Andy Mattia: The Long-Lost Friend
Andy Mattia in the 1980s (click to enlarge)
It was mid-February 2019 when Rinpoche gave some of his students a quest to track down three of his old friends from Los Angeles, California. These were some of the people who had left a deep impression on Rinpoche during his youth and Rinpoche wanted to reconnect with them. Rinpoche also had a nagging feeling that some of them could have already passed away.
Armed only with their names, some old pictures, the fact that they used to live in Los Angeles 36 years ago and little else, we tried various ways to search for them, including using people-finder sites and engaging private investigators. When it came to Andy Mattia, our search results indicated that he was deceased. The private investigator also yielded the same results. Rinpoche, however, wanted definitive proof that his friend had passed away 24 years ago. Rinpoche also requested us to look for a more recent picture of Andy.
Rinpoche then showed us a documentary about a Canadian lady’s successful attempt to locate her childhood friend in Japan. Her tireless efforts to search for her friend halfway across the world was extremely touching. We promised Rinpoche there and then that we would find more information on Andy.
VIDEO: Finding Fukue
A documentary about a Canadian lady’s successful attempt to search for her childhood friend in Japan. Rinpoche showed us this documentary to inspire our search.
Several weeks later, we finally obtained a copy of Andy Mattia’s death certificate from Los Angeles County. This confirmed that Rinpoche’s Native American friend had passed away in December 1995 from an illness. However, when we contacted the funeral home to ask for Andy’s picture, we encountered a brick wall. Their records are only kept for seven years and so, they did not have any more information about Andy. Undaunted, we decided to reach out to Matthew Reynulas, who was named on Andy’s death certificate as his friend, and the person who reported his passing.
Once again, an Internet search yielded no results for Matthew Reynulas but the private investigator came back with information that Matthew had changed his name to Matthew Reynolds. The investigator also provided Matthew’s contact information.
The first call to Matthew was unanswered; fortunately, he returned the call within a couple of hours. Matthew turned out to be a friendly and pleasant person and we had an enjoyable chat. He told us that Andy was surrounded by his dearest and closest friends during his final moments, and he promised to send us one of Andy’s pictures.
Matthew sent Rinpoche this picture of Andy Mattia, which was taken in November 1993, two years before his passing.
When Rinpoche saw the picture that Matthew sent, he confirmed that it was his dear friend, Andy Mattia, who had been like a brother to him. Rinpoche shared how Andy had been very kind to him when he was a young man struggling to make ends meet in Los Angeles. Rinpoche also said that although his search for Andy was over, “… we never really close the chapter on someone who has been a dear friend.” Rinpoche then dedicated some prayers for Andy and placed Andy’s picture at his personal altar.
Rinpoche also recorded a message for Matthew to express his gratitude and to share some of his experiences with Andy. The message was recorded several months before Rinpoche’s parinirvana, and has been transcribed and lightly edited.
Remembering Andy Mattia
[Recorded on April 24, 2019]
Or view the video on the server at:
https://video.tsemtulku.com/videos/RememberingAndyMattia2.mp4
Edited Transcript:
Dear Matthew,
Thank you for informing me of Andy’s passing. It is heartwarming to know that he was surrounded by friends, and thank you too for that picture of him. I truly appreciate that. Seeing his picture really brings back memories of him in the 80s. Although in the picture he looked a little older than I remember, his eyes, his nose, his smile are exactly the same.
This picture was taken in 1983 at the courtyard of Fenmore Apartments on Sunset Boulevard. Rinpoche was 18 years old then.
When I was young, I had a difficult childhood. I am 52 now. I left home from New Jersey to Los Angeles when I was 15 going on 16. After several attempts at running away from home, I finally succeeded. When I arrived in L.A., I had little money with me. I had to look for jobs and a place to stay. As luck would have it, I came across an advertisement looking for a roommate for a studio apartment at Fenmore Apartments on Sunset Boulevard occupied by Andy and Stan. They were just roommates. Andy was planning to move to East L.A., and they had to find a replacement tenant to share the rental cost. I was Andy’s replacement. That’s how we met and became friends. We were just friends, and nothing more. But I can say, good friends. Andy was cool. He was hip. He was happening.
Rinpoche’s altar at Fenmore Apartments. Click to enlarge
Andy was very intelligent and articulate. He was worldly. He knew how to talk with people at different scenarios and different levels. He was also witty, very funny, and engaging. He was quite a captivating person, and he had a great laugh that just melted the people around him.
Andy drank a lot of alcohol and engaged in narcotics, which I did not partake of. He was around 24 or 25 years old, and I was very young then. At the time, I was just working part-time and did not have a lot of money, and Andy made a lot more money than I did. Sometimes, Andy would call me up, and we would just hang out together. I found him to be a generous person. As we were both of similar height, Andy would sometimes give or lend me his clothes, pants, or jackets. He would just give these clothes to me, which meant a lot to me as I had so little then. His clothes were nice and fit me very well.
This picture of Rinpoche was taken in the 80s in Los Angeles, California. The black jacket was Andy’s.
