-destructive. If I want to be happy, I shouldn’t have it.
I am not a victim. I am in control.
And so I am.
I just have to keep reminding myself until I don’t even think about it anymore.
If we wish to make excuses then the list of excuses is endless. Perhaps we should contemplate the prayer from ‘Foundation of Excellence’:
“Now that for once, I have a favorable life form full of leisure
Knowing how very difficult it is to attain and its great significance
Bless me that the thought to take its essence
Day and night may be born in me continuously”
Excuse, excuse, excuse and excuse….when I don’t want to do something then I will give my self 100 reasons why I cannot do. When I don’t like to do something, I give myself 200 reasons I don’t like to do….why all this come from…only one big reason called SELFISHNESS.Of course I knew it. But can I change it, oooo….no answer in this moment…then how??? continue make our family, friend, loved one suffering???
How, more care, more caring….very basic and simple reason. Let’s start practice today!!!
I know i hurt you but i didnt mean to , i think you are over sensitive : i get this so often that i really wonder sometimes if i really am over sensitive. Well i guess its really because i myself give them many of the above mentioned excuses ha ha .So i think what goes around really does come back around .
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for sharing this post in funny way like : I can’t do it because my dog ate the computer.haha…yes, we will laugh on it, but it really happen everyday, even few times a day.
The another excuses always heard is : i don’t how to do…then the responsible push to others. Is it the human nature ‘must’ make an excuse?? and even saw some people very ‘smart’,when they not finish work at the end, then they will try to poke another person weakness or mistake to ‘drive’ the attention to another person to cover their mistake to bring out, this is more ‘professional’ excuse skills rite…but what can do?
The favorite line is -The gods told me to do it. I think i will ask back izzi ‘oh my god’ ask you to do ah??..haha, but i really hear it before. How funny that even ‘GOD’ become victim of human excuses also.
All excuses is come along with our ego( like a lot of me, I inside the excuses ) & laziness. and etc…We dare not say never said this all excuse before, and even in the future…And even we do it now, at this moment, but i think important is realize it, learn it, reduce it and overcome it become better person.
Thank you Rinpoche to make us at least one day to think about our mistakes that always make. Thank you
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for posting out our mistakes. All these mistakes are familiar to me. Nothing is new.
When mistakes are done, we try to make ourselves feel better, to cover up our ugliness, we always quote “we are human, not Buddha… of course we made mistakes lah!”
Deep down inside we all know.. Damages has done. We had hurt someone. We regretted at that very moment and we wanted to do something to make it up but at the end we just walk away. Why? We just want to run away from our responsibility. We were too busy, too many other things to do, there are other more important things to do etc etc… We make another mistake to cover the old mistakes!
If we can’t even face ourselves, face our problems and improve, than why are we still doing our Sadhana everyday?
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for posting this teaching up. and oh boy there is just so many excuses that we can make really to cover our laziness.
I have heard many of the above excuses and in fact there were some i have thought or used before. Be it in work or in my daily life routines. it is always easier to make excuses to cover ourselves and then deceive ourselves with the excuse that we have a chance to fail again.
I feel the excuses are also a way for us to make us feel better because we did not do our work correctly and give us a chance to continue to make further excuses to cover our mistakes.
I have learned from this post that we should just make things happen rather than just to blame it on others and make excuses. Yes we are human and can make mistakes but we should not be making excuses for us not to push the assignment through.
Thank you again for the post.
justin cheah
In life, almost everyday when I deal with people for sure we can get all kind of funny excuses. If he/she is my colleague or friend then I will straight away tell him/her why I feel her reason to make mistake is just another excuse. But most of the time, they will just replied me – “Not everyone is like you, can do everything with full force, I’m still new, young, inexperience so I need to learn few more times”. Most of the people doesn’t admit they make mistake, so they think the excuses are valid and acceptable.
Thank you.
KSK Committee has just finished reading this together, but not physically together as some members (Julia, Victor and Justin Cheah) are away. So we are all on skype at the same time. The wonders of technology!
