Are your kids worth it?
If we teach our kids dharma when they are young, it means we love them. If we don’t , when they grow up they will be uncontrollable because the world and media is not getting better. And it influences them terribly…
If they have dharma, then we put something inside of them that is so good and forever. We can only do that if we are practicing..if we are practicing, they follow our example.. if we don’t practice and just tell them dharma, dharma and dharma, they will find us hypocrites and not like the dharma which is pure and beyond criticism.
How much we really love our kids is how much we will really practice the dharma…just like parents who only give food /shelter/education think this is enough, but in today’s world, it is not. How much we love them is how much we will change ourselves and practice dharma and instill it in them. This is the measure of true love and not empty love…..this is good for lay people to remember…
Tsem Rinpoche
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To change others we first must change ourselves, and the same saying goes to the parent-children relationship. Parents cannot just mould their child in to something that they desired or something they are not, children pick up their behaviours and the way to act according to the environment and the people they lived with when they were growing up. There’s a saying, old habits die hard, rehabituation starts from the parents and thereby children will eventually pick up the good habituation the parents instilled. Since parents are the role model for the child to learn, and children are the mirrors for their parents.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this wonderful note.
With folded hands,
Carmen Lin
The best thing we can ever give to our children or the best thing we can ever contribute back to the society is by transforming ourselves and be a good example to the children and younger generation, so that they can apply the good qualities learnt from the Buddhist principles and by then we can improve the community to be more harmonious and peaceful. The best gift to anyone especially young one is the exposure to spirituality, as they grow they will have more skill in dealing with problems.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this piece of thoughts.
谢谢仁波切与我们分享。我觉得让小孩从小接触佛法教育是最好的心灵课程。有佛法心灵的小孩他们多多少少会有慈悲心和正能量的启发。当他们遇到瓶颈或烦恼时也不会轻易的做傻事或受负面影响。这也是我个人经验，因为我从小就有上佛法教育，所以每遇到难关都会以佛法来看待事情或祈福佛法加持。
感恩詹杜固仁波切
因为您的开示与教诲，我们学习了很多，我们也应该的把佛法传给我们的小朋友
佛法包含了很多，能够迎领我们的小朋友走向正确的方向，我们在很大的时候才遇见我们的上师，接触到佛法，因为我们的功德不够
然而培养小朋友从小就开始接触佛法，学习好所有累积福德资粮的修行，那么他们就能有更充足的时间来累积功德，与能够有更多的时间来完成许多的修行，走向证悟与能够在年轻的时候就转化成更好的心识，从而有力量利益与帮助一切的众生
师父常说不要再等了，没有时间了，世间无常，我们自己都后悔那么迟才来到这里学习佛法，许多大动作的修行，如大礼拜，我们都开始有心没力了，快把佛法传给小朋友吧，我相信这是对他们最好的一份礼物
感恩詹杜固仁波您的教诲与开示，没有您，我学习不到那么多的佛法，祈愿您长驻在世，常转法轮
I feel really blessed to have been born close to the dharma, especially growing up to see my parents and sisters practice it. I really appreciate all that Rinpoche and my family has done to give me the dharma and knowledge to make what I hope are the right decisions, good decisions. I have parents who work really hard day in day out not just for themselves but for us, for society, for kechara. Their work for Rinpoche will benefit so many people. The dharma has given me what I hope is a better outlook in life, being aware of more things and decisions that I make. I don’t think I would be in my position today if it hadn’t been for Rinpoche giving me the dharma, planting the seeds into my mind, teaching me to love and respect my family and other people. I hope to continue to grow and transform my mind into becoming a better person. Thank you Rinpoche for ever so tirelessly teaching us the dharma.
so simple but worth to contemplating.this is truth that if we can share Dharma to our children, it did benefit them but we must practice it and show it instead “talking”..thanks Rinpoche for the sharing.
我个人佛法，就是给孩子最好的礼物。因为有佛法的根基在他们的心中，他们就会明白很多道理，不会做很多不对的事而累积业障，没有业障就能开心快乐的成长，所以佛法是给与孩子最好的礼物。
Thank you for sharing, Rinpoche. Yes, totally agree. It is important teaching kids dharma from young. Learning dharma is something that is so good and forever. It will be better if we practicing the dharma and show our kids a good example.
