It’s not between you and the recipient
When you practice generosity at first, it is about you and the recipient. How the recipient responds greatly affect your motivation to do more or less…in the beginning I stress. Everyone likes to be appreciated of course.
But as you progress, it is not so much about the recipient. It is about you and your ‘God’. It is between you and your ‘Buddha’ or your ‘karma’ or your sense of universal responsibility. How the recipient responds has very little to do with why you actually give as you progress on this wonderful path of generosity.
When I gave to the homeless in the past, I recieved many types of responses. Some thanked me and talked to me. Some wanted more. Some didn’t want food but money instead. Some stared at me that I would give them anything. Some screamed and ran away. Some just ran. So I had so many reactions. But you see, how they reacted is ok, I know my intent. I gave and it was between me and my Buddha. Buddha would want me to serve others and benefit others and that is all that matters in the big end.
Much good luck to you. Always be generous and kind no matter what responses you get back. It will change people’s lives in one way or another. It will change your life for the better.
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Give without agenda. Ditto
Generosity and kindness are never wasted. No act of kindness and giving no matter how small, is ever wasted we do or give out happily. A random act of kindness, no matter how small, can make a tremendous impact on someone else’s life. Always find opportunities to make someone smile, and to offer random acts of kindness in everyday life. Our actions will lightens the burdens of another. There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed .Practicing generosity is an antidote not only to basic selfishness. It tests our trust in abundance. It tests our ability to empathize with others. It takes time to practice generosity, but being generous is the best use of our time. Nor what ever happened it is between us and the recipient . As long as we have a good motivation and accept nothing in return.
Thank you Rinpoche .
When we practice generosity, we should do it without expecting anything in return, that is the real generosity. Most people when they give, they expect praise and compliments. When they don’t get it, they stop giving. Some people become proud after getting praise. So the good virtue actually becomes something bad because negative quality such as pride arises.
When we give, we should also be grateful because we are able to give, to develop generosity. How the recipients respond to our giving is not important because we know our intention is to benefit others. If our giving is dependent on the response of the recipient, it is not true giving.
We have to develop and practice generosity all the time. By giving, we are focusing out. We can actually find happiness by doing that. When we focus on ourselves, we become selfish and we create sufferings to others knowingly and unknowingly. Slowly, we will be very alone because no one likes to be with us.
Yes, we should give and practice kindness no matter what response we receive from the recipient. We should not be hurt when people respond negatively to our acts of giving. We are kind because ultimately , it is spontaneous acts of kindness and compassion, without any of the eight worldly concerns, that count. It will bring change to people’s lives . It will benefit others. This is the real mind transformation that we should achieve.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing this article. It is important to set the motivation right. Some when they help or give donation would expect things in return. This is not right motivation. No matter what we have offered, we should have good intent and not be affected by the response we think may want and to satisfy our expectation. Generousity and giving are good dharma practise that we remind ourselves to practise every day.
Thank you Rinpoche for your teachings.
Always be generous and kind in what ever we could do even its little help.It’s the little things in life that bring the greatest happiness. Its between us and our Buddha ,so we would not bother what the receipient thinks and say of us. What ever was said ,should not deter our motivation to do Dharma work.
(It will change people’s lives in one way or another. It will change your life for the better.)….well said by Rinpoche.
Thank you Rinpoche for this teaching on practicing generosity and kindness. It’s true that we often seek appreciation (eight worldly concerns) in return for our act of kindness. Hence only resulting in good karma. When we can practice beyond the need for appreciation and continue to be generous and kind without any of the 8 worldly concerns, this will result in merit.
Those of us who are blessed to be around Rinpoche have witnessed this unconditional generosity and kindness countless times. Rinpoche continues to be kind regardless of the responses of the recipients. In many occasions, the receptions seems so “undeserving” but this never deters Rinpoche’s action.
Our act of generosity and kindness will not only change people’s lives, it will in fact change our own for the better.
Thank you Rinpoche for such a inspiring words. We have to always remind ourselves about what we want to achieve at the end of the day, even when we flinched when people seemed to be not appreciating what we are doing for them, our sole goal of achievement shouldn’t be waver or forgotten. We have to practice to have less expectation of “Thank you” from others, practice more and in time we can achieve the state of no expectation. I certainly have to take this into practice, as more and more when we are affected by others emotion, it truly show that we are doing it for the sake of attachment to praise.
Many good wishes to all people.
Thank you Rinpoche, for this beautiful write up…
It is true… everything we do, we must always think, it is between me and my Guru or Buddha. How people react should not deter our motivation to do Dharma or do good, because we are not doing it for the fame, but we are doing it because our Guru and the Buddhas encourage positive, virtuous actions.
Never loose sight of the most important things in life just because one person reacted negatively towards your good intentions… it’s not worth to give up enlightenment just because one person is giving us pain.
Going on rounds with Kechara Soup Kitchen is a wonderful way to realise and practice what Rinpoche has described above (www.kechara.com/ksk). Because when you’re out giving food, you see all the different responses of people – some who are genuinely appreciate, some who don’t care, some who might even reject your offer of food, some who are rude. But you continue to do it because you learn to see beyond that, and realise that whatever their reactions, they experience hunger just as we do.
From there, we realise that actually, all beings want the same things as us – food, shelter, love, happiness, peace, kindness, security. So no matter how their reactions may be to us in the beginning, we start to try to give that to others, understanding that that is what we would like too.
