Dear Rinpoche, I am sorry…
(By Pastor Loh Seng Piow)
Dear friends,
Something interesting to share that happens to all spiritual teachers since the inception of Buddhism. My name is Pastor Loh Seng Piow and I am a close attendant of His Eminence Tsem Rinpoche. Throughout the years, Rinpoche has met hundreds and hundreds of students. There are some who are loyal and stay from the first day and have been here for nearly two decades since they first entered the Dharma, then there are some who decide to leave. They leave for various reasons, however some regret later on, and they remember the great kindness of Tsem Rinpoche, Kechara and the Dharma. Some wish to come back. But not everyone has the courage to swallow their pride and apologise. Some realise what they did or didn’t do, and want to make a connection again. Lobsang Monlam is one such case who regretted leaving and sent an audio message to one of Rinpoche’s attendants. He requested the person to play the message to Rinpoche who always forgives.
I am sharing this to empower those who have regrets, wish to reconnect with their teachers, friends or someone but don’t know how to, or embarrassed to do so. Just do it. Don’t be afraid. Life is short. Time is short. For a short while you are embarrassed, but you will enjoy the reconnection again. Just say sorry, I miss you. I would like to reconnect. They are just words, but you can reconnect back something precious that was lost. And the relationships we have with people really help to form who we are and what we learn.
Thanks,
Pastor Loh Seng Piow
Below is a message (transcribed from audio by phone) from a student called Lobsang Monlam:
Dear Rinpoche,
Last time I just left so abruptly. I didn’t know how to explain myself to you. I am not a good person. Until now I wanted to explain, speak to you but didn’t do so.
I have been thinking of all the things you have done for me a lot and everything that has happened. Also Kensur Rinpoche’s passing away also made me think further too.
Whatever Dharma you taught me I am doing. I have kept up everything.
I apologize to you for my actions and wish that you stay very well.
Monlam
And below are some comments from friends:
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Came across this old post . Well for someone to admit one mistakes , realised the true , having the courage to swallow one’s pride and apologise, I rejoice for them. Some might not have the courage to admit it. Admitting a mistake is not a weakness after all on the contrary, it shows an openness of our heart. Every one of us might have made mistakes along our life path. We learn from our mistakes, admit our own before we point out someone else’s and grow from there.
Lobsang Monlam ‘s message is very touching , its better for him to say sorry now than never. Or else he will regret forever. A good teacher like our Lama is hard to find. We are very fortunate to have met Rinpoche in this life , Rinpoche had changed the lives of many.
Thank you Rinpoche and Pastor Seng Piow for this sharing.
Redemption that is the only thing left after aeons of mistakes by sentient beings. Without redemption we have no hope. Must face ourselves and rectify the solution within. May we all be brave enough to do face our demons.
Thank you Pastor Loh Seng Piow for the sharing. Hope Monlam has reconnected with Rinpoche. Hope he has transformed to repay the kindness of Rinpoche.
休息休息分享。 虽然我没见过Monlam， 不过也要恭喜他勇于向仁波切认错。
上师等同于一切佛， 对上师不敬就等同于对所有佛不敬， 后果是不堪设想的。
上师五十颂里说， 只要对上师诚心忏悔，以后不再犯， 那么我们就不会受到恶报。
也要提醒自己， 千万不要做对上师不敬的事。
Thank you Seng Piow for sharing this. This is indeed a great example of how errant but devoted students who come to their senses and seek the forgiveness of their Guru in a manner in which is appropriate.
We have to remember that our Guru only wants the best for us, such is the reason why we took refuge in our Guru who is the embodiment of the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. Hence, if we ever err, we should always seek forgiveness and repent. Never ever disparage your Guru… ever!
How incredible blessed and privileged we are to have Rinpoche here in our presence! In a country we call home, sharing the Dharma in a language that we all understand. Think of what we must have done in our previous lives to deserve this and not throw away this precious chance!
To add… to truly admit to one’s mistake and to seek forgiveness takes more courage than one cares to admit… hence for Monlam to accept his mistake and seek forgiveness especially from a person that has shown him immeasurable care is admirable!
I am so grateful Rinpoche and Buddhism taught me what is true repentance, through the four opponent powers. Without restraint and the other three powers, coz with the four powers we really make a determination not do the same thing again.
If we do the same thing it actually means that we don’t want to change and actually want to repeat the same mistake over and over again. Then what kind of sorry are we talking about ?