Thanks Rinpoche. I totally agreed on this. I used to chant in front of the alter, my kid follow to take the puja and chant in baby language. The kid learn a lot and like to follow what parent/ the person closest to him/her. Thanks Rinpoche for the kind teaching.
I don’t think I will ever have kids myself but I have some very good friends in Dharma who have children and I have seen them grow up in Dharma. It’s really true that they’re very different from other children without Dharma – they think things through more reasonable and more importantly, with more compassion and thought for others, they’re more independent, more adventurous and creative, more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others – how unusual and rare to find this even in the oldest adults!
As much as education is important, what’s more important I think is how kids will use what they learn and interact with others from and with their knowledge – do they use it to contribute back to the world in a positive way? Or use it to simply become more materialistic, most greedy, more arrogant? Dharma helps them make these decisions clearly at a later time in their life where their principles will distinguish them from any other ordinary kid who has had the same education as them.
Yes, everything we do leave an imprint in our children, especially kind and spiritual actions and behaviour – better to behave as best as we can too. Children develope confidence, maturity and love, learning from parents, enabling them to do well academically and to make a successful transition to adult life later on. Best is to teach them Buddhism, which is said,is not taught as a faith, but as a set of principles and tools for living a productive and fulfulling life. The best gift a person can give to his children is the capacity to utilise their minds darmically, pure and honestly in their future live to benefit and helping others too!
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your valuable advice. We were all kids before and being as young kids, our mind is green and yet to be equipped with life experience. Kids will only learn and trust the most from the nearest people around them, which are their parents. If we love our kids, please guide them the Dharma way while their minds are yet to be polluted.
Thanks Rinpoche for reminding, i truly agree with Rinpoche.
Dharma is the best gift for next generations and so on, if all of them can understand Dharma, learn Dharma and practice Dharma sure the world will be peace.
Parents is the most important Model in Dharma practice, if we dun practice then how we can teach our children and ask them follow us to learn Dharma???
Good nurturing on the young is very important, having bulk or dozen of kids is no big deal but is to guide them to serve the society with Dharma.
The best we can give to our kids are honesty, self-discipline, working hard, and spending times with kid and providing them the opportunity for their mental growth. We have taken the responsibility of having kids therefore we need to be responsible to ourselves to give them the best by being a good example. Children learn the most from their parents because we have the most influenced on them. Ultimately we want them to grow up to become independent adults who can give back to the society we can be proud of, not just making and keeping money.
Very apt for this day and age especially when kids no longer just “obey” what parents say but are more inquisitive and questioning. What better way than to lead by example!
And I certainly speak for myself when I say this, it saves so much more time if we had Dharma from a young age, so YES it IS worth it for sure!
Dear Rinpoche, It is absolutely a great thing to give our children. Teach them Dharma while they are young, they will be a good person in the future. As what is very true that Rinpoche said that the world and the media is not getting any better. A loving parents is to bring Dharma to the kids and practice it themselves too.
Yes, everything we do, leave an imprint on our children, so what should be considered the main benefit of an imprint we should leave with our children? Through the daily reflection of adults’ behaviour, children learn how to gain a greater sense of feeling and better insight to develope their mind. But the best way is to send them to a Dharma school or centre to have moral teachings and the truths that are central to all religions. As we are awared that Buddhism is not taught as a faith for too young a kid, but as a principle and tools for living a productive and fulfilling life. It is being taught as a practical way that helps chidren to understand the world around them and to make sense of their inner feelings and emotions. Many also have mindfulness seesions as a postive part of their development for wisdom and knowledge to prepare them to fit into their future adult live! It would be worth for our kids to attend and learn.
“How much we really love our kids is how much we will really practice the dharma… ” as adults or parents, WALK THE TALK IN DHARMA is so important. Just talk dharma without showing in ACTION, definitely not much influence to the kids. So practice and instill dharma at home to show the kids is very crucial. Dharma would be the best gift to our kids !
Kids absorb new things very fast, no matter the things are good or bad.. They really learn fast, and is very good to let Kids to learn about Dharma and practicing Dharma.
