The harsh truth with love
I can’t say I am an expert on depression clinically or otherwise because I’m not and I am not offering a medical solution. It is my advice based on meeting people and observing the same issues for the last 20 years countless times. This A.R. has written (I didn’t include the email) and I am writing back in the best capacity I can and with the best motivation. I post it here, because I hear the same things from so many people for so many decades now and the solution is the same. The human condition unfortunately does not offer to many choices or shortcuts. Perhaps some of them can read this and for people who might have the same issues in the future, apply if it helps and find a way to betterment. This is my sincere and deepest hopes. I wish A.R and many people like A.R. well because time is not on our side. Just put in the hard work and effort as that is the key and be consistent please.
I hope nothing I’ve written will offend any of you with my directness and thoughts. If it does, my humble and deep apologies.
Tsem Rinpoche
Dearest A.R.,
I guess you can want this and want that but you will find it hard to get because you don’t put the effort, consistency and work. When we are lazy and shy away from hard work how can we wish for good and big results? Of course you will be depressed and people will give sympathy. But only the first few times. I guess not getting a partner because of your past and your habits is disheartening too. I guess if the only partner you can get is by doling out money as you complain, is not going to bring happiness either. I am sorry for that. But as you get older, you have to pay more. Fine if you have money I guess, but you will not be happy because they are not there for you but for your money irregardless of their sweet words. Sorry. And some partners just drag each other down anyways because it’s convenient to be with that person. It’s not love but just using each other. I’ve seen that clearly in a few cases. People can hide with their partners and avoid real efforts because they are in denial, but denial or not, it will catch up. I am deeply sorry to say things like that too. But it’s true.
Depression can either be clinically triggered (meaning in your genes/biological make-up), or you are depressed because you are so jealous other people are doing better than you and you are lazy to do anything. Are you depressed because it’s a medical condition you cannot help or because you are jealous of othersand lazy? Some run, hide or avoid or be nasty. Those are not the solutions.
If it’s medical, people take medication and still achieve big. There are many superstars, super moms, super good people and super business people who suffer from depression but THEY STILL WORK HARD AND ACHIEVE BIG or are just responsible people. Life is not perfect and we have to deal with it.. Then there’s the ‘other’ group of people who ‘suffer’ from depression are using that to hide behind their failure, laziness and deep jealousy. They can even say VERY NASTY THINGS to their friends who try to support them. You see, these people want their friends to support and pretend to be on their side so they can continue their ‘depressions’ to hide behind it. And when friends speak to them nicely, they can be rude and tell them off. Because they want the friends to be fake friends to cover them in their self-made depressions. They can even gang up with other people against someone, but once their common ‘enemy’ is not affected or moves on, their little gang breaks apart no matter what. Because it was not real in the first place. We cannot cover laziness, lack of effort, jealousy and fears. We have to face them, please.
There are 1 billion people in India and another billion in China. Don’t you think there are millions there who are depressed daily and severely from very poor circumstances? Well they don’t have time to dwell. They have to work and survive. While some of us take advantage of fellow workers, our employer, friends, teachers and others to not do our part and hide and say we are depressed or give many excuses for why we cannot. Wrong drama. Drama is interesting but not negative drama that covers laziness and jealousy. These people will become more and more depressed because they use negative drama as a way to cover. But one day soon, no one will believe. So either they get medication if it’s real, or they shut up, do their job, work their way up and then gain respect back. They have to do that because no one is getting younger and everyone else is moving up, up, up!!
These people who abuse their friends ( I am not saying you abuse yours), do they deserve friends at all? Old friends from long time ago is the best, we have to be careful of new friends. Should never lose old friends because they know us inside out and accept us. That is half of the battle. We can always make new friends but they will be tired of us very soon too. When we have good friends that care about us, we better not hurt them further. We better apologize and be genuine with them. Because we can lose one friend and then another and another. In the dharma center you are at, it is easy to make friends because you all pray together and get together, but in the outside world you be careful with ‘new friends’. In the center there is a natural trust with each other and people tend to have their guards down more, but don’t take advantage of this either. This goes both ways of course. But think deeper.
The bottom line is this:
Don’t blame your dharma friends, work, teacher and your dharma center for your depression because you did it so stop not performing to gain sympathy. It is ourselves.
If your depression is medical, get medicine and work and succeed.
