Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Taboo Words
Joy has been a student of His Eminence the 25th Tsem Rinpoche for over 15 years. Through the years, Joy has witnessed Rinpoche’s compassion and the unconventional methods he uses to benefit others. Some of the short stories she shares will tell interesting miraculous events that Rinpoche will not mention due to his humility. She hopes these stories will serve as an inspiration in your own spiritual journey.
Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Taboo Words
While serving His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche closely and being a member of the Ladrang (Lama’s residence) team, we went through some very intense training to rid us of our bad habituations and the mind games we often played with ourselves and others. And when we did something negative, most of the time we did not even realise we were doing it until Rinpoche pointed it out to us.
One of the many bad habits that Rinpoche firmly helped us put a stop to was using words without much thought, especially those we are very used to easily saying. These include:
“I will try.”
“I will do my best.”
“I cannot.”
“I’ll do it tomorrow.”
“I will.”
For Rinpoche, these words were taboo. Rinpoche told us we should avoid saying such things as much as possible and explained that psychologically, when we say we will “try” or “do our best”, it is a way of saying that if we fail, it is not our fault and we cannot be held responsible. Those words tell others that we do not want to commit and take full responsibility for the results of our actions because we are only going to try and do our best; we will not commit to making 100% sure that whatever the given assignment or task is, it will be done.
Then there is the “I cannot” which is a huge no-no because before we even try, we have already failed. This kind of mindset or attitude is a huge obstacle to one’s spiritual progress. Unless we have tried and done our utmost best, and we still cannot achieve it, then it is acceptable. However, Rinpoche never gave us any assignments we cannot achieve because Rinpoche would have thought it through thoroughly. Hence, saying we “cannot” is an outright rejection of our success and this is what Rinpoche disliked the most because we are practising the Dharma to transform and overcome our fears and bad habituations. So, the “I cannot” was never acceptable in Rinpoche’s books.
“I’ll do it tomorrow” was another one of Rinpoche’s discouraged phrases. Unless it cannot be helped, we should get a task done immediately and not put it off to the last minute or say we will get it done “tomorrow”. Thus, whilst Rinpoche usually gave or asked us for a deadline, when it was something important or urgent, we normally got on with the task immediately. We would not wait until the next day, unless it was completely impossible and beyond our control, for example being unable to catch a flight right there and then because one was not available until the next day.
Rinpoche was not unreasonable; this was Rinpoche’s training for us to realise that nothing is impossible if we want to get something done. For quick, easy tasks it was best to get it accomplished on the same day. Rinpoche disliked hearing the word “tomorrow” because it reflected a laidback attitude with no sense of urgency. Hence, by discouraging the use of the word “tomorrow“, it was Rinpoche’s way of training us to have some sense of urgency, especially when we are in the line of helping others.
Rinpoche used to ask us to think, “Are we going to tell a dying person we will attend to him tomorrow?” When people need our help and it is a matter of life and death, we cannot help them at a timing that suits us and our convenience. We need to be there immediately as this is our purpose for doing Dharma work. Hence, when we are working to be of service to others, the “tomorrow” attitude does not serve our purpose and has to go. Rinpoche used to explain that we are like nurses in a hospital so we always need to be ready – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – to help someone. It is just that our hospital is a hospital for the mind.
“I will” was another phrase which Rinpoche did not like hearing, for example in the context of something like “I will not lie again in the future“. Rinpoche explained that “I will” means we promise to do something which, under most circumstances, would be OK. However, the problem is that “I will” does not guarantee anyone anything because most of the time, “I will do this or that next time” is said with the hope that we get away with just saying that, without having to actually do something. And oftentimes, when the next time comes around, we forget the promise we have made (so, in the case of lying, we forget we promised to not lie and hence we lie again).
What Rinpoche wanted to hear was our realisation that we had truly understood the lesson and therefore would immediately apply the change without saying the words “I will”. This is so we do not deceive ourselves that there is a ‘next time’ and forget what we have promised to do. Using “I will” therefore is another mind game we usually play to get ourselves out of a difficult situation and so Rinpoche usually did not buy the “I will” stories.
It may appear that Rinpoche’s training, and the dos and don’ts that Rinpoche trained us in, seem very strict or harsh but in reality, if we follow Rinpoche’s guidelines, we will slowly realise that by stopping ourselves from saying these taboo words or statements, we start changing our attitude. Our thought patterns begin to change and we re-habituate how we think. This is how we change our attitude towards how we perceive things and we actually start accomplishing things. We realise we can get things done and we feel better about ourselves. That is how Rinpoche changed the way we see things and how we see ourselves, which eventually makes us a happier, more confident person in the end. Rinpoche did all of this to make us realise nothing is impossible if we have the right mindset and attitude and hence, by extrapolation, becoming a Buddha is also not impossible. Enlightenment is just a thought away and it starts now. As Rinpoche said, “If not now, when?”
For more interesting information:
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Cooking For Rinpoche
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Vajra Yogini or Anger?
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – The Assignment
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Change Karma
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Creating The Causes
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Buddha Images and Imprints
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Food and Dharma
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Spreading Dharma in Jonker Street
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – What’s the New News?
- Rinpoche Through My Eyes – Mission Impossible
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What deemed to be taboo in Kechara turned out to be my fav lines, O gosh! @-.-@
When I reread this article carefully again, I found that it’s true! The physchology behind saying these words is just like playing mind-games. On one hand, indeed we would like to try accomplishing the tasks given. If it’s successful, then we will be proud of it but on another hand, if failed at least we have tried our best. That should be it, right? But wait…if one were to think deeper, by saying ‘try’ – we will not commit fully in whatever we are doing. The key here is, we will not be held responsible for not achieving it. We indirectly trying to avoid pain- 8 worldly concerns.
I believe ‘If not now, when’ is a catchy phrase in Kechara. Do it Now. Don’t wait. You can. I can. Long journey to go but worth doing it.
Thank you so much for this Joy.
This is a great write up to remind us to just do it with an open mind and don’t think too much. If knowing very well it brings us a lot of merits and beneficial for our karma. Thank you very much Rinpoche and Joy for this wonderful sharing 😘👍
So Rinpoche’s taboo words were, I will try,I will do my best,I cannot
I’ll do it tomorrow and I will. Thank you Joy for this sharing with us especially to those of us outside Ladrang. I wouldn’t know this till reading this post. Some information rather knowledge we should learn to avoid saying such things as much as possible. Mind-sets play a significant role in determining life’s outcomes. In Buddhism spiritual Gurus are the pillars of the tradition. They are guardians of the Dharma, they provide students with knowledge as well guidance and inspiration for liberation. Our Guru should be served with utmost devotion and respect. We should do as told and never give up without doing our task. We are fortunate to have met Rinpoche and since then our lives has completely transformed, it is a worthwhile journey.
This is a wonderfully enriching article. Pastor you should write more of such articles where lessons from Rinpoche are prevalent. Many best wishes for your spiritual success.