Must Watch: To Be Alone Is Worse Than Hell
What were we taught and conditioned by our culture and society? How is it totally different in the monastic world? As we gain a deeper understanding of the preconceived ideas and conditions of our culture and society, we are able to see clearly the source of most of our problems. With this new-found understanding and clear insight, we will then be able to make better choices to lead a life that is free of expectations and fear.
This video gives in-depth explanations presented in an easy to understand manner with applicable examples to help us understand the core of our issues and the methods through which we can eliminate them.
Please watch and enjoy.
To Be Alone Is Worse Than Hell
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TRANSCRIPT
Places like America where everything is provided for you physically, you know how you end up? You end up coddled, you end up with higher expectations, you end up with perceiving your body would be the same at 70, 80 and 90 as it would’ve been when you were 20. You dress like you are still young, you act like you are still young, but you are not. You think like you can do everything, but you can’t.
Diseases take over, depression takes over, unhappiness takes over, loneliness takes over, your partner dies, you are aging, your mortality is very strong. All that comes on, and what do you have left? You have death. And when you have death, you are not prepared, you don’t want to let go, you have unfinished work, you don’t want to let go of your partner, your kids. And it is all these dramas that go on your life as you die and then you die.
But it is not like that in the monasteries, it’s a total polar opposite. People in a monastery are not afraid of death. They don’t experience the fear of death before, during, at all, ever! I have never seen a monk died or heard of a monk died in fear. We are not talking about a small community of 15 people, 1,300!
I will say about 20% of the population are very old monks, 15-20% very old, and you don’t see monks trying to regain their youth, you don’t see people trying to be happy with plastic surgery, you don’t see people running around trying to put on pounds of makeup to look good, you don’t see people trying to pick up a girl, you don’t see people trying to get a husband.
Do you know America? You are 50, you’ve been married 50 years, your partner dies, you’re lonely, you’re sad, your solution to be happy is to find another girlfriend, and then, “Oh wow! I get married again”. And see she is 70 and I am 75, and we are so happy, and we are going to go on a cruise, and we have our pension, and we wake up in the morning we are alive together, we are holding hands. I watch these programs. And we have breakfast together, and we have lunch together, and we sleep together, and we watch TV together, and we are so happy because we can do all these together. And you hear, this is the American life.
One thing about America is even when you are 70, your goal in life is to find a partner and that’s it. That’s it. That is your goal in life: to have a partner and not to be alone, because being alone is worse than hell; because that is the way you are raised.
But in the monastery, to be alone is not worse than hell. To be alone is a time to meditate, to develop, to improve, to gain higher states in your mind. There is no such thing as loneliness in the monastery. I’ve never heard of a monk who’ve said I am lonely. No, I have never. It is funny because these are not things you realise when you are in the States.
When I was younger, I think “What’s the big deal?” But it is a big deal because for half your life you are young, for half your life you are old, and it is 30, 40 years of being old and everything you fear when you were young, comes true when you are old. You know why? Because you see that when you were young. “Oh, I don’t want to be like that”.
There are horror stories we hear all the time on the news about how they found people who died in their apartment and their bodies have decomposed for the last 3 weeks. Their bodies decomposing is pretty sad, but they’ve been alone that long that when they died no one discovered them. And to me, if I die alone and I decompose it is not a big deal to me but to those people, it is.
But in the monastery, nobody dies alone. Nobody is lonely. Nobody is trying to regain their youth. Nobody is trying to pick on somebody because their partner died. Nobody is worried about their insurance or having a place to stay or not being cared about. Nobody is worried about loneliness and that’s a stark difference.
Not only are you free, you are not encumbered in any way, I don’t want to say happy because it gives a different kind of… it’s more like you are always light.
I watched a program on the old people in Hong Kong that are not rich. They live in cubicles. They are really poor, and they like 80 years old, and they have to go out and peddle garbage; meaning they get garbage to be recycled, they have to peddle that, sell it. 10kgs for 1 dollar, whatever it is and they are barely surviving. And their life in Hong Kong every day is to get enough to eat and being able to pay for their cubicle to live until they die.
And the same thing in America. When you are old, what you look for every day, what you want is so that you can get up, get your medications, not be in pain, physical pain, be fed and have some independence.
But that’s not like that in the monastery. Those rudimentary things are not like that. That’s not the goal in life because it is very rudimentary. But if you have been trained like that your whole life, you will end up like that. And that’s what I want to get away from. I don’t want to get away from old age, or any of that. I want to get away from all the mind games that go along with it, and all the delusions… have to have a partner, have an apartment, have this, have that…
May I never be born in America… never! In my future lives, may I never be born in America or Europe. May I always be born in a situation where I can be near spiritual practice because I have seen what it is. And the people who are stuck in that trap, they are not bad, they are not guilty. They were born into it and that is all they know.
So, when that is all they know, you can’t put them down and say, “Well, they are unhappy. We are in the monastery, we are superior. You are not superior”. They are not in that situation where they can find that help. So, they are stuck in that system in America, Europe, London, Tokyo, or wherever it is.
Tokyo has a lot of homeless people. I saw. I used to get food for them. Hong Kong, tragic! It is such a powerful, vibrant, rich, huge, old city. To me, better than New York but the poverty is incredible. And the spiritual poverty, my goodness. The goal in life for wealthy people here is so that they can have a grandson.
I mean, is that it?
This transcript has been edited for clarity and ease of understanding.
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- Wat Koh Wanararm – Thai Buddhist Temple in Langkawi
- 1,267 year old stunning Todai-ji Temple of Japan
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Many of people are afraid to live alone, the sense of loneliness seem to bother them. The long, dark days could be lonely time for some of them. To me keeping occupied our time in meaningful activities will be wonderful such volunteering, learning, practicing Dharma will be the right choice. But not in monasteries the word loneliness does not exist, we are not alone. We are surrounded by some of the most loving Dharma brothers and sister where they focus on activities such as meditation, compassion, caring and kindness. In monastery, everyone is expected to contribute in a series of repetitive duties. Preserving an atmosphere of mindfulness will be in still. In the monastery revealed more of our human ability to love and be loved . Most of the spiritual myths about monasteries are not true at all. Time is taken more seriously as a resource in a monastery. We have to make a choice, to be alone or to lead a life without fear and loneliness.
Good sharing and understandings we could learn to accept been alone doing things meaningful in life.
Thank you Rinpoche for this sharing.
What is loneliness? Why do we have to have a companion or be with someone to feel complete? Why do we have to rely on another person to give us good feelings?
The monks or nuns in the monastery don’t have a partner but they are not lonely, how come? Therefore, to feel lonely it is our mind that says so. Spiritual practitioners put their focus in helping others and developing good qualities such as compassion and kindness. When we are focus out, there really is no time for us to feel lonely because there is so much thing waiting for us to do.