I have heard most of the excuses many many many times and i am also a culprit of many of those excuses. It is always easy to blame it something else and hide behind it. My favourite has to be ‘I can never be as good as you, thats why i failed.’ Its because i have used that line often in the past. Not anymore! Now my line is ‘I will be better than you, and i will succeed!’
All these lines are founded from ‘ME’, mistakes are done because we are selfish and we don’t think about others.
If we are care enough for others, we will be more mindful of our works and our results, by making less or zero mistake, so others do not have to clean up after us.
I think this should be included in our national curriculum!
Namaste..
每一天，我们都善用这108些心魔的借口，去逃避错误。「逃境安心，無有是处。」逃离眼前的错误，再去找一個安心的借口，根本不能解決問題！而是让错误不停的再重复，循环。
身边的人提出错处， 我们试着靜下心來面對 （一）不隨境转，不去反驳，不起妄念 （二）心，保持平靜 ； 斷除一切借口，断除一切惡念；
眼前的借口也许是小小的安乐，結果將來却是无边的大苦；眼前貪的一点点小便宜，在地狱里却受無边大苦。给自己借口去犯错，就像打仗一样，你逃壁的話，只有一条路，死路；
只有把他克服，这是唯一生路，从认识善知识，我们就会了解，只有正對他，改变态度，删除借口，我们会发现，只有这一条路是生路。眼前是一点点小小的辛苦，但到最後卻是大安乐。
Future tense is senseless. Wishes for the future is unsure. Be what you wish now. No one controls your body, speech and mind. So you don’t need to transform your body speech and mind in the future. Fortitude and tenacity is achievable now. if you don’t achieve it-then it is a choice. Pick the right choices. In real dharma with real dharma friends and real dharma work and real dharma environment, there is no future tense. We may not even be alive tomorrow. It is now. Your body, speech and mind is controlled by you..so don’t blame a third person that is fictitious. Don’t make your teacher a liar and Buddha not real..be here and now. Have the qualities now. You are in control of yourself. Your teacher is not a liar and there is a Buddha…Sarva Mangalam….Tsem Rinpoche
_/\_ _/\_ _/\_
dear Tsem Tulku Rinpoche, Please live long …
The most common phrase from co worker would be: “why should I do it, that’s not my problem”. And shame on me for keep making the excuse like this “I know you told me what I can do to improve, but I forgot.”
Dear Rinpoche,
Wow…when i read this post and the list of excuses, it hit me straight in my face!! So many of the excuses heard from people around me and even myself, can’t do this, can’t do that!! For me i have been always in my comfort zone simply because think i am the boss of myself but when years are passing by and we becomes more mature, all this excuses make us laugh sometimes!
After i have joined Kechara, i realized there is nothing that we can’t do, it is whether you want to do it or not! So in short, JUST DO IT!!
Thank you Rinpoche for posting this issues so that all of us can think deeper and self transform 🙂
Much care,
Helena
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing.
We must put in effort to find out solution and not to make excuses for us to hide our selfiness.
We have to recognise our fault, put down our ego, be humble. Then we only can see deeper in ourselve to help us to improve,change and transform.
Self cherising / self centered mind will not create a right cause to happen.
Thanks Rinpoche for sharing.
We should put in effort to find out solution and not to give excuses. All these excuses showing that we are selfiness, we always think of ourselve.
Self cherising mind or self centered mind will not create a right causes to happen.
We have weakness, we are not perfect but we cannot use all these excuses for us to fail. We have to put down our ego, recognise our fault then only we can see things deeper in ourselve and change / transform from our mistakes.
What an amazing list of excuses and more even contributed by the commenters on this post!! I must say that before I met Rinpoche, i never thought that i was defensive or giving excuses. Now i know better!!! My favourite excuse from the list is “How come i have to be perfect?” LOL!
I’ve heard these excuses many times and some I’ve used myself too, hehe! I’m very agree with what Uncle Henry said “Everything written down here and these liners used are meant as excuses or setting up as failures so as not to do more. Laziness.”
This is most quote i heard ~ I am quitting because I made so many mistakes. I’ll just take me to the next job. ~ But not mantter where we go, we still carry the issue around.