If your depression is drama and acting to cover laziness and deep jealousy, then you better face yourself and see what kind of person you are. How jealous you are and in your jealousy you can fail at work and still want respect, salary, friends and more chances. Where in the world people can be so kind like that? Anger and jealousy comes from you and no one gave it to you. Life can give you the difficulties, but you can fail, grow, succeed, learn or all. Up to you. Stop blaming others and telling others non-stop it’s other people’s fault. Even if it is other people’s fault, you still have to grow because after a while people will see through you. Your success or lack of it speaks volumes unless you hang out with other people who don’t want to achieve either. Achievements are subjective I know. But at least achieve not being an angry, spiteful person that blames others for self-made fears/faults and then cuts them off on social media and vents anger on Facebook. LOL. That is silly. As if all the Facebook friends will really be friends or really know the whole situation. LOL.
I thank you for writing in and I am sorry if my email sounds harsh, but I think I have to tell you the truth. I am known for being straightforward and direct not because I want to hurt you but to not waste time. I don’t want you to waste your time further. Think of all the good things and stop focusing on the bad. Anger does not help. Hiding and running does not heal and avoiding and denying will not be the solution. Good ol’ fashioned hard work, ethics, overcoming fears, mending friendships are the best. Just achieve, achieve and achieve.
The only people who don’t have to achieve are toy boys (LOL), toy girls (LOL), rich kids, or people just doing nothing because they are waiting for the inheritance (just joking). But you know what? Toy boys/girls do age. Rich kids will run out of money and actually hate themselves for achieving nothing. They can afford to hide their self-hatred by covering with indulgences and distractions, but age catches up soon as well as deep boredom that leads to other activities that may be harmful. If you have achieved nothing, with or without money, you know it and you will be deeply dissatisfied. There are exceptions of course.
It’s wonderful junior students in the center are talking to you and counselling you, but it is embarrassing because you should know more. You talked big to them in the past and now you have to avoid them because of embarrassment. Well, avoiding them will not help. Might as well own up to them. And you cannot cover it by saying well you know better or they don’t understand or buzz off. And getting an inheritance may not be the answer, because if you are not ready then you will use the money to destroy yourself further. Money is not the holy grail that solves all problems inside of us. We have to realize that. A good friend of mine has a saying, don’t throw pearls to pigs. Sounds harsh but it means if you’ve done nothing and you get money, the money will help you to do further nothing in your life. Sorry. It perpetuates unfortunately.
It’s time to perform, do your job, work, gain results. Because if the people whom you are jealous of are moving ahead and you are left behind, this situation will get worse because they are still working hard and you are still ‘depressed’ and left behind. Medical or drama, you have to perform, and that is the cold hard facts of life. If you are medically depressed, then fine, get medical help and move on, but if you are only drama depressed, then so much time has been wasted that could have been used for you to be successful and gain respect and love.
I will pray for you and do wish you well. But if you don’t start loving your guru the right way and yourself, it will be a great loss. How to love your guru and good friends and yourself the right way? By apologizing openly or sometimes publicly whatever the case may be, or at least directly and sincerely in your center and then perform. If you apologize you cannot use this drama-depression-method again. It’s over. If you don’t apologize you still can’t ..but one gives hope to friends and the other nothing. Overcome the points in you that make you fail and you know what they are. Sure there are people who harm us, but why harm ourselves ?? Why add to it. The real harm is ourselves. When it rains, we can open an umbrella or just get wet and complain. Up to us. We can spend our time getting other people back and putting them down and blaming them or we can just achieve. We will never run out of people to blame for sure because there is an endless supply because our attitudes sets us up this way for now.
Stop disappointing others. Stop hurting others. The wheel of sharp weapons say if we always deceive and trick others then we will suffer from mental breakdowns. Karma is real.
Work hard, do your practice and feel lucky you have so much that you have scorned and took for granted till you are at the point of losing it. Overcome your jealousy, anger and deep resentment that others are better in their results than you. Don’t be complacent either. Complacency is to say OH WELL THEY GET BETTER AND I DON’T, SO WHO CARES. That is the opposite and still very negative and have negative karma. You will be unhappy too. Basically no way to escape our minds and ourselves.
Throwing yourself into drinking, fun, hobbies, travelling, *boobali, going out, dressing out and the whole nine yards is not the solution because you’ve done all that back in your college days and it got you nowhere as you can see now. So doing it again at the cost of dharma is not the solution either. You are older (not very old -LOL) now and why do you want to do that again. If you didn’t feel fulfilled the first time round, it certainly will be worse now…LOL.