I really respect Monlam’s great courage to apologize and made the effort to get in touch with Rinpoche to say words which I feel were so sincere and very touching. I really wish more people, even myself, would be able to forgive for anything anyone or themselves have done. We mustn’t forget those who have showed us kindness and especially Rinpoche’s where he has never asked for anything in return but to learn and study the dharma and show compassion towards others. Rinpoche is a great example of compassion, Rinpoche is able to lead very well by example which only inspires more people to be kind to others. Thank you for sharing this text from Monlam and hope to see him reconnect even more with Rinpoche again, I hope he is well.
Rinpoche never gave up on his students as He is here to guide us to the path of Buddhahood. Rinpoche always care & dedicate prayers for his students, friends, enemys or even those whom no longer around. Rinpoche’s compassion is beyond words to describe…
只要知错能改,善莫大焉. 何况圣人都会错。能承認自己的過失不是一个简单的事。
但只要有忏悔的心和改过自心， 不会执谜不误。还是可以来得及糾正。 感谢任波切的
慈悲心可以愿谅当事人而不拘小节。 难得！难得！
Always remember Rinpoche has taught us about Forgiveness. Everyone should had a chance, if we want to transform, that’s either good or bad.
Best Regards : Eric kksiow
I am glad that Monlam realized his mistakes and he remember rinpoche kindness,care, love.
Molam has made a wise move by regretting and apologized to Rinpoche and made an effort to reconnect back to Rinpoche. I admired his courage, thank you Seng Piow for sharing.
There are many things in our lives that we avoid doing due to fear of rejection and failure. This fear stems from our pride or ego which grows from our ignorance.
Once we “bite the bullet” and take that first step to overcome our pride, we surprise ourselves with how “easy” it was to do the thing we perceived to be so impossible for so long. We also experience how liberating it is to face ourselves…our fears. From this experience, we develop understanding which helps us overcome our ignorance.
I am happy for Lobsang Monlam to have sent the apology message to Rinpoche. At the very least, he will not continue living with the baggage of regret which eats at our soul.
This is indeed a powerful lesson and sincere thanks to Seng Piow for sharing it with us.
If we still have the realisation and wish to continue with our dharma practice, we must maintain the commitment that our Guru is more precious than ourself. With due respect and heartfelt sincerity, we must express our regret and promise not to do it again. As an antidote action, we reveal all such unwholesome actions and apply the opposites to purify same, ask for forgiveness and to rejoice about it. The Guru-disciple relationship is the loftiest and most sacred of all relationships, for it is based on unconditional divine love and wisdom. Om mani padme hum.
Our Guru is kind and loves us. He will always forgive is because he loves us. And anyone who has such a kind Guru is very lucky. Therefore, i am very lucky. I will always stay lose to Rinpoche in my heart and i will never loose Rinpoche. Thank you for sharing Rinpoche.
I am glad to know that Monlam has decided to apologize to Rinpoche. I rejoice that he learned his lesson and accepts Rinpoche’s kindness and guidance. No matter where we go if we leave our guru, we will never forget what he did for us.
I takes a lot to leave your guru and the karmic repercussions are extreme. According to the 50 verses of Guru Devotion, it is said that those who disparage their gurus will remain in Avici, the hell of uninterrupted pain. It takes a lot of courage to return to your guru!
Thank u for sharing this Seng Piow & Monlam.
I can totally relate to this article as I’m guilty of being one as well.
Misunderstandings, doubts, ego-arising self & end result: I “run” away, thinking that it would be a better way out. But alas, it wasn’t. I started reaching back into my bad habituation;drinking & smoking back again.
I was literally having a mental battle and still feeling empty inside.
After my hiatus & back and doing what I’m supposed to do spiritually be it for the center or for others, life definitely takes a turn for the better once again and i have been sober for months without alcoholism issues.
It was great seeing you in KFR Teacher JJ. When you drove for so many hours for us back n forth from airport to Bentong, it was just so giving of you & we appreciate it so much. _/\_
Last but not least, I’m Sorry Teacher JJ & I hope to be able to see you soon. Do take care.
Thank you Seng Piow for the wonderful news.
Its really good that Monlam made the connection with Rinpoche again. Its ok to say sorry and let it go. You did not let your pride and ego take over and that is a very good thing.