Another quote is “Failure is a part of learning. So I love to learn.” like we used to say in Chinese ~ 失败乃是成功之母。 但我们也不能时常拿失败来当成我们的借口吧!
I want to add another quote: “Of cos i have mistake, cos i still in Samsara what”.
I WILL TRY MY BEST is another common excuse I always use. TRYING is not a word that will lead me to success. So I want to remind and aware myself that I WANT TO DO, I WILL DO MY BEST would be the strengths that push me to success.
So instead of :
I cannot do this
I CAN DO
I cannot do that.
I CAN DO THAT
I am supposed to make mistakes because I am a loser.
I NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE MISTAKES BECAUSE I AM A WINNER
I slipped on this again.
I do not slip
I forgot that again.
I do not want to be forgetful…etc
Turn the negative excuses into inner strength
“FIGHT OUR OWN MIND AND GIVE US STRENGTH THAT COMES FROM WITHIN”
i never know i had used so many excuses before if it is not listed out.
look like we spend more times and creative to giving excuses then doing our own work.
but the most i use is “too rush”, “no time for douoble check”.
but i am very sure i never use “I am pregnant” as my excuse.
Thanks Rinpoche for sharing all these excuses in the funny way, I am a bit guilty coz this really happened around us! hehe…
I truly “beh tahan” (cannot stand) people saying this, “Gee, you’re impatient with all my wrongdoings. What happened to your compassion?”
I think we shouldn’t use big words in Buddhism as our excuse for failures, it’s not only not responsible to ourselves, it also scares people away from Dharma!
All these lines consisting I/me/mine, pointing that the moment we have these kind of similar excuses, we only focus on ourselves, and don’t care about others.
Instead of finding excuse for ourselves to fail, it’s more contributing that to develop strength in ourselves, to do things that we cannot do or fail before, to go beyond the barrier we preset.
Thank you Rinpoche.
How ingenious and creative our mind can be to come up with so many excuses to justify our mistakes! When we continue to repeat the same mistake, it shows that we really don’t care the effect our mistakes have on others. In another words, we are very very selfish.
Each time we err, we create the cause to make more errors in the future. Unless we correct our mistakes and not repeat the errors, these actions will eventually lead to more and more mistakes and massive failures in all our future endeavours!
At this juncture we spontaneously blame the failures on others and the environments and cover ourselves with lots of excuses. This will never end. In the end, we become the loser because we fail to understand our selfish mind is the root of all these mistakes and eventual sufferings.
To come out of this vicious cycle we must be determined to transform and resolve to perform our tasks with utmost care and efficiency in order to be of benefit to others.
Thank You Rinpoche for this teaching.
The list can definitely goes on and on. We have used probably at least 80% of list to cover up our failures. The reason why we are miserable, sad, depressed, unhappy is because we think others are responsible for our lives.
Stop blaming others and start taking the responsibility, it is hard in the beginning but once we overcome it, we will become a better person and happier…
“I promise this won’t happen again”……Very often we give alot of excuses to cover up our mistakes and then others out of kindness forgave us. But then we do it again and again and again.This kind of attitude or bad habit always make other people feel so tired, helpless, disappointed and lost trust in us. When we fail… we might also drag other people down. so don’t be so selfish. Which do u prefer? Together we succeed or together we fail…
This all is real Excuse people like to said,to cover our laziness, we all like the comfort zone, easy way!!do less but we want merit!!
Why not we think do things is for our good, we can help at the sometime u also learn,and this is priceless!!
Star Now!
heheh, whilst I was reading this post, I found so many of the excuses funny..But why was I laughing? Because deep down inside, I knew that I have used them before, and it clearly highlights me. Its funny, because when you’re not in the situation itself, you tend to actually shake your head in disbelief that one is able to come up with excuses like this to cover their mistakes, their ego, their wanting to blame others etc. and in actual fact, when we are acutally in the situation, we do it without realising – natural instinct of ours to cover up our flaws.
I like the first one most – “I cannot do this” / “I cannot do that”. I know I have used it countlss of times before, limiting myself to even want to try. But now, slowly but surely, I tackle myself back and tell myself “if others can do it, why can’t you?”. 🙂
All this EXCUSE is really people Extremely Tire! Sometime when people tell me something like this i really cant stand it !
