I just couldn’t live your life
My parents were 100% against me to follow dharma, study dharma or do dharma in any way. They told me I have to get a real job, real career and make myself respectable. They told me if I did dharma or become a monk, they would lose face and disown me. I didn’t want to do dharma to go against them, but I could not LIVE THEIR version of happiness. To live their ideals of life, happiness and what is right. I just couldn’t. For not obeying them, they made me pay many heavy prices. I didn’t enjoy the punishments, threats and pain they inflicted on me, but it would have been more painful to do what they wanted me to do. I made a choice, that I have to do what’s in my heart and if they don’t agree, I am sorry. I mean no disrespect. I will pay the dues and go all the way. I did what I wanted. And I continue to.
Tsem Rinpoche
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1984 Los Angeles-Left to right: Geshe Tsultrim Gyeltsen, His Holiness Kyabje Zong Rinpoche, monk assistant to Zong Rinpoche and the 18-year-old Tsem Rinpoche prior to ordination. Read more- https://www.tsemrinpoche.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/category/me
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A poem inspired by seeing a picture of my teacher, Kyabje Zong Rinpoche…
In the sport of correct views,
all that is correct is just a view,
without permanence or substance.
As long as we hold onto views,
our sufferings are gathered
to be experienced without end.
Without the strong methods of emptiness
and compassion, bereft of merit,
we sink deeper without respite.
To arise from this samsara is but
a dreamscape on the deluded mind.
Therefore seek the guru, who confers the yidam,
hold your vows and fixate on liberation
free of new creations. Free of new experiences as
there are none.
~ Tsem Rinpoche
Composed in Tsem Ladrang, Kuala Lumpur on July 7, 2014
I was walking past a second hand shop on Western Ave selling old things. They had a Japanese-style clay Buddha which was beige in colour on the floor, holding the door open. I thought the shopkeeper would collect a lot of negative karma without knowing if he kept such a holy item on the floor as a doorstop. So I went in to talk to him, but he didn’t look like he wanted to talk or that he even cared. So I asked him the price and he said US$5. I purchased it so he did not collect more negative karma. I was 17 years old and that was in 1982.
I escorted my new Buddha home and washed it lightly and wiped it. I placed it on my altar and was happy with the Buddha. I would do my meditations, prayers, sadhanas, mantras and prostrations in front of this shrine daily. When I left for India in 1987, I could not bring this Buddha along and gave it to a friend. It was a nice size and I made offerings to this Buddha for many years in Los Angeles. In front of the Buddha I placed His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s photo. I remember I was so relieved that the price was affordable. But US$5 that time was still expensive for me but worth it I thought. But I was happy to have brought the Buddha home. Tsem Rinpoche
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Tsem Rinpoche at Kechara Forest Retreat, Bentong, Malaysia
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for sharing this powerful message here. I had read the Promise book and I can only imagine the pain and hardship Rinpoche had to go through just to be with dharma. Without Rinpoche’s perseverance through those hardships, we won’t have Kechara today.
Humbly,
Chris
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In Asian countries parents tend to show ‘roads’ to their kids, or tell them what to, and normally these instructions need to be obeyed or the kids are seen as disobedient.
These ‘instructions’ sometimes can be right, but they are not right 100% of the times. We have seen cases of parents forcing their kids to study subjects that they don’t like and which end up to be disasters.
I am glad that I am not living in a family where I need to listen to ‘instructions’ all the times, but there are times where I really cannot agree to my parents’ ideas.
At the end of the day, I guess we have to understand that these are our own precious lives and we need to be accountable for them.
Many parents want the kids live their life according to their version of happiness. I experienced this within my circle of friends, they were curious or surprised when I made my choice of career or rather they do not understand purpose of dharma work.
In surface, dharma work means nothing to some of people, I made my choice and
“I DID WHAT I WANTED, AND I CONTINUE TO…”
My parents were also against me doing Dharma last time. Being consistent and my perseverance showed them I am here to stay. Reading Rinpoche’s story is the best example anyone can have. I will let my parents ‘see’ how wonderful it is to be where I am!
I think that Rinpoche is doing what was his calling, imagine if we also had callings (worldly) in nature and we are asked to no to follow them and instead the wishes that makes no sense or our inclinations at all how difficult would it be for us. And to engage in dharma is get in touch with the highest knowledge in the universe, the wish fulfilling gem for all that we need.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for this blogpost as I have read it many times and it continues to inspire me to want to do Dharma for the rest of my life. It is a choice I have made, though to the disappointment of my family. Although my parents are very against me doing what I am doing, I could never imagine what Rinpoche had to endure, to fight to pursue a path that is so “foreign” to our parents. Therefore, Rinpoche’s perseverence, commitment, and determination to want to do/study/follow the Dharma has made me, to my best ability, follow in suit.