We should think of this, what did the Guru do to you that made you feel that He is harming you or causing you pain? What did He do to make you run away? All the Guru ever does is help you. He is ever kind, loving, compassionate and caring. What does He get from doing it except for us to be better and excel in Dharma. He feed us, buy things for us, take us out for movie, go on trips, etc but we never see this, even our parents dont care for us as much. How can we just take and take and take then blame the Guru for something we cant have? The worse part is when we let our pride take over and we become selfish and ignorant. Whats wrong with saying sorry and thank you? I have learned to love these 2 precious words because some times, we really need it. There is nothing wrong with it.
Welcome back Monlam. It is amazing that you came back to Kechara,
People who leave their guru will one day realize what their guru had done for them and they will send a message to their guru say
that they are sorry that they had left their guru.
But of course we know that deep inside them they will never forget every thing their guru taught and gave them.
I really appreciate what Monlam said.
Thanks Seng Piow for sharing this to us on Rinpoche’s blog. I salute to Monlam for being sincere with himself and took up his courage to let down his ego, admit his past mistake (all of us do have past mistakes) and return to Rinpoche with apologies, care, compassion and much kindness towards Rinpoche’s welfare. If anyone of us falls down on the floor, immediately we will stand up without being told. We should do the same to our Guru and Dharma. Do not let ourselves fall into samsara and ended with regrets in the end.
I am glad that Monlam realized his mistakes and regretted what he has done. He has put his ego down to apologize and seek forgiveness from Rinpoche.
We may run away from our Guru but our Guru will never run away or abandon us. May we all realized this and learn from Monlam never to make the mistake of running away from someone who cares and guides us with unconditional love.
Welcome back, Monlam.
The reason why we developed so slow even though we are in a country that has everything, it is because we always wanted to look good, our face has become the most important thing in our life, and because of this, we have lost so many precious things in life.
‘Sorry’ is a word that can mend back many relationship, it is a word that can make us realize our mistake and improve ourselves so we can be a better person in benefiting others.
I’ve been always thinking Monlam such a coward that leaving without saying a thing, don’t even dare to inform of his leaving, but his apology to Rinpoche totally change my thought towards him, his apology shows that Rinpoche is far more important than his face, so he’s willing to put down his ego and apologize.
Making mistake is normal, because we are human, and we definitely not perfect, but what do we do after made a mistake? running away avoiding or face it, apology and mend it back? What action you took tells who you are. Put down your pride for once, face your mistake and apology from your heart deeply, you’ll realize your shoulder became lighter when you allowing yourself to let go your ego and pride.
Thank you Monlam for showing such courage action, you’ve shown us what strong people are, fall down doesn’t matter, just stand up again.. I definitely hope to see you again 🙂
Thanks Seng Piow for sharing this touch and warm article for us…
And Monlam make the right choice to make apologize then wish to come back to serve Rinpoche…
Although many of us in samsara always done something wrong, but the most important part is overcome our ego face the mistake, admit the wrong then apologize hence become a better person…
How sweet and touching of Monlam… he has conscious, he did not forget kindness and gratitude and how to be a warm human. I am very happy for Monlam “bro” as we used to call him! Good for him because at least now, he has finally released something terribly heavy off his chest and can now slowly find “peace”.
Reminds me of the teaching “nothing changes and everything changes” …yes nothing is ever permanent, it is only us trying to keep it permanent! Why do that with negative feelings… we are the ones end up feeling lost, angry and then bitter. What is the point really when the next day we can easily be dead. Silly how we cling on the wrong things in life.
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. Perception is not reality. What appear to be faults in others may actually be reflections of our own emotional afflictions. I don’t have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem. Remember the way people treat us is their karma. The way we react is our own.”, Trulshik Rinpoche _/\_
It’s all in your own mind.
Choongs,
Nobody really judges anybody. We judge ourselves and it is we who allow people’s judgement to affect us. Judgement is ultimately subjective. A parent who scolds the child out of love is seen by the child to be judging. The child may get angry, runaway or claim to suffer psychological damages. This is very sad because the child will only see it as judgement and not as love. One day, the parent will no longer be there to tell the child what’s wrong and the child will have deep regrets because the child will grow up and realize that it was actually love. It would have been too late by then.
Ohhh… Choong,
I have to add… The child was quick to forget the kindness, advice, love, laughter, gifts, money and so on…
Thanks for this sharing, SP. It sets a good example for all of us to examine and value what we have in having Rinpoche as our Guru. I don’t think that we should let something so minor as a sincere apology to stand in our way when we realize it will bring greater happiness into our lives. I wish to commend Monlam on his courage to send his apology.