This Excuse can make we stop our step, look more wide , and make a lot problem behind.
That is a very selfish & blind when people say & like this.
And when people hear this, the 1st thing is …. they’ll look you down , for the 1st in print!
Trying to hide all this with the excuse!!
We’re was so clever to think all this excuse to hide our fault, why not we just do it. And make thing happen!!
We’re don’t need another list of excuse.
Failing is in my genes.
i’ve used that before, the exact same words… hahaha
Glad i’m not using it anymore lol!
看了这张文章，发觉没进步到，还是那么多的抱怨，不满，不公平，还有很多的借口
还在原地踏步………
唯一认我们与成功之间的距离就是，有很多的借口。
会这么想的就是迈向进步的开始！
接下来就是以行动去证明！ 有信心，与毅力， 一定会成功！！
加油！
This is funny…..”They do it differently on my planet”
I believe we can find quite a number of same species on earth….
Those excuses are just a covering for our laziness & selfishness.
By saying it we are asking people do the work for us, pre warn people that we are going to fail and accept it and is not my fault……..
It’s doesn’t make any different whether it being use in spiritual or circular. Those lines will not make us progress instead keep on making us running around, hide stay on in our comfort zone.
If we don’t push ourself to do more, learn more and think more we always stay at one side and seeing people move forward. Again just the same as in circular world.
But if all the effort and positive attitude focus on dharma work the benefit is much more fulfilling than in circular.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thanks for sharing! What a collection! Yes, I heard of some of the sentences. Some are from my mouth, some are from my brain (never spit out), some are from others. These are all the excuses of ” I just don’t want to do it”. And we made the choice of not doing it.
More to add: I will do it later…Then I forgot!
Christine
Reading the list of all excuses, i check on myself and found that i like to say ” so many things i need to do, i really don’t have time to do more” Another meaning for this excuse is “I am lazy”.
Dear Rinpoche,
This teaching is hilarious and I couldn’t stop laughing when reading through it. I reckon most probably because I am guilty of using at least half of the listed excuses.
My favourite is “It’s not me, it is the system.” This is a poor me excuse, whereby a person blames the whole world for everything that happens to him. No sense of responsibility at all. And this comes through in various versions, such as, “Don’t look at me this way cos’ my dad abused me. So I am all wrong inside. I am no angel!” They use their pitiful state of being to blackmail you and expect you to tolerate their crap or be utterly forgiving of their mistakes.
And since I am reacting so strongly to this particular type of excuse, I must have used it umpteen times, unknowingly my entire life..hmm… Thank you, Rinpoche for illuminating my hidden and denied dark side with your great wisdom and unconditional compassion through this posting.
Today, I have learned and discovered something new. I am so humbled, dear Rinpoche.
Sincerely,
Wendy
I was going through the above with kh com members today and i told everyone to identify which they relate most. Everyone admitted , ALL OF THEM and some will surface sooner or later ! We are honest folks he he.
This is the definitive 108 ways ( YES I counted ! ) of identifying how selfish, lazy and uncaring we are. We tick them off the list one by one by stopping these shameful attitudes now.
OMB, how often I have heard all those excuses, more scary is how often I have uttered them both within myself (without verbalizing) and verbally too.
Sounds funny but not at all when I think of the depth of our thoughts in order to be self cherishing to do less and depend on others to plan, strategize and execute all while we sit lamely doing less and less in life.
The line I like most is “I know I hurt you but I didn’t mean to. You’re just being oversensitive.” Wow that really blows my mind!
Thank you Rinpoche so many profound lines to the deep crevices of our pysche.
It is one thing to make an excuse to explain our mistakes. It is even more damaging when we believe in our own excuses. Until recently, I did not see my mistakes from the perspectives of those who are affected by my mistakes and those who have to “clean up” after me. That is the selfishness in me.
Not being allowed to get away with mistakes and being shown how my mistakes affect those who rely on me, makes me see differently.
My favourite is “How come I have to be perfect?” or “I’m not perfect”. It’s not only being used so often, including myself, it’s even being sung and praised in songs we hear yesterday and today!