However, when Andy was drunk or on narcotics, he would flip into a different Andy. He would be more hostile, forgetful, less alert and inattentive to some people. But I knew that was not him. I knew that was the result of narcotics and excessive alcohol. Andy’s only downfall, if I can say for lack of a better word, was his addiction to narcotics and alcohol.
Putting aside his addiction, Andy was a good person. A kind person. He was a deep person. He left a deep impression on me when I was young. This is not something I am saying because someone has passed away; this is how I really felt. As I did not have any adult role model in my life at that time, Andy filled that role for me as a father figure or an older brother. He spent time with me, talked to me, paid attention to me.
In Los Angeles, Rinpoche often worked more than one job at a time to make ends meet. This photo of Rinpoche was taken in the Fotomat kiosk where he worked.
In hindsight, I realised that if only he had restrained himself from those intoxicants, Andy could have been much more than what he was. He would have enjoyed life more. He would have enjoyed his friends more. But that is not to fault him or anything. Everyone has his/her own problems. But luckily, Andy’s issues never took away from who he was… a good person.
I am a Buddhist. I recall Andy following me to attend talks at the Buddhist centre, to meditate together, and to listen to my teacher. He once told me that he thought he had found his faith, and that Buddhism really suited him. I was so happy for him because I wanted something to give him peace.
The first location of Thubten Dhargye Ling Dharma centre. On one occasion, Andy followed Rinpoche to Thubten Dhargye Ling to meditate and listen to Geshe Tsultim Gyeltsen.
I did not know what was bothering him that drove him to take intoxicants. Something inside him was troubling him, but I was too young to ask or even understand. Andy told me that he wanted to go for meditation classes and all that, but he did not because he started drinking again.
Despite that, I remained his friend. Sometimes when he was coherent, we would hang out together; otherwise, he would be left alone to do his own thing.
I left the States in 1987 for India to become a Buddhist monk and I am still a monk now. In quiet moments, sometimes I catch myself thinking about people who have impacted my life – my childhood, my growing up years, my young adult life… There have been a few that have made a deep impression on me, and Andy was one of them.
Sadly enough, I do not have much information about him since we last met. I only have some of the photos that he had given me. I knew he was Native American because he told me so. I do not know where his family lived; where he came from; what had happened to him. I had very little to go on. I am extremely lucky to be able to locate and find out about him through you, but sadly, 24 years too late. I am utterly surprised that he had passed away at such a young age. I am at a loss for words. It would have been wonderful to speak to him again and it would have been easy with the Internet.
More pictures of Rinpoche standing outside Fenmore Apartments.
Writing this letter to you is almost like writing a letter to Andy. I wanted to tell him that he had made a profound impact on my young life. I remember his generosity, friendship, and attention to a little runaway kid. I wanted to connect with him to ask how he’s doing, where he is now. Let him know what’s up. That was what I really wanted to do, but I guess it was not to be. And so for the last 30 years, I have been wondering what happened to him. Where he was. How he was. He was among the few people that I have been looking for.
The funny thing is, we never even had our picture taken together.
So I wanted to thank you for your assistance and for letting me know what happened to Andy. That he had passed away among friends, and how old he was and sent that picture of him. I have placed that picture of him under a Buddha statue, and I made a prayer to the Buddha to bless Andy, to help him take a good rebirth, and for good things to happen to him in his future lives. I do appreciate very much that you took the time to let me know what had happened to him, and a little information on him. I absolutely had no one to contact and no one to ask. It is kind of a closure to know what had happened to a friend. But then you don’t really close, do you on anyone? I will not be searching for him anymore or wondering but just remembering who he was.
I appreciate your kindness and your time to let me know what has happened. You are in my prayers, and of course, Andy is. And again thank you for his picture. I really appreciate that. Seeing his picture confirmed that it was Andy, my friend in the 80s that had passed away. It was the older brother that would have been nice to have. The older brother that I was looking for.
Thank you again very much.
Much appreciation,
Tsem Rinpoche
Note: The above transcript has been lightly edited from the original recording with additional information from Rinpoche.
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It is very touching to read Rinpoche’s message. How much Rinpoche appreciates the kindness and friendship of Andy Mattia and the huge effort in finding a long lost friend. We should never forget those who are kind and help us before. Always express our gratitude to them.
Thank you for sharing this article.
Andy Mattia a friend of our Lama…Tsem Rinpoche lost and found after 24 years . Rinpoche had not forgotten about him and recollected some of the finest moments of life with him. Its not too late , at least for a moment Rinpoche knew of his passing and had a picture of him after all these long years. A friend like Andy whom Rinpoche do not want to lose as he was kind and generous ,helping Rinpoche during the most difficult times at Los Angeles, California. Interesting read of how the writers managed to search and search without giving up and found it at last .Interesting video too.
Thank you for this sharing.
It moves me very deeply to see people spend so much efforts to search for a long lost friend because I dont see this happen much in reality. It feels hard when you lost contact for such a long time, but the obstacles does not stop Rinpoche to do it. I admire this kind of deep relationship, it must be a precious one in your life.
I can feel Rinpoche miss his young age with Andy when he describes how’s Andy looks like. I’m glad that we know what happened to Andy at the end.
Thank you for sharing this touching story. Many prayers to Andy, and dear Rinpoche too.