I generally like flowers. I like exotic and unusual lasting flowers. But one ‘normal’ flower I like are roses. I like the big type. That’s fragrant. I really like roses a lot. Well, I woke up today and I got a card and a bunch of red big roses from Dr Lanse of Kechara Media & Publications Dept. What a nice surprise. I’ve looked at them and enjoyed them. Now they are on my shrine offered to the Three Jewels for Dr Lanse’s well being.

Dr Lanse joined us as a translator-writer. Quiet, soft spoken and very focused, I have grown to like her very much. She chose to do dharma work over her medical career..wow… She inspires many and I am proud to have her aboard. She shows many people that when you do dharma work, you can benefit so many people in a very deep and complete way. She works hard and very devoted to her work I am told. I am very glad for her.

When you talk to her, she doesn’t say much, but that does not mean, it didn’t go in. She thinks of everything thoroughly, completely and from many angles. She listens to what you say carefully. When you talk to Dr Lanse in a logical, clear way supported by evidence and facts, she likes that, which shows she is very intelligent. She does not commit to things easily, but when she does, she goes all the way as much as she can.

I like the fact that she can think in a mature way beyond fun, games, relationships, her timing, her personal time, outings, suppers, etc…. As I get to know of her more and more, she is willing to ‘sacrifice’ her personal pursuits for the greater pursuits…she really likes to do work that benefit others that is for sure. As she does more dharma work, she knows it benefits so many, so without asking her, she asks to translate more even after ‘office’ hours. My respect and fondness for her is growing. I myself give my all to my work and the growth of Kechara. There are over 95 full time people that I must make sure will always be alright so far in Kechara. And that number is growing…so I give it my all. So when I see others just as committed I feel close to them, I want to know them more, I want to send them gifts, I want to teach them special practices that will benefit them, I want to think of their future and make sure they will be safe, growing and happy. I think in that way and I think people would like that. Dr Lanse when sticking to her job at KMP loyally will reap many results, much satisfaction and I will make sure of it. She will look back later and say it was the best work/decision she had made in her life to join KMP and do the work. Besides the work, she will gain spiritual benefits beyond what I will write now, but rest assured, great spiritual benefits for her and anyone who does that same. I am happy for that and for her. Dr Lanse sets a wonderful example for the pioneer work we are doing here. Go all the way Dr Lanse!!! I know you have the depth to see what you are doing now finally after many years of ‘searching’ is very good…..

On another note-See you have to look at your age and see what you have accomplished. If your life so far has been about fun, social gatherings, trips, private time, relationships, and generally just self indulgent, it leads to something not happy later. Because you’ve wasted your time for fun, and fun always ends. And you have to keep looking for it and it always ends. Unfortunately it robs you of your youth, skills, and results…. You can only do that for a short period anyway…

Once you start going above forty– society, people, peers and even yourself will question what have you accomplished? Others may have fun but they worked hard to establish themselves along the way, so at the end of the day when the youthful ‘fun’ years are over, you have something to rest on or something for others to respect in you that you have accomplished. Self respect is the most important and it depends on your accomplishments also. When you talk, it has to be based on accomplishments or else who will listen?

If your life has been for just self indulgent fun and your timing is so narrowly planned for this and only this, then when you look back, all you had was fun. When the fun is over, friends are gone or enjoying the fruits of their hard work, but you have not much in your life. That is somewhat scary.