It’s amazing how the mind/ego tricks our very own self to become a failure which we actually don’t wanna be. It’s amazing how we self deceive ourselves constantly. A huge mirror this is to look at and stop the bs as time is short!
When I make mistakes, I will keep silence because of reason below:
I will never purposely make a mistake or excuse because of I am perfectionist. What I am pretty sure is I am firm while I am executing, if there is mistake, I will admitted because of sorry no cure. Important thing is I will learn from that mistake and bear in mind would not repeat it again or minimized it.
Share with Kecharian with the quality of work:
1)Has done,
2)done,
3)done right
4)do a good job
Thank you for teaching.
SL
This is very funny and I feel guilty of many of these excuses. I feel very Joey Wong right now. Sorry, its just my sense of humour. Hehe!
My favourite one is “Let me warn you that I am not well in the head as verified by doctors, so get ready for the mistakes. Am I hired?” It is so way off and yet someone has used it to get away with being sloppy. Many of these excuses seemed so way off but there are incredible people who would still use it. It is just so incredible.
There are so many that are nasty excuses that goes on unspoken but the actions speak for itself, if you know what I mean. I know, I have used plenty of these excuses and Rinpoche has heard many of them and I am praying hard and just doing it instead spending so much time explaining and defending.
At the end of the day, its not the committing of the mistake but what am I doing to not repeat the same thing over.
All the excuses above are/were a reflection of ourselves at one time or other. I am definitely a culprit of all of the above. It was pointed out to us the teaching above entails examples of a “self-cherishing” or “self-centre” mind which we have. Rinpoche has pointed out to us that our mind can play mind games inside our own head. We always try to push our responsibilities to others saying it is Yours and not mine and blame others for making us unhappy, unworthy, unrecognized or lonely.
We were born into this world with “bad” habits like all the above but if we acknowledge and realized these “negative” attitude earlier, we can do something about it to change and improve for the better towards positiveness. We take the action to not repeat these mistakes made and that is already an improvement towards change.
Dear Rinpoche,
thank you for the in-your-face post after all the bullshit is swept away. reading through the excuses caught me laughing out loud, simple because i could relate to them. the fact that i could, be it coming from me personally or by those around me… says a lot and it is like every other posting from Rinpoche, a lesson. one which i will constantly stop to examine myself on. thank you again for the sharing, Rinpoche. wishing you well~
much care + respect,
fang
It was like a hit on my head when i read all the excuses above. What’s behind of all these beautiful excuses to cover our self cherishing mind? I would say the common three weaknesses that hit me the most: laziness, defensiveness, self-centredness. Like what Rinpoche had mentioned earlier, we know our weaknesses, we know what we should improve, but we choose to hide, run away just because we do not want to face ourselves. Changing can be hard at the beginning, because we need to face the ugly truth, accept it and fix it but if we have determination to do it and have full faith, then CHANGING IS NOT HARD, WE JUST HAVE TO AMEND OUR PERSPECTIVE~ quoted from Rinpoche.
This is the first time I heard so many excuses. Some of the excuses given are:
This is how things work ( so this is not a mistake and I don’t need to redo ).
Is this a mistake? I don’t think so.
I have to much to do that’s why I make mistake.
“Failure is a part of learning. So I love to learn.”
I like this quote above all because it’s funny and at least witty. If I was in a good mood, I would not be as mad when someone tells me this excuse.
“I was hurt before so the world owes me.” OK, this is probably me!
Well, it doesn’t have to come out in words, but in our actions. When we have this kind of thinking and excuses, we set ourselves to fail already when the initial intention was to cover our mistakes. Hence, why we fail.
Many of the above are classics that I hear over and over in the office. So tiresome yet I know Rinpoche hears so much more of these excuses than I do so I should have nothing to complain about. Being a Dharma teacher especially in a ‘developing’ country like Malaysia sure brings its share of ‘abuse’ to Dharma teachers.
The one I use most is probably:
“I have too much to do” and “can you do it since you have less to do than me”
And the ones that drive me nuts when I hear them are:
“I over-explain real eloquently because I don’t want you to pinpoint my mistakes.”