Our parents are not to blame, as it is out of love and worry for the child. Most parents have not been down this route before, and therefore if their kids do, they are worried because they don’t know what it will result in, what it entails. Their only gauge of success is what other “successful, wealthy businessmen/women” are doing and have “achieved”, and what they themselves and others around them have done throughout their lives. If the child follows their path, it comforts them, for they know what it will bring – they are already in the position, that is all they know, they can judge and relate to it. But, is that really the only path to happiness and success?
Ultimately, in the minds of the parents and the child, what is success? Has following the route that most people know and are doing, brought success AND happiness in their lives or is it merely a reflection of ideals and social norms? To me, there is no way to repay the love of your parents, but to be a better person, to not have to depend on your parents AT ALL, not burden or worry them, to care for and take care of the parents, respect and honour them, to bring happiness to others, be generous, kind, humble, giving – and that is developed through the Dharma.
Thank you, Rinpoche, for showing me the other path to happiness, and for giving me everything I have now. I am not afraid, for I see the result of Dharma, the path so foreign to many, in you. This result far exceeds what we could ever achieve in a job that otherwise only pays you.
Rinpoche showed strong imprints of a dharma teacher in his previous lives.He can learned and studied Dharma text easily at a young age, he also liked to draw buddha pictures to give to relatives and friends,recites mantras do offerings to buddhas and served his gurus well.He’ll never give up dharma practice despite 100% against from his adopted parents.He finally managed to run away from home and did it the way he thought it should be done.Like what his natural mother has said before if the child is a reincarnated lama he’ll find his way.Now Rinpoche has found his way to the monastery and proven to be a highly reincarnated tulku despite so much pains and difficults in his early days and i believe Rinpoche will never ever give up dharma at the cost of his life!
自己的生活自己过，没有人能代替你受苦，也没有人能代替你开心。
We are very fortunate to learn dharma here with our guru is so near to us. We should go all the way to do dharma and transform so that we can benefits many many others. This is a way of saying thank you to our guru with all his good efforts, even though he has gone thru the painful path all for us if not today we will not able to learn dharma.
Thank you guru for making such decision in life.
Many parents have different wishes for their children.They mean well but don’t always have the wisdom to know what’s best, myself included. Many Buddhist families would be overjoyed if their child were to become a Buddhist monk. One of my worries is that my son won’t even be a Buddhist as most of my family and his father are Atheist. I have taught him some mantras and his favourite is om mani padme hum. My parents think I’m ‘nuts’ ( crazy), strange at best for my Buddhist belief, but don’t try and stop me, which is great and I can see it from their point of view. I feel very lucky sometimes to have come across Buddhism, especially the law of course and effect which gives detailed instructions on what not to do and what to do and what will happen after your actions. ie don’t kill as you will have a short life and hell rebirth, don’t steel as you will be poor and hungry ghost rebirth. I only wish I had come across it sooner.
It’s very hard to convince people on what we are doing is right and ok. People evaluate the success based on the ideas they have in mind, which normally imposed by the society.
In spiritual journey, it is much more challenge to get people to understand the reasons that we have to act like this or that. Especially they don’t understand the reasons that you have to act this way and thus we need to spend times to explain. The explanation is worth if triggered them to be in spiritual path too. Otherwise, it is just a waste of time and worst they could be thinking we are insane, and the explanation could be used by them to create insult, rumors and gossips.
I am motivated by H.E Tsem Rinpoche determination and consistency in doing dharma. H.E never leave dharma even in this harsh situation. It is so hard to get in touch in dharma life after life. But, H.E did it and show to us the determination. Even H.E have to pay the hard price, H.E still insist to be in dharma. I hopes I can have this determination, consistency, strong and brave in practicing dharma life after life.
Thank you Guru, for scarifying so much for showing us.
With a short paragraph, Rinpoche has communicated to us much courage. Rinpoche’s decision is huge, it has impact on his entire life. More preciously, it is to benefit others.
It is hard to go against the flow. Who dare to stand up to say what is opposite of the common? Many times, most if not all are more likely to agree with the common than to say otherwise. We dont want to offend ppl and invite troubles.
Our lives is short, my life is short. I do not think it is wise to follow what others say is right. I listen, I think and I decide myself.
Dear Rinpoche, it is very painful when we did not get our parents support. I truly feels the pain when you go all the way for Dharma, become a monk and your parents against what you did. But i am sure one day they will understand and know your work have benefited soooooooo many people and other beings. I respect Rinpoche with folded hand, you are brave and compassionate and i heart you dear Rinpoche.
Much care.