I’ve come across SO MANY people like that I have known for years. When they reach their thirties and forties and look back, they realize they have not accomplished much. They can’t face it….They either sink into self pity depressions or they indulge more to pretend they are somewhere in life or pretend to be happy….or just avoid the subject when it’s painfully clear they are regretful/unhappy/stuck. I feel very much sorry for them. Sometimes when you do well, even peers can be jealous of you, ignore you or even cut off from you because they cannot handle the success in you they perceive. I have peers who have cut off contact because they have confessed, hinted or shown clearly they are not happy for what I have achieved in Kechara. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but to them it was. I was surprised..some of them are elder lay people, and some are ordained people….They will even try to say negative things to other peers to lower what you have done…because what you have achieved, they have not although you started at the same time with them…… In my heart I have always been the same to them or think they are my close friend and they would be happy. But the many years they have wasted weigh heavy on their minds and when they see my ‘success’, it serves to remind what they have NOT done. The funny thing is there are people who are jealous and write letters years later asking me to forgive them for being jealous, and that they are ok now??? I was like, I didn’t even know you were so unhappy with my hard work…it outright surprised/shocked me… My point is simple, fun, self indulgence, socials are ok if you are getting somewhere in what you are doing. If not, when fun time’s over, you won’t have the fruits of your work AND THE FUN WILL BE OVER. I’ve seen so many like that.

If your forty, you shouldn’t think and act and be like when you were thirty. When you are thirty you shouldn’t act/think like when you were twenty. Likewise if you are 50, 60 or whatever and so on.. Your maturity must act like your age. With maturity you should have learned how life works…how respect comes, what is sacrifice, what is hard work, what is the fruits of success and what REALLY MAKES AN INDIVIDUAL HAPPY…. When your older and still are self indulgent, protective, self absorbed, shielded, defensive etc..it shows you have not achieved much or achieved it the wrong way..and you are afraid people will ‘discover’ this. What people accepted about you ten years back, they may not necessarily accept now…it’s natural to accept more. If ten years ago for example, your main focus was relationships and ten years later you can throw everything away for it still…then you have not grown…… So you may think, what is wrong with me..but they will think, still the same, immature, self indulgent and haven’t gotten anywhere in your life person they knew before…. If you are going to be strict on your principles, your way of doing things, and ‘enforce’ everyone around you to accommodate you and want respect, then you have to have the signs of success. If you are not ‘successful’, your cries for respect will go unheard like a wolf howling alone in the middle of the forest. Loneliness doesn’t come from being alone. Loneliness comes from knowing you’ve wasted your life on self indulgence and you haven’t done much for others or done much at all. So in that case you can go out for dinner and parties every night, but once you get home, loneliness will haunt you till you become bitter. Jealousy arises when you see your peers have achieved something during the time when you were having fun for all those years…..all the years you’ve wasted. Bitterness arises when you find you are too old, too sick, too lazy, too habituated, too comfortable to do something about it and people/peers around continue to grow and gain further success. Well You can do something about it. Maybe you can’t catch up with your peers, but catching up somewhat and feeling good finally that you did something may be enough. How much we can lessen bitterness with the effort we put in immediately is worth it. People who are looking for flaws, very defensive, always have to explain how right they are, or have ‘eloquent’ long winded explanations of why they couldn’t do something or hold on to their views sometimes could point to one thing— they haven’t achieved much …they are sensitive about it and they want to thwart your attention away from that. Symptoms of growing bitterness. Well something can be done.What? Curb your self indulgence now and do work that benefits others. Focusing on yourself all these years got you nowhere except false perceptions of having had fun and done something.. If fun was ‘it’, then you should be very successful and happy now.

The formula to avoid bitterness is to use your time wisely and not for only self indulgence. Self indulgence leads to eventual bitterness. Check it out.

I started this post with the pure intention of thanking Dr Lanse for her flowers and ended up writing much more that has nothing to do with Dr Lanse. I thought of separating the post about bitterness/self indulgence to somewhere else, but I think I will let you separate in your own minds. My thoughts often run and once it starts, I express it the best I can hoping it will help you examine your situation…as it helps me examine mine.. My thoughts and answers come from the many years and thousands of people I have met and listened to. Some lamenting, some commenting, some expressing, some just talking…..but rarely do I meet people who didn’t say they wasted so much of their lives on activities that they see now had no meaning.

I thank Dr Lanse for the flowers. It is giving of her. I appreciate it. I like them. They are on my shrine right now as I type and post this.

Tsem Rinpoche

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