I send you my good wishes and please read carefully what I said. It is from my heart and not meant to hurt you but I have written several times and now it’s up to you.
I will share this with others as it will help them and that is my purpose. Why exist otherwise? They won’t know who you are so don’t worry. I know you are a good person deep inside. But resolve your issues now and let that good person come out please. Perform, be kind to others, stop blaming and cut out the jealousy. They got what they worked for. And you got what you didn’t work for. Sorry again. I am here for you and waiting for you to do your part.
Much hope, Tsem Rinpoche
(*boobali – my polite way of saying intercourse)
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People who suffer from depression often report feelings of loneliness and isolation. No matter what we are going through, we still have to face it. Everyone of us has a secret sorrows which the world knows not. Learning is the only thing for us, focus on what lies ahead of us than holding on. Learning in our daily lives never stop. Accept ourselves, love ourselves and keep moving forward. Have the courage to lift up failure and pursue with hard work and determinations. Keep an open mind and perspective with friends who cares. Great teachings from this profound post.
Thank you Rinpoche.
Such a straight to the point and direct advice. Even though it may sound harsh but its really out of compassion and love.This teaching may sound harsh, but it is very true. We have to be responsible to our life and accept the consequences caused by our own action
I think depression comes from the fact that we do not want to own our problems and be responsible for that. Thank for the article and keep on advice us.
Thanks for the lovely and deep meaningful article. Even though it sounds harsh, but it throws people back into reality. Time does not wait for us and there will be no miracle happens unless we heal ourselves with our hard work and effort.
This article really helps us to move forward.What Gurusaid is true if we want succeed we need to work hard and we need to be responsible with ourselves.
Love is one of the most used, misused, manipulated, misunderstood word in human relationships be it with family, spouses, friends, environment or even with ourselves.
The harsh truth is love doesn’t matter in the end. Love is a constant projection and perception of our mind. So it is impermanent like every else in samsara.
This is an excerpt from another article on this blog and what this nun Karma Wangmo said about relationship has been stuck in my mind ever since I first read the article.
“…….I consider attachment to people worse than attachment to vices because with the former you are hindering others, dragging them down. It becomes difficult for them to do Dharma practice if they are tied by relationships.”
We need to stop looking for love and acceptance from people because it will not happen. No matter how people treat us, we will still only interpret base on our awareness or perception. It’s too subjective. It is unnecessary to try and define or classify what is love. It is what you want it to be. No matter, that state of mind, that moment of emotion will still pass. Our current mind simply cannot and do not have the ability to hold on the passing time, making everything impermanent.
The best way is to let go. Don’t live in the past, don’t dwell of what could have been. Don’t dream of the future, don’t dwell of what should be. Live in the present because that minuscule instant that is too brief to even measure is all we really have.
感謝仁波切這個重要的信息分享。事實是嚴酷的，我們大都傾向於避免這個道理，有必要了解和思考它，將之去除。勇敢面对它，從長遠來看，我們將得到結果。下定决心面對根深蒂固旳我執習气，再而設定的目標和動力，使我們不斷積極意向，勇往直前。
I recall one teacher was talking about relationships and he was saying if u have the karma for a relationship it will come, if you do not have the karma no matter what you do nothing happens.
But karma stored which is beneficial or the type we wish for arises from past actions of ours. Karma is a kind of result that was planted in previous lives or earlier in this life. Without karma to support our wishes, wishes remain a wish.
What that teacher spoke about resonates with what Rinpoche says, if we have not performed or gotten the results it is very hard to get exactly what we wished for. And Rinpoche was saying in all we do, we need to work and put effort into it.
The truth is indeed harsh and no one likes listening to it (most people).The reality is harsh anyway. We have to face it sooner or later. We can’t be hiding ourselves from all these for the rest of our lives and in the end we are the ones who will suffer. I like how direct and straightforward Rinpoche is, in giving advice. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us the truth right in our face. So we will stop hiding, stop avoiding and face it. Rinpoche’s advice may sound really harsh but definitely full with love and care. Just mere nice words from friends will not help us at all but for us to be more convinced in becoming more depressed. Someone who really wants us to be a better person, for us to change and transform will never beat around the bush but tell us the truth, like our guru.