HC
My family is not very supportive for my decision to work for Dharma full time. They think it is not a proper job because I will not be earning a lot. They think I can do better out there and I disappointed them by making this decision. I do not blame them because they do not understand what Dharma is, I believe if I transform myself enough, they will slowly understand what Dharma really is.
I am lucky because despite my decision, my family did not disown me, they did not tell me to change my job. Rinpoche is a very good example for all of us, be persistent, be consistent and never give up Dharma. Our friends and family might not supportive now, but they will eventually.
I’m always the very fortunate one. Since I was a kid, my mum always brought me Buddhist temple for prayer, at the time I already have a very strong imprint of taking refuge to the three jewels although I didn’t really understand the meaning of it.
Today I met Rinpoche, and pastors which facilitated my dharma learning to a deeper level. No one stop me becoming vegetarian, even they enjoyed having vegetarian reunion dinner with me this year 🙂 ;that is a time, I told my mum that I may become monk one day. She didn’t stop me but rejoice for me.
Compared to Rinpoche, my external obstacle of dharma practice is even much lesser so there is no reason for me not to go deeper in dharma. I’m so fortunate!!!
Thank you very much Rinpoche for your compassion, hardwork and love which have benefited so many beings.
VP
Yeah… my parents are not too happy with the idea of me getting too deeply involved with Dharma. However, they are still kind to me, despite the fact that I have been rather a ‘disapointment’, especially to my dad.
What Rinpoche went through, I can’t even imagine for a second that my mind can withstand it if i was placed in such a situation…
I suppose, when parents disagree with their kids about something, it’s because deep down they have fear. Just like how parents wont allow their kids to walk alone in fear they will be kidnapped… same with being in Dharma… Parents just fear their kids will get lost in a path less travelled, so they just want us to copy what most successful people have already done.
They also wish for us to be happy… but what is happiness really? Isn’t it the feeling of contentment rather than the chase of wealth and fame? Happiness has to come from within and what better way to train that than to dedicate life doing Dharma… I do not blame them for not being entirely supportive, for they too have not experienced true happiness… and it is a child’s duty to bring the Dharma to their parents through their actions. Through such transformation, hopefully our parents may be able to see the true value of Dharma.
Compared with Rinpoche and many monks who live in very bad condition, I believe as a fulltime dharma worker in Malaysia can be consider very lucky. Many monks who live in monasteries they are devoted their whole life into Dharma, however materialistic they are very poor. But I can see from their face they are really enjoy the suffering because they can spread Dharma. Like Tsem Rinpoche, Rinpoche want to benefit all of us then Rinpoche stayed in Malaysia.
In fact, Rinpoche like monastery life than the life in busy city. The message Rinpoche sent out is if I think I am at very badly condition to do Dharma work, how about others??? Some of them sacrifice their family, reputation, career and fame because they just want to do Dharma. It is not easy for a person give up their attachment and desires to do Dharma. Because all of us not Buddha yet.
Always remind our-self, we are the most lucky one who can do Dharma without any threaten, disagreement, against and fighting. My sharing is let’s do it, no matter what happen and don’t give up so easily.
We are so fortunate, the freedom to choose what we want but we choose to make obstacles for ourselves
“I will pay the dues and go all the way. I did what I wanted. And I continue to. ”
This really touched me. My mum asked me to quit my job yesterday. I feel sorry and bad for not asking her the reason and telling her what is in my mind. But yes, Im clear and firm for what Im doing now. I know what I want. I must go all the way!
My natural mother never spoke to me again. My step parents disowned me. After I became a monk, they never spoke to me again until both of them passed away. I miss my mother and step parents. But I still have to do what I have to do. My step parents said I am a shame and I went the wrong way. They never communicated with me ever. TR
Cuddle Cuddle ^^,
How would you like to repay kindness to your nature or step parents? The way of Venerable Master Hsuan Hua did really inspiring me. I hope you like it. http://books.google.com.my/books?id=A5y3Evlw2Z0C&pg=PA24&lpg=PA24&dq=hsuan+hua+bow+parents&source=bl&ots=DI4u4_CNWY&sig=ESNCj5BTOmsCqWhI0VW3lg1ZFOI&hl=en&sa=X&ei=BPAeT6-aKYuziQei7cGFDg&ved=0CCMQ6AEwAQ
Big Texas sized cyber hug <3
I have friends who think I should give up the dharma, quit writing and get a real job. They ask me what will become of me if John were to die before me? They say I’ll starve to death. But if starvation is the worst price I have to pay to remain in dharma then that’s what I’ll do. I’m not afraid to die. I’m afraid to die untransformed. Besides, there is no guarantee John will die before me. Thank you for being such a dear Dharma friend and teacher.