We easily made mistakes but selfom of us will recognised it and seek for forgivness, instead we blame other to caused us made such mistake. Monlam have show his sincere and courage, let go his ego and seek Rinpoche forgiveness,Monlam have open up a right path for himself and re connect with good Guru.For those who don’t know how to repair the relationship with Guru, this is good chance to follow. Remember ego cannot help you on your spiritual path but Guru can.
It takes a big man to apologise and seek forgiveness. And It takes a bigger man to forgive. Definitely Rinpoche is the bigger man but Monlam did lower down his ego to sort out what he really feels and move ahead.
Thank you for sharing this. Monlam is brave and also very smart to realise that he needs to reconnect in order to help his own future. It is in us to decide what we want to do and do it. Welcome back Monlam and thank you for showing the way.
感謝Seng Piow的帖文：
雖然不認識Lobsang Monlam這位佛友，但是，讀了他所傳達的訊息，可以理解他對上師的關心及愧疚。我覺得Lobsang Monlam是位有勇氣和勇敢的人。能承認自己的過失和把所作的過失糾正，是件不容易的事，值得我效仿和學習。愿他能放下對自己的自責心，讓正確的思維升起，把末來的自己作得更好。謝謝。
I’m glad that Monlam put away all his ego and decided to send an audio message to apologize to Rinpoche. Some people ran away and did not realise how stupid they were to have ran away( No offense). But some will realise it and seek for forgiveness, Monlam is clearly one of them. I’m happy that he realised that before it becomes too late. Thank You for sharing Seng Piow.
It is good news that Monlam decided to send an apology to Rinpoche. Rinpoche has definitely benefited every single one of us who has had the blessings come into contact with Rinpoche, and when people have wanted to leave this spiritual path for their own reasons, it should be done properly and with respect.
In Monlam’s case, i am happy for him that he has decided to apologise to Rinpoche as it’s the right thing to do. It is not so much that Rinpoche needs an apology but that the right thing needs to be done. On a spiritual level, it is even more important that the relationship between one’s teacher and the student be clean and clear.
Thank you SP for sharing this blog post with us. I agree with u 100% how fortunate we are to meet such a perfect guru if we let go this opportunities I don’t think in the future we connect with such a perfect teacher. Our ego is our biggest enemies ego always bring us regret and unhappiness ego is the root cause of our suffering in samsara.
I totally agreed with Abby. glad to know that Monlam reconnect with Rinpoche. And rejoice for Monlam to have enlightenment in life that he let go his pride and ego to request for forgiveness. Thank you for sharing Seng Piow.
Prior before this message, Monlam has made numerous calls to KB (Rinpoche’s Personal Attendant) to check how Rinpoche is and etc. It is good that he finally apologies to Rinpoche. Monlam has mentioned before that it is hard to find someone like Rinpoche who has been consistent with the love & care without agenda. Monlam knows having someone like Rinpoche is rare.
We made mistakes, some big, some small. We will regret eventually. I have made those mistakes and some I am not able to rectify cause it was too late. Therefore, putting our pride, anger & ego down is important cause we do not want to be a bitter person later. And that require more work. Life is too short to be stuck in those moments.
I was so touch and glad to see this and Rejoice…Monlam, we really hope all of us aware of this , that life is precious and we all know that Rinpoche has open the door of dharma for us. We shall put away our fears , ego, anger… Those emotions will passed eventually. The courage from Monlam inspire all those who are there facing the difficulties to come back , Make your decision Now !!
Nothing is important than your future life…. When we are death, Jayce no longer Jayce, everything just a title, just a feelings which does not exist but our thought keep remind us that we care about this feeelings…Me…I..You…all preferences gone, all gone when we are death.
It is so precious to have a human life now while you can.
And Your guru Love you !! Start off by saying SORRY, it’s better to be late than never.
Thank you Monlam for showing such a good example to us! Thank you Seng Piow for sharing this with us! This is a very precious and positive sign that Rinpoche’s teachings are being taken into heart and students take it seriously and transform their mind for the better. Everyone makes mistake and it is ok to make one as long as we face our mistake and do something to rectify it.
It is very crucial and important for us to plead for forgiveness and change when we make mistake, especially what we have done hurts our guru who has always love and care unconditionally. No one in the world loves us like how our guru does because he promises to protect & care for us until we achieve enlightenment. This is way beyond a mother leading a child to grow, a teacher leading a student to learn, a coach leading an athlete to success. Nothing in the world can ever compare to the unbias, unlimited, unreserved love and kindness that our guru has for us! Nothing!