“Don’t blame your Dharma friends, work, teacher and your Dharma center for your depression because you did it so stop not performing to gain sympathy. It is ourselves.” We have to be responsible with our lives and the things we had done in order to succeed. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing.
As a person currently dealing with depression (I am on medication which has helped a lot with my situation), I feel that if I had read this post during my darker days, it wouldn’t have helped. I don’t understand why you need to be so harsh – your post may actually do more harm in the sense that you will probably mislead people who actually need help into thinking they don’t have “medical” depression, which means they will continue to live longer in denial, meaning their situation and mental state will get worse.
I was in denial for a long time and didn’t even believe that depression was a proper illness. I honestly wish I went to see my doctor earlier to get help. It took a lot of courage to accept the fact that I was/am suffering, and took even more courage to tell my family and friends. I was really ashamed. To be honest, in a sense, I still am – and reading your post hasn’t exactly helped.
Many great people who are “successful” (in quote marks as success is subjective..) can also suffer from depression. Abraham Lincoln, Mozart, Issac Newton, are major examples (I am not suggesting I am great by the way, not even close). I just think your post is going to mislead a lot of people who have never suffered depression before into thinking that most people who are depressed are all lazy, jealous, drama queens. Instead of promoting a better understanding of depression I feel you are doing the opposite.
I understand the point of this “drama” depression you speak of, which was the case with A.R., but I feel that your use of the word depression in this sense is quite wrong and again, misleading. From what you’ve written, a person with “drama depression” is basically an ungrateful, jealous, materialistic, nasty person who wants ‘success’ and money without wanting to put in the effort. A person with “medical” depression simply wouldn’t even have the energy to be jealous, angry, or to live.. They don’t even have the energy to get out of bed and will have trouble with the simplest tasks. People with “medical depression” also blame themselves (not others), feel hopeless and helpless.
I agree with some things you’ve said, but I’m really not a big fan of the tone of your post. It’s really obvious that you don’t have a real understanding of depression, because you’ve probably never suffered from it, lucky for some. I hope that next time you touch on this topic that you are less harsh – because not everyone responds well to such directness.
Hope I haven’t offended you with my thoughts.
I think it would help you to understand where Rinpoche comes from to understand his methods: http://www.tsemtulku.com/biography/america/growing-up-in-howell.html
That is just a part, I highly recommend you to read up o the whole story, since you have found Rinpoches blog and therefore at least found something of what Rinpoche are saying to make sense.;) I wish you the best /from a guy having had seasonal and “handmade” depressions for 19 out of his 32 year long life and counting
Dear Rinpoche,
The truth is harsh but very necessary to know and reflect on it. We can avoid but in the long run we will get the results.
Time is short and we tend to avoid this truth.
Best way is to stop our harmful habituations and set the goal and motivation again and again so that we continuously have positive intentions and get positive habituations.
Thank You for this important message.
Dear Rinpoche,
Rinpoche’s messages and advices are always direct and very deep. Even though it sounds harsh, but it throws people back into reality. Rinpoche really do not let us waste time dwelling in ourselves and covering up and hiding from truth and reality. Always wakes us up with truth.
There are many people, in fact, with similar cases and this article really helps them move forward.
Thank you.
You need to be very careful about trying psychiatric medicine. Many, many people who have taken them have experienced side effects, including sexual dysfunction which does not recover even months or years afterwards. Forums related to psychiatric medicine users who experienced these side effects are full of stories such as these.
Add on top of that the fact that psychiatric medicine is not very effective in the treatment of psychiatric illnesses, or ceases to be effective after a short period of time, in a statistically significant percentage of cases, and the wisdom of taking psychiatric medicine becomes highly suspect.
In advising or thinking about whether people should or should not take psychiatric medicine, it isn’t enough to have a generic idea about the reality of psychiatric medicine, you need to read or hear the testimonies of actual people who have taken these medicines. This will reveal the full extent of the suffering and despair that side effects from these medications can induce. Such online forums exist and you can read about people’s experiences with psychiatric medications there.
So, if you want to practise Dharma and your mental health is hindering you, what should you do?
There are many things you should do, such as develop a healthy diet, exercise, socialise, benefit others, engage in creative activities such as art and music if that helps you, etc. but as we’re discussing physiology, on the medication side of things I’m having better results, (and clinical trials agree), with taking non-prescription medications – I experienced significantly improved results in a faster time, and without the vast majority of the extremely distressing side effects which are so common in psychiatric medicine.