“I know I spend more time explaining why I make the mistakes than to put the time into not making the mistakes because I want you to understand why I make mistakes.”
Thank you for the post Rinpoche, it is a great insight into the human psyche
“I over-explain real eloquently because I don’t want you to pinpoint my mistakes.”
I’ve to admit that sometimes when its hard to admit you’re wrong, and your body is just full of ego, this does come out of me quite often. But it was also when i had multiple conversations with a specific friend that spoke like that too did i realize covering up my mistakes with beautiful words does not get the problem solved.
I do also wish that friend would stop beautifying his words to cover his insecurities.
I don’t update because I have nothing to update, so is that a mistake? – this is probably my favourite line of all time.
I have a new one, “I fail because I am tired.”
“How come I have to be perfect?”
heard dis alot. =D
I’ve heard these excuses many times and some I’ve used myself. I guess this is a challenge we need to overcome. I like the comment “Failure is a part of learning. So I love to learn.” Although I’ve never heard it being used before.
Dear Rinpoche, you know us to so so well, Yes this mistakes we make all the silly mistakes and we repeat it over and over again. Like I have used them a thousand times and I blame my poor eyesight and I am ashamed of myself and I want to perserve to improve myself in everything I do. Because I dont want to hurt others. If I keep making mistakes I will cause other hurt and inconveniences to clean up my dirt job. Thank you for point it out to us.
“I have too much work, that’s why I can’t focus. It’s impossible for me to deliver a good quality of work results”
Recently I used this comment the most. I know soon or later this will stop me from doing my best or moving forward. I have to start stopping myself from using this as excuses. Keep telling myself “I love the job”, “Put more effort and make the impossible to possible.”
Thanks so much to remind us we have to be brave and stand
I have come across many people who always say “I cant do this, I cant do that”. I think it is not they cant do this, they cant do that. It is because they are lazy and just don’t want to do it. They refuse to learn so that they can get the easy way out. If we insist they do it and they make mistakes, they will say “Well, if you keep giving work that I don’t want to do, of course I make mistakes.” Always pointing fingers at other except themselves.
We do indeed make mistakes as we are not perfect. We should learn from the mistakes we made and make sure we do not repeat the same mistakes and making all sorts of excuses to justify the mistake. I believe that we should own up, learn up from the mistake and push ourselves harder so that we do not fail.
My favorite line is “Your plane of existence is different than mine..so it’s not a mistake.” hahaha what a lame excuse
Everything written down here and these liners used are meant as excuses or setting up as failures so as not to do more. Laziness. I guess we are lazy creatures, me included. Be it physical, mental or overindulging in frivolity and chasing after materialism.
So many cliches I like, I think this is quite original:
“They do it differently on my planet”
Tommorow for sure……
There are some excuses above that I have made previously.
The reason I have decided not to make it was because in my previous jobs, my bosses were not that forgiving. You have to pay for your mistakes ie less bonus, no promotion, not chosen for training and etc. And I actually had bills to pay then. And OMG, the hours are long. I must thank my previous bosses for making things “difficult” as I learned how to be responsible.
Working for dharma is no difference. Actually producing results is more crucial here. Results in your dharma work can benefit so much more and failure can cause so much more sufferings.
Making mistakes to many is no big deal cause they always think that the mistakes can be rectify. In their mind, it does not matter who/what has to suffer ie redo the work, opportunity lost & how their work ethics influence other and etc. The impact on mistakes are so great most of the times and it is sad people do not realise it.
I think there are enough excuses on the list and we dont need any more to be added on it.
The best way to prevent us from using any of these excuses is “JUST DO IT”, irrespective of how small, mundane or difficult the task may appear to us. We should do it with sincerity, passion and a good motivation and always with a mind thinking of “How to excel even better”
Thank you Rinpoche for always using cute and funny ways to wake us up and stop us from our bad habituations.
This is sure a long list of excuses, Rinpoche. I am also a culprit of many of them. My favourite would be “I can’t do it because my dog ate the computer” Haha. Just like a school kid who has not done the homework and gave the excuse of the dog at it.
“I don’t have the time to do it” is one of the many excuses I have heard.
