Tales with My Lama: Looking at Vajra Yogini
Pastor David has been a student of His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche for over 15 years. Within the ‘Tales With My Lama’ series of articles, he explores his spiritual relationship with Rinpoche, sharing anecdotes, stories, observations and little Dharma nuggets. It is all told to inspire others for their own spiritual relationship with their teachers.
Tales with My Lama: Looking at Vajra Yogini
Lately, whenever I look at a Vajra Yogini statue, I recall my times with His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche. These recollections fill me with nostalgia, and I feel the sting of tears welling in my eyes.
One of these instances occurred a few years before Rinpoche’s Parinirvana (passing). At the time, Rinpoche was handling some problematic issues with some students. Having been close to Rinpoche for years, I had the privilege of enjoying close proximity when times were good (of which there were many) and getting my hands dirty when times were bad. That meant I was involved in resolving issues and problems, voicing my opinion and doing my best to defuse matters where possible. Unfortunately, I was not assertive or outspoken, so I struggled through these situations. However, I trusted Rinpoche enough to pull through.
Click on image to enlarge
I can no longer recall the actual issues that arose that day, but we had a really long meeting to resolve them. It was towards the end, when we had some sort of resolution to the problem, that something happened. Rinpoche asked most of the people present to go for a toilet break. Then, just before I was about to leave the room to join the rest, Rinpoche asked me how I felt. I hesitated, and Rinpoche asked me again how I felt. I knew Rinpoche probably sensed something about me.
By instinct, I wanted to lie about how I felt and sugar-coat my words just to avoid having to explain myself. However, I knew Rinpoche could see through it. It would have turned into a ‘teeth-pulling’ session just to get me to answer a straightforward question. After a few moments, I blurted out the honest truth – that I felt tired of dealing with these issues, and I wondered why it didn’t get easier.
I was exasperated, and Rinpoche obviously knew what I was referring to. What he said in reply mirrored my feelings. Rinpoche said he felt the same way, and he also wondered why we (the students) did not make it easier for the lama. Why do we always doubt, resist and create so many problems? What Rinpoche said made sense. It made my feelings turn around. Rinpoche said these things in a matter-of-fact tone, and then he switched ‘tracks’ suddenly.
Rinpoche suddenly agreed with what I said and told me that I didn’t really have to go through all this. He said I could do whatever I wanted to do. At this point, I felt like I had opened a can of worms. I didn’t feel good about where this was headed. Rinpoche said that he knew I wanted to travel the world and that I could if I wanted to. He said it would be alright and that I could meet Rinpoche once in a while to catch up. Everything would be okay. Rinpoche said a lot more things to tempt me and was most persuasive as he knew me very well.
In all honesty, I was very tempted. However, I knew I couldn’t go through with it in my heart. I thought about my years with Rinpoche, and I couldn’t give that up just to travel and do what I selfishly wanted. I wasn’t trying to be noble, but I knew I would regret it if I did leave, despite the ‘pleasant picture’ Rinpoche had painted. I could not do it, but I was really tempted. So, I told Rinpoche that I would like to, but I couldn’t do it. I could not leave, and I wanted to stay.
Rinpoche paused for a moment. Perhaps he was surprised at the firmness of my voice. Then, he pointed at the Vajra Yogini statue on the altar. The statue was angled in such a way that she was facing me. I turned to look at the statue, and Rinpoche said she was looking at me and pleased with what I had just said. I stared at Vajra Yogini for a while and didn’t realise that Rinpoche was actually the one who was pleased. Rinpoche went on to say that forgoing one’s attachment and practising the Dharma instead has the highest value. It’s what truly pleases Vajra Yogini. In hindsight, I am glad I decided to stay, as our remaining time with Rinpoche turned out to be really short.
For more interesting information:
- Tales with My Lama: Going to the movies with Rinpoche
- Tales With My Lama: The Geshe Who Loved Butter
- Tales With My Lama: Rinpoche’s Heruka Statue
- Tales With My Lama: Rinpoche on a ‘Holiday’
- Tales With My Lama: Dorje Shugden on The Head
- Tales With My Lama: What is the New News?
- Tales With My Lama: Rinpoche Felt He Was More Indian
- Tales With My Lama: What Does Rinpoche Like About Liz Taylor?
- Tales With My Lama: Daily Practice
- Tales With My Lama: Laugh Away Your Ego
- Tales With My Lama: Why Rinpoche Has To Suffer
- Tales With My Lama: Larger Than Life
- Tales With My Lama: Manjushri
- Tales With My Lama: Audience With Tsem Rinpoche
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It is also due to your firmness that up until now we still benefit from your Dharma sharing/stories, Pastor.
Thank you so much.