Thank You Rinpoche for sharing. 🙂
Best Regards : Erickksiow
It matters much that we can teach our children the Dharma when they are young. They are more ready to listen with an open mind, not influenced as yet by the media.
In fact, they will listen more if they find their parents practicing what they teach.Thus if we truly love our kids, we would be practicing the Dharma and transforming and influencing them through our own transformation.
The only meaningful gift to our children would be to instill the Dharma in them. It’s the only thing they can carry with them lifetime after lifetime.
Being able to meet Dharma is a fortune, because Dharma not only teaches us good values but also knowledge that Buddhas passed down to us.
It is so true about the importance of teaching by examples. I think this is true not only in parent-children relationship, but also many other kinds of relationships that involve leaders and members.
Talking does not convince people well enough. Actions speak louder because actions call for things that have been said to be put into actions, which require much more energy, resources and dedication, and only those who truly embrace these values can carry them out.
my mother tries so hard in the dharma to take care of my two brothers and i to get closer to the dharma at a young age.i am so proud of my mom and how she is so achieved and blessed. she is the kind of mom that comes around every 10 lifetimes at least. her kids and the dharma is what she really loves and the dharma is a good way to teach children to not be spoilt.
My darling Lucas,
Thank you for your sharing. I did not know how you thought. I am so happy you understand my efforts. Yes the Dharma is very good and as your mom I can give you this as the best gift ever sweetheart… I love you… Mummy
Hi, Li Kim….Lucas’ wonderful comment about you says it all. You are my role model. I hope to bring my kids closer to Dharma the way you have. Perhaps you could write a little handbook and call it “Mummies in Dharma – Planting the Seeds”:P
Awww this is so sweet… I could cry 😛
I wish I was so lucky to have a mum in Dharma and does so much like Li Kim… you are truly blessed Lucas! It is the best gift any mother could give her child, her family… it is the highest of the highest because this gift is something money cannot ever buy… it is purely out of great wisdom and real love especially coming from a mother like Li Kim 🙂 Li Kim does a lot and has so many Dharma portfolios… it is good as her son to support your mum the right way by taking care of your borthers as much as you can and in return you collect the same amount of merits as your mum who does so much in dedication to her family.
Kids with Dharma are so blessed, when they grow up they are equipped with the right methods to deal with life in a positive wise light. If we truly truly love our kids the right way, we would give them the best gift of life – Dharma.
This reply from Lucas is what every Dharma parent wishes for – for their child to understand that what the parents wish for and do is ultimately for their benefit. I am happy for Lucas and Li Kim and her other sons too… I’m sure Li Kim is happy to know how Lucas thinks 🙂 Parents – get your kids on blog too… you never know what they will say (hmmm not quite sure if that’s a good thing or bad thing) 🙂
I grow up in a culture that giving money, houses and other material things to our kids is the best thing we can do for our kids. However, we have seen so many real life examples where kids with lots of money are having so much suffering. Even kids who not have a lot of money have a lot of sufferings.
So then, what is the right thing to pass to kids? If it is not money and material things, then what?
From what I learn consistently from Rinpoche, we need to give them Dharma, and from so many real life example, kids grow up with Dharma are much more contributing to the society, nicer to parents and friends, etc.
Dharma is not about doing puja, chanting; but much more than that. It is about being patient to others, being more selfless everyday, being less attached to things which are not permanent, etc.
I am glad I have met Rinpoche, where I started this journey of practicing Dharma where I can be an example for my kids to practice Dharma. As Rinpoche said, kids are watching and we definitely don’t want to be a hypocrite 🙂
The education system in our country does not encompasses the spiritual learning. To strike a balance for the children we need to provide spiritual teaching to them as this is the core value and also guide for them to really face the world.
A lot of time we always hear children were under pressures, committing suicide, turn to bad and etc.. This doesn’t only happen to children that not doing well in their education but so to that are smart and brilliant. How scary it can turn out to be?
The kids nowadays not only observe but also question on our actions. They will also assess and see whether what we say is what we do. If we don’t walk the talk it’s just shows to the kids that we are hypocrite and this will directly paint the picture that the dharma that we always says that we are practicing is just for sack of talking.
If we practice and make a different it show the children the right way.
Thank you Rinpoche for this precious teaching.