My experiences have taught me that chemistry plays a huge role in how we think and feel.
I just don’t think that psychiatric medicine is necessarily the best approach to correct defective chemistry in all cases.
So I would advise caution when considering whether or not to take psychiatric medication – some of the side effects, including impotence, inability to orgasm, etc. do not disappear for months or years for some people, and these additional problems can lead to even greater depression and despair in the long-run.
None of these side effects will enhance your ability to practise Dharma.
Avoiding them is important.
Fair enough, if a certain psychiatric medication is the best available solution for your psychiatric condition, then you should take it. But if a more effective, non-prescription solution with fewer side effects exists, then shouldn’t you take that, instead? It makes no sense to go for a worse solution, if a better solution exists.
Best wishes and best of luck to everyone suffering from mental ill health, and those who care for them,
CDB
This teaching may sound harsh, but it is very true. We have to be responsible to our life and accept the consequences caused by our own actions. We can put the blames on people one time, two time, three time but not all the time. Truth is truth and people will know one day. I think depression comes from the fact that we do not want to own our problems and be responsible for that. Admitting our weakness and work hard to overcome it is the solution. We cannot change in a day or two, but if we are consistent, we will see the results. We can fail, but the important thing is we keep trying and not giving up! I used to give up on things easily, I am unlearning that, and relearning to be consistent and persistent.
Rinpoche as our guru only wants the best for us, he never does things with the intention to put people down. Thank you Rinpoche for the teaching.
Achieve,achieve,achieve is the central moral about this blog post.Don’t settle for less when there is more on the way.Money won’t bring you peace,won’t bring you satisfaction,only desire.How one handle fear is another thing,how one conquer fear is also another thing.In the end,age will overcome things like money,love,belongings and friends.The only thing that will stay with you until your next life is dharma.That,too maybe you need to take awhile to find it, then it will just come to you.This message is filled with so many interesting moral that some i can’t even point out.Not all things will be perfect,but it is something everyone has to go through themselves.(for now,BYE)
Ryan Lim
Thank you Rinpoche. The truth is harsh for those who will not accept it.If we are honest with ourselves, if we face ourselves and recognize the faults that lie deep inside us, then, however hard the going is for us,we can forge ahead and achieve success, even in the midst of difficult situations and difficult people.
However bitter the medicine, if we know it is the only thing that will heal us, we will take it. Similarly, the course of action to bring us out of depression and mental pain, is difficult . Yet, with hard work,and by overcoming our fears and having full faith in and devotion to our Spiritual Guide, we will be able to get out into the light.Running away or hiding will not help in anyway. In the end, we still come full circle back to where we began and that is nowhere.
Every single problem one could have arises from the self. If you realise that, you will not blame others and would be happier generally. Even if it was not an event directly influenced by you, it is still by your karma to experience whatever event that happens. It all leads back to you.
Thank you Rinpoche for this very valuable advice. I do come across people like this who use depression as an excuse for their failure, they will ask for help and sympathy but eventually all these friend who help will also leave her because they think she is not sincere. I think what Rinpoche said is true if we want succeed we need to work hard we need to be responsible with our self.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing out the true facts about how to overcome our jealousy, laziness, hatred and depression. Time does not wait for us and there will be no miracle happens unless we heal ourselves with our hard work, effort and most importantly is to admit our problems and weaknesses in order to get the right remedy for ourselves. Most of the successful people have failed tremendously in their early ages and the only made them successful is to be honest with themselves and get it right the next time without repeating their past mistakes again whether in secular or spiritual life. If someone falls down onto the floor, what would be that person do next? He or she will stand up right after that without a second thought. This is how we should be all the times.
Dear Rinpoche,
After reading this, I contemplated on how ” Covering up and deceiving others can only work a few times but soon people will see through the person eventually”. And being honest is the best remedy. I believe we all experienced this 1 way or another whether its first hand or through another. I am glad through Rinpoche’s blog we are reinforced with this teaching and not get carried away by our mundane and wrongful behavior.
Thank you very much.
Hi Stella,
It’s not just that honesty is the best remedy, but the best policy. Being honest with yourself and others means you don’t have to remember what lies you told before, so you don’t have to put in the effort to keep on covering 😉
Some people will say that being honest makes you vulnerable. But even when you lie, you are vulnerable anyway because you always live in fear of being exposed. So better to be honest and be hurt, and gain respect for your honesty, than to lie and gain some respect now, but risk losing it for good in the future.