I always do the best for people and friends around me. What I can afford and even if I can’t I will help them to my best ability. It was never about the recipient at all but I felt good being able to help in any way I can. Even if someone walks up to me to sell something and I don’t need it, I will give them donations instead. Once I was in Shanghai during winter, I saw a mother with 2 kids in the middle of the night begging by the road side, it made me cry non stop. I went back the next day and gave them donations. Told them to go home for the night since they had some money to last for the next few nights.
Very nice to read this article, Rinpoche. What you have written here makes me feel that we should not see things with our naked eyes only, but to open ourselves out and to recognise that what we do is all about between us and our Buddhas.
Whatever response that we receive, we will have to always remember that it is Buddhas and our Karma that we are facing, but not the recipients per se.
This article gives me courage because when we practice generosity, we may still face difficulties such as doubts from others, that if there is any hidden agenda behind our actions.
All these do not matter, because what is more important is what is between me and my Buddhas and my Karma.
Thank you Rinpoche for your teaching on this topic.
Giving is said to be a state of the mind – the wish to give rather than the action to give. As our Rinpoche said, “Giving is between your god, or Buddha, or your karma or your sense of universal reponsibility.” Therefore, giving of any kind should not be done without the proper ‘motivation’ so as to instil the perfection of giving generously. It is said that whenever the reluctance to give arises, immediately think or contemplate on the effect of selfishless and attachments. But, do not give more than you can afford, so as not to create regrets which will erase the merit of giving. So like Rinpoche always do, “be generous and kind no matter what responses you get back. It will change people’s lives in one way or another. It will change your life for the better.” As in the golden words of our Lord Buddha – ” A GIFT SHOULD NOT BE MADE BY A NOBLE MAN WHO PURSUES A PURPOSE(WHEN GIVING) BUT, HE WHO MAKES A GIFT FREE FROM PURPOSE, HIS STOCK OF MERITS IS NOT EASY TO BE MEASURED.”
Thank you for that advice. I will be kind and generous to everyone regardless of the outcome. I should not care what the recipient thinks of me when I do something good. I should be kind anyways. It would be between me and Buddha as Buddha would want me to help others 🙂
To the eyes of the people who look at the giver and the receiver. Majority would think it as compassion and kindness and generosity on the giver’s part and gratitude from some of the receiver. But when you look deeper and contemplate. The thought of giving if you are a religious person is not the motivation of giving to the person. But an action done to show your God or Buddha you are kind and generous. And if you are a Buddhist is to collect merits for the virtue that you do by giving with a generous heart. So give with a good motivation.
Today I was on the streets of Dallas, Texas USA and 2 men looking dejected were on the roadside, I was low on money and instead asked them if they wanted a blessing. I gave them a blessing and one man kept thanking me, he seemed to like it better than money.
We are all of God’s kids or none of us are.
Dave
Thank you so much Rinpoche for this great reminder to be always generous and kind and thank you for all the very inspiring responses.
What we do is not between us and the recipients. It is about us and our “god” and in the case of Buddhists, our “god” here refers to our karma. Karma will “reward” and “punish” us according to the deeds that we have done, good or bad. In simplicity, good begets good and bad begets bad although karma is much much more complex than that. It’s all in our own hands.
Therefore, we should be kind, generous, forgiving, caring, loving etc to others anyways even if others are not towards us because at our death beds, only our karma really matters. Whether people are nice or not nice to us does not affect our karma but how we act or respond to them does.
Thank you Rinpoche for this post which gives much space for contemplation and reflection. Yes, in the beginning, we do feel the need for being appreciated for our ‘giving’ and ‘generosity’. Yet, we need to move beyond that, if we are to make any progress on the Path. The act should become more and more a selfless act and an act that arises from pure love and compassion for all beings, an act that sees non-duality between the giver and the recipient, and as is so beautifully said in the last chapter of Rinpoche’s book – Compassion Conquers All – the giver, the recipient and the act of giving become one. Thus do we tap into our Buddha nature and slowly but surely begin to realize Boddhicitta.
If we only knew how badly we need the merits, the opportunity to be kind and generous itself is the reward. The way we are, and the way the world is…it makes us self grasping without even trying. So when an opportunity arises to be generous, its a trigger to remind us of our true nature.
My dear Lama
Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I have been contemplating about this subject a lot for the past couple days. I have received many appeals, and it can be overwhelming sometimes. When you put it as simple as it’s between me and my karma, I think it relieves me from a lot of stressed and confusion :-).
Much love
Valentina
Thank you. Sometimes that helps me from the Lamrim: acts of generosity add towards the perfection of generosity, which (with the other five perfections) lead one to enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. Therefore whether the recipient of the gift appreciates the act or not it still benefits them if (as well as one’s self) if one is a Mahayana practitioner.
The Precious Jewel Garland says:
“If that which helps is poison,
Then poison should be given.
But if even a delicacy will not help,
Then it should not be given.
As when one is bitten by a snake
Cutting the finger can be of benefit,
Buddha said that even if it makes one uncomfortable,
Helpful things should be done.”
Lord Gampopa in The Jewel Ornament of Liberation says:
“You should not give traps or the skills for hunting wild animals and so forth to those who ask—briefly, anything which can harm or cause suffering.”
In this days, in my world, I often meet people who spend their money for drinks. They have no food or clothes, but they find money for alcohol. Poor people ask me for money, how could I know that they don’t spend my money for alcohol, and they hurt themselves?