让小朋友接触宗教，其实是一件好事！ 因为，在这里的人都是有心要学好与进步！
上师 、 老师、 工作人员等等都是一个好的学习榜样！
一个好的环境，让小朋友快乐的成长吧！
Definitely this is one of the important task in my priority list! Please please announce when the MKC will resume! Couldn’t wait for it…Thank you very much!
There is nothing more valuable in this world that we can give to anyone either than the Dharma.
We can give our loved ones money, fun, education, the best food, clothes, a great place to live in… but ultimately, these items are never permanent and it never gives true happiness because look at us, we don’t have true happiness either, so why give these things to our children when it is already time and tested by our very self that it does not bring true happiness?
If we truly love someone, then we will wish for their happiness to be a lasting and permanent one, and is that not what Dharma offers us? True lasting happiness and ultimately, Enlightenment?
This not only applies to giving to our children, but it applies to people of all ages. Take for example child, giving the Dharma to his or her parents. Is that not a befitting gift back to our parents after they’ve suffered and brought us up for so many years? To give them the gift of lasting happiness and the cessation of their suffering.
However, the trick here is for us to apply the Dharma to ourselves first, and then give the Dharma or just like what Rinpoche said, we will be viewed as a hypocrite, and give Dharma a bad name… thus turning them away from Dharma. Just like how Buddha himself left his family to seek for enlightenment and then return to teach the path to liberation to his family… we too must follow the example of applying the wisdom to ourselves first before we start preaching, or else it will look like all we have is knowledge but zero practice.
In this era ofcourse there is really no true need to physically leave our families to do Dharma, instead we can improve a little by little, but surely (of course the faster the better)… and eventually bring our parents, children and even partners into the Dharma through our example.
I have heard many of my Dharma brothers and sisters said that people around them are more keen or open to Dharma after observing how they’ve transformed… and this transformation is not something huge like gaining visions of Manjushri or something as high as that (if yes then it’s great!)… but it is transformation where people notice they become more even tempered, more friendly, less impatient, less nasty, easier to be around with etc. When we see that anything we do that’s negative becoming less and less with time, then it shows to us that we are doing our practice right.
I wish very much I found the Dharma when I was younger. I have wasted so much time going round and round achieving NOTHING.
Parents who are in the Dharma must really teach their kids from young. It is only the Dharma that will ensure the kids grow up well as like what Rinpoche mentioned.
If parents really do love their kids, they should do it the right way. Not by providing them with material needs only. Love for someone goes beyond this life. and the material items we give to our love ones in this case our kids will only last this lifetime if not shorter. Dharma is the way to go!
What is put inside the young ones as they are growing becomes the engine that drives them eventually. At some point soon, parents will not be able to protect the children from the realities of the world and they cannot shelter the children forever. Therefore the best gift of love a parent can give to the child is to prepare them for the world. But how do you prepare a child for each and every vicissitude of life? The only way is to give them the Dharma so that as adults Dharma becomes instinctive. The only real protection from harm and the only thing that can grant happiness is Dharma and nothing else. This we can confirm from people who have pursued everything else but Dharma and end up being miserable, stressed and feeling like failures, not to mention being totally unprepared to face their karma.
To put is a bit crudely, why bring a child into samsara which is defined by suffering, and not provide them with the antidote as well?
Definitely we have to walk the talk. Our kids are not stupid and if you say one thing and do another, guess what, our kids will do the same. The fruit does not fall far from the tree! If we say we love Dharma, what do we do that reflects it? We should think about that and how we can influence our children on a positive level.
Book learning only gets kids so far. Money can be finished. The Dharma will benefit my son from life to life. Some people think should i do Dharma or not.. For me, there isn’t anything to choose between! My son is 15 and i wish he would finish school already!!
During his school holidays, like this week for Chinese New Year, instead of going around eating out, shopping, playing, watching TV etc, everyday, we have the privilege of coming to Rinpoche’s private office to do Dharma work. We are really very fortunate and i humbly thank Rinpoche for giving us the opportunity to do this since we never know when our short lives will end.
Dharma encompass values like effort, discipline, ethics etc. which parents would like their children to have. However, parents do rely on school/child minders to teach their children these nowadays. Parents have also forgotten children’s behavior model after adults who live with them.