As a student, we owe everything to our guru since we are basically takers and give nothing back in return to our guru on the spiritual level. He is way too advanced in the spiritual practise and he is incomparable in any way, shape or form. The chances for us to meet with one, a qualified one, in our life is extremely slim like looking for a needle in the ocean. It is not by coincident that we meet and if we do meet, it is definitely not a chance for us to take it lightly. We have no time to waste in not learning or transforming for the better.
Just think about this logically, why would an opportunity for us to meet with our qualified guru arises if we are not yet ready to transform for the better? Why is it that our guru gives us specific instructions if we are not able to do it? Why would our guru spend time nurturing us if we can not be changed as we might have claimed? All in all, we are meant to meet with our ultimate guru because we have been with him since beginningless time and we have vowed to reconnect again and again until we reach enlightenment. Our guru will never abandon us, he will not hurt us, he will not drag us down, he will never ever do things to stop us from seeing our true nature, to be intact with the truth!
So swallow our pride, surrender ourselves, be like a servant to the king, perform all instructions happily and go all the way with it! We have nothing to lose, but everything to gain!
Nice message.
In the Tibetan culture, they believe that even the teachers that taught us our alphabets are manifestations of Boddhisattvas. So while we are so fortunate to have met our kind Guru now, we should never forget the kindness and love others shown to us in the past. Why? Imagine if we can’t read and write, what good will we be? Even if we wish to help we will be more of an obstruction than help, so the people previously that has educated us, is also great.
Just like Monlam, he was in a situation that was already different, but because he did not forget the kindness Rinpoche shown to him in the past, he is able to be a better person now.
We miss you Monlam. I am so happy to hear you try to reconnect to Rinpoche after you have thought it through. I am sure you will appreciate Rinpoche better from this separation that allows maturing of your realisation and experience. We hope to see you soon Monlam!
When we realise our mistakes have the courage to admit and amend ourselves. We should do it asap. Sorry is the hardest word as it takes alot for one to swallow that pride that we initially has at the spur of that moment. I was once told by an ‘ex’ “that please remember do make any mistakes because sorry can is not a word can be use often and it comes with a price was with an enginering firm” his example was if you build apartments and they collapes through yr own fault and kill hundreds sorry can save the lives of others”. You nailed a nail on the wall it creates a scar the wound will heal the scar remains. Somes it is our own stupidity that we make such mistakes. So mend your ways back. do it now dont wait till it is too late. If one need to take any action think again how that action benefit others and not yourself. Please mend your ways back to Rinpoche. He is such a kind Guru that each time of think of our Spiritual Guide tears fills my eyes. Monlam you should know what to do. You actions this time benefit others because you set an example to show the way.
Leaving someone or something in a huff and a puff is not good especially when that someone or something had been beneficial. Decisions made from anger and moods swing usually ended up making oneself angrier and regretful. I have made numerous such decisions in my life. But later regretting and doing something positive is good. Start off by saying SORRY, it’s better to be late than never.
It must have taken a lot of fear to walk away from a Guru but it certainly takes greater courage to recognise the mistake of doing so, apologise and return.
I rejoice that you’ve found your courage again, Monlam, the courage that our Guru must have already seen was in you all along. Welcome back, put away your old fears and inspire all those who are going through a tough time or may face moments of weakness in the future to do what you do now – placing your trust in our Guru, Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.
Your Dharma brother,
Sean Pang
Welcome back Monlam! I acknowledge your courage for coming back. You have make the right decision to be closed to our precious Guru & Buddha Dharma.
I wish those left will have the courage like you and come back home! It is so precious to have a human life now and we should really make full use of it to learn Dharma & do Dharma. It is even more precious to have meet our Guru Tsem Rinpoche who love us so much.
There’s no way for us to run/avoid from the genuine kindness of a Guru. Because deep down inside we know that the Guru is really kind to us and we really feel it. Even when people leave their Guru, wherever they go, no matter they encounter good things or bad things, they will never forget the kindness from the Guru, as the love and care that the Guru gives is always so consistent.
I am glad to know that Monlam actually sent Rinpoche audio message to apologize. This apologize has sincerity and he didn’t avoid Rinpoche anymore from the moment he decided to send an audio message and the moment he really did it.