Thank you Rinpoche for this awakening post!
ouch! Thanks Rinpoche. Other than my parents and You my Guru, no one tells me how bad I am. Im grateful to have You to tell me all these lame excuses i’ve used in the past or even now. Alright, keep work more, complaint less then! 🙂
This is funny “Your plane of exsitence is different than mine..so it’s not a mistake.” Hehehe
Other excuses (direct or indirect) I encountered go something like “I don’t agree with how this project is being managed and I don’t like the boss (so I will not cooperate and do my part well, I don’t care if the other team members have to do their part AND pick up my slack).” Or “Here is the Problem (and I’m on the Problem’s side) there’s NO way it can be solved, because there are so many other problems in addition to this (and I don’t want to think of a Solution).”
Dear Rinpoche,
I got really embarrassed and it was very shameful as I have used about 25% of the excuses presented here before. It’s as if Rinpoche ripped out a page from my excuse book, or rather the whole book of excuses is there, but what I am glad is i notice i dont use most of them anymore.
my favorite one has got to be I failed because I had a bad childhood, which i used to justify my behavior to my friends in the past. I dont do that anymore so yeah…glad i stopped it because friends who left me in the past are suddenly returning and asking me out for meetups! not all, but some.
But the best excuse I have heard so far for failing is “I am this way, i know myself, i am like that and therefore failure is to be expected.” “This is me, take it or leave it. I am like that” Or there’s one my dad uses a lot “I did not fail. You did. So dont blame me.” another very buddhist one is “i dont have enough merits or affinity to dharma in my past life, so it is okay if i fail”.
Thank you Rinpoche for illuminating the darker corners of my mind that I have been not facing.
Dear Guru, I always hide. I think the excuses that i used to say is “NO Time”, “very busy”. This blog’s post is like a mirror to show how i fail.
Oh dear…what a long list of excuses! Hahahaha…. Well I cannot deny them at all for I have heard many of the excuses from “Is not me it’s the system” to “How come I have to be perfect” and many many more as listed above.
Excuses are made from all levels either to escape, cover up or run away from responsibilities without putting sincere constant effort to learn, to know more, to change nor to understand how it could affect people around them.
I would like to add to the list which I do come across … “I am not good with it and always make mistakes so you guys got to help me.”
It is so annoying to hear or to read them.
这贴文首先让想起陈乐融说过，如果我们有一支只为我们一个人服务，24小时不休息，只看见我们的好、只有赞美鼓励，忘记我们的烂的啦啦队，该有多好啊——其实有的，那支啦啦队就是我们自己。
我和成功之间的距离到底有多远多大？谁又阻挡了我前进，阻挡了我进步？原来都没有什么东西或人，也没有什么历史。很多时候是我们放弃了当自己人生的编剧，又老是在等待别人超棒、不会令人失望的啦啦队。
This should be the line I used most: “Can I have less to do because you can perhaps do it for me?”
This tag line is also very popular “get depressed when someone pinpoint your mistakes” this is ego and save face!!!!
Haha… It is really funny because I am sure many of us have heard the same excuses day in and day out. I am not proud to admit to some of the excuses above. I think 1 of the most common would be this one.
I am quitting because I made so many mistakes. I’ll just take me to the next job.
AND
I fail and it’s your fault.
I am glad I no longer think of the excuses above when I fail because I push myself not to fail.
I have heard most of these comments. These are the type of comments that trigger the fuse for me to spit fire at the persons who said them :-).
My dear Rinpoche…
We are too smart sometimes for we can fool ourselves so easily…
There is one more excuse that comes to my mind:
” (silence – I expect you to fill the silence for me) ”
We do indeed make mistakes because we are so used to be forgiven for them, we are so used to be protected by the family, the colleagues, the society… And we waste up our good karma this way and burden others.
Mistakes can even be used as a way to generate protective behaviors from others, we want “others” to take charge.
Eventually, it is pushing “it” onto others, not a spiritual quality at all.
I think the most common of all is I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO IT. Its an easy way out for lazy people who just do not want to do it.
“If you don’t know you should start learning”, that was one of my friend comeback at me. =D