As parents, we should try to balance the type of education we want our children to learn. We need to make effort to ensure our children get both academic as well as dharmic knowledge to equip them to survive in future to become good role models in the society.
It is true that our parents think that giving us shelter, food, education is enough, because this is what they don’t have in the past, what they need the most in the past to make sure they can survive, and these are the things they think the best to give to us. Parents are great person, they will give everything(which they think the best) to the children, but they didn’t get the precious Dharma from their parents too, that’s why they don’t understand.
If the parents get to know Dharma and if they are practicing, they should give it to their children, just like the things(shelter, food, education) they give to their children. Add one more thing, that is the Dharma, then it would be good enough for both the parents and the children. They even can practice Dharma together. It is good to let the kids understand and educate them what is the true love, love for others not just ourselves.
Thank you for the wonderful advise Rinpoche. I will always remember. Its the BEST gift ever for them! Yes, no matter how much Dharma I stuff in their face and I myself do not lead by example, they will not listen to me. I dont want to be a hypocrite! I really want my kids to have Dharma at a young age and something they can take with them in all lives.
This is what Rinpoche had been telling everyone and its just not for parents alone. Rinpoche had always told me that if I want to influence my mum or anyone else, I must first be practicing the Dharma myself. That’s the cold hard reality whether we reflect the teachings of not.
We don’t need to be completely faultless but we do need to be discipline with ourselves in fulfilling our promises and commitments. Over time, we do need to lessen our attachments and improve on our weak points for our loved ones that we hope to influence to the Dharma. How much we have changed would be how much our loved ones are influence to do more Dharma. This is as much a reminder for me as it is a sharing for others.
Thank you Rinpoche for the very wise teaching.
Yes it is so true that as parents we want the best for our children, we scrimp, save and sacrifice so that our children will have a better future. But there is no better future for them than for us to lay the right foundation. When the children are young, we teach them the Dharma and set good examples for them to follow.
We not only prepare them for a better future, but for their future lives too. Then they in turn will teach their children the Dharma, and this beautiful teaching and the guideline will perpetuate into the future for many generations.
Children are only ‘on loan ‘ to us in this lifetime, so we must make the best use of what little time we have with them to instill the values and teachings of the Buddha to them.
Totally agreed,the best gift for kids is dharma. That is forever for them if they are learning dharma. Giving material support for them only can fulfill temporary “Happiness”. Have to change it and practice , be a good example show to future generation.
100% agreed ” How much we love them is how much we will change ourselves and practice dharma and instill it in them.”
Nowadays kids are very smart, they learn new things very fast, as adults or parents should show dharma way of lifestyle to them, they will instill with dharma too. We are the mirror to them, we practice and WALK THE TALK in dharma ways, sure the kids will learn from us.
Thank you Rinpoche for this short but profound teaching.
Thank you so much Rinpoche for your precious teaching.
The best gift we can give to our loved one and children is the gift of Dharma. However, to instill Dharma to them, we have to walk the talk and be the example to transform ourselves to a better person. Or else, it is just words. Although for the beginning they may not understand, but I’m sure they will understand it one day when they see our change for better. I still remember Rinpoche’s teaching on another post: http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/inspiration-worthy-words/kids-watch-parents.html
I will work hard on it as it is not just for our loved one, it is for all beings.
We do it, we change, we put in effort because we think our kids worth it, worth to have true love, and better tomorrow than us.
I totally agree, Rinpoche. Many people think that leaving a material legacy for their children is the most important thing. That, sadly, is not enough. In fact heirs of immense fortune, if they do not have WISDOM, COMPASSION and VIRTUOUS CONDUT etc. not going to be happy – history has show us many such cases. I pray that the many ill-directed parents and elders will take Rinpoche’s advice to heart. Do something for the future generation before it is too late.
Just like plant that needs to be nurtured taken care of when growing, the same goes to children. Parents are the very first few adults that they interact with s o naturally the children will follow the parents’ behavior and attitude. All these are learnt since day 1. Children are the best mirror of their parents.
So the best gift we can give to our children would be Dharma. Dharma will protect them all of their lives not only this life.
Thank you for sharing, Rinpoche