Dear Pastor Jean Ai,
Yes, you are right. I am now making a vow to be a honest person in all aspects and consistently. I noticed that by being honest (but not hurtful) in my speech, it also cut down on idle talking & divisive speech.
regards,
Stella
Rinpoche teachings is always very straight to the point and direct. Even though it may sound harsh but its really out of compassion and love.
The points is ‘you sow what your reap’ and ‘what goes around comes around’ Do not blame others but contemplate on their good qualities. Time is of essence. Take the advise to heart as any advice given by Rinpoche is always from the heart.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing with us on this.
Telling the truth can be harsh but it is due to Rinpoche’s compassion and love, hence it is direct, not beat around the bush.
Whatever it is, and no matter how hard it could be, we have to own it up… apologize sincerely then move on. Otherwise we will continue to be depressed.
“Life can give you the difficulties, but you can fail, grow, succeed, learn or all. Up to you. Stop blaming others and telling others non-stop it’s other people’s fault. “
I find this very disheartening. Not because the main message is harsh, or anything like that. When Rinpoche talks of depression this way it’s always a blessing. But rather, because he keeps referring to “medical depression.”
There is no such thing as medical depression. The science is false. It’s a hoax. Do research, and you’ll come to the same conclusion. Taking medications will probably make things worse. You’ll probably get Bi-Polar if you take medications for depression. And seeking medical help is always the WRONG answer. “Medical help” is a cloak for Nazism.
I’m sorry, but I find it terribly disheartening that Buddhas have no power against Mara in this world. Psychiatry is a mara. The fact that it has infiltrated this page gives me little hope for the world. It makes me want to become a very wrathful deity and slaughter all the psychiatrists and everyone who supports them. I’m very disillusioned at the power of these wrathful deities, though, because they have done nothing to stop psychiatry, when psychiatrists regularly force people out of spirituality and destroy the world.
The only purpose for psychiatrists is to force you into slavery, take your money, monitor you day and night, make medical decisions for you, make financial decisions for you, torture you physically with electroconvulsive therapy and medication therapy, and so forth. I’m not sure how I can have enough hope to work and strive diligently, as is suggested in this article, if even the people who have worked for many lifetimes are completely powerless to tell the truth about psychiatry being a Nazi police state which destroys humanity. Why gain results if in the end you’ll be completely powerless?
Dear Nathan Foster,
This sounds like you have an issue about psychiatry. I do not know if you have a valid reason for that because I cannot gauge from what you wrote. However, I wouldn’t say the Buddha is powerless against Mara. You are equating Mara and psychiatry as an external enemy. All mental problems is an internal issue, not an external one. Hence, the power is really in our hands and it depends on whether we want to do something about it or not. The Dharma taught by the Buddha/Rinpoche shows us the way, we have to actually take the instructions to heart and apply it. On the other hand, there are some people who are so wrapped up in their psychosis that may not respect nor take the advice of a Dharma master. Hence, Rinpoche would have to refer them to psychiatrist, whom they may respect better and gain results that way.
Referring someone to a psychiatrist is like killing the dharma seeds in them. Sending someone to a psychiatrist is giving up on them. It is telling them that they are bad and will never be enlightened, because that’s what psychiatrists believe from their heart. Psychiatry is a mara. Here is why.
Psychiatry, as a fundamental founding principle, takes the position that all true reality is based on external sources, and that you, the patient, have a faulty internal reality that is faulty to the very core. YOUR MIND is a PROBLEM in psychiatry.
Buddhism says that the way to enlightenment is to contemplate emptiness. Psychiatry has no reference to enlightenment, but directly negates that, by saying that the self, i.e. form, is faulty, and cannot be trusted. Better not examine the truth of form, because you will go crazy. It is impossible to meditate on form because the only form you have access to, your own, is judged to be faulty, and you’re supposed to ignore it, while instead, focus on what the psychiatrist says is truth. The main “truth” espoused by the psychiatrist is to continue taking poisons (“medications”) that make it impossible to examine reality.
The fact that psychiatry is anti-spiritual is evidenced by their war on spirituality. In the mental hospital, I was put into seclusion for reading the Qur’an. I made an altar to the Buddhas, and they forced me to destroy it, calling it “trash.” My friend tried to do bible studies with the other patients, and they forced him to stop. Psychiatry is a mara.
Mara is not internal. Maras are also external. The ultimate manifestation of mara is a bad being who wants to kill buddhas. Psychiatry qualifies.
It is also possible that referring someone to a psychiatrist is very wrathful, because of the pain it puts people through. But I don’t think it’s good to refer people to psychiatrists if it will ruin their faith.
O MY G. lighten up, if U can not help, please do no harm. Sounds like u have seen doctors before, sorry bad experience. Have empathy for you, understand. hope things get better.
I can see where you’re coming from Nathan, where someone involved with dharma can use dharma methods to antidote problems and change behaviors. If someone isn’t Buddhist or doesn’t practice then these methods aren’t available, and it’s impossible to “convert” everyone. And even if it was, people have different aptitudes, weaknesses, or mental dispositions — so they may not be able to apply and understand. For non-Buddhists there are methods such as cognitive behavior therapy which may have similar results without medication, but other than that what are they supposed to do?
What you are writing seems to me to be idealist, not practical, and even scathing. Psychiatrists do not intend to harm people, it is the opposite. Medication can literally save lives, or in lesser cases like mine I can’t get more than 5 hours of sleep without light medications before bed.
I have concluded that you don’t have experience with the “Mara” of mental illness.
For example, try explaining your theory to a type 1 bipolar patient who goes through a manic episode, writes all over their walls for days, becomes a raging alcoholic, alienates all of their family members and friends, then is sent for a forced evaluation (lockup) in a mental hospital for cutting themselves for the 20th time. Then consider that taking medication would at the very least replace alcohol and drug abuse, therefore LESS chemicals which are less harmful are ingested — which refutes your logic. And bipolar can be effectively medicated.
My ex-girlfriend had borderline personality disorder, which cannot be medicated as easily. I gave her dharma books, linked her dharma talks, taught her to meditate; the naive things which you seem to suggest. She still screamed at everyone, cut herself, punched herself in the face, which resulted in my visiting her at mental hospitals multiple times. Now she has been homeless for around 3 years. I would have given my left arm for her to stop refusing medication.
Just because one method is more effective than another method in a specific situation doesn’t mean the lesser method doesn’t benefit at all, nor does it mean that it doesn’t have the most benefit in other specific situations, nor does it mean that they can’t be COMBINED. How would a bipolar patient even learn and practice dharma, or even sit in a dharma center, if they are going through destructive episodes? I am sure many people combine psychiatry with their dharma practice.
I think your points certainly have merit and I agree (as I assume most Buddhists would) that medication is overly used. I have Asperger’s Syndrome and my psychiatrist tries to write me depression meds all the time which I have to turn down, and I’m not depressed ever. But it doesn’t mean that psychiatry epitomizes evil and ignorance.
I always like Rinpoche’s advice like this one. It’s direct, straightforward and not with the purpose to make you feel good and continue wasting your time.
When we ask for advice or help, and people reply sincerely, however we feel it’s “harsh”. Why? Then we should examine inside, are we asking for advice; or we are just wanted to get another opportunity to complain and get sympathy or attention? Therefore a “sincere advice” is not something/response we are expecting.
A sincere Guru or friend will properly not beating around the bush. They will be direct, because they care, they do not want you to suffer anymore even for a minute, wasting your time anymore. Time is not with us, we always forget we can’t buy time, can’t make time to U-turn…
In this era, even you pay few thousand dollars and spend much time, and the so called professional & famous counsellor will not guarantee given you the professional, sincere or advice that will solve your problems.
Advice given by Rinpoche not only direct and sincere, but with love and compassion for his students/whoever to move forward, to have a better tomorrow. Thank you Rinpoche for sharing.
I think it is very hard to change yourself just by a simple effort of will. Most often backlash is directly proportional to your effort and you go back down very easily.
The method is very important. Contemplation and meditation are indispensable. The method has to be corect and to come from a genuine spiritual line. The mere attempt to be a better human being, without a sustained meditative practice can easily lead to failure.
You can really understand what is kindness and what is compassion, only after you experience these in a deep and genuine meditation practice.
There is no ego, “I” or “me” that must become better, or to succeed. No matter how much effort you put to become a better man or woman, it is in vain without a correct meditation practice and a deep understanding of Dependent